MetalSucks

Hello MetalSucks readers! I realize that most of you don’t know who I am, so I figured I’d take some time to tell you and maybe shed some light on the subject of why I’ve been asked to write a few fun pieces for all of your enjoyment.

My name is Bobbi Starr and I am a girl who over the past three and a half years has made a living off of all of you who buy pornography and blow your loads to the site of my asshole being impaled by the giant members of pornography legends such as Lexington Steele, and I thank you for that.

Now, those who steal porn off of bit torrent and tube sites: shame on you, and I just might hunt you down, cut your wiener off, put it on a post and do a little, non-sexual, dance, ridding you of all porno-steeling-desires. Granted, at this point you would be without a penis, but you should of thought of that before you stole my porno.

I’m just kidding. In reality, I’d probably tell you that you are a very bad boy, and then suck you off.

Anyway, back to metal. Some of you may know, I’ve pretty much always been a music nerd, and therefore a fan of the ye ol’ metal. I think those important people at MetalSucks picked up on this and thought, “We should get this chick to write nasty things for our website! That would be awesome!” I love delving into the dark, slimy depths of the music world, and sinking my teeth into some crunchy metal bands.  It may be an acquired taste for many, but I must admit that I constantly find myself craving more of those down-tuned riffs and growling vocals.

Not only is it my desire to explore the music of each band, but also my primal urge to become intimately acquainted with the nether regions of all of the band members as a whole. So, I figured, what the hell, why not make a list of the top ten metal bands that I’d like to get gangbanged by? Maybe I’ll get lucky and one of them will come through for me.

And so, in no particular order…

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Although the editors of MetalSucks get a vote in the Scion No Label Needed Contest, the staff of MetalSucks, alas, does not. Thus, over the course of the next few days, each MetalSucks writer will post an endorsement for his favorite finalist for the contest. You can check out all the finalists, and vote for your personal favorite, here.

When I received my latest homework assignment from the mansion (thanks, Gary), I knew there was only one way to go about it — completely blind. I was determined to only listen to the twenty tunes up for grabs. I had no interest in looking at band photos, music videos, or websites that gave me any background information on the bands involved. I wanted this to strictly be about the music.

As a result, only three bands actually caught my ear: Reciprocal, Scorched-Earth Policy, and Iron Thrones.

It’s been far too long since I’ve gotten a solid dose of a new Godspeed! You Cult of NeurIsis fix. I can safely say that Iron Thrones’ 12-minute post-apocalyptic acid-drenched gutter sludge track, “Cover of Smoke,” has sated my jones.

Amidst the swirling chaos of crunching guitars and throat-shredding vocals hovers a hint of melodic beauty that can’t quite disguise the band’s apparent love of cinematic soundscapes ala Explosions in the Sky.

It’s brutal. It’s beautiful. Brutiful.

Hands down, Iron Thrones “smokes” the competition.

Be sure to vote for Iron Thrones here.

Download their entire album at the Iron Thrones website.

-CM

Corey Mitchell is a best-selling author of true crime books and founder of In Cold Blog. Join him on Facebook and Twitter. His next book, SAVAGE SON, can be pre-ordered now.

Sometimes I feel fairly certain that a substantial portion of the people who leave comments on MetalSucks would be considered legally brain dead by most medical doctors. Having said that, I’m glad they read our website.

Here’s what happened in the world of metal this week:

• We spoke to Darkthrone’s Fenriz, Iron Age’s Wade Allison, and Swallow the Sun’s Juha Raivio.
• We debuted a new video from Austrian Death Machine.
• Everyone wants to kill everyone else because of all these decade end lists.
• Also, people are cranky about that Dimebag tribute album.
• Kip Wingerschmidt thinks that Stewert Voegtlin’s recent trashing of Baroness, Mastodon, Pelican and Neurosis was “eloquent.” The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley disagrees.
• Unfortunately, there is going to be a new Limp Bizkit album.
• Lambgoat is streaming “Mechanical Seas,” a new song by The Binary Code!
• I admit it: I left the ring stain on Julia Louis-Dreyfuss’ table.

Last night we went to a fancy-schmancy holiday party with an open bar and got faschnickered. Tonight I’m… going to a fancy-schmancy holiday party with an open bar. If I’m not here Monday, it’s because I died of alcohol poisoning.

Have a good one, y’all.

-AR

Now I’m not saying I agree with all, most, or even any of the points made in Stewert Voegtlin’s recent bitter-tastic Village Voice article (aptly entitled “Sketchy Metal”), but holy jeez a voice of dissension should be appreciated, welcome, and even necessary at times, especially when certain bands are so blindly revered by so many…..and furthermore anybody who can bring such a well-worded subtly sardonic taste to their Hateology (free album title!) a la our own Gary Suarez deserves a complimentary bong hit.

