It’s been a long time since I was a college freshman, a fact which struck me this week as I engaged in my annual tradition of sitting in Washington Square Park and watching the new crop of NYU kids move into their dorms. I love the look of simultaneous excitement and complete fucking terror as a bunch of young men and women between the ages of seventeen and eighteen get away from home for the first time; for many of them, I imagine moving to the big city only adds to the sheer “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”ness of it all. But this was really the first year when they all looked really young to me, and I suddenly felt very aware of the age gap. Kids starting college this week won’t remember rotary phones or pagers, maybe won’t remember a time without cell phones or DVDs, and only kinda faintly maybe remember the annoying sounds your AOL used to emit as it tried to make its connection. They were being born right around the time “Wherever I May Roam” was making Metallica rich, and they’ve never jerked off to the morning weather girl ’cause internet porn wasn’t readily available.

Do they remember a time without autotune? I know my kids won’t. And I hate to sound like such a grumpy old bastard, but I worry about the long-term effects of such a state of being. If bullshit is the norm, can you have any appreciation for  non-bullshit — e.g., a time when if you couldn’t sing, you either joined a cool punk band or got a job as a bank teller? Lack of skill is no longer impedes artistic success, as anyone can be made to sound as though he can sing, audiences can be distracted from terrible storytelling by an abundance of CGI spectacle, and a woman who has never read Dracula gets away with publishing the most successful vampire books in the history of ever.

This ain’t good.

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IT’S SO GREAT TO BE LIV KRISTINE!!! How great? Her new video, for the song “Skintight,” is like one of those classy L’Oréal ads all those famous women like Scarlett Johanson and Penelope Cruz and Béyonce did. Only it’s not a famous woman, it’s Liv Kristine, and she’s not selling make-up, she’s selling an album no one gives a shit about.

-AR

Holy shit. I wasn’t even out that late last night, but for some reason I am just so tired today that it feels like nothing is really happening. Am I really typing this? Did I really write something positive about Zakk Wylde? Can I please just go to sleep now? I’m just gonna go to sleep now.

Before I do, here’s some things that happened this week:

• We’re giving away a free download of Katatonia’s new song, “Forsaker.”
• We spoke to Hypocrisy’s Peter Tagtgren and Brian Cook from Russian Circles and These Arms Are Snakes.
• We checked out new releases from Slayer and Jesu.
• Otep Shamaya gives women in metal a good name – too bad she won’t be a woman much longer.
• Leaves’ Eyes singer Liv Kristine gives women in metal a bad name – or, at least, a silly one.

Alright, seriously, night-night time for Axl. I think Gary Suarez is going to the NYC Vader gig tomorrow; if anyone sees him there, give him a dead arm for me.

-AR

Leaves’ Eyes vocalist Liv Kristine has written another ridiculous top five list for The Deciblog – this one about the best “vegetarian eats” – but it’s not really offensive, and it would just be petty of me to respond with a top five “meat eats” or whatever (although there’s some obvious humor to be had there).

No, instead I’d like to concentrate on this morning’s Invisible Oranges post by Cosmo Lee regarding  “the new breed of female metallers,” which seems to have been inspired, at least in part, by Kristine’s initial list about why women in metal rule, and my (admittedly sophomoric) response.

As is usually the case, Mr. Lee makes some excellent recommendations, my favorite of which is a Russian band, Tantal. Here’s their video for a song called “Suicide.” I suggest you stick with it through the entire six minutes, even if you don’t dig the beginning – as Cosmo writes, “It starts off cheesy but gets better and better, with an amazing Between the Buried and Me-style outro.”

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Last week, The Deciblog – which I adore and respect with every ounce of my being – posted a guest blog by Leaves’ Eyes vocalist Liv Kristine. It was entitled “Top 5 Reasons Why Females in Metal Rule.” And it was total fucking bullshit.

I’m not saying that the concept is total fucking bullshit – I really have no problem whatsoever with women in metal. I’m saying this blog, in particular, was total bullshit. It in no way, shape, or form made an argument for why females in metal rule.

Elise over at Reign in Blonde – a woman herself, doncha know! – contemplated writing a response entitled “TOP 5  REASONS WHY LIV KRISTINE CAN SUCK IT,” but ultimately opted not to. So I asked her if I could write said response, and she graciously granted me permission. So here we go.

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