This new song from the Greatest Horror Director of All Time is actually called “What?” As in, “What? Is that Al Jourgensen singing?”

But, no, seriously. Is that Al Jourgensen singing? ‘Cause if it ain’t, he should sue.

Rob’s new offering, Hellbilly Deluxe 2: Noble Jackals, Penny Dreadfuls, and the Longest Fucking Title Ever Given to an Album Not Recorded by Fiona Apple, comes out November 17.

-AR

Thanks to Jonathon Edwards for the tip!

Let’s face it: Ministry without Paul Barker just isn’t the same. Nothing on Houses Of The Mole, Rio Grande Blood, or The Last Sucker offered the thrills and low-end chills of albums like Psalm 69 and Filth Pig. As a longtime industrial music fanatic, I am sick and fucking tired of being let down every time Al Jourgensen puts out new music. His latest outing, the positively plebeian cash-in Sex-O Olympic-O, should never have been released under the Revolting Cocks name. Enough is enough! The time has come for Hypo Luxa and Hermes Pan to hug-it-the-fuck-out!

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By all accounts, the Meshuggah / Cynic / The Faceless tour earlier year was exactly the masturbatory dude-fest it promised to be from the get-go. With a lineup like that, how could it be anything less than completely mindblowing? Before the show I had the opportunity to catch up with Meshuggah guitarist Marten Hagstrom. I asked him about the touring lifestyle, how the band’s sound has evolved and changed over the years, Meshuggah’s now near-legendary cult status, and one question that really got his goat about the hoardes of Swedish melodic death metal bands that have grown to popularity in recent years. Our chat, after the jump.

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My first Fuck Rolling Stone post on metal singers was such a hit I thought I’d dig back into the RS archives and stir up some more shit. So, I decided to re-read their summertime list of the 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time (also here).

Thankfully, there are a few metallic (but mostly rockish) noteworthy icons; however, extreme metal is woefully ignored. Nonetheless, the list did include Jimi Hendrix (#1), Jimmy Page (#9), Kirk Hammett (#11), Kurt Cobain (#12), Johnny Ramone (#16), Tom Morello (#26), Thurston Moore/Lee Ranaldo (Sonic Youth) (#33/#34), Joe Perry (#48), Ritchie Blackmore (#55), Vernon Reid (#66), Eddie Van Halen (#70), Adam Jones (Tool) (#75), D. Boon (The Minutemen) (#89), Glen Buxton (Alice Cooper) (#90), Wayne Kramer/Fred “Sonic” Smith (MC5) (#92/#93), Kevin Shields (My Bloody Valentine) (#95), Angus Young (#96), Leigh Stephens (Blue Cheer) (#98), Greg Ginn (Black Flag) (#99), and Kim Thayil (Soundgarden) (#100).

And, yet another reason why we here at the MetalSucks Mansion like to say “Fuck Rolling Stone!” — coming in at #86, TOMMY Iommi…yes, “TOMMY.” How the fuck do you not know the first name of one of the true legends of not only metal, but of rock guitars? Hmmmmmmmm….Please, clue me in.

IT’S TONY, YOU FUCKS!!!

Anyway, here is my stab at the best Metal Guitarists of All Time — and for a point of reference, my Old Fartness will be shining through here, as will my love for rhythm guitarists:

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Even now that Slayer are Grammy winners, I don’t think any metalhead really gives a flying fuck about the Grammys. But, what the fuck – here are this year’s nominees for “Best Metal Performance”:

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A few weeks ago I was offered the opportunity to sit down and talk with Ascension of Watchers and ex-Fear Factory frontman Burton C. Bell, a chance I jumped at right away. Bell was quite the gentleman, sitting through a long interview and answering my questions about the new Ascension of the Watchers album Numinosum (read my review here), his past career with Fear Factory, working with Al Jourgensen of Ministry, and a whole lot of other topics. The full chat transcript, after the jump.*

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As opposed to Ministry’s headline performance (read Axl’s review), Meshuggah absolutely fucking destroyed last night at NYC’s Irving Plaza. It seems like a good chunk of metalheads at last night’s show in NYC were there strictly for Meshuggah — after all, U.S. tours for the band are few and far between. Eight string guitars? Check. Forward head-banging? Check. Gut-wrenching, precision drumming? Double-check.

