My fellow Chimairicans: I’ve got good news and really good news. So let’s start with the good news.

EMG Pickups is apparently holding a contest wherein contestants upload videos of themselves covering a Metallica tune (on EMG-equipped instruments, natch) to YouTube for the chance to win a shitload of stuff. And I don’t really care about that, but I do care that one of the contestants is Rob Arnold, who does a version of “To Live is to Die” that absolutely rips. Seriously, Kirk Hammett hasn’t sounded this good since before he went through menopause. Check out Arnold’s cover below:

Pretty cool, no?

But here’s the better news — more dates for the second leg of Chimaira’s headlining tour in support of their awesome new album, The Age of Hell, have gotten out, and they include a stop at the Starland Ballroom in New Jersey for WSOU’s 25th Anniversary concert. WSOU is pretty much the best metal radio station on the East Coast and possibly the entire United States, so I’m thrilled that such a killer band is gonna help them celebrate their birthday. And since support on that tour is coming from Unearth, Skeletonwitch, and Molotov Solution, they’ll all be playing, too, which is in no way bad news. You can get more details on that show, including ticket info, from Metal Insider.

Here are all the dates for the first leg of the tour, which features Revocation, Impending Doom, and Rise to Remain; dates for the second leg of the tour are after the jump!

Click to read more…

A thirty second sample of “The View,” one of the songs on Metallica and Lou Reed’s upcoming Lulu, is now available for streaming (below). And while it is, of course, horribly unfair to judge an album based on thirty seconds, I am now fully prepared to say that this record is going to suck.

The short description of the sample would be this: horrible, generic Metallica riff that sounds like any number of the horrible, generic riffs the band has made their name playing for the past fifteen years or so; Lou Reed doing spoken word poetry; Hetfield in full-on “Yea-AH!” Elvis mode singing; jaded blogger going back to sleep.

I don’t know if I’m even gonna have the energy to listen to this entire record. Life is too short for me to keep putting up with this crap just because Metallica were my favorite band twenty fucking years ago. Maybe their intentions are pure, but it doesn’t matter; clearly, we just have different visions for what we want out of the band. So let’s just call it “irreconcilable differences,” agree to share custody of Slayer, and finalize the divorce, alright?

Metallica/Lou Reed – “The View” (30 Second Sample)

Lulu comes out November 1 on Warner Bros.

-AR

[via Amazon... thanks to everyone who e-mailed this to us this morning.]

via WWTDD

So much of this week ended up being devoted to the Big Four that I honestly don’t wanna think about any of those bands again for at least the remainder of the year. So to wrap this shit up, here’s everything Big Four-related we did this week:

• We live snarked the Big Four show at Yankee Stadium.
• We went to an Anthrax press conference.
• We went to the Metal Masters clinic and saw Phil Anselmo jam some Pantera with various Big Fourers.
• We debated the merits and demerits of Anthrax’s Worship Music.
• We listened to Lars Ulrich on Howard Stern.
• We had fun at the expense of Dave Mustaine’s faith.
• We had a Big Four edition of Show Us Your Metalsucks.
• We helped Metal Injection with their Big Four-themed Livecast.
• I also made an appearance in Metal Injection’s Big Four video recap, which you MUST watch because a) it’s awesome and b) I’m so handsome!

Hey-o!!! If you’re not sick of listening to us ramble on and on about The Big Four yet, I’m gonna be on the Metal Injection Livecast tonight at 8 pm eastern/7 pm central to continue to discuss the show. You can even call in at 646-929-1357 if you wanna ask a specific question, or tell us what assholes we are for not saying unconditionally nice things about each and every band and daring to have an opinion. (I know one of you left a comment under our live snark yesterday saying you hope I die in front of my parents, which seems like a pretty reasonable punishment for daring to suggest that Metallica in 2011 might not be the best thing ever.)

Listen here. The fun starts at 8 pm eastern/7 pm central.

