Andy McCoy, one of the founding members of Hanoi Rocks, wrote a book. In 2008. [Our own Corey Mitchell reviewed it in 2010. - Ed.] I read it pretty recently as it came to me with a bunch of Christmas/Hannukah/New Year’s loot. My family doesn’t celebrate anything, so we basically give each other presents because the year is over. Yeah, I don’t know. We put up a tree, too.

Anyway, I kind of dropped the ball on Andy, and that’s kind of a recurring thing these days, because every once in a while I get caught up on that “having a life thing.” I did finally read it, though, and I quite enjoyed it. To an extent. Now, I love books. Reading = fun times for me. I usually have three or four books I’m juggling and one of them is almost always a music biography. But Sherriff McCoy; Outlaw Legend of Hanoi Rocks goes on the pile of band books that really could’ve used a good edit.

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Round Two of Heavy Metal Blunders brings us, who else? Vince Neil! Yes, the official MS Mansion punching monkey got shipped off to the can last week. At this point, I don’t really care. But I did get a chuckle out of his girlfriend, Alicia Jacobs, who was concerned for her bank account, err… boyfriend. Jacobs claimed Neil was “not eating much other than peanut butter, Doritos and stuff like that. He had a baloney sandwich one day. It’s not optimal conditions.” I wonder what Razzle thinks about dem apples?

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Well, we haven’t done one of these in awhile. Let’s see if any of this shit isn’t shit.

First up is Rotten Sound’s video for “Hollow,” which had its premiere on The Deciblog. Now THIS is a great fucking video. Not only is the song br00tal, but the clip is just… well, I don’t give anything away because I was kinda blindsided by it myself, and I’d like to duplicate that experience for you. So just watch it.

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Even this little kid can’t believe this shit.

Ever since The Deciblog started their weekly “Justify Your Shitty Taste” column — in which writers and musicians attempt to defend the indefensible — we’ve been joking that it was only a matter of time until someone stood up for Celtic Frost’s Cold Lake.

Ladies and germs, that time has arrived.

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Sooo… just thought we’d take this opportunity to remind you yet again that MetalSucks, with a special assist from The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley, will be presenting Heavy Metal Literature Night at at Hank’s Saloon in Brooklyn this Thursday, February 17. Members of God Forbid, Tombs, and, of course, this very website, will be doing readings from from some of metal’s greatest tomes, including Motley Crue’s The Dirt, Led Zeppelin’s Hammer of the Gods, Slash’s Slash, Marilyn Manson’s Long Hard Road Out of Hell, and more — kinda like what Will Forte does in the below video. Only we don’t make one of the biggest bombs of the year and get fired from Saturday Night Live at the end.

And, oh yeah, Vince is DJing!!! Come get st00pid with us. Thursday night. See ya there.

Today really IS the most romantic day of the year — for today is the anniversary of the birth of Vince Neilstein, one half of what is surely the greatest bromance of all time. Vince is the Beavis to my Butt-Head, the Bill to my Ted, the Wayne to my Garth, the, uh… well, you get it!

Vince, I love ya dude. This one’s for you, buddy — a song from the album with the greatest guitar tone of all time…

-AR

Hellyeah have a new video for “Better Man,” a song unreasonable people would probably argue isn’t a power ballad. In the video, the band sits around someone’s house for no apparent reason and plays the song, all while remembering some pseudo-romantic tragic bullshit.

And if all this seems familiar, well, it ought to: sitting around a random house and playing a power ballad while remembering some pseudo-romantic tragic bullshit was one of hair metal’s silliest clichés. Take, for example…

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The above video (which I first saw on Movieline) is of Mad Men star Jon Hamm doing a reading from My Dad Was in ZZ Top, a new book by Conan writer John Glaser. The book uses allegedly “found” documents to tell the secret history of rock n’ roll — Hamm is reading a chapter about the secret origins of the Butthole Surfer’s moniker.

Sadly, Hamm will not be at the MetalSucks sponsored Heavy Metal Literature Night at Hank’s Saloon on Thursday, February 17 — but lotsa other cool people will be! Members of God Forbid, Tombs, and The Austerity Program will all be on hand to do readings from some of metal’s greatest tomes, including Motley Crue’s The Dirt, Led Zeppelin’s Hammer of the Gods, Slash’s Slash, Marilyn Manson’s Long Hard Road Out of Hell, and more; MS’ own masters of mischief, Axl Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein, will also be on hand to read and DJ, respectively.

