It would appear as if Sergeant D’s days at Metal Inquisition are over. His last post on Metal Inquisition was dated February 23rd while contributions to crunkcore powerhouse blog Stuff You Will Hate are ongoing.

Sad face.

But at least Sergeant D went out on a high note (ha) with the above fantastic photoshop job. There is so much going on in this collage that I don’t even know where to start. Are the events of September 11, 2001 being glorified by insinuating Dimebag was somehow involved? Is the eagle sad about Dimebag’s death? Is everyone just really fucking stoned?? WTF??? I want answers.

-VN

The fine metal journalism institution Metal Inquisition has done it again with an in-depth look at the union of our two favorite pastimes: metal and weed. We like to think that these two pleasures go together like two nuts in a sack, but Metal Inquisition proves otherwise; Six Feet Under, Black Label Society, Dope and others illustrate that when bands mix weed into their metal, the results aren’t always as desired. Read the two posts here and here.

We’ll still be the two dudes getting high at the back of the metal show.

-VN

Who knew that a delicious kernel-laden, summer treat was also the name of an up and coming new-metal band? Sergeant D of Metal Inquisition has posted another journalistic masterpiece that sheds light upon a band of unique, take-no-prisoners upstarts from California. Excerpt:

But they also seem like they like metal, because a lot of the songs are really dissonant and heavy. I feel like they are probably big noisecore fans because on the record there isn’t even a bass player. In the parts where most bands would have the bass, they just have these weird sounds that remind me of pieces of metal clanking together. It seems like something 7 Minutes of Nausea would do. They have a guy who plays with them live and does “noise/effects” and sometimes uses a bass to make the clanking sounds, I don’t know how he does it. He’s probably into circuitbending or whatever and rewired the whole bass.

If you didn’t enjoy Sergeant D’s piece on Brooklyn genre-benders Biohazard, you a) are an idiot, b) ought to check this one out. Highly recommend A+++ would do business with again, fast shipping!!

-VN

The intrepid Sergeant D. of Metal Inquisition has published an in-depth look at Biohazard, a brand new band out of Brooklyn that the MetalSucks Mansion inhabitants all agree you should check out. Says Mr. D.:

They seem like cool guys who like to have fun, but I feel like they’re trying a little hard to do the whole Municipal Waste/Toxic Holocaust thing. I mean they’re definitely good at it, but the thing is that they take it a little too far. In order for it to be funny, it has to be a little bit believable, you know? We talked about this in my “Entertainment Business” class the other day: If all you do is combine every ridiculous cliche from crossover fashion into your characters, it’s too much. You have to use some restraint or you just end up looking like a cartoon. Overkill, Toxik, and Xentrix are much better at doing the retro-thrash thing without going over the top.

True words. Check out the entire post at Metal Inquisition.

-VN

Vince and I still don’t really understand the difference between “wigger slam” and “deathcore,” but Metal Inquistion‘s Sergeant D does: he has (by his own admission) pretty much positioned himself as the world’s (or at least the net’s) foremost authority on the wigger slam genre, and, as such a scholar, was even interviewed for an article in Decibel on the subgenre (Which in no way, shape, or form clarified the difference between wigger slam and deathcore. Seriously. Someone explain it to me, ’cause I ain’t hearin’ it.).

One of the bands Sergeant D talks about in said Decibel piece is Waking the Cadaver (again, sounds like deathcore to me!), who apparently didn’t take very kindly to being called “wiggers,” even though one look at them would suggest that, yes, they are indeed white dudes who dress in a manner stereotypically reserved for black dudes:

Click to read more…

Or so says a screen grab from Belladonna’s Wikipedia entry taken by the intrepid metal shit-digger-uppers of Metal Inquisition. And why wouldn’t it be true? It’s on Wikipedia, Metal Inquisition said so, and it’s Joey Bella-fuckin-donna (side note: real name Bellardini!). But hey, the article is actually about the twice-ex-Anthrax singer’s house outside of Syracuse, NY:

The house has three bedrooms, was built in 1990, and has 2600 square feet of living space. Perhaps the most intriguing thing about the house is that it has no central air conditioning. I know that to our non American readers this may seem normal…but for a house in the US to not have A/C (particularly one this size that was built in 1990) is downright strange, even in upstate New York. Why would Joey not have air conditioning in his house? It could only be for one reason…

Click to read more…

Well, Metal Inquisition does anyway, doing the Internet dirty work to bring you the finest in American metal douchebaggery. Since we’ve all seen this guy or some version thereof in New Jersey at our favorite metal locale, head on over to Metal Inquisition for the writers’ sardonic commentary on this fine chap and others:

As all cool metal guys, this guy also has great Photoshop skillz…and he puts them to use in order to pose in front of Sarah Palin? I’m so confused. Also, judging by his jewelery, he must sell his wares to Chuck Billy.

-VN

And thankfully, Sergeant D of MetalInquisition is inclined to agree:

Let’s be perfectly clear: If you don’t like Nitro, you’re not my fucking friend. Obviously Nitro are completely ridiculous, but I 100% non-ironically love this band as Skullkrusher and Lucho Metales [other MI writers] can attest to. They had the biggest hair, the highest screams, the fastest solos, and the sickest riffs. I can listen to “OFR” a million times in a row. Also, the liner notes and lyrics are priceless, like the note that admonishes “DRUGZ R 4 DUMBFUKKS, DON’T BE A DUMBFUKK.” Everything about the band is totally absurd, but their songwriting is fucking awesome and the retarded lyrics just make me love them that much more.

Perfectly said, Mr. D. For similar non-guilty pleasure missives on the likes of Vinnie Vincent Invasion, Ugly Kid Joe (complete with baja jackets!), Tuff, and Pretty Boy Floyd, pay the cats at MetalInquisition a visit.

In the meantime, enjoy the video for Nitro’s “Freight Train:”

-VN

The otherwise respectable reporters over at Metal Inquisition have had a hard-on for Wigger Slam, a metal sub-genre of dubious origin (see: Wikipedia), for… Well, pretty much since the site launched early this year. I can’t say as I get what all the hubbub is about — to these ears, wigger slam is basically just another, less cringe-inducing name for a genre we’ve all grown to hate — deathcore — with an occasional nu-metal influence — as if this is supposed to be a good thing.

So… What the dillio? Am I missing something profound by failing to see the appeal of suburban white boys in sideways painter caps and ridiculous gauges in their ears who site both Napalm Death and Korn as influences? (see: the Deathcore feature in the most recent issue of Revolver). Or am I too old to understand?

-VN