What is there really to say about Meshuggah that you don’t already know? They’re fucking awesome, they make your head spin, they are br00tal, yadda yadda. Cosmo Lee of Invisible Oranges (and lots of other mags you read) summed it up better than I possibly could, anyways:

Yet Meshuggah provoke a profound bodily response. People sway, nod their heads, or simply close their eyes. It’s trance music in the true sense. The key is Tomas Haake, whom only Vinnie Paul rivals in steely precision and groove. Meshuggah cut through the testosterone bullshit that “groove” in metal usually entails, and tap into something truly primal. Yes, they’re cerebral – but towards physical ends. Their sonic vice grips probably light up the same areas of my brain that addiction does. Like how certain psychedelic experiences weren’t possible before synthesized drugs, Meshuggah couldn’t have existed 30 years ago. They’re that rare band for whom today’s antiseptic, hyper-compressed production is perfectly appropriate.

See? MESHUGGAH!!!!

-VN

Vince and I saw Ministry’s (alleged) farewell tour last night, which is to say, we went to see Meshuggah (who ruled – Vince’ll have a review up a little later I think), and then we decided to stick around for Ministry, who just happened to be the headliners.

There were two distinct crowds at this show, and after Meshuggah concluded their set, suddenly all the long haired dudes with big beards split and the venue was suddenly overflowing with what we might call, for lack of a better term, hipsters, yuppies, and good old fashioned bridge n’ tunnel trash. Ministry took an unbearably long amount of time to set up, mostly, I think, because they perform from behind a chain-link fence that had to be installed (Is Al Jourgensen saying we’re all prisoners of the band, or that the band are prisoners of us all? HE’S SO DEEP!!!). Then the lights dimmed and some intro music started and I thought “Oh, swell. The band is finally gonna come out and play some music now.”

Then the intro music kept going.

And going.

And going.

Seriously, this intro was so long that it’s still happening right now. I’m still standing here, typing this review as the intro music plays, waiting for the band to come out. “Wow,” a friend of ours jokes, “live they sound exactly the same as they do on the CD!” Yes, they’ve decided to go ahead and just play an entire song from the CD over the PA system for their “intro.” And it’s not a short song, either. Another friend wonders aloud why they’ve kept the crowd waiting for so long if they’re not even on stage for the first fifteen hours of their show.

Oh-kay! The band has finally gone on now. They open with “Let’s Go” from The Last Sucker, and suddenly I’m reminded why I never really like Ministry that much: for each song, they find a cool riff, and then just play it over and over and over and over again. Sometimes they find a second cool riff and then play that for too long as a kind of bridge between bouts of playing the original cool riff. Even stoned or drunk, this shit can get real old, real fast. Add to that the fact that Jourgensen, as a performer, strives to be very, um, theatrical, which I usually dig, but, really, he’s not that good at being theatrical. He just kind of comes off like the David Cross character on Arrested Development.

Above, I’ve posted Ministry’s video for “Just One Fix.” It’s a song I generally like, and when I was a young man, I found the video, with its weird William S. Burroughs cameo and kid endless puking, to be genuinely disturbing. It’s how I’d like to remember Ministry – not the way we (allegedly) said “farewell” to them last night.

-AR

The latest Blabbermouth [via Rock N Roll Experience] news sure to cause an uproar: Burton Bell just gave an interview where he calls Deftones front man Chino Moreno “a dick,” Slipknot’s Joey Jordison a “sloppy” drummer, and asserts that the last few Ozzy albums have been full of “shitty music.”

