-AR

[via... thanks to Brendan Collins for the tip!]

One of the bonus tracks on Rihanna’s new album, Talk That Talk, utilizes the riff from Metallica’s “Wherever I May Roam,” and while that album doesn’t come out until Tuesday, this is the 21st century, so it’s already on YouTube, and you can listen now. Only a little bit of the ‘Tallica tune is in the song, and, as Metal Insider notes, it’s still, like, a gajmillion times better than that shit Metallica did with Ja Rule and Swizz Beatz… but then again, so is cancer, so whatever I guess.

But I think it’s worth noting that between this and her association with Slash and Nuno Bettencourt, Rihanna is definitely 23 years old, as she claims. Y’know, in case anyone was worried that she was lying.

-AR

We give Metallica a lot of shit ’round these parts. A LOT of shit. As if anyone could blame us after Lulu… but I digress. Today we’ll take a breather from our morning dose of haterade with a video of the Metallicats actually earning some points back by watching and responding to that video of a band comprised of eight year-old kids covering “Enter Sandman.” James, Kirk, Rob and Lars even call out the band members by name and invite them to come jam, meaning these kids are gonna save this video for ever and ever and ever and ever. Do folks even “save” videos these days? It’s not like you can just pop in a blank VHS and press record from YouTube.

-VN

[via Metal Injection]

It was a week of polar opposites: on one hand, butt rock ruled as Disturbed nabbed the #1 spot on the Current Hard Music charts with Five Finger Death Punch and Evanescence firmly entrenched in second and third place. On the other hand Animals as Leaders scored a big debut, a big victory in the name of all that is right in the music world. As I Lay Dying and Rush also sold well. Let’s take a look at those and more after the jump.

Click to read more…

Maybe we shoulda called it MetaSucks?

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley responded to Dr. Katrina McFerran’s study on teens, depression, and music. Then Dr. McFerran responded to Justin’s response. Then Justin responded to McFerran’s response to his response. Then I went permanently cross-eyed.
• We debuted new music by Keith Merrow’s Demisery.
• We spoke to Corey Lowery from Dark New Day and Eye Empire.
• We checked out the latest release from Astomatous and H20, Ringworm, Mindsnare, and Soul Search.
• We showed you some nice photos from both Day 1 and Day 2 of The Metal Suckfest.
• We counted down The Seven Most Metal Video Games Ever Made.
• We were bummed to learn that guitarists Rob Arnold and Matt DeVries are leaving Chimaira at the end of the year.
• We were even more bummed to see Chris Barnes shilling for used cars.
• We argued about the best metal albums of the 90s.
• We found something even worse than Lulu: LIVE Lulu.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t gotten blackout drunk in a week.

-AR

The way metalheads describe him, Lou Reed is some sort of excavated relic from the Paleozoic era. Yes, I know you don’t like Lulu, but for fuck’s sake, the guy isn’t just some hobo Lars Ulrich found on the street begging for change and warning the world about Y2K. Reed’s the rock and roll animal, man, responsible for some of the most interesting and influential music of the 60s and 70s. Being publicly ignorant of his contributions to rock music doesn’t make Lulu‘s detractors cool; it makes them look narrow minded.

So, in order to prevent you from coming across like a complete bonehead, here are a few Lou Reed fun facts for metalheads…

Click to read more…

In 2006, Vince and I got on a plane and went to the Download Festival in Donington, England, where we saw, amongst many other things, Metallica play Master of Puppets live in its entirety. And even though Cliff Burton was obviously not available to do the show, and Lars Ulrich’s drumming skills aren’t exactly top-notch anymore, and James Hetfield’s vocals have not leased but actually purchased a summer home on Planet Blows Donkeys, we had a great time. I mean, you kinda just had to have a couple of drinks, close your eyes, and go with it, y’know? ‘Cause why complain when they’re playing an awesome album at the end of a second day in the middle of an awesome fest where you literally have seen and will continue to see literally dozens of awesome bands? So, whatever.

