UPDATED:

Hey, so you what did you guys think of the idea I posited last week for a new band ranking system? Thanks to Jason from IKILLYA for pointing out the existence of NextBigSound.com, a cool site that aggregates a lot of the data I suggested be included in the ranking, namely social network stats and other Internet metrics. While NextBigSound allows account holders to enter their own Soundscan data, I’d love to see all those things — along with torrents, merch sales, etc — combined into a single chart that’s published once a week and accessible to the industry, much like Soundscan is now. The grand picture is so much bigger than album sales now more than ever, and I think that needs to be reflected in the main chart people analyze. For the most part, it seemed like you guys were into the idea even if you questioned its feasibility.

Anyway, this week is pretty depressing sales-wise. One look at the top six records on this week’s Current Hard Music chart should make any metalhead cry. Since there weren’t many notable new albums released last week and you surely don’t wanna just read about Nickelsuck, I also included numbers of some older albums from earlier in 2011 that are experiencing holiday sales bumps.

Click to read more…

Alas, this has already been taken down, but here’s a screen cap if you wanna check it out. Note Mr. Hetfield’s occupation as listed below:

Pretty brilliant, right? I can’t believe Wikipedia changed it!

-AR

[via The Metal of Honor]

We at MetalSucks have dealt with the paradoxes involved with conducting a poll to determine great guitar players (read our 25 Best Modern Metal Guitarists poll here)! So we get that in a unweighted vote, the top-ranked axemen may just represent those liked by the largest number of voters; i.e. a dude who we agree is pretty good may score higher than each of our individual favorite dudes.

So when Rolling Stone magazine enlisted a who’s-who of classic rock personalities for their 100 Greatest Guitarists Of All Time cover story, we prepared for some wacky aberrations. Let’s check out a few of the RS list’s inconsistencies:

Click to read more…

After it was announced that director visionary director Darren Aronofsky would be helming a music video for Loutallica’s completely unlistenable piece of shit “The View,” I was optimistic that Aronofsky would come up with something that would be superior to the song itself. I don’t think I was alone in harboring this hope. I haven’t loved all of Aronofsky’s films — The Fountain and Black Swan were both pretty lousy, and, no, I don’t give two fucks how many awards the latter film won — but the guy’s work is usually, at the very least, thought-provoking. He has a unique point of view, and, really, what more can you ask for from an artist? Some people will inevitably love or hate the creator’s work, so, really, the creator’s responsibility is to be, for lack of a better term, interesting. It is, ultimately, the bare minimum we should require of artists, and the single thing so many of them completely fail to do. But whatever you want to say about Aronofsky, you can’t deny that the guy has a vision; he’s got heart, he’s got soul.

That’s why his video for “The View” is such a goddamn bummer. ‘Cause it’s really just a performance video. Is it slightly prettier than most performance videos? Sure. Aronofsky’s regular cinematographer, Matthew Libatique — who has been one of the director’s regular collaborators way back since π — is no slouch. But most of the imagery isn’t really that original or stimulating. Really, the “homemade,” handheld nature of it — that kind of “indie” quality — isn’t that far off from, say, a commercial for Levi’s jeans. Y’know, like this one:

Click to read more…

Banner Designed by Cysquatch

Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (not really at all) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Inspired by the ongoing disaster that is Lou Reed & Metallica’s Lulu, this week we asked our writers:

WHAT WAS THE WORST METAL ALBUM OF 2011?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump!

Click to read more…

-AR

[via... thanks to Brendan Collins for the tip!]

It was a week of polar opposites: on one hand, butt rock ruled as Disturbed nabbed the #1 spot on the Current Hard Music charts with Five Finger Death Punch and Evanescence firmly entrenched in second and third place. On the other hand Animals as Leaders scored a big debut, a big victory in the name of all that is right in the music world. As I Lay Dying and Rush also sold well. Let’s take a look at those and more after the jump.

Click to read more…

Maybe we shoulda called it MetaSucks?

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley responded to Dr. Katrina McFerran’s study on teens, depression, and music. Then Dr. McFerran responded to Justin’s response. Then Justin responded to McFerran’s response to his response. Then I went permanently cross-eyed.
• We debuted new music by Keith Merrow’s Demisery.
• We spoke to Corey Lowery from Dark New Day and Eye Empire.
• We checked out the latest release from Astomatous and H20, Ringworm, Mindsnare, and Soul Search.
• We showed you some nice photos from both Day 1 and Day 2 of The Metal Suckfest.
• We counted down The Seven Most Metal Video Games Ever Made.
• We were bummed to learn that guitarists Rob Arnold and Matt DeVries are leaving Chimaira at the end of the year.
• We were even more bummed to see Chris Barnes shilling for used cars.
• We argued about the best metal albums of the 90s.
• We found something even worse than Lulu: LIVE Lulu.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t gotten blackout drunk in a week.