-AR

I was just talking with a friend earlier this week about how much I miss Howard Stern. See, I used to wake up to his voice each and every morning while we were living together before he left me for that bitch Beth Ostrosky before he made the move to satellite radio, which, to this day, I do not have. As it stands, it’s literally been years since I’ve heard Howard’s show.

And I miss Stern all the more now that I’ve gotten to listen to the interview he did with Lars Ulrich this past Tuesday. It’s a great interview, even if it requires you to ignore Stern’s over-appraisal of Ulrich’s drumming skills. (The funniest part of The New York Times‘ review of yesterday’s Big Four show: “Rhythmically, [Slayer] swung, unlike Metallica, whose rhythm often grew unstable and plodding.”] There’s lots of juicy gossip in here, including how Ulrich is self-taught (shocking!) and had to take drum lessons for six months in-between Kill ‘Em All and Ride the Lightning, how he stole Dave Mustaine’s woman, how his wife left him, and how Hetfield isn’t exactly a social animal. Bonus: the great Richard Christy (Charred Walls of the Damned, Death, Iced Earth) — a drummer with, like, a gajillion times more skill than Ulrich — even gets to chime in.

Here’s part one…

…and you can listen to the rest after the jump.

Click to read more…

We have successfully arrived at Yankee Stadium and are sitting in the press box. We feel so professional!

We’re gonna put the live blog after the jump so it doesn’t eat up the entire page. You’ll hafta refresh to get updates. Sorry.

And now, enjoy the snark…

Click to read more…

To help promote their upcoming tour, on October 11 Judas Priest will release The Chosen Few, their umpteenth career retrospective, and one which does not feature any new material. The Chosen Few does have a hook, though — I mean, beyond the fact that the band members appear on the cover only as silhouettes, I assume at least in part to downplay the fact that a certain key member is no longer in the group.

No, the hook  (and this is actually a neat idea) is that the band has let a lot of other celebrity musicians — including Ozzy, Lemmy, James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kerry King, Slash, and Vinnie Paul  – choose which songs would appear on the collection. And, yeah, it’s interesting to know that Zakk Wylde is way into “Grinder,” and and that Randy Blythe and David Coverdale might actually have something to talk about at a cocktail party, and that Joe Satriani likes his Priest heavier than I might have suspected.

But like I said, there’s no new material here, so I can’t quite imagine why anyone would want this album anyway. The coolest thing about The Chosen Few is seeing which dude chose which song, and you can do that after the jump. So, look, we just saved you ten bucks.

Click to read more…

That’s right! The wait is finally just about over; tomorrow, Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax will play Yankee Stadium in the Boogie Down Bronx. If you can’t make, fret not — thanks to a last minute invitation to hang out in the press room, we’ll be there, and Rob from Metal Injection and myself are going to live blog the whole event right here on MetalSucks! Come for the descriptions of all the fun and excitement that you’re missing, and stay for what is sure to be witty commentary completely lacking in sarcasm and/or sophomoric humor.

Anthrax are scheduled to take the stage at 4 pm; I imagine we’ll get started shortly beforehand, and, internet connectivity and sobriety level allowing, continue to give you the blow-by-blow throughout the afternoon and evening. Join us, won’t you?

-AR

Whether you’re going to the Big Four show at Yankee Stadium tomorrow and wanna start pre-gaming early or you’re just in the NYC area and looking for something fun to do this evening, do not forget: we’re teaming up with  Metal Injection, Metal Insider, and Metal Army to throw a massive Big 4 pre-party at our favorite bar, Idle Hands. John Jospeh from Cro-Mags is DJing, and there are gonna be some other metal celebs in attendance, although if you wanna know who… we’ll, you’ll just have to be there, won’t you?

$4 drafts starting at 7 pm; you can get even more details from Idle Hands’ website. See ya there!!!

