Two different readers, Chris Vanderwerf and Thomas Kopreitan, both sent us a link to the below video, and both utilized the same silly bun for their subject line: “Oh, Lordi!”

But it’s easy to see why that particular joke would spring to mind. This is fucking pathetic. And the worst part — besides the fact that there are people who actually like Lordi, I mean — is that the clip is from 2006, but for some reason, it doesn’t seem to be a well-known incident. Hopefully that will change now.

[NOTE: I know some people are having problems with the video embed. You can also just watch the clip here while we try to get this sorted out.]

-AR

A couple of weeks ago I asked you to answer the question “What is the worst possible way you could imagine to meet your end, and why?” for a chance to win some cool shit from The End Records. Well, we got a lot of good entries, but there can be only four winners. Here are the ones that made me laugh the loudest:

• jadedkid: “Hit by a rogue dildo at an IWABO show.”
• AetherJake: “Forced into a baby costume and eaten by Dino.”
• Carly Park: “Getting beaten to death by Vince Neil for not recognizing him in an elevator.”
• Slaughterhouse: “My end wouldn’t mean death. It would simply mean having my hands removed so I couldn’t play my guitar. As well as going deaf so I couldn’t not hear music. At that point, the end has came.”

These four readers all win a prize pack from The End, including the following:

• A copy of These Are They‘s new album, Disposing of Betrayers, signed by Paul Kuhr, vocalist for both These Are They and Novembers Doom.
• A copy of Lordi‘s new album, Babez For Breakfast.
• A copy of original Nightwish vocalist Tarja Turunen‘s new solo album, What Lies Beneath.

Congrats to the winners! If you’re reading this, please check your e-mails and get back to me with your mailing addresses so The End can send you your prizes.

And don’t forget, all of these albums are out now on The End and can be purchased from The Omega Order.

-AR

So The End Records very generously donated five prize packs for last week’s entry into our “Completely Unreadable Band Logo” contest series, and only one reader, Ben Moreau, got the right answer. That means we still have four prize packs to give away! In case you can’t remember what was in ‘em, each prize pack includes the following:

• A copy of These Are They‘s new album, Disposing of Betrayers, signed by Paul Kuhr, vocalist for both These Are They and Novembers Doom.
• A copy of Lordi‘s new album, Babez For Breakfast.
• A copy of original Nightwish vocalist Tarja Turunen‘s new solo album, What Lies Beneath.

All of these albums are out now on The End and can be purchased from The Omega Order — but this is your only chance to win an excellent prize pack with all three, and your only chance to get a signed copy of the These Are They album without tracking Paul Kuhr down personally.

So here’s how we’re gonna unload these bad boys:

• Between now and midnight EST next Tuesday, November 9, answer the following question in the comments section below: “What is the worst possible way you could imagine to meet your end, and why?” Remember that this is MetalSucks, not Home & Garden, so the more entertaining your answer, the better your chances of winning.
• I’ll pick my four favorite answers, and those people will get the prize packs.
• Remember that you need to register for the comments section with a real e-mail address, as all winners will be contacted via e-mail. If you’re a Facebook user or whatever, you need to leave your e-mail address in the comment, ’cause I can’t contact you via a social network.
• All winners must live in the U.S. Sorry.

And that’s it! Good luck. I look forward to reading these.

-AR

I don’t care about Lordi so I don’t know why I’m sticking up for their just-pink-slipped drummer, other than I think that the reasons for his dismissal are idiotic, and I’m against idiocy in all its forms. Also, it’s looking like it may turn out to be a slow news day.

So. I guess the now-former drummer from Lordi, Kita (above), is also the singer for some other band, Stala & So., and because he performs in that band sans mask, he’s been sacked. A statement from the band, which reads like a legal document, asserts that Kita’s actions were “in direct conflict with one of the cornerstones of Lordi’s image.” And because image (and certainly not music) is the most important thing, Kita shouldn’t let the door hit him on the way out.

