Apparently the palatial MetalSucks Mansion kitchen needed new granite, so guess who isn’t going to the hair metal extravaganza of the year, also known as the second annual ROCKLAHOMA? You guessed it.  Hey, I am the new guy, so I guess I can’t complain – unless Vince and Axl don’t send me next year.

As we speak, thousands of dental hygienically challenged guys with mullets are running around suburban Oklahoma (isn’t all of Oklahoma suburban?) wearing Ratt and Ozzy concert shirts from a quarter century ago.  Chicks have squeezed themselves into jeans and/or spandex that were probably last worn a decade ago and were better left in their dresser, or burned.  Honestly, people are just flocking to this event from all over the world, literally, and why wouldn’t they? Have you seen the lineup? Sure, there are some great hair metal bands coming to a city near you this summer, like Poison, Dokken and Motley Crue, but ROCKLAHOMA features an absolute smorgasbord of talent, top (e.g. Queensryche, Extreme) to bottom (e.g. Jet Boy, Trixter).

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