MetalSucks

In no particular order…

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Ever hear the phrase “<so and so person> could take a shit on a microphone and people would still fawn over it.”? I often hear it applied to Radiohead, and it’s kind of true… Thom Yorke could literally record himself leaving a stinking, putrid pile of diarrhea on a microphone and the press would laud it as absolute genius and hail it as groundbreaking [full disclosure: I love Radiohead]. Lately it seems like Mike Patton is approaching the “shit on a microphone” status of musical godliness… it doesn’t matter at all what the guy does and people drool like it’s revolutionary. And since the guy releases like 6 albums a year in styles that are all over the map, this happens quite often [full disclosure: I love Mike Patton].

Anyway, check out this video the lasses over at Reign in Blonde posted of Patton playing “a contraption called a intonarumori:  a noise making thing-a-ma-bobber from the WWII era that was used to mimic the sounds of machines.” Apparently there are shows scheduled in both San Francisco and New York at which “artists” will be playing this “instrument” live. Sounds like it’d be right up Gary Suarez’s alley.

-VN

Four words before I start this little rant:

FUCK YOU CHUCK MOSLEY.

Now that that’s outta my system…

We’ve known for awhile that Mosley, a.k.a. “The former Faith No More singer no one cares about,” had re-recorded the FNM classic “We Care A Lot” for his new solo album, Hel-lo! Does Anyone Remember Me? I mean I know I’m Not Mike Patton but I Gotta Eat, Too! And while that immediately struck me as a terrible idea, the fact that FNM keyboardist Roddy Bottum was playing on the track gave me hope that it wouldn’t be terrible.

But, hey, guess what? It’s terrible.

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I know that it’s way later than normal posting hours for us here at MetalSucks, but I just read this news and I find it so exciting that I had to get it up right away.

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Following up on yesterday’s post about stage dives gone awry, reader Karel Goethals sent us the below video that a friend of his shot at a recent Faith No More reunion show at Pukkelpop in Belgium. Skip ahead to roughly the 2:40 mark to enjoy the hilarity of what looks like one of the most painful missed-dives pretty much ever. Even Jon Hudson’s reaction when he sees the jump is hilarious. And gotta give Patton mensch-points for personally checking to make sure the dude is okay.

Ouch.

-AR

I suspect that, save for the weirdos and closeted avant-jazz heads lurking among our readership, many of you are unaware of or oblivious to the work of Trevor Dunn. Of course, any Mr. Bungle fan will instantly recognize the name of that seminal band’s bassist. Produced by the influential and infamous John Zorn, its 1991 self-titled debut might be one of most bizarre albums in my collection of bizarre albums, blending bombastic hard rock, demented circus music, and freak jazz with thematic wit, irreverence, and depravity. In subsequent years, the Mike Patton-fronted group took a proverbial backseat to the vocalist’s work in the comparatively more successful Faith No More, leaving Dunn and his cohorts to pursue other musical ventures including Secret Chiefs 3. Though Mr. Bungle ultimately and mysteriously disbanded after the release of its third album California, Patton and Dunn would continue their musical partnership in the experimental metal supergroup Fantomas–a still technically active quartet that also includes Melvins’ esteemed axeman Buzz Osbourne and Slayer’s revered drummer Dave Lombardo–as well as the related Fantomas-Melvins Big Band and Zorn’s “Moonchild”. Separately, Dunn has spent much of this decade as a major player in New York’s avant-jazz community, featuring in countless groups and albums including his own Trio-Convulsant. MadLove, however, might be the most extraordinary (and frustrating) release of Dunn’s career given its curious straightforwardness and accessibility.

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Note to self: never let Mike Patton see you on your cell phone while he’s performing.

Thanks to Geoff Hansen for the tip.

-AR

Did anyone else have the Faith No More Video Croissant VHS back in the day? It was a collection of all the band’s music videos up ’til that time (through Angel Dust, if my memory serves correctly) interspersed with band interviews. One of said interviews was Roddy Bottum recalling a time when FNM were doing a support stint on the Guns N’ Roses/Metallica stadium tour; apparently someone threw a bottle full of urine up on stage, and Mike Patton decided to pour said urine all over himself. That’s not quite as bad-assed as the members of The Black Dahlia Murder drinking urine – as they claim to have done on their Majesty DVD – but then again, BDM did it by accident, Patton did on purpose. So I think Patton wins the “batshit crazy” award.

Not quite as batshit crazy but still at least bird poop nutty: this video of Patton swallowing a shoelace from a sneaker thrown on-stage during a recent show in Budapest. Why would he do this? To cement his reputation as one of the best front men of the past twenty years? Because he has an actual chemical imbalance? Because he was just really hungry? Who the fuck knows.