To the best of my knowledge, ‘Tallica never pulled the same schtick with …And Justice for All, but apparently they are going to return to Download this summer to play the Black Album from start to finish. And that’s cool, ’cause it’s pretty much the last decent record they ever made, and it’s not like anyone is gonna pay to see them play Re-Load in its entirety.

Click to read more…

That sound you hear is the echo of corks popping off the champagne bottles at Dave Mustaine’s house; for the first time ever (?), a Megadeth record outsold a Metallica record in its debut week. It’s not a proper Metallica album, and what it is is a steaming pile of turds, but it’s still gotta feel like something of a victory for Mustaine. And that it comes in the form of the #1 Hard Music album in the U.S. has gotta feel absolutely great, too.

Elsewhere, Steel Panther had a great debut week while Krisiun, Sick of it All and Vallenfyre also made the Top 100 on the Current Hard Music charts.

Click to read more…

Lulu was originally announced as a “secret recording project,” and I thought that the use of the phrase “recording project” meant that we would never, ever have to hear this shit live.” Unfortunately, I was incorrect, ’cause Loutallica performed the song “Iced Honey” on the BBC’s Later… With Jools Holland last night. So if you’ve been dying for someone to combine the unadulterated awfulness of Lulu with the embarrassing sloppiness of modern Metallica live, well, boy oh boy do we have a treat for you!

The band also covered The Velvet Underground’s “White Light/White Heat.” I haven’t actually watched this clip because I’d like to preserve my untainted memory of the song, but you’re free to check it out after the jump.

Click to read more…

Vince and I are both massive fans of Oscar nominated director Darren Aronofsky (although we differed in opinion on Black Swan, but whatever). And even if you’re not a fan of his films, there’s no denying that he is a unique and powerful voice in modern cinema. In other words: I get why some people may not like his work, but I can’t understand how anyone could not respect his work.

Of course, my stance that you must at least give Aronofsky his due is probably gonna change real soon, ’cause guess what? According to the Associated Press, he’s directing a video for “Iced Honey,” one of the many terrible songs from Lou Reed and Metallica’s Lulu.

We don’t really have any other info right now, other than the fact that Aronofsky will be utilizing his long-time cinematographer, Matthew Libatique, who has been one of his key collaborators since π (Libatique also shot the Iron Man movies and Spike Lee’s Inside Man, in case you’re curious). And while normally I’d be inclined to say that Aronofsky’s video will probably be the most interesting thing to come out of this whole Lulu debacle, I was also optimistic once that Lou Reed might be able to whip Metallica into shape, and we all know how that turned out.

But the video probably won’t have any monkeys in it, so. Y’know. It’s got that going for it.

Commiserate with me in the comments section.

-AR

Thanks to our friend, the mighty Josh Eldrige,  for bringing this to our attention via his Twitter account!

-VN

[via Gothamist]

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

We’ve done three special one-off Decibels now, and have pimped them in this very spot like Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver (you can do anything you want with them… but no rough stuff, all right?). The one you see above is my favorite, not necessarily because I prefer thrash to black metal or a general ’90s metal countdown, but because a shark eating a skeleton eating a pizza is only half the fucking cover art by acclaimed metal artist Andrei Bouzikov (Municipal Waste, Skeletonwitch, Cannabis Corpse).

Anyway, the content is just as choice: a galloping rundown of the top 50 thrash albums of all time, buffered by seven radical Hall of Fames:

Slayer, Reign in Blood
Anthrax, Among the Living
Testament, The Legacy
Metallica,  …And Justice for All
Megadeth, Rust in Peace
Anacrusis, Reason
Prong, Beg to Differ

The latter three are exclusive to this issue, duh. If you’re wondering why the Big Four haven’t been fully represented in the Hall until now, well, it took years of busting ass from writer Chris Dick to make it happen. (Which you probably could’ve guessed—I mean, it’s Megadeth.) But it’s really funny and harsh and long—I’m sure I’ll post some deleted scene action here someday, since we basically had to cut it in half. Anyway, the Thrash HOF issue is available only in Decibel’s webstore and select indie record shops (go here to find a store near you). If you missed out on our previous special issues, we’ve put together this triple-threat bundle for extreme convenience. You’re welcome.

