Alright, I’ll admit it: I’m a lazy guy.

I’m the kind of person who will take a job and work as infrequently and minimally as possible (were you wondering why Part 3 took so fricken’ long after Part 1 and Part 2?). I use a lot of big words on my applications and key phrases like “people-person” and “success-oriented” (second to only to the ever popular “failure-oriented”). In other words, I’m a music journalist through and through.

In the music world we lazy, uninspired writers love to curmudgeon bands for being similarly lazy … and of course, uninspired. Sitting atop our glorious thrones of self-granted influence, we, with all our forum-crawling, shit-kicking expertise criticize what we probably couldn’t do any better ourselves.

But the fact is, there are plenty of decent — and even very good — bands that are more than happy to spend an entire career ignoring our occasionally constructive criticism. After all, not every band has to break new ground to be worth your time. But what happens when groups really do take such jabs to heart?

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Spurred by a lazy crossword clue in The Onion (36 down, four letters: “Faith No More’s only hit”), MetalSucks contributor Anso DF dedicates every single day in August to celebration and exploration of the San Francisco alt-metal greats. Here we prove that history’s greatest band landed more than one commercial hit (crossword answer: “Epic” natch), we revel in FNM’s embarrassing wealth of winning album tracks (themselves often fit for chart topping), and we dip into the staggering best of the b-sides (ditto). Along the way, we survey the context of FNM’s big break (amid similarly seminal acts Jane’s Addiction, Nine Inch Nails, and Ween) to the post-Nevermind, panic-based music commerce in which the brilliantly versatile, fearless powerhouse band operated until their 1998 demise. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it.

Song ”The Cowboy Song”

Written by um likely Patton (L); my guess is Gould, Martin (M). If you know, internet me @AnsoDF okay? Thanks!

Released 1989, 1991

Appears on ”From Out Of Nowhere” 12″ single (UK), Live At Brixton Academy CD (UK)

Produced by Matt Wallace

Guitars by Jim Martin

Key lyric ”The next thing you know/There you are standing on the edge.”

Single? B-side from “Nowhere” single in UK, add-on to live album Live At Brixton Academy.

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A Nine Inch Nails live show is, truly, something to behold. It won’t shock anyone that Trent Reznor puts a massive amount of attention and care into his concerts; not just in the selection of the set list, but in terms of the stage show, the lighting, the on-screen visuals, etc. You could argue that Reznor is over-compensating for the fact that his band requires samples and drum loops as much as they require excellent musicianship, but attending a NIN gig is never just going to see another concert; it’s going to have an experience. And Reznor always makes sure that his fans get their money’s worth.

But now those evil Viacom bastards are reporting that Reznor is retiring from the stage:

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Trent Reznor talks almost as much shit about other musicians as Kerry King does, but it’s usually excusable as a) he’s hilarious, b) he’s right and c) he’s so much cooler than most rock stars that even if he’s wrong, it’s still not very bothersome. For example, I once read an interview where Reznor said he remembers exactly where he was the first time he heard Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughta Know,” and that remembering where you were when you first heard that terrible song was his generation’s equivalent of remembering exactly where you were when you found out JFK had been killed. Now, that’s obviously melodramatic (and ironic, considering that Reznor’s one-time collaborator Dave Navarro played guitars on that song), but it’s also totally hilarious.

So. Drummer extraordinaire is leaving Nine Inch Nails, and Reznor has hired twenty year old (!!!) Lostprophets drummer Ilan Rubin* (pictured above) to take Freese’s place.

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Two years ago, when we heard that Tool, Metallica, and Axl Rose would all be headlining the annual Download Festival (aka Donnington), we bought our plane tickets and hauled ass as fast as we could. Last year, when we heard that the headliners were Iron Maiden with – ugh – Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance we decided to pass. Later, of course, we felt like schmucks; there are three or four stages at Download, all of which are staggered, so if you don’t like the headliner, there’s always someone else to watch (For example, we could have skipped Linkin Park and watched Motley Crue. Hey, it’s something.)

So hopefully the fact that The Offspring and Lostprophets – two bands we literally could not care any less about – have been announced as the first two headliners for the fest won’t deter us from going this year – after all, Judas Priest and HIM will also be there. I mean, I don’t know what kind of a world we live in where Lostprophets are headliners of a festival attended by 70,000+ people and Judas Priest aren’t – in fucking England, no less – but, hey, what can you do?

Anyway, it’s rumored that Kiss will be the third headliner. I feel no particular desire to see Kiss live ever again, but hopefully Opeth or whoever will be hitting the second stage right around the same time. And even if they aren’t, so many other awesome bands play this thing every year, taking a nap right around the time Gene Simmons kicks into “Calling Dr. Love” probably won’t be the least appealing thing in the world.

-AR