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1) Be nicer to Sebastian Bach
2) Compare penis sizes with Tommy Lee
3) Hire Phil LaBonte as a vocal coach
4) Hire Billy Milano as a personal trainer
5) Hire Tripp Eisen as a baby sitter
6) Sleep with present-day Tawny Kitaen
7) Help Danzig clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch
8) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about politics
9) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about romance
10) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about Ted Nugent
It was really nice of Wednesday 13 to let his nephew who spray paints custom t-shirts for tourists on the boardwalk to design the cover for his new album, Calling All Corpses, but I wonder how it will go over with his fanbase? I mean, the “Till Death Do Us Party” gag is kinda funny, but these are people who expect a higher level of wit from the Murderdolls frontman — y’know, something more along the lines of “Look What the Bats Dragged In” and “Morgue Than Words.” I just don’t think this will live up to their oh-so-high standards.
Calling All Corpses comes out October 11. Wednesday 13 will be doing work to support the album until Joey Jordison is ready to make another Murderdolls record.
-AR
I know it’s not the most popular thing to admit to around these parts, but I really like Slipknot (up through V3:TSV, that is). I appreciate the fact that they bring a fairly heavy sound to the masses, flip the bird at their detractors, and continue moving forward despite alleged inner band turmoil, an increasingly fickle buying public, and the death of bassist Paul Gray.
Their side projects, on the other hand, have all left me cold. Stone Sour, Murderdolls, To My Surprise, Dirty Little Rabbits – bah! Nothin’.
So, when I heard on Monday that M. Shawn Crahan AKA “Clown” was interviewed on some internet radio show about his latest project, The Black Dots of Death, I decided to investigate. I had no interest in the 30-minute interview, so I opted for Clown’s own promo video for the record instead.
So all this “We’re making a new album!”/”No we’re not!” back-and-forth between the members of Slipknot — specifically, drummer Joey Jordison (pro-new album) and vocalist Corey Taylor (anti-new album) — was already pretty baffling before the band started announcing tour dates for next summer, especially given that these announcements came roughly 24 hours after Taylor’s latest assertion that there’s no new ‘Knot on the horizon. ‘Cause if the band is booking gigs, then there MUST be at least SOME communication either between the band members or directly or at least via their handlers, which would suggest that someone could either tell Jordison to shut up, or tell Taylor to shut up, or tell them both to shut up.
But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Over the weekend, Taylor once again took to Twitter to try and clear things up for his fans, and, in doing so, once again only made things muddier:
Slipknot is annoying as all fuck, and worse, the Iowan nonet makes me look like a shitty prognosticator. Or at least a victory-drunk prognosticator, ‘cuz after correctly predicting in 1999 that Slipknot’s debut would net Roadrunner a first platinum sales award, I then guessed that the band would bring extreme metal to mainstream media. Which hasn’t happened, unless you grant a technical allowance for a metal band whose intrusions into radio and TV are, by extreme standards, too pussy even for my little cousins. I blame Corey Taylor, who has vaulted sanity and perspective straight into Anselmoian delusion.
So it was just yesterday that I was commenting on how Joey Jordison keeps going around saying there’s gonna be a new Slipknot album despite the death of Paul Gray, and how Corey Taylor keeps basically saying he’s not sure yet, and how maybe these two should call one another and, y’know, discuss it before making any more comments in public — especially now that Jordison is promising that plans for a new Slipknot offering are “already in motion,” and that all the other members of the band are “really involved in the process.” In fact, I even predicted that Taylor would say the exact opposite very, very soon:
“That sounds pretty definitive, and saying that ‘everyone’s really involved’ in the creation of a new record more than implies that Taylor is now fully onboard. But I wouldn’t be at all shocked if next week Taylor says he knows nothing about continuing on with Slipknot. I hope that doesn’t happen, ’cause it blows to keep yo-yoing the fans’ excitement like this… I’m just saying that, as always, past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.”
Well, hey, guess what? I must be psychic or something, ’cause mere hours after my post went up, Taylor tweeted the following messages:
Back in July, our Number One Homie, Rob Pasbani, wrote a typically droll piece for Metal Injection. Entitled “Slipknot Vocalist Says It’s Too Early To Talk About Band’s Future; Drummer Talks About Band’s Future,” it pointed out that while ‘Knot vocalist Corey Taylor was running around saying he was unsure about the group’s future in the wake of bassist Paul Gray’s untimely passing, drummer Joey Jordison was running around assuring everyone that the band would live on.