And, hey, you know what? Horns up to Bell for being honest. Because while I don’t think Jordison is a sloppy drummer and I don’t know Chino well enough to classify him as a dick or otherwise, but Ozzy certainly has been making shitty music for at least three studio albums now. And why the fuck should we fault Bell for speaking his mind? It’s better than the usual being diplomatic bull crap.

Ironically enough, the last time I remember someone this prominent in the metal world really speaking out like this was Chino’s infamous Revolver interview in the summer of ’03, when he slagged every band he was about to hit the road with for that year’s Summer Sanitarium tour (including Metallica). What goes around comes around, I s’pose…

-AR

Another fine metal Tuesday of new releases is upon us.

The most talked-about release today is In Flames’ controversial new album A Sense of Purpose. Does it represent a step towards current trends or the next logical evolution of the band? Read Vince’s Sunday Spotlight feature on In Flames for a career retrospective of the band up until this point.

Sevendust release their seventh record Chapter VII: Hope & Sorrow today, less than a week after announcing the return of original guitarist Clint Lowery, making this album kind of irrelevant. It’s the third Clint-less album, and hence the third to sound exactly the same. But it’s Sevendust, and there are a few gems within. Read Vince’s long review and short review.

Dream Theater release the aptly titled Greatest Hit and 21 Other Pretty Cool Songs 2-disc retrospective set. Ironically, the one “greatest hit” has been remixed and robbed of its originality.

Retro-Sabbathian metallers The Sword release their new one Gods of the Earth today; Kip W. will have a full review shortly, but preliminary reactions have been so-so.

Elsewhere, Ministry finally release their covers album Cover Up after embarking on their farewell C U LaTour with Meshuggah. Apparently Joe Satriani has a new album out, and though we haven’t heard it we’re pretty sure we know what it sounds like. And experimental art metallers Nadja have a new one too; color me interested to hear it.

So hit your local record store (at least one city, Seattle, still has an awesome one called Everyday Music that I visited this weekend), iTunes, or your favorite torrent legal music download service and get these new jams.

Fear Factory singer Burton C. Bell is finally back with a new project, Ascension of the Watchers, along with John Bechdel (Killing Joke, Ministry) and Edu Mussi (Still Life Decay). As other Fear Factory members have gone forth and prospered in the metal world — Dino Cazares with Divine Heresy, and Christian Olde Wolbers in the producer’s chair for Mnemic and Threat Signal — Bell has been relatively quiet in recent years, and has taken a decidedly different path than his former Fear Factory brothers.

Bell’s silence is about to end, relatively speaking, with Numinosum, the debut from Ascension of the Watchers, due February 19. Numinosum is Fear Factory’s ambient alter-ego, with its atmospherics and electronics representing everything Fear Factory was not. Imagine the filler tracks on a Tool album, full of samples, atmospheric keyboards, and whispers. Picture the brooding, dark, tripped-out explorations of the soul that have always made up the majority of Nine Inch Nails’ album tracks. Now imagine those on top of beats reminiscent of a darker, dirtier Portishead — and you should have a pretty good idea of what Numinosum sounds like.

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It’s that time again; the Meshuggah camp is starting to stir with various news and rumblings. Yesterday the band announced that they finished recording their new album, titled obZen, a few weeks ago, and will tentatively release the album in early 2008 via Nuclear Blast.

Then today the band announced they will tour as direct support for Ministry on a 33-date North American run starting in March 2008, which will presumably coincide with the album release. The tour, titled “C U LaTouR,” will be Ministry’s farewell to North America, promoting Ministry’s latest and final album The Last Sucker. Hemlock will also be on the tour.

I’ve never been a fan of Ministry, but Meshuggah tours the U.S. so rarely that I’ll definitely spring for the ticket to see them; Ministry could be a fun bonus as well. Pre-sale tickets will supposedly be available here on Thursday, though the link is broken as of the writing of this post. Full tour dates after the jump.

-VN

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