Last week Vince posted the above totally epic picture of Trivium playing foosball against Ghost, and while we all had a good chuckle at the time, what we didn’t realize was that the stakes of the game were actually incredibly high. See, the winners got to go open for Mastodon and Opeth, while the losers had to open for.. Asking Alexandria. Brutal, right?

A source tells us that Trivium were incredibly confident in their foosball skills, but, alas, it may have been hubris: they lost, and do, indeed, now need to go be on a tour where they are not only going to be playing support for Asking Alexandria, but will find Dir En Grey, I See Stars, The Amity Afflication, and “Shitstain on the Ass of the Universe” alums Motionless in White as their tourmates. You know things are bad when the band you’re most stoked to be on tour with are Dir En Grey, for the simple reason that at least they don’t speak English, and will therefore most likely not bother you.

I’m not going to post dates for this wretched hellspawn of a trek, but you can get ‘em here if you really need to. Meanwhile, that awesome sounding Mastodon/Opeth/Ghost tour is still technically just a rumor, but we’ll post more details as we get ‘em.

-AR

I’m tired of posting the same old high-charting consistent sellers (heyo Disturbed, Linkin Suck, etc) and I’m sure you’re even more tired of reading about them, so this week I’d like to focus on the Top Hard Music Albums charts with a special emphasis on debuts. This week’s notable sales numbers with my own snarky comments (natch) after the flip.

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The Summer metal tour market for 2010 is crowded, yo.We’ve got the older and mainstream metal-skewed Rockstar Mayhem Fest (Korn, Zombie, 5FDP, Atreyu, Winds of Plague, Hatebreed) the Rockstar-branded radio metal “Uproar” Tour sure to be a hit in Red States (Disturbed, A7X, Hellyeah), the Christian, metalcore and Christian metalcore fest known as The Cool Tour (As I Lay Dying, Underoath, War of Ages, Blessthefall, and uh… BTBAM) and the sexiest of all sex kittens, Summer Slaughter (Decapitated, The Faceless, All Shall Perish, The Red Chord, other cool bands). And, if you count 6 dates as a “tour” you’ve got Ozzfest, which does a surprisingly good job of combining the old (Ozzy, Motley Crue, Rob Halford, BLS) with the new/cool (Kingdom of Sorrow, Skeletonwitch, Goatwhore, Saviours).

So with all that on our plates, we’ve got yet another tour coming down the pipe this summer? As you’ve no doubt gathered from this article’s headline and image, yes, indeed we do.

My thoughts on the 2010 Thrash & Burn lineup — and dates — after the jump.

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Ever since discovering yesterday’s Shitstain subject matter Motionless In White, I’ve been borderline obsessed; I’ve watched the music video at least three times, as well as the video of their counterparts in suckitude, Attack Attack!. I’m fascinated; I just can’t get enough! There’s so much to be astounded and baffled by, and ENDLESS material to make fun of. Both videos have been making the Interwebs LOLz rounds rapidly. So I thought we’d take a look at the fine fashion sported by Motionless In White.

• Side-swooped haircuts: Here’s a tip guys, take back all the hours of your lives you’ve spent flat-ironing your hair and try writing some original music.

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You know when Beavis & Butthead would flip to a video so beyond belief, so beyond the threshold of suck, that they’d just sit with their mouths wide open in disgust?

“Uhhh… uhhh… uhhhh…..”

Ladies and gentlemen: this video. Wow.

What’s worse, this band, or the fact that a whole slew of 14 year olds probably think these guys are so hard and heavy?

Uhhhh…..

-VN

[See also: Shitstain Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4]