-Axl & Vince

I meant to remind you guys yesterday but I’m a dick so I forgot — Arch Enemy’s North American Khaos Tour, which we here at MetalSucks are very proudly co-presenting, is now underway! I’ve been trying to find fan-filmed footage from last night’s kickoff show in Baltimore to no avail, but I hear the concert was great… which is really no shock. Especially given that the three support bands — DevilDriver, Skeletonwitch, and Chthonic — are all as much fun as Arch Enemy! You can get dates here. If anyone is gonna be at the NYC show tonight, come find us. I’ll be the really, really not-sober guy in the back screaming for them to play “Savage Messiah” over and over again.

Now, here’s some stuff we did this week:

• We debuted new music from Black Cobra.
• We also debuted an outtake from the movie Hesher and a clip from Fantomas’ new live DVD.
• We spoke to Charlie Benante from Anthrax and Avi Kulawy from Magrudergrind.
• We checked out the latest releases from Brutal Truth, Wolves in the Throne Room,and Bloodsoaked.
• We debated the merits of new songs from Mastodon, Opeth, and Megadeth.
• We launched The Third Annual “Run MetalSucks for a Day” contest.
• Vince listed “The Top Fifteen Reasons Metallica are the Yankees of Metal,” and then The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley offered a retort.
• We fucked Bret Michaels in the motherfucking eye.
• We voted for Sergeant D.’s acoustic cover of The Acacia Strain.
• We almost had to kill a puppy.

And, oh hey, did we mention that tickets for The Metal Suckfest are on sale now? We did? Okay, swell!

Have a good weekend, y’all. See ya Monday.

-AR

[Justin Foley -- MS columnist, guitarist/vocalist in The Austerity Program and... <scoff> Yankees fan -- was so inspired by yesterday's The Top Fifteen Reasons That Metallica Are the Yankees of Metal post that he decided to write a response. Here it is! -Ed.]

Vince,

It’s really sad that you just won’t let things go.  So you like the Mets.  But they’re losers.  So you hate winners.  Just keep reading those three sentences over and over until they sink in.

Metallica are not the Yankees of metal.  Consider just this: the Yankees are still playoff contenders every year and likely have many more WS rings in front of them.  Metallica … what could the future hold for them?  I’ll tell you what: one thing – Gene Simmons.  Gene Simmons is right now just waiting by his phone for them to call him so that he can take over.  He’ll talk to them about staging a ‘Nothing But Denim’ tour, partnering with novelty acts for marketing purposes and then, when it’s time for your target demographic to consider it, ease into casket promotion.  He’s ready.  Everything else at this point is just postponing the inevitable.

So let’s review your reasons and why they’re (mostly) wrong.

15.  No. The Yanks have had ups and downs, but at least several Golden Eras. In the late 90′s-early 00′s, for example, the Yankees were a legitimately incredible baseball team. But anything after “And Justice…” is basking in the glow of an earlier light.

14.  Huh?

13.  The Yankees have the biggest payroll in baseball and the best championship record of any professional sports team.  Maybe Metallica have the same?  I don’t know.  But also keep in mind that the Yankees have always been in the Bronx.  Although it seemed to require a full raping of the city/state funds to do it, they still remain on 161st Street.  Can’t say that about the Dodgers and Giants.

12.  Absolutely.  And that’s why they’re both successfully ripped off by bootleggers.

Click to read more…

One of the quirkiest and most unapologetically uncompromising films to be released this year was writer/director Spencer Susser’s Sundance hit Hesher. The anarchic dark comedy stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Hey, we were just talking about that dude!) as the title character, a sort of heavy metal Mary Poppins who helps a grieving father (The Office‘s Rainn Wilson) and son (Devon Brochu) overcome a recent family tragedy. And while that might sounda kinda saccharine,  Hesher — the movie and the character — is metal as fuck. Not only did Gordon-Levitt base his character on Cliff Burton, but his entrance music for every scene is Metallica’s “The Shortest Straw.” The band was even cool enough to lend the film their music and logo design.