And even though you would think that in the intervening time, someone would notice the contradiction in statements and politely tell Taylor and Jordison to either a) figure out if the band is really going to continue or not so they don’t keep contradicting one another in public, or b) start telling everyone who asks about it “no comment” so that they don’t look foolish, this continued throughout August, when Jordison told a reporter that “There will be another Slipknot record, of course,”and into September, when Taylor told a different reporter, “I’m very conflicted about whether or not I want to do anything with Slipknot, because to me, Paul was such an integral part of the band… it just doesn’t make sense [to continue without him].”
Alright, let’s Pauline Kael these bitches.
First up today is “Nowhere,” by Muderdolls. As in, “We ain’t goin’ nowhere ’cause we had to cancel our tour .”
ANYWAY, when this video started, I was like, “Oh, a chick in bed. I can get behind this concept.” But then I realized it wasn’t a chick, it was a Murderdoll. And so then Joey and Wednesday 13 are on the phone and Wednesday 13 is bummed for some reason and Joey is all, “You wanna go somewhere?” and Wednesday 13 is all “Yeah.” And then Joey gets in his cool car in slow motion, and then Axl gets bored and turns the video off.
When did this band start taking themselves so seriously? Remember when all their songs had names like “197666″ and “Love at First Fright” and lyrics like “I don’t wanna meet your mom and dad/Unless you let me fuck your mom and dress your dad in drag?” All this angst is so sleeeeeeeeepy.
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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.
This week, we have our first ever reader-suggested QOTW, coming from MetalSucks Maniac Cougar Party:
WHAT BANDS DO YOU HATE THAT YOU HAVE SEEN LIVE MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS OPENING FOR SOMEONE YOU LIKE?
The MS staff’s answers after the jump.
I’d never heard of Blue Felix before a couple of days ago; I’d wager almost no one had heard of ‘em. But Slipknot’s Sid Wilson appears in their new video, for the song “Middle Finger Up,” so suddenly they were on every metal site in the webernetosphere.
When the song started, I was like, “Oh, okay. So they make Misfits-tinged hard rock and wear ridiculous outfits. They’re the Murderdolls. Got it. That’s not the end of the world.”
And then the dude started singing.
And then the dude started rapping.
And then I closed my laptop and used it to beat ten MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys to death. And, no, I don’t care what Vince says, I will not clean up the carrions.
I’d wager that Joey Jordison and his Murderdolls will never, ever perform the above song live again.
Questions to ponder as you watch this video:
Oh, yeah. Apparently they’ve seen Grindhouse, too.
“Chapel of Blood” comes off the Murderdolls’ latest, Women and Children Last, which is out now on Roadrunner.
-AR
Rob Zombie’s Hellbilly Deluxe 2 just came out in February, but daddy needs a new cowboy hat, so Roadrunner is doing a super-duper-special edition re-release of the album on September 28. It’s not even an eight month turnaround; I don’t know if that’s a record or it just feels even faster than usual.
As is pretty much standard with these re-releases, there will be new songs included; not standard, though, is that those new songs will be interspersed throughout the old ones — as opposed to just putting them all after whatever the last song used to be, or on their own disc, or whatever — which makes HB2 George Lucas Style almost a new album, creatively if not actually. By which I mean, I’ve met bands that are ridiculously perfectionistic when it comes to figuring out their sequencing — sequencing means something, and a lot of thought goes into the flow of the record. Adding new material will, presumably, alter that flow in some regard.
Either that, or I just spent more time thinking about the sequencing of Hellbilly Deluxe 2 than Rob Zombie did.
Just a couple of weeks ago Rob Zombie gave an interview where he expressed displeasure over the way Ozzy Osbourne was stealing band members from him; now he’s quickly denied us of potentially weeks or even months of online shit-talking by releasing a statement which ostensibly absolves Ozzy of all responsibility for Zombie’s anger. From Zombie’s MySpace page:
“I am very happy to put this Zombie vs Ozzy crap to rest. I just got off the phone with Ozzy and all is good with us. I have known Ozzy and Sharon for many years and have never had any problems with them. In fact they have always been very cool and easy to deal with. So, needless to say I found this whole situation very strange and a real bummer. This whole thing was really always between my band and a certain ex-drummer not between me and Ozzy. I wish Ozzy nothing but the best. End of story.”
