It’s occasionally hard to tell whether we should cheer superstar wrestler Hulk Hogan as an unhinged eccentric or jeer him as a sideways freak who paws his own daughter on TV when not sweatily humping other half-nude guys on TV. Okay, shit, it’s not that tough to call actually — especially when the Hulkster pops round The Sun (UK) offices to cull the latest relationship gossip on Heidi Klum (silly!) and Cameron Diaz (really?).

Truly, the gentleman prefers blondes. Anyway, after casually implying his fandom of The Stone Roses — a major news item in England for their recent reunion — Hogan dropped these bombshells on The Sun:

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Oh, Lars Ulrich, when will you ever learn? Metallica’s drummer has a special talent for saying things that a) make no sense and b) will almost certainly piss off fans, if not the moment he says them, than sometime in the future, when they turn out to be not at all true.

His latest verbal faux pas comes via an interview with Rolling Stone, in which he discusses the next Metallica album. Here’s the full quote, with my analysis to follow:

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Hate is a train
That thunders aimless through my head
And hate is the fame
Chained to the wheel until I’m dead

And with these words, so begins “Hate Train,” a previously unreleased song from the Death Magnetic sessions that the band performed last night as part of their four-night thirtieth anniversary celebration at the Fillmore in San Francisco, and a rough mix of which has subsequently been e-mailed to Metallica fan club members (audio below). They’re the most achingly poetic, not-at-all trite lyrics the band has penned since “My lifestyle determines my deathstyle.” And I don’t care what anyone says, the main riff is absolutely not just a recycled version of the one from “Fuel,” the song from the Load albums that everyone tolerates because at least it’s not “Unforgiven II.” Furthermore, “Hate Train”‘s seven-minute-plus runtime is the very definition of “warranted,” and I’m really sick of people giving James Hetfield’s vocals a hard time, because, hey, can your dog sing this well? No? Then shut up.

I guess what I’m saying is, this song is so perfect in every way that I just can’t believe it didn’t end up on Death Magnetic. Surely, it was blessed by the hand of Cliff Burton himself.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

Thanks to HunterMC for the LULZy pic.

Three years ago we celebrated acknowledged  the release of Metallica’s Death Magnetic by re-christening MetalSucks as “MetallicaSucks” for the day, and asking the entire MS staff (and some our guest bloggers) to review the album. We did not wanna do that for Lulu, the new collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed, because, well, a) it’s not a proper Metallica album, and b) seriously are you fucking kidding us with this shit?

That being said, we do love to represent multiple points of view here at MetalSucks, and we wanted to make sure that every one of our writers had a fair shot at expressing his or her thoughts on Lulu. And so, after the jump, read reviews by the seven sad bastards who all volunteered for the assignment. At the very least, you should enjoy these musings more than you did Lulu itself…

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When Some Kind of Monster came out, Jason Newsted suddenly surpassed Dave Mustaine to become #2 on the list of Most Popular Former Members of Metallica*, mostly because he made some pretty funny comments about how the whole Phil Towle/group therapy thing was bullshit — comments which, at the screening I attended, were met with rapturous applause. (The house was obviously packed with Metallica listeners.) Suddenly, everyone rather conviently forgot that Newsted was a willing participant in the Load albums, and he seemed like the cool dude who had jumped off a sinking ship before it was too late. And the fact that he was playing with Voivod didn’t hurt his case any, even if the fact that he was also playing with a certain aging Brit sorta did.

But then of course just a few years later Newsted was out of Voivod and in Rock Star Supernova, and his cred went down the drain just as fast as if he’d stuck around for St. Anger.

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Is Lulu just the world’s greatest troll? Even if it wasn’t, if I were a member of Loutallica, I’d probably start telling people that it is. It would really be the only logical explanation for anyone thinking that crap was listenable.

And the below video suggests that at least one member of Metallica really might have intended it as a troll. I’m not entirely clear on how recent the clip of James Hetfield fucking with a security guard was filmed. But it just may be Hetfield’s best work this century.

In other Metallica news, Rob Trujillo — who, as everyone knows, is the real big man calling the shots behind-the-scenes in Metallica — recently told  GulfNews.com that “the writing process for the new Metallica album has begun,” according to NME. Reading from a memo sent to him by Lars Ulrich’s assistant, the bassist announced that “We’ve been in the studio with Rick Rubin, working on a couple of things, and we’re going to be recording during the most of next year.” I can’t remember the last time Metallica spent less than two years in the studio, so I’m think we should have a fresh new disappointment to make fun of sometime around 2013/2014.

-AR

Thanks to Csantos and J.A.M. for the tips!

Lars Ulrich has a history of saying really dumb shit to promote his latest really dumb endeavor, but his most recent brain fart may actually be his stinkiest one yet.