If you missed Hesher in theaters this past spring, fret not — Lionsgate will release movie on DVD, Blu-ray, Digital Download and On Demand this coming Tuesday, September 13. To celebrate, MetalSucks is proudly debuting the below clip, a special feature from the DVD/Blu-ray release. It’s an outtake of one of the funniest scenes in the movie, in which Hesher, with no regard for manners or his present company, tells a graphic story about… well, you’ll see. As it turns out, the actors couldn’t get through the scene without cracking up, and it’s hard to blame ‘em!

You can pre-order Hesher, which also stars Natalie Portman and Piper Laurie, on DVD here, and Blu-ray here.

With the Big 4 concert in NYC fast approaching, its high time for some tasteless list-making and name-calling. Even the staunchest of metal purists probably can’t summon quite the amount of hatred for Metallica that we here at MetalSucks feel towards the Yankees (really just their fans), but lettuce be cereal here for a moment: it’s only too fitting that Metallica chose Yankee Stadium for the Big 4 show. So, here we go, the Top Fifteen Reasons That Metallica Are the Yankees of Metal:

15. Both had classic and storied beginnings but are now concerned only with making Benjamins.

14. Both suffered premature losses of legends (Lou Gehrig = Cliff Burton).

13. Both have historically received unwarranted amounts of attention despite the presence of more authentic, likable peers (Slayer / Megadeth / Anthrax = Giants / Dodgers / Mets)

12. Believe in charging even the poorest of their fans $90 for a ticket and $40 for a t-shirt.

Click to read more…

That’s right, kids: On Tuesday, September 13 — the evening before The Big 4 show at Yankee Stadium — MetalSucks is teaming up with our pals at Metal Injection, Metal Insider, and Metal Army to throw a massive Big 4 pre-party at our favorite bar, Idle Hands. As you can see from the poster above, there’s gonna be $4 drafts starting at 7 pm, and you should really and try and get so drunk so as to be still drunk at the show the next day, ’cause four bucks is approximately 1/1,000th the cost of a beer at Yankee Stadium.

And to make the whole affair that much more fun, John Jospeh from Cro-Mags is DJing! And a little birdie told me there may some other very special guests may be on hand. So whether you’re coming to NYC specifically for the event, or you’re just looking for an awesome hang to get the party started a little early, Idle Hands is the place to be the night before the show.

Get more details from Idle Hands’ website. See ya there!!!

-Axl & Vince

Loutallica, or whatever the heck they’re calling the Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration, have unveiled the album art for their forthcoming release, Lulu. And based on the e-mails we’ve been getting from you peeps, you all think it’s terrible.

Truth is, I don’t really think it’s that bad. It’s obviously a little heavy handed with regards to the album’s lyrical themes, but it’s not as though the covers of Ride the Lightning and Master of Puppets were so subtle or anything.  It looks like something that would have come out on Sub Pop in the 90s is all. I mean, if I saw it on a display at the Virgin Megastore (R.I.P.) circa ’96, I probably would have thought “Hm, wonder what that is?”, and then never bothered to find out.

But I think the sooner everyone gets it into their heads that this album is most likely not going to sound very metal, the less disappointed they will be with the final result. By which I mean, we should all feel disappointed because it sucks in general, not because it’s not metal.

Lulu comes out November 1 on Warner Bros. My kidding aside… wouldn’t it be awesome if it were good? It would be so awesome.

-AR

I don’t know why he this dude, who calls himself “Eddini” (like “Houdini,” only amalgamated with what I suspect is his real name, Eddie), doesn’t put on “The House That Jack Built” — that always puts me right to bed. But I guess folks appreciate his efforts anyway, ’cause this his tenth video.

ANYWAY, you obviously don’t have to watch all fifteen fucking minutes of this, but you should probably watch at least through the :22 mark, when he takes a swing of Sprite (’cause nothing makes you go to sleep faster than sugar) and then, for no apparent reason, talks about his ‘Tallica tee.

And the real punchline? He’s a Jesus freak! A comment he left below the video reads, “Thanks for all your warm and kind responces it’s what keeps me going YOU, and the Lord.” As long as you have God and YouTube subscribers, you can get through anything!!!