Any other thrash-centric HOFs you wanna see in the future? Comment away.

-AB

You can order this very special one-off issue right here. And, of course, the December 2011 issue of Decibel – which features Megadeth, Municipal Waste, Animals as Leaders, Landmine Marathon, Hammers of Misfortune, and an awesome Goatwhore flexi disc – can be ordered here. But why not just get a full subscription to ensure that you never miss one an issue?

Thanks to HunterMC for the LULZy pic.

Three years ago we celebrated acknowledged  the release of Metallica’s Death Magnetic by re-christening MetalSucks as “MetallicaSucks” for the day, and asking the entire MS staff (and some our guest bloggers) to review the album. We did not wanna do that for Lulu, the new collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed, because, well, a) it’s not a proper Metallica album, and b) seriously are you fucking kidding us with this shit?

That being said, we do love to represent multiple points of view here at MetalSucks, and we wanted to make sure that every one of our writers had a fair shot at expressing his or her thoughts on Lulu. And so, after the jump, read reviews by the seven sad bastards who all volunteered for the assignment. At the very least, you should enjoy these musings more than you did Lulu itself…

Click to read more…

When I was fifteen years old, I had to sneak out of my parents’ house on a Friday night to go see GWAR and the Misfits play a Halloween show. Then I had to conceal my clothing from my parents, seeing as it was, y’know, soaked in blood, urine, and semen.

Here we are all these years later, pretty much right at the anniversary of that show, and GWAR are on a popular, mainstream late-night talk show. And yet, somehow, they seem no less rebellious than they ever were.

Which is all my way of saying, “GWAR rules.” And they do. They rule. Hard.

ANYWAY, here are some things we did this week:

• Speaking of GWAR, Dave “Oderus Urungus” Brockie himself provided us with more insights into the NFL. Meanwhile, several members of the Relapse Records family gave us the skinny on the new NHL season, and The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley pondered the pros and cons of new technology in music.
• We debuted Jucifer’s new video, for the song “Hiroshima.”
• We got exclusive specs on Contain Us, the new box set from The Devin Townsend Project.
• We spoke to Steel Panther and Niilo Sevänen from Insomnium.
• We checked out the latest release from Carnifex.
• We continued the Countdown to the Metal Suckfest and defended Danzig.
• We counted down the eleven cardinal rules of attending a concert.
• We wondered if nu-dethcore is the next big thing.
• We cried because even ex-members of Metallica make bad music now.
• We argued about the best debut albums of the past twenty-five years.

And that’s it! Have a delightful weekend, gang. We’ll see ya Monday.

-AR

When Some Kind of Monster came out, Jason Newsted suddenly surpassed Dave Mustaine to become #2 on the list of Most Popular Former Members of Metallica*, mostly because he made some pretty funny comments about how the whole Phil Towle/group therapy thing was bullshit — comments which, at the screening I attended, were met with rapturous applause. (The house was obviously packed with Metallica listeners.) Suddenly, everyone rather conviently forgot that Newsted was a willing participant in the Load albums, and he seemed like the cool dude who had jumped off a sinking ship before it was too late. And the fact that he was playing with Voivod didn’t hurt his case any, even if the fact that he was also playing with a certain aging Brit sorta did.

But then of course just a few years later Newsted was out of Voivod and in Rock Star Supernova, and his cred went down the drain just as fast as if he’d stuck around for St. Anger.

Click to read more…

Is Lulu just the world’s greatest troll? Even if it wasn’t, if I were a member of Loutallica, I’d probably start telling people that it is. It would really be the only logical explanation for anyone thinking that crap was listenable.

And the below video suggests that at least one member of Metallica really might have intended it as a troll. I’m not entirely clear on how recent the clip of James Hetfield fucking with a security guard was filmed. But it just may be Hetfield’s best work this century.