See, back in 2003, before there even was a MetalSucks (unless you believe the kid I met at New York Comic Con this weekend who very excitedly told me he’s been an avid reader since 2002), there was a rumor going around that Lars Ulrich was going to do some of the scoring for Kill Bill, Quentin Tarantino’s then-heavily-anticipated martial arts opus. Of course, that never actually came to pass, and now Ulrich has explained why in a guest column for The Daily Beast. The issue, it seems, started when he sat down to read the script (which is available here if you’re interested):

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I don’t know why anyone would trust anything Metallica has to say these days. Every time they have a new album coming out, they start talking smack on their last album, which is doubly offensive. “St. Anger is gonna blow Load out of the water!” “Okay we know St. Anger sucked, but seriously, Death Magnetic is gonna be amazing!!!” All they’re really doing is just continuously spitting in the faces of fans who actually take them at their word.

But in a new interview with Rolling Stone, Lars Ulrich really does go one step too far: He says that Lulu, the band’s upcoming collaboration with Lou Reed, “makes… And Justice for All sound like the first Ramones album.”

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Loutallica, left to right: Rob Trujillo, Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett, Lou Reed

I said I was over it with this Metallicrap when we first heard a thirty second sample of “The View,” the first single off their upcoming collaboration with Lou Reed, Lulu; I’m still over with it this Metallicrap. I have finally come to a good place in my life, a place where I realize that the only thing which will ever remind me of why I used to so worship Metallica is listening to the old Metallica albums that made me fall in love with them back in the day. They are not ever going to release something new and good again.

But let’s face it, MetalSucks ain’t a news site, exactly, but it is a site that discusses the news, and the fact that the full song has now been released is news, so, y’know, I’m posting it. I really have nothing to say about it, other than the fact that the song shares a title with a television show in which four old ladies and one obligatory young woman sit around and talk about nothing of interest seems totally appropriate. Also, I think Whoopi Goldberg and Lars Ulrich have both shtupped Frank Langella, so there’s that.

ANYWAY, the full song is after the jump if you wanna hear it. Lulu comes out November 1 on Warner Bros.

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via WWTDD

So much of this week ended up being devoted to the Big Four that I honestly don’t wanna think about any of those bands again for at least the remainder of the year. So to wrap this shit up, here’s everything Big Four-related we did this week:

• We live snarked the Big Four show at Yankee Stadium.
• We went to an Anthrax press conference.
• We went to the Metal Masters clinic and saw Phil Anselmo jam some Pantera with various Big Fourers.
• We debated the merits and demerits of Anthrax’s Worship Music.
• We listened to Lars Ulrich on Howard Stern.
• We had fun at the expense of Dave Mustaine’s faith.
• We had a Big Four edition of Show Us Your Metalsucks.
• We helped Metal Injection with their Big Four-themed Livecast.
• I also made an appearance in Metal Injection’s Big Four video recap, which you MUST watch because a) it’s awesome and b) I’m so handsome!

I was just talking with a friend earlier this week about how much I miss Howard Stern. See, I used to wake up to his voice each and every morning while we were living together before he left me for that bitch Beth Ostrosky before he made the move to satellite radio, which, to this day, I do not have. As it stands, it’s literally been years since I’ve heard Howard’s show.

And I miss Stern all the more now that I’ve gotten to listen to the interview he did with Lars Ulrich this past Tuesday. It’s a great interview, even if it requires you to ignore Stern’s over-appraisal of Ulrich’s drumming skills. (The funniest part of The New York Times‘ review of yesterday’s Big Four show: “Rhythmically, [Slayer] swung, unlike Metallica, whose rhythm often grew unstable and plodding.”] There’s lots of juicy gossip in here, including how Ulrich is self-taught (shocking!) and had to take drum lessons for six months in-between Kill ‘Em All and Ride the Lightning, how he stole Dave Mustaine’s woman, how his wife left him, and how Hetfield isn’t exactly a social animal. Bonus: the great Richard Christy (Charred Walls of the Damned, Death, Iced Earth) — a drummer with, like, a gajillion times more skill than Ulrich — even gets to chime in.

Here’s part one…

…and you can listen to the rest after the jump.

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We have successfully arrived at Yankee Stadium and are sitting in the press box. We feel so professional!

We’re gonna put the live blog after the jump so it doesn’t eat up the entire page. You’ll hafta refresh to get updates. Sorry.

And now, enjoy the snark…

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To help promote their upcoming tour, on October 11 Judas Priest will release The Chosen Few, their umpteenth career retrospective, and one which does not feature any new material. The Chosen Few does have a hook, though — I mean, beyond the fact that the band members appear on the cover only as silhouettes, I assume at least in part to downplay the fact that a certain key member is no longer in the group.