-AR

Thanks to the reader who sent this to me whose original e-mail I can no longer find in order to credit him or her by name.

In 2006, Kerrang! celebrated the twentieth anniversary of Metallica’s Master of Puppets by releasing Remastered, a re-recording of the entire album with each song performed by a different band (Machine Head did “Battery,” Trivium did the title track, Mastodon did “Orion,” etc.). I don’t actually remember that release very well, but the only track that remains in my in iTunes library is Chimaira’s cover of “Disposable Heroes,” so, uh, yeah, I guess I didn’t like it very much.

ANYWAY, I mention it because now apparently Metal Hammer is doing more or less the same thing in celebration of the twentieth anniversary of The Black Album, which made many of us feel ready for the retirement home earlier this month. I have no idea if this will be more or less cool than the Remastered thinger; frankly, a lot of the bands on the comp are ones with whom I am not currently familiar (Motorjesus?) or don’t like (Neaera). But Metal Hammer has released samples of three of the tracks, so you want to start passing judgment early.

Click to read more…

Slayer now sell condoms in their webstore — “For when you’re going South of Heaven.” Seriously.

They come in packs of three or six; a three pack of Durex condoms with no Slayer logo on it will run you about two bucks, so, of course, a three pack of Durex condoms with a Slayer logo will cost you about thirteen bucks. Makes sense. Like charging twice as much for Monopoly because Metallica’s logo is on it.

And it’s worth noting that, unlike Kiss Kondoms, the band’s logo/likeness/whatever isn’t on the condom itself — so you’re literally paying more than six times what the things usually go for just to have the band’s emblem on the package you’re going to open (very likely in the dark, where you can’t see it too well anyway) and then discard.

So. Fucking. Lame.

-AR

[Via Metal Insider, who came up with a pretty joke about menstruation, too!]

Alex Winter is best known to metal fans as the guy from the Bill & Ted movies who isn’t Keanu Reeves, but for the past twenty years, he’s actually been maintaing a successful career as a director; he’s helmed some not-very-well-known indie movies, like the cult comedy Freaked and the psychological thriller Fever, but also lots of television, including episodes of Jimmy Kimmel Live! and two of the Ben 10 T.V. movies (which, if you have kids, you may be familiar with). And in 2002, he acquired the life rights to Napster co-founder Shawn Fanning, and announced plans to write and direct a feature film about Napster. Unfortunately, The Social Network kinda-sorta beat him to the punch last year — even though that film wasn’t really about Napster, it now seems clear that Justin Timerberlake’s portrayal of a Napster’s other co-founder, Sean Parker, is going to stick in audiences’ minds for some time to come.

But Winter isn’t giving up on the story just yet! He’s gotten VH1 to finance a documentary on the topic. And before you think “Oh, well, so it will be some shitty, low-budget Behind the Music affair,” remember that VH1 also backed a little documentary called Anvil: The Story of Anvil.

Winter tells Deadline why he finds this whole Napster debacle so fascinating:

Click to read more…

According to the NY Post — The Fox News of NYC daily newspapers — a Bronx business group is worried that riots in the streets will accompany next month’s Big Snore show at Yankee Stadium. Cary Goodman, Executive Director of the 161st Street Business Improvement District, cited riots that occurred last year when would-be heavy metal concertgoers were shut out of sold-out performances in Colombia and Chile. Because the Bronx is totally just like Colombia and Chile.

Dear Mr. Goodman: cut it out with your blatant stereotypes. The only people who really care about this show and have $200 to burn are 40 and 50 year-old men from Ronkonkoma and Piscataway, not exactly the type to riot. Also: have you met Yankees fans? I’d way rather run into a metalhead in an alley than a drunk, lunk-headed, mongoloid Yankees fan. I rest my case.

Let’s give credit where credit’s due, though: at least author Candice M. Giove did enough research to make a clever Metallica-related pun to open the article.

-VN

Thanks: Metal Mykee