Kevin Dubrow is dead, and I think that most of us assumed he would take Quiet Riot (the seventh most-often-miscategorized-as-a-hair-metal-band of all time) with him to the grave. Those of us who did make that assumption, however, forgot that desperate times call for desperate measures, and an empty belly holds no room for dignity.

So Quiet Riot are re-forming.

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Of all the 654 singers L.A. Guns has had over the years, Jizzy Pearl is definitely the best one whose name is a euphemism for cum. He only recorded one album with the band, 1999′s Shrinking Violet, but it was such a huge success that within months of its release, the band got rid of Pearl and reunited with Phil Lewis. This was a historic happening, not because anyone was really waiting Lewis to return to the group, but because it was the first step in the process that would lead to there being two separate bands called “L.A. Guns.” Looking back at that moment now, Tracii Guns must feel like a post-Revenge of the Sith Obi-Wan Kenobi: if only he had killed that annoying kid on Tatooine all those years ago, so much tragedy could have been averted!

I assume its Guns’ 20/20 hindsight that led him to re-hire Pearl after L.A. Guns vocalist #678, David Spade, left the band. And while in February Vince reported that the latest re-incarnation of La Guns (as they’re known in France) would be recording a new album for Steve Vai’s Favored Nations label, they’re actually just going to re-release Shrinking Violet with the perfunctory new artwork/bonus tracks. I’m guessing this is because a) Violet was never really properly promoted when it was initially released, b) it’s cheaper than recording a new album, and c) the band has somehow fallen under the impression that they need a record to tour behind, when, in fact, they are the very definition of a “legacy act.” (Actually, Tracii might have some self-awareness about being a legacy act: the bonus tracks on this reissue will be include live recordings of Pearl fronting old Guns hits like “Ballad of Jayne.”)

Here’s some live footage of the Shrinking Violet track “Dreamtime.” The re-release will occur on May 25. Shrinking Violet was produced by Gilby Clarke, a.k.a. The Guitar Player Who Tour with Guns N’ Roses for Longer than Tracii Guns Ever Did but Never Got to Write or Record Any Original Material with Them.

-AR

Well, not really, of course.

The new front man for the (Tracii Guns version of the) band, previously identified only as a “blond,” is Marty Casey.

If you’ve never heard of Marty Casey, well, neither have I. Apparently he was a contestant on Rock Star: INXS*, which I imagine was only slightly less embarrassing than Rock Star: Supernova, if only because, unlike Jason Newstead, Tommy Lee and Gilby Clarke, no one ever had any actual respect for the guys in INXS.

In any case, at this point I imagine that anyone who still considers him or herself to be an L.A. Guns fan really doesn’t care who’s in the band, as long as the guitar player is named after some sort of weapon and they open with “Sex Action,” close with “Sex Action,” and play “Sex Action” somewhere in the middle.

Stay tuned for the announcement that Dilana is the new singer for Velvet Revolver.

-AR

*By the way, has anyone ever heard the story that INXS asked Mike Patton to replace Michael Hutchence, and he said he’d take the job if they’d let him wear a noose around his neck onstage? I have no idea if it’s a true story or not, but it’s HILARIOUS either way.