I kept fast-forwarding through the new Murderdolls video, “My Dark Place Alone,” to see if anything actually happens with the poor old dude in the wheelchair. And I guess something kinda does — but it’s too little, too late. Most of this video is just (bad) performance footage and (boring) shots of the dude and his (not even really hot!) nurse. What’s the fucking point? To make me understand the boredom and agony of the poor schmuck invalid? Why am I even watching this? It’s not ’cause of the song, that’s for sure.
Murderdolls’ new album, Women and Children Last, comes out August 31 on Roadrunner.
-AR
The big question since Paul Gray died last month has been, “Will Slipknot go on without him?” On the one hand a member passing away is obviously a huge emotional trauma for a band to have to cope with, and Gray was, at least as I’ve always heard it, a key songwriter for the group; on the other hand, bands persevere in the face of tragedy all the time, and there’s already another potential bass player in the band (and I suspect they could make do without a second percussionist/third drummer/whatever) if they didn’t want to bring someone new into the fold.
But – no shocks here – Jim Root, guitarist and guy who gets to sleep with Cristina Scabbia, says the band hasn’t even discussed it yet. From an interview posted on the official Sonisphere site:
I usually get kinda depressed around Labor Day weekend, ’cause it means that summer is pretty much over, and soon it will be colder than a witch’s tit again. But the dudes in Cephalic Carnage have pretty much guaranteed that this summer is gonna end with a bang — Relapse has announced an August 31 release date for Cephalic’s first album in more than three years, Misled by Certainty. Check out the metal-as-a-motherfucker cover art:
Presumably, the band will start debuting new material live when they start the MetalSucks co-sponsored Summer Slaughter tour, which begins in less than three weeks! Get dates here.
Meanwhile, Murderdolls have also released the cover art for their album, Women and Children Last, which comes out the very same day on Roadrunner:
I’ve said before that Muderdolls were a guilty pleasure of mine. My entire interest in the band lay in the fact that they were basically a modern hair metal band who actually wrote catchy tunes that were mostly ridiculous instead of entirely ridiculous.
But now the band – which is really just Joey Jordison and Wednesday 13 – has released a new song, “My Dark Place Alone,” and it sounds nothing like old Murderdolls. Which might be good news, if you hated old Murderdolls and love generic Godsmackian rawk, but I do not fit into that particular demographic. I mean, I appreciate the over-use of the cowbell, but that’s about all I appreciate about this crap.
Mick Mars is supposed to be on this album in some form another; hopefully the tracks he plays on will be more vintage Motley Crue-ish.
-AR
[via Bloody Disgusting]
So Joey Jordison has begun his stint as Rob Zombie’s temporary drummer at the Revolver Golden Gods Awards this past Thursday evening, and, of course, someone captured footage on the momentous occasion on their cellphone. I don’t have much to say about it, but I do wonder why Joey Jordison is bothering to wear his mask for these gigs; for one thing, it’s not like we haven’t all seen him without his mask at this point, and for another thing, even though Rob Zombie is a “shock rocker” (albeit not a very shocking one), it’s not like Joey doesn’t look plenty weird even without his mask. I mean, just look at that dude. Ladies, would you bring him home to meet mom? Probably not, right?
Here’s the video footage in question:
-AR
I’m confused. First, Murderdolls’ Joey Jordison and Wednesday 13 told Artist Direct that their new album, Women and Children Last, isn’t gonna be quite the hair-metal fest that their last album was…
Does Women and Children Last preserve that classic Sunset Strip attitude?
Wednesday 13: Kind of…the title more or less exists to piss people off. Even though I’m a hair metal fan, I’ve become a huge Slayer fan over the years. With the way the new Murderdolls music sounds, it’s everything from that Sunset Strip stuff to Slayer. It goes everywhere this time—whereas the first record was more punk rock.
Joey Jordison: I’m really excited about it. I think it’s actually going to reel in a lot of the Slipknot fans because of the heaviness. We’re not going to lose any fans; this album is only going to gain fans for us. We weren’t like, “Okay, we’re going to crank out some campy songs like we did before.”
…and then they announced that Mick Mars is doing a guest spot on the album, and released the following photo just to prove that Mick can still sit down is really in the studio with them:
Now, I love old Motley Crue and I love Slayer, but you’d never hear Mars play on Slayer album. So either Jordison and 13 (is that how I refer to him?) are full of cow poo, or this is going to be a really, really diverse sounding record. I sincerely hope it’s the latter.
And that’s the second time today I’ve mentioned Mick Mars and Slayer in one breath. Weird.
-AR