-AR

The way metalheads describe him, Lou Reed is some sort of excavated relic from the Paleozoic era. Yes, I know you don’t like Lulu, but for fuck’s sake, the guy isn’t just some hobo Lars Ulrich found on the street begging for change and warning the world about Y2K. Reed’s the rock and roll animal, man, responsible for some of the most interesting and influential music of the 60s and 70s. Being publicly ignorant of his contributions to rock music doesn’t make Lulu‘s detractors cool; it makes them look narrow minded.

So, in order to prevent you from coming across like a complete bonehead, here are a few Lou Reed fun facts for metalheads…

Click to read more…

That sound you hear is the echo of corks popping off the champagne bottles at Dave Mustaine’s house; for the first time ever (?), a Megadeth record outsold a Metallica record in its debut week. It’s not a proper Metallica album, and what it is is a steaming pile of turds, but it’s still gotta feel like something of a victory for Mustaine. And that it comes in the form of the #1 Hard Music album in the U.S. has gotta feel absolutely great, too.

Elsewhere, Steel Panther had a great debut week while Krisiun, Sick of it All and Vallenfyre also made the Top 100 on the Current Hard Music charts.

Click to read more…

Lulu was originally announced as a “secret recording project,” and I thought that the use of the phrase “recording project” meant that we would never, ever have to hear this shit live.” Unfortunately, I was incorrect, ’cause Loutallica performed the song “Iced Honey” on the BBC’s Later… With Jools Holland last night. So if you’ve been dying for someone to combine the unadulterated awfulness of Lulu with the embarrassing sloppiness of modern Metallica live, well, boy oh boy do we have a treat for you!

The band also covered The Velvet Underground’s “White Light/White Heat.” I haven’t actually watched this clip because I’d like to preserve my untainted memory of the song, but you’re free to check it out after the jump.

Click to read more…

Vince and I are both massive fans of Oscar nominated director Darren Aronofsky (although we differed in opinion on Black Swan, but whatever). And even if you’re not a fan of his films, there’s no denying that he is a unique and powerful voice in modern cinema. In other words: I get why some people may not like his work, but I can’t understand how anyone could not respect his work.

Of course, my stance that you must at least give Aronofsky his due is probably gonna change real soon, ’cause guess what? According to the Associated Press, he’s directing a video for “Iced Honey,” one of the many terrible songs from Lou Reed and Metallica’s Lulu.

We don’t really have any other info right now, other than the fact that Aronofsky will be utilizing his long-time cinematographer, Matthew Libatique, who has been one of his key collaborators since π (Libatique also shot the Iron Man movies and Spike Lee’s Inside Man, in case you’re curious). And while normally I’d be inclined to say that Aronofsky’s video will probably be the most interesting thing to come out of this whole Lulu debacle, I was also optimistic once that Lou Reed might be able to whip Metallica into shape, and we all know how that turned out.

But the video probably won’t have any monkeys in it, so. Y’know. It’s got that going for it.

Commiserate with me in the comments section.

-AR

Thanks to our friend, the mighty Josh Eldrige,  for bringing this to our attention via his Twitter account!

-VN

[via Gothamist]

Thanks to HunterMC for the LULZy pic.

Three years ago we celebrated acknowledged  the release of Metallica’s Death Magnetic by re-christening MetalSucks as “MetallicaSucks” for the day, and asking the entire MS staff (and some our guest bloggers) to review the album. We did not wanna do that for Lulu, the new collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed, because, well, a) it’s not a proper Metallica album, and b) seriously are you fucking kidding us with this shit?

That being said, we do love to represent multiple points of view here at MetalSucks, and we wanted to make sure that every one of our writers had a fair shot at expressing his or her thoughts on Lulu. And so, after the jump, read reviews by the seven sad bastards who all volunteered for the assignment. At the very least, you should enjoy these musings more than you did Lulu itself…

Click to read more…

Is Lulu just the world’s greatest troll? Even if it wasn’t, if I were a member of Loutallica, I’d probably start telling people that it is. It would really be the only logical explanation for anyone thinking that crap was listenable.

And the below video suggests that at least one member of Metallica really might have intended it as a troll. I’m not entirely clear on how recent the clip of James Hetfield fucking with a security guard was filmed. But it just may be Hetfield’s best work this century.

In other Metallica news, Rob Trujillo — who, as everyone knows, is the real big man calling the shots behind-the-scenes in Metallica — recently told  GulfNews.com that “the writing process for the new Metallica album has begun,” according to NME. Reading from a memo sent to him by Lars Ulrich’s assistant, the bassist announced that “We’ve been in the studio with Rick Rubin, working on a couple of things, and we’re going to be recording during the most of next year.” I can’t remember the last time Metallica spent less than two years in the studio, so I’m think we should have a fresh new disappointment to make fun of sometime around 2013/2014.