Oh yeah, and, of course, we plan to get pretty drunk.

Even more details coming next week!!! Get excited!!!

As you are probably well aware, our favorite punching bag, Vince Neil, is heading to the pokey on February 15 for not knowing how to hold his booze and/or drop his car keys. But did you know he is also in trouble for not knowing how to file a 1040 tax form? Seems Vince forgot to mail in those pesky $1.1 million tax dollars last year. Oops!

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Let’s class this bitch up.

On Thursday, February 17, at Hank’s Saloon in Brooklyn, we are going to be presenting (with some serious help from The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley!) Heavy Metal Literature Night. This will be like one of those classy book readings where intellectual types sit around drinking wine while people read aloud from beautifully written, deeply meaningful texts — only instead of intellectual types, the readers will be various members of the local metal community, instead of wine we’ll be drinking beer and whiskey and whatever else leads to terrible decisions in life, and instead of beautifully written, deeply meaningful texts, we’ll be reading from some of metal’s greatest tomes, including Motley Crue’s The Dirt, Led Zeppelin’s Hammer of the Gods, Slash’s Slash, Marilyn Manson’s Long Hard Road Out of Hell, and other books of that nature.

There will be booze. There will be music. There will be fun.

Mark it in your calendars. More details coming next week…

So remember this past summer, when Vince Neil — who has literally killed and maimed people while drunk driving — was arrested in Vegas for DUI, and then subsequently flaunted his love and of boozin’ n’ cruisin’ not once but twice? Well, the Long Arm of the Law is not just gonna let this shit pass. No no no, assholes like Vince Neil need to be taught a lesson, even if they are famous. And so Vince is being handed a punishment only slightly more severe than the one I received when my parents found my cigarettes in the tenth grade. From Metal Insider:

“Neil will plead guilty to the DUI on January 26, and then will turn himself over to Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas on February 15, where he will spend the next 15 days in. Following that, he will serve another 15 days under house arrest.”

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One of the things I love about people who have way too much free time and no healthy outlet for their creativity is that sometimes they make things which are fun to watch when you’re high. For example, this:

According to Gizmodo, the above contraption was made by a dude named Chris Marion, and “interfaces a Guitar Hero guitar with a microcontroller, which in turn powers relays that activate solenoid valves on five fire poofers.” In other words, when he plays Guitar Hero, he gets all Rammstein-like.

Here’s another video of this terrific, universe-altering creation at work, this one set to some good ol’ Motley Crue:

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Life’s kinda getting’ out of control. I think. I don’t know if you agree, will you hand me that ashtray? So, man, the other day I decided I might as well pull out that Vince Neil autobiography. I was a big Mötley Crüe fan when I was a teenager and got tired of Elton John, Boston, and Ted Nugent. They were cutting edge back then. The Crüe, that is… at least, that’s what I thought. What did I care, they fuckin’ rocked, they looked cool, and the chicks used to come out in droves for them. What more could a horny male teenager ask for? What’s that? I don’t know… shit! I dropped my coffee in my lap. Fuckin’ cat!

It’s like, what it is, it’s like… I know you’ve heard the phrase a thousand times, but it’s a rat race. So, where were we? Oh yeah. Mötley Crüe, Vince Neil. His autobiography, Tattoos & Tequila: To Hell and Back with One of Rock’s Most Notorious Frontmen, which came out a few months back. Unlike my fellow MetalSucks brethren, I actually used to like Vince Neil. [Uh... actually, we did, too, which is part of the reason we now give him so much shit! - Ed.] Hell, I even dressed up like him for a lip-synching contest way back in ’83. Even posted it here as one of my most embarrassing life moments. Lost to some teenyboppers singing Cyndi Lauper. “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun…” What a crock! Should’ve gone with “Looks That Kill” instead of “Piece of Your Action.” My bad. Used to love going to Fast Times in Pasadena, Texas, where they had those contests. Teens trying to act like adults. Lots of hot chicks, bad hairstyles, and people who hated heavy metal. Losers.

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Yesterday, Sergeant D. posted a Metal Edition of the classic parlor game Marry, Fuck, or Kill, and you guys responded, uh, enthusiastically, surprising no one. And because we’re equal opportunity offenders — don’t forget that this is the site which posts leaked naked pictures of women and men alike — we decided that today we should post a metal d00dz edition.