In other Metallica news, Rob Trujillo — who, as everyone knows, is the real big man calling the shots behind-the-scenes in Metallica — recently told  GulfNews.com that “the writing process for the new Metallica album has begun,” according to NME. Reading from a memo sent to him by Lars Ulrich’s assistant, the bassist announced that “We’ve been in the studio with Rick Rubin, working on a couple of things, and we’re going to be recording during the most of next year.” I can’t remember the last time Metallica spent less than two years in the studio, so I’m think we should have a fresh new disappointment to make fun of sometime around 2013/2014.

-AR

Thanks to Csantos and J.A.M. for the tips!

No I’m totally kidding. I don’t even know if there is gonna be any touring or live performances in support of Lulu; at this point, I think it’s safe to assume there will not be, since the amount of security guards it would take to protect the musicians from the “fans” would probably be greater than the number of people who would actually pay to see Loutallica perform that crap. (Although if they included free rotten eggs to throw at the band with every ticket purchase, I would happily shell out some cash to attend.)

And even if there was a tour, Danko Jones most certainly would not be the opener — ’cause over the weekend, the singer/guitarist took to his Twitter account and likened Lulu to some of cinema’s great financial and creative disasters, including Ishtar, Waterworld, and Battlefield Earth. And, oh yeah, then he tweeted the below:

Click to read more…

As you hopefully know by now, we teamed up with our very good friend, Mr. Rodney Githens of Vertebrae 33 and Metal Band Art, to host a booth at New York Comic Con last weekend. And we had a blast! We can’t wait to do it again next year.

And now we have a video run-down of the event from our other very good friends over at Metal Injection, which you can and should check out below. They interviewed the great Richard Christy, metal artist extraordinaire Chuck BB, and, oh yeah, they got me offering to give James Hetfield a rusty trombone. Check it out:

-AR

Metallica are working on a 3D feature film, and with Charlotte Huggins, a veteran producer of totally unwatchable crap, no less. This should not surprise you, for two reasons:

• Metallica were great once, but now they are terrible. This is why everything they touch turns to shit. The Metallica we all adored as kids are not coming back. It’s over.
• 3D is not the future of filmmaking; it is a trend, and a very stupid trend. Some filmmakers are championing it as a “more immersive” filmgoing experience; this filmmakers are hucksters, and they don’t give a shit about giving you a more immersive experience, they give a shit about separating you from your money by charging you more a ticket than they are already.

Click to read more…

If you’re reading this now and you live in/around NYC, it’s not too late to come drink FREE BEER (from 6-7pm) and party with us as Skeletonwitch, Kvelertak, Barn Burner, Turbid North and Battlecross melt faces at the 2011 MetalSucks / Metal Injection / 1000 Knives CMJ Showcase! And two weeks from this very moment, Day 1 of The Metal Suckfest will be underway — holy shit! For the rest of you who don’t live anywhere near here… either get your asses over right quick or be jealous. Very jealous.

Meanwhile, it was another week o’ fun at the MS Mansion in which the Monkeys had to work overtime to fling poo at all who dared attempt to infiltrate our walls:

• We interviewed Topon and Mel from Fuck the Facts, Threat Signal’s Jon Howard and Evile’s Ol Drake.
• We continued Counting Down to the Metal Suckfest with All Pigs Must Die’s Adam Wentworth, Today is the Day’s Curran Reynolds, 3′s Billy Riker, Fight Amp’s Mike McGinnis and Howl’s Timmy St. Amour.
• We listened to Metallica and Lou Reed’s LuLu and enjoyed a few parodies.
• We reviewed Cynic’s new EP, Satan Rosenbloom Freeloaded new ones from Nemesis Complex and Honduran, and Corey belatedly rated his August Bleeders and Blowers.
• We showed you guys all the fun we had nerding out at Comic Con.
• The re-booted Beavis & Butt-Head will have metal music videos after all; rejoice!

See ya’ll next week.

-VN