-AR

Thanks to Csantos and J.A.M. for the tips!

No I’m totally kidding. I don’t even know if there is gonna be any touring or live performances in support of Lulu; at this point, I think it’s safe to assume there will not be, since the amount of security guards it would take to protect the musicians from the “fans” would probably be greater than the number of people who would actually pay to see Loutallica perform that crap. (Although if they included free rotten eggs to throw at the band with every ticket purchase, I would happily shell out some cash to attend.)

And even if there was a tour, Danko Jones most certainly would not be the opener — ’cause over the weekend, the singer/guitarist took to his Twitter account and likened Lulu to some of cinema’s great financial and creative disasters, including Ishtar, Waterworld, and Battlefield Earth. And, oh yeah, then he tweeted the below:

Click to read more…

If you’re reading this now and you live in/around NYC, it’s not too late to come drink FREE BEER (from 6-7pm) and party with us as Skeletonwitch, Kvelertak, Barn Burner, Turbid North and Battlecross melt faces at the 2011 MetalSucks / Metal Injection / 1000 Knives CMJ Showcase! And two weeks from this very moment, Day 1 of The Metal Suckfest will be underway — holy shit! For the rest of you who don’t live anywhere near here… either get your asses over right quick or be jealous. Very jealous.

Meanwhile, it was another week o’ fun at the MS Mansion in which the Monkeys had to work overtime to fling poo at all who dared attempt to infiltrate our walls:

• We interviewed Topon and Mel from Fuck the Facts, Threat Signal’s Jon Howard and Evile’s Ol Drake.
• We continued Counting Down to the Metal Suckfest with All Pigs Must Die’s Adam Wentworth, Today is the Day’s Curran Reynolds, 3′s Billy Riker, Fight Amp’s Mike McGinnis and Howl’s Timmy St. Amour.
• We listened to Metallica and Lou Reed’s LuLu and enjoyed a few parodies.
• We reviewed Cynic’s new EP, Satan Rosenbloom Freeloaded new ones from Nemesis Complex and Honduran, and Corey belatedly rated his August Bleeders and Blowers.
• We showed you guys all the fun we had nerding out at Comic Con.
• The re-booted Beavis & Butt-Head will have metal music videos after all; rejoice!

See ya’ll next week.

-VN

I know we’re already beating this Lulu thing to death, but, I mean, c’mon — it is just SO AMAZING that Metallica have somehow figured out a way to disappoint the fans yet AGAIN, and have possibly even outdone the debacle that was St. Anger. Seriously, this thing is so hilariously awful somewhere in the world right now, Axel Rudi Pell and the dudes from Morbid Angel are on their knees, thanking the good Lord for finally taking the heat off of them.

And now comes the silver lining of Lulu — namely, the parodies and memes. NPR helpfully points the way towards those which have already been released. First up are some fake pre-production demos by a YouTube user named gr8080. gr8080′s version of “Little Dog” was made utilizing nothing more than a knowledge of the song title and running time (for maximum troll power!), and it’s hilarious (I especially appreciate all the howling. Except that gr8080 had no way of knowing that he (I think it’s a he) was creating something that was actually far more melodic than the actual “Little Dog,” which, like all of Lulu, is just a total fucking mess. “Little Dog” also happens to be one of the most boring songs on Lulu, so gr8080 has Loutallica beat in the energy department, too.

I’m also very fond of gr8080′s version of “Brandenburg Gate,” which melds lots of silly German stuff together (Kraftwerk-style avant-electronica, the entire language, etc.) in the name of comedy gold:

Click to read more…

The headline says it all. You can stream Lulu, Metallica’s new collaboration with Lou Reed, right now, right here.

Give it a listen, then come back here for what will surely be the most fun debate of the year: Is Lulu terrible, or really, really terrible?

The MetalSucks staff will weigh in with its thoughts before the album’s official release on November 1. Until then, you have the floor, dear readers.

[UPDATE, 1:29pm EDT: Metal Insider has posted an MP3! Click here to listen and scroll to the bottom.]

[UPDATE, 1:06pm EDT: Welp, looks like the video's been pulled. Sorry folks.]

If you’re like most sane metalheads you did not like the Metallica / Loud Reed track “The View,” the first song to be released from their forthcoming LuLu collaboration. While I wouldn’t say that Lou Reed’s vocals were the only thing folks didn’t like about “The View” I’d say that they certainly didn’t help the cause. Don’t get me wrong, I love some Velvet Underground stuff but this just… doesn’t work. So what would “The View” sound like without Lou Reed? Internet to the rescue, via Metal Insider:

I can’t see anyone jumping into the ring to say this song totally fucking rules man one way or the other, but taking Reed’s vocals out of the equation certainly takes the edge off. At worst it sounds like a b-side from Death Magnetic and at best it’s a nice little 2-minute dittty about James Hetfield’s desire to be a table.

-VN