Click to read more…

Gwar‘s new album, Gwar’s Bloody Pit of Horror, is scheduled to be released later this year on Metal Blade. While you wait patiently like the stinking dog that you are, here’s Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” to answer all your ridiculous questions…

Why are you my mom? – EJ666

I thought everybody had heard the story at least 40,000 times, but then again it is a good one…When we arrived on Earth, we were forced to fuck apes — well, more like we forced them to fuck us. Yes, we raped the apes, it was motherfucking ape-rape. The human race sprang from that filthy union and so on and so forth. Really, I was pretty disappointed when I saw what the union had created, I was hoping for some kind of GWAR SUPER-APE, instead we got you tail-less freaks…that’s why I’m your mom, because I am your mom! Or at least your dad, your mom and dad at the same time. And I will be expecting at least a card on my birthday!

Click to read more…

I don’t hate Lordi, but I really don’t see the appeal. They play generic, unremarkable hard rock, and dress kinda like Gwar. Okay. Swell.

That being said, I really, really like the cover for their new album, Babez for Breakfast, even as I acknowledge that substituting a “z” for an “s” is about as cool Fear Factory’s tour bus.  This album cover is simple, it’s stupid, it will offend all the right people, and it’s kind of cheap looking, which gives it just the right 80′s slasher flick feel. If I’d seen it as as VHS cover at the video store when I was a kid, Vince and I would have rented it in secret and watched it at a sleepover, as part of a Sleepway Camp trilogy/Slumber Party Massacre marathon.

Babez for Breakfast comes out September 14 on The End.

-AR

I remember when Lordi first rose to prominence outside of their native Finland, by winning the Eurovision song contest way back two years ago. I remember, because I was there! Well, I wasn’t actually in Athens for the contest, but I was in Europe, and I did have a front row seat on a big leather couch. I had never watched the contest before and if it wasn’t for the urging of my friends, I would have just gotten drunk on a different leather couch in another room by myself.

Click to read more…

2008 is gonna be a busy busy busy year for Finnish monster rock n’ roll band Lordi. They’re currently in the studio working on the follow-up to 2006′s The Arockalypse, they’ve just re-launched their MySpace page (look how pretty!), and on May 13, The End records will reissue their 2002 debut, Get Heavy, with a sweet new bonus track, “Don’t Let My Mother Know.”

As if all that activity wasn’t already leaving Lordi fans foaming at the mouth, now MetalSucks is giving you the exclusive opportunity to submit an interview question for Mr. Lordi. All you have to do is e-mail your question to news [at] metalsucks.net by midnight EST on Monday, April 28. The best questions will be delivered to Mr. Lordi in the studio and we’ll post the answers right here on MetalSucks. As an added bonus, the dudes at The End are gonna give away one copy each of the Get Heavy reissue to the two MetalSucks readers that ask the best questions (as judged by Axl and Vince)!

So put your thinkin’ caps on and start sending us those questions, kiddies. Your questions can be serious, funny, about the band’s live show, work in the studio, make-up, whatever. But remember: only two of you are getting free copies of Get Heavy. Good luck, everyone…

-The Dudes at MetalSucks

2008 is gonna be a busy busy busy year for Finnish monster rock n’ roll band Lordi. They’re currently in the studio working on the follow-up to 2006′s The Arockalypse, they’ve just re-launched their MySpace page (look how pretty!), and on May 13, The End records will reissue their 2002 debut, Get Heavy, with a sweet new bonus track, “Don’t Let My Mother Know.”

As if all that activity wasn’t already leaving Lordi fans foaming at the mouth, now MetalSucks is giving you the exclusive opportunity to submit an interview question for Mr. Lordi. All you have to do is e-mail your question to news [at] metalsucks.net by midnight EST on Monday, April 28. The best questions will be delivered to Mr. Lordi in the studio and we’ll post the answers right here on MetalSucks. As an added bonus, the dudes at The End are gonna give away one copy each of the Get Heavy reissue to the two MetalSucks readers that ask the best questions (as judged by Axl and Vince)!

So put your thinkin’ caps on and start sending us those questions, kiddies. Your questions can be serious, funny, about the band’s live show, work in the studio, make-up, whatever. But remember: only two of you are getting free copies of Get Heavy. Good luck, everyone…

-The Dudes at MetalSucks