No, the hook  (and this is actually a neat idea) is that the band has let a lot of other celebrity musicians — including Ozzy, Lemmy, James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kerry King, Slash, and Vinnie Paul  – choose which songs would appear on the collection. And, yeah, it’s interesting to know that Zakk Wylde is way into “Grinder,” and and that Randy Blythe and David Coverdale might actually have something to talk about at a cocktail party, and that Joe Satriani likes his Priest heavier than I might have suspected.

But like I said, there’s no new material here, so I can’t quite imagine why anyone would want this album anyway. The coolest thing about The Chosen Few is seeing which dude chose which song, and you can do that after the jump. So, look, we just saved you ten bucks.

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Alex Winter is best known to metal fans as the guy from the Bill & Ted movies who isn’t Keanu Reeves, but for the past twenty years, he’s actually been maintaing a successful career as a director; he’s helmed some not-very-well-known indie movies, like the cult comedy Freaked and the psychological thriller Fever, but also lots of television, including episodes of Jimmy Kimmel Live! and two of the Ben 10 T.V. movies (which, if you have kids, you may be familiar with). And in 2002, he acquired the life rights to Napster co-founder Shawn Fanning, and announced plans to write and direct a feature film about Napster. Unfortunately, The Social Network kinda-sorta beat him to the punch last year — even though that film wasn’t really about Napster, it now seems clear that Justin Timerberlake’s portrayal of a Napster’s other co-founder, Sean Parker, is going to stick in audiences’ minds for some time to come.

But Winter isn’t giving up on the story just yet! He’s gotten VH1 to finance a documentary on the topic. And before you think “Oh, well, so it will be some shitty, low-budget Behind the Music affair,” remember that VH1 also backed a little documentary called Anvil: The Story of Anvil.

Winter tells Deadline why he finds this whole Napster debacle so fascinating:

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The official website for the upcoming Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration has launched, although right now there is absolutely nothing of interest there save for this picture of the old bass player for Suicidal Tendencies and four terminal cancer patients.

Still, I thought you might wanna know that the project is moving forward; presumably the next step is either to release some actual music, or a photo of Trujillo with a bunch of burn victims.

-AR

No. No he is not.

Mustaine’s latest declaration sure to elicit responses only of “Okay, sssssuuurrre, Dave, whatever you say,” from all rational people was delivered to a Dallas Radio station earlier this week:

“I’ve talked to Lars and James about me and David [Ellefson] doing a supergroup record with Lars and James. Well, James said ‘no,’ but it’s still kind of out there in the air. I’m gonna keep hammering on him. It’s on my bucket list.”

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (not really at all) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

We haven’t done one one of these all summer, but we came up with a fun one for this week:

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND PLAY ANY METAL BAND/MUSICIAN SOME OF THEIR MUSIC AND/OR SHOW THEM PHOTOS/VIDEOS OF THEMSELVES FROM THEIR FUTURE (OUR PRESENT), WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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Anthrax guitarist Scott Ian went to northeast France for Wednesday’s Big Four show, but at other July dates the new father’s guitar duties are covered by Sepultura’s Andreas Kisser (as reported here). It’s weird to see Anthrax on stage without Ian — a first — but clips from Kisser’s second gig as temp on Saturday in Sweden are jamming (above)! Kisser is energy for the other Anthrax dudes who, having tirelessly performed for three decades, probably don’t retain measurable enthusiasm for favorites like “Indians,” “Madhouse,” and “Anti-SoCal.” Not to mention, those jamz date back to their writers’ mid-20s. Those guys are relaxed adults now, not lulzy youths. Shit, I bet they no longer even mind being caught in a mosh.

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Sorry to post at such an odd hour, but this is such a bizarre story, and the number of e-mails that are flooding my inbox are so great, that I just had to get this story up now.

Remember back in February, when Kirk Hammett said that Metallica were working on a “secret recording project?” Well, in case the headline didn’t give it away, that secret recording project is an album with Lou Reed.

Yes, that Lou Reed.

No, I am not making this up. Here’s a photo from the band’s official website:

After the jump, read the band’s full statement on the matter. Following that are all my thoughts on this project.

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When I was a kid, Monopoly was always known as “That game we’ll never have time to finish.” Like, if we needed something to do, we might see what board games we had (Do kids even still play board games? I know that’s a ridiculous question, but, seriously… do they?), and someone would be like “Monopoly?”, and everyone else would be all “It takes too long, we’ll never finish it!” The result is that the game actually almost never got played. Everyone owned it, but it only got broken out like once in a blue moon. What a colossal waste of money.

And now it will be a waste of money that is even more colossalier: Metallica have announced on Facebook that they’re going to be releasing their own edition of the game next week on their webstore. Because nothing is more metal than buying and selling real estate. (Except for maybe zoning issues.)

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