I just wanna be clear, right off the bat, that this is just me playing “What If?” I’m not breaking a story, I don’t have a source, it’s Monday, it’s a slow news day, and I just got to thinking. I don’t want this to be like the time that I said it might be cool if Whitfield Crane joined Anthrax and then some putz put it on Wikipedia and asked Crane about it in an interview, and asked as though it were a bona fide fact or even a real “rumor.” THIS IS JUST ME HAVING FUN.

Here’s the reasoning behind my total b.s. speculation:

Click to read more…

So a couple of weeks ago Michael Anthony spilled that beans that he and former Van Halen cohort Sammy Hagar “are working on a new project with a couple of good friends.” At the time, I joked that perhaps they were teaming up with Slash, Duff McKagan and Matt Sorum to form Velvet Hagarevolver, a force more powerful than Voltron or, at the very least, Toto.

In point of fact, the reality is much, much worse.

Blabbermouth has now confirmed the rumor we’ve all been hearing from the get-go, which is that the other members of the group are Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith and Joe Satriani. And they’ve settled on the band moniker “Chickenfoot.”

Click to read more…

Wow. If that picture doesn’t get your dick hard, nuthin’ will.

So. If there’s money to be made doing something, someone will do it. Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth didn’t really just kiss n’ make up one day, and it’s not like they had some driving creative desire to do another Van Halen tour; it’s all about the Benjamins, homie.

And why should Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony not get a piece of the poundcake? A lot of people (like me!) who would normally never pay for a Sammy Hagar solo album or a Michael Anthony solo album are considerably more likely to pick up a project that re-teams the two, because amongst our deepest, darkest secrets are the facts that we once thought that Kevin Smith was funny, that we like to choke ourselves while masturbating, and that we don’t get angry when someone chooses “Runaround” on the jukebox. So, of course, sisters are doin’ it for themselves, as Michael Anthony writes on his blog:

“Sammy and I are working on a new project with a couple of good friends, and it is going to be totally KICKASS!!, so stay tuned.”

Part of me thinks that maybe my April Fool’s joke is on me and a Velvet Hagarevolver record is now gonna be a part of the really real world; I mean, ditch that dude who isn’t Izzy and slide Duff McKagan over to rhythm guitars, and you’ve just given birth to the band most eagerly anticipated by anyone who has ever thought the confederate flag was cool, seriously considered date rape, or is from the state of New Jersey.

But I’m probably getting ahead of myself; “some friends” are probably just Sammy and Mike’s kids. Which is fine by me. If there’s one thing I’m achin’ for, it’s some serious shit slinging in the press between Andy Hagar and Fatty Ding Dongs Van Halen.

-AR

[thanks to: Saul Hudson]

Velvet Revolver drummer Matt Sorum posted on his blog a picture that a fan sent him of Sebastian Bach photoshopped into Velvet Revolver, fulfilling Scott Weiland’s pick to fill the now-vacant vocalist spot. But the picture is only an afterthought; with VR seemingly in shambles, Sorum’s focus is now on his fashion line SorumNoce; “Been hanging At my new store. Biz is good selling lots of stuff, please come by if in the area. Will be offering shirts i can sign if I’m around if you can’t afford the leather and stuff.”

Because what we really need is another overpriced t-shirt.

-VN

Man oh man, even if you don’t think that any of the members of Velvet Revolver are musically relevant anymore, you gotta admit, all this drama keeps shit interesting.

So after Scott Weiland publicly declared last week that VR are currently finishing out their “last tour,” he and Matt Sorum started trading barbs over the ‘net. Sorum just made reference to “some people” while Weiland called Sorum out by name, so I guess depending on how you wanna look at it, either Sorum was too classy to specifically lash out at Weiland, or Weiland just has bigger balls than Sorum; in any case, there have been rumors that these two don’t like one another pretty much since the band’s inception, so all this bickering isn’t, like, hugely surprising or anything.

So now Slash, ever the diplomat, has thrown his two cents in, making this super powerful statement: “Well, let’s put it this way — this is not Velvet Revolver’s last tour.” Wow. I’m sure such a bold declaration instills confidence in the hearts of VR fans everywhere.

Now, VR do, contractually speaking, owe RCA one more album; if someone threatens Weiland with a lawsuit, I could see him phoning in another tour to support said offering. And I have no doubt that Slash dreams of following in the footsteps of his heroes in the Stones and Aerosmith and making mediocre corporate rock well into his Viagra years. Still, I hope he’s learned from his past: in a situation like this, it may be best to get in, amass as much cash possible, and then get back out. No supergroup can last forever.

-AR

Well, we can’t say we didn’t see this one coming.

Less than a week ago, Duff McKagan assured fans that “Velvet Revolver is something that’s going to be around for a long while yet… we’re here to stay.” Now Blabbermouth is reporting is that at last night’s VR show in Glasgow, Scotland, Scott Weiland announced from the stage that “You’re watching something special… the last tour by Velvet Revolver.” Apparently this announcement was followed by some on-stage bickering amongst the band members (I guess Weiland neglected to tell them the band was dunzo), and now Matt Sorum has posted the following message online:

“Unfortunately, some people in this business don’t realize how great of a life they have. Touring the world, meeting great people and fans all over the world. And just playing music for a living. I feel truly blessed…

“Everybody could see who was unhappy last night, but all I can say is let’s keep the rock alive, people!!!! In this life, you just pick up and keep moving. And don’t ever let anybody stand in your way.”

Well… that sounds like a not-so-thinly veild swipe at Weiland.

I can only imagine that Sorum, and especially McKagan and Slash are experiencing terrible, Lead Singer’s Disease-induced deja vu. But really, I feel sorry for the DeLeo brothers, who are about to re-inherit this dipshit.

Look for RCA to announce a Velvet Revolver “Greatest Hits” CD any second now. If you listen carefully, I think you can probably hear Dave Kushner weeping.

-AR

So can we get a pool going about when this band is gonna officially break up? Do we think they’ll even make it to a third album? Just a day after Scott Weiland announced that a Stone Temple Pilots reunion is imminent, he was a no-show for the band’s gig at the Sundance Film Festival. That’s right: Weiland missed a show where there would be actual Hollywood movers and shakers present. So this must be, like, totally serious.

Anyway, apparently Weiland’s absence caught the band a little off-guard, too, since they were asking anyone in the crowd if they wanted to get up and sing, and even resorted to letting Matt Sorum – yes, their fucking drummer – handle vocal duties on “Patience” (watch a clip below). Allegedly Harvey Weinstein was so upset he couldn’t even finish his third lobster.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/Jd8xb-htQ6c" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

-AR