It goes without saying that an attractive women at a metal show is about as common as a MetalSucks reader who’s seen a vagina somewhere other than the internet. That’s why things like Revolver‘s “12 Hottest Chicks In Metal” calendar are little more than a cheap lie: a more honest title would be “Complete List of Hot Chicks in Metal.”

With such a shortage of ass, metal hotties are in high demand, and men are forced to make tough choices — and what tougher choice is there to make than the classic game of FUCK, MARRY, OR KILL? If you aren’t familiar, FMK is a game in which you are given a list of three names and must choose which one you would fuck, marry and kill. I figured it would be good practice for readers to choose which metal hotties they would eff, marry and kill — check out the menu after the break!

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…but apparently she’s going to be the new keyboardist in Winds of Plague, at least for their upcoming tour. A press release tells us that she used to be in Kittie and Day of Contempt, if that means anything to anyone.

Here’s what I’d like to know: do you think they ever even for a second considered getting a dude keyboard player? I’m not at all opposed to chicks in metal bands, but it’s not like Kristen Randall did backing vocals or whatever – literally any capable keyboard player should, theoretically, be able to fill Randall’s shoes. If a woman happens to be the best musician for the job, swell. But if you’re just swapping out one pretty face for another…

Get WOP tour dates here.

-AR