Skip to the six minute mark to watch.

Meanwhile, FNM still have yet to announce any U.S. tour dates. I’ve heard people closely connected to the band speak with confidence that the dates are forthcoming, and I’ve heard people closely connected with the band swear that Patton is being a pain in the ass and the dates won’t happen. Let’s hope the people in the former category are correct.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

Well, I don’t know that the original Faith No More vocalist is back on smack, but I can’t think of any other way to explain this statement from a recent Rolling Stone interview:

“I thought [firing guitarist Jim Martin] was as big if not bigger a mistake than getting rid of me — just because he had a lot of pull with the big part of their crowd at the time. And he was ‘the personality,’ y’know? There was something people could identify to. After Jim, they were going through a string of different guitar players, and I couldn’t name one of them. That Jagger/Richards, Plant/Page thing was gone.”

Alright, I love Jim Martin as much as the next guy, but come on, dude. Let’s look at some facts:

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Even if you’re one of those people who only listen to metal, hardcore, or other such heavy music styles, you have to concede the fact that many of the musicians you love do not share that singular devotion to one genre. Some artists go even further and apply their broad tastes to the music they make. (Mike Patton might be one of the best examples of this.) That being said, I was admittedly quite surprised to learn that Melvins drummer Dale Crover plays on indie rocker Lou Barlow’s forthcoming solo album Goodnight Unknown. And not just on one track…

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Last week, Elise at Reign in Blonde wrote a piece entitled “TOP 5 SONGS I WOULD PROBABLY USE AS MY STRIPPER SONG.”

Improbably enough, this led to a stoned think-session where I came up with a list of the top five songs I would probably use as my own stripper song. ‘Cause I know you all wanna see me strip so badly.

Okay, here we go:

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So I just watched Faith No More’s Download Fest perf. I only saw one pair of boobies, and they were terrible boobies. On the other hand, FNM killed it and played “Take This Bottle” and Patton did part of “We Care A Lot” while doing sit-ups with the mic in his mouth, so ya take the good with the bad.

Speaking of the good with the bad: we started to unveil the results of our 21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century… So Far poll/list this week, and as usual, y’all had something to say about it:

• SP420 thinks it’s “unbelievable that so many people hold” the #17 album, Hatebreed’s Perseverance, “in such high regard.” Sp420, Jamey Jasta will be at your house in one hour to discuss.
• ionlanach thinks that the #18 album, Lamb of God’s New American Gospel, is “Mediocre, just like everything Lamb of God have ever done.” Even Randy Blythe’s BBQ sauce is offended
• I hate you thinks that if the #19 album, Mastodon’s Remission, “was your first metal album, you are gay” and that “metal is obviously not your fortay.” In other news, I hate you doesn’t know how to spell “forté” correctly.
• Fufkin calls the #20 album, Shadows Fall’s The War Within, “metalbore.” While I don’t agree with him (her?), that’s just clever enough for me not to make fun of Fufkin.
• Robert thinks that the #21 album, Slipknow’s Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses, is “sort of a pile of shit.” Which leads me to wonder: at what point does something go from being “sort of” a pile of shit to, y’know, an actual pile of shit?

Next week we’re countin’ down albums #16 through #12. The picks are clearly either gonna make you guys really fuckin’ happy or really fuckin’ mad. I’ll give you a hint, though: they’re all metal albums.

-AR

UPDATE: Pitchfuck now says this ain’t happenin’. Oh well. Thanks to Scott Casey for the heads up.

I imagine that there’s a certain percentage of the population that will never read any of Alan Moore’s work – including the graphic novels Watchmen, V for Vendetta and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (but NOT the horrible movies they were turned into, all of which he has disowned) – because they assume that comics are, by their definition, for children and/or the emotionally stunted. And that’s too bad, ’cause Moore is a bona fide fucking GENIUS. The guy’s writing is just incredible. Plus, his ginormous beard is metal as fuck.

Now Moore is working on a semi-autobiographical multimedia project – a “photographic novel”  which will include a score with contributions from both Mike Patton and Justin Broadrick. The project is expected to be released in 2010 via Lex Records.

All I can say is: holy shit. A collaboration between any two of these artists would be more than enough to get my money. I can’t wait to see/hear what they’ve come up with.

-AR

[Thanks, Metal Insider!]

If yesterday was whiskey (n weed), and tomorrow be weed (n weed — 4/20, brah), then what’s on the menu for today?

I just got a new shipment of fooferon, so I will personally be snargling the hell outta that — what’s your pleasure?!?