So we sat down with the Mansion’s resident feminist, Leyla Ford, and presented her with some hot metal d00dz for a new game of MFK. Check out the results after the jump…

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It goes without saying that an attractive women at a metal show is about as common as a MetalSucks reader who’s seen a vagina somewhere other than the internet. That’s why things like Revolver‘s “12 Hottest Chicks In Metal” calendar are little more than a cheap lie: a more honest title would be “Complete List of Hot Chicks in Metal.”

With such a shortage of ass, metal hotties are in high demand, and men are forced to make tough choices — and what tougher choice is there to make than the classic game of FUCK, MARRY, OR KILL? If you aren’t familiar, FMK is a game in which you are given a list of three names and must choose which one you would fuck, marry and kill. I figured it would be good practice for readers to choose which metal hotties they would eff, marry and kill — check out the menu after the break!

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Horned Almighty
Necro Spirituals
Label – Candlelight
Release date – January 25

Are there times when you just want to strip away the niceties of everyday life, flush away any remote sense of decorum, and turn off your brain? How often do you wish you had time to throw back a multitude of pints, curse out your God-fearing neighbors, and cause undeterred rampant chaos? Sometimes it’s best to revert back to your cavemanic id, and if you need a soundtrack to accompany your civil disobedience, listen no further than veteran Norwegian black thrashers Horned Almighty’s newest collection of instigation, Necro Spirituals.

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So MetalSucks Maniac Shane Gillis sent us a link to the below interview with Vince Neil, and while little to nothing of what Neil says is actually interesting, what is interesting is that Neil is clearly hammered. Either that, or he’s retarded. I mean, we’ve always known that Vince Neil is a little retarded (look at that downey face), but in this case, I think it’s safe to say that he’s smashed.

“Why is that interesting, Axl?” you ask. “Vince Neil is, like, always drunk, isn’t he?” Yes, that’s true. But as Mr. Gillis pointed out in his e-mail to us, at the end of the interview, Vince gets in his car to drive his lady friends home, presumably to re-create his sex tape with Janine Lindemulder and whomever the other chick with her face blurred out was. Since we haven’t heard that Neil died or killed anyone, presumably he made it home alright, but you do have to wonder: how many times is this asshole gonna get behind the wheel while he’s sloshed? He’s just not gonna be satisfied until he kills and/or cripples a few people AGAIN, is he? Why the fuck is he even still allowed to drive at this point? I mean, at this point, you wouldn’t ever send your kid over to go swimming in Tommy Lee’s pool, would you?

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

If MetalSucks had a GQ-style 2010 Men of the Year award, all of my votes would go to Lakers forward Ron Artest. Though best known for his jaunt into mass face-punching in 2004, Artest is since lauded for his high-profile campaign to raise awareness of youth mental health issues. To date, more than $450k has been raised in his raffle (not auction) to win his 2009-2010 NBA Championship ring; yesterday, it was announced that he will donate a portion (possibly the entirity) of next season’s $7 million salary. Plus, Artest matches his wallet-emptying with efforts to de-stigmatize mental illness in the public: In an on-court interview following that game seven championship victory, an unabashedly ecstatic Artest reserved biggest thanks for his psychiatrist. The guy has travelled light years from his rookie days of locker-room boozing at halftime (!) and semi-regular legal tangles.

To put Ron’s ascent to awesomeness into context, let’s all consider fellow amateur rapper/Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee, who has just taken a firm public stand in a similarly vital debate: collecting semen from a captive whale. Uh yeah. From Lee’s semi-coherent letter to SeaWorld president Terry Prather:

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And that’s saying something.

I didn’t realize that Skating with the Stars was starting already, or I might have actually tuned in to watch Vince Neil make an ass out of himself. Luckily, we live in an era where everything is on the internet, and so Blabbahmouf has video of Neil, who apparently came in dead last in the competition after “falling more times during training than the rest of [the 'stars' on the show] combined.”

Watching the clip, it’s hard to believe that’s true. He skates with such panache! It’s not at all like someone put ice skates on a pig and told it to throw horns at the appropriate moment. No no no no no. This is bee-you-tee-full. In fact, someone call the rest of the band and tell them Vince has stumbled upon the next big touring idea: Cruefest on Ice.

-AR

Does Tommy Lee WANT me to hate him? When rumors of a Motley Crue/Poison tour in 2011 started to circulate earlier this week, I got all excited, both for the shows themselves, and for the rampant idiocy that would no doubt accompany those shows. Alas, Long Dong Tommy took to Twitter late Monday afternoon to put an end to my fantasies of Aqua Net and unprotected sex with strangers:

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