If you’re dry (or wet), please enjoy this sampling of Dub Trio from their second album New Heavy. One of the tracks features some singer by the name of Mike Patton, who apparently scores action films and I believe used to play in a band or two back in the gay 90s…

DUB TRIO — “Screaming At The Sea”

DUB TRIO — “Cool Out And Coexist”

DUB TRIO (featuring MIKE PATTON) — “Not Alone”

(all from New Heavy; “Not Alone” also on Patton’s Peeping Tom album — both from 2006)

-KW

Crank 2: High Voltage hits theaters today, and, as we’ve mentioned before, it’s got a score by the always godlike Mike Patton (and performances by Tool’s Maynard James Keenan and Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington, but that’s another story for another blog post). I still haven’t heard said score. But I think I’m gonna get baked and go to a late show tonight, preferably in Times Square, with the loudest, most interactive audience available to me.

ANYWAY, Ain’t It Cool News has a video interview with Patton where he discusses his process for writing music. It’s actually really interesting stuff, even if it is, ultimately, basically just a commercial. It’s not embeddable but you can – and should – check it out here.

-AR

Back in December we reported that Mike Patton would be scoring Crank 2: High Voltage, which, if the original Crank is any indication, is going to be more retarded fun than GI Joe, Transformers 2, and every other stupid summer action movie combined.

The Playlist is now streaming a track from Patton’s score, “The Hammer Drops.” It is in no way, shape or form metal, but it does sound like it will be the perfect soundtrack to watch Jason Statham kill people in ridiculously violent ways and/or fuck Amy Smart in public.

Patton’s full Crank 2 score will be released on April 7; the film itself hits theaters April 21. Check out the trailer after the jump if you haven’t seen it already. Unfortunately, that is a Chester Bennington cameo you see – but fucker’s presence didn’t ruin the first film, so I don’t think it’ll matter much here.

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2009 is a big year for big boys Dale Crover and Buzz Osbourne. Indeed, the Melvins plan to fucking commemorate twenty-five long years of making music to make you sick. How exactly do these sludge metal monoliths intend to do that? Why, by playing anniversary shows, of course!

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Faith No Mania continues!

Following the news that the legendary Faith No More are, in fact, reuniting, it has just been announced that they will headline the opening night of this year’s Download Festival in the UK. Slipknot and Def Leppard will headline the following nights.

Oddly enough, the FNM-inspired nu-metal acts that Mike Patton has repeatedly professed hatred for, Korn and Limp Bizkit, will play earlier that same day.

Will Patton make fun of Fred Durst from the stage? Will Nikki Sixx throw a fit that Motley Crue’s umpteenth tour isn’t nearly as newsworthy? Can FNM’s performance even possibly live up to expectations? I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.

On a side note: I know some non-European readers have been freaking out because the band allegedly has no plans to tour the rest of the world right now. All I can say is: chill. We have it from a good source that this reunion is going to last quite awhile. Just be patient.

-AR

The webernet rumor mill has been swirling for months with talk of a Faith No More reunion this summer, but to date no one in the band’s camp has commented on the matter. And that remains true today… sort of. In a press release announcing FNM frontman Mike Patton’s involvement with the score of the feature film Crank 2, the last sentence alluded to said reunion (emphasis added):

Patton has also provided vocals to several videogames including “Bionic Commando,” “Portal,” “Left 4 Dead,” and “The Darkness.” He also lent his voice to Adult Swim’s Metalocalypse (character name: Rikki Kix). Patton just wrapped up a trek across Australia with Fantômas as part of the Big Day Out festival. His upcoming schedule includes a performance with labelmates Zu (Mar. 19 @ Great American Music Hallin San Francisco), the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival on Apr. 17 with Rahzel (ex-Roots beatboxer) and the highly anticipated reunion tour with Faith No More in Europe this summer.

So, um… is it happening or isn’t it?

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So this one time a few years ago I randomly met this bizarro couple of an unsuspecting Indian dude and a very plus-sized middle-aged lady at a bar across the street from my old apartment. Old school reggae was blaring from the speakers, but the subject inevitably turned to metal, specifically our mutual love of Faith No More. It was decided that we would all go back to my apartment for a few night-cap beers and FNM listening sesh. When we arrived, said plus-sized middle-aged lady proceeded to whip out a bag of coke and cut some of the most equally plus-sized lines I have ever seen in my fucking life. The rest, as they say, is history.

ANYWAY, the MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys are hard at work on a time machine to bring me and Axl back in time to see Faith No More on the Angel Dust tour — but for now, this ripping MTV in-studio live performance of “Caffeine” will have to do. Note: Mike Patton’s ironic trucker hat 10 years before Ashton Kutcher and Williamsburg hipsters jumped on the bandwagon.

-VN