The article starts out with an analysis on Pelican’s sound (or lack thereof), positing that the Chicago band’s thang never crystallizes into anything approaching authentic emotion, but that some bands that Pelican derives influence from (Trans Am, in particular) have made plenty of music worth veneration, especially back in the day.  Hmm……agreed.

I almost joined the Train of Descent (free band name!) recently myself when I was considering writing an article — which was to be called MASTODON EVOLVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR SOUND ON CRACK THE SKYE….EXCEPT FOR THE LYRICS – about the many cliches held within several of the lyrics on Crack the Skye. However, after listening to the album a few more times to get a clearer context of the lyrics to the piece as a whole, I cleaned my shorts off and reconsidered libeling the best modern progressive metal band of the decade.

But Voegtlin? This guy ain’t takin no prisoners (pls disregard double negative)……my favorite gem of haterade enclosed within the article definitely has to be Voegtlin’s response to Baroness’ John Baizley’s claim that his band’s music is influenced by “fine art, cinema, and literature”:

[This is] as stiltedly silly as name-dropping higher mathematics, physics, or philosophy, when what the band really peddles is exactly the everything-and-nothing Hallmark heft so many claim to uncover in Pelican’s wordless, aimless songs. While Baizely’s predilection to hawk such High Times erudition makes him sound more puerile than he likely is, it’s difficult to imagine him honestly striving to disseminate meta-emotional discourse through music as transparently commercial as his band’s stoner-metal-meets-Ford-truck-jingle approach.

Yowza!!

More insightful dissin’ and the link to the actual article afterthejump.

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While there are more obvious statements than “supergroups more often than not fail to meet our expectations” – “fire will ruin your house” and “Guns N’ Roses have gone through numerous line-up changes” are tied with it – there aren’t many. And yet, with the announcement of a formation of one, excitement is usually the first emotion called upon. And while saying that supergroup prospects should immediately be met with caution is like saying a new car should be approached with the attitude that you will most likely wrap it around a tree, the failure/success ratio is sadly stacked toward the former. However, this usually isn’t the fault of the uber-collective, but our own gargantuan expectations assuming that this new band featuring members of other bands we like will be as good as all the involved bandmembers main projects COMBINED. And while there have been some out and out failures as of late (cough Greymachine cough), the other two most notable supergroups that reared their heads this year – scraggly doom metal gathering of titans Shrinebuilder and semi-unkempt gathering of some dudes from your uncle’s favorite bands Them Crooked Vultures – have gotten an unfair rap in the wake of their respective debuts’ releases. While to say the bands’ detractors dislike their albums because they don’t rival Neurosis, Sleep, the Melvins, Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age, or Led fucking Zeppelin is unfairly ignoring their actual grievances, to write off either Shrinebuilder or Them Crooked Vultures would be a damn shame, in that, while not reinventing any sort of wheel, in a year where the biggest supergroup commercially was Chickenfoot, a solid doom metal album and a solid stoner rock album are two pretty significant things to dismiss.

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In no particular order…

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Los Angeles psychedelic-doom drivers Ancestors are already back with another new album after last year’s acclaimed two track debut Neptune With Fire, and this time around they’re  arguably even more ambitious. On the eight track Of Sound Mind, the band expands their scope and continues their doom-laden trip down nostalgia lane, with plenty of prog rock inspirations. And lots of guitars.

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An initial impression of Axe to Fall, Converge’s latest bruiser, is that it’s a little too simplistic: the vast majority of the album find the band rocking more balls out than they have since their early days. Even “Worms Will Feed” and “Damages,” two slower tracks, feel more like uneasy breathing room than the expansive, emotional dalliances of You Fail Me’s “In Her Shadow” or No Heroes’ “Grim Rose/Black Heart.” Even despite Axe to Fall’s two further-out-than-ever-before closing songs, the majority of the album feels slight, missing a key element of what had made the band as exceptional as they are up until now. With No Heroes finding the band at once at their grindiest and most experimental, something about Axe to Fall feels empty.

Of course, initial impressions don’t do a Converge album justice; if the band are known for anything, it’s marrying the deceptively simple and the brilliantly complex. Despite its tendency to be more gruff than any modern Converge release, Axe to Fall features some of the band’s tightest, most interesting songwriting, as well as providing one of the most satisfying repeat listens of any Converge album. Compact but alarmingly dense, the band have never been this comfortable putting their heads down and charging at you, with a relentlessness that’s almost militaristic in its approach. More than just a bunch of throw-aways before its wildly expansive ending, Axe to Fall stands eye level with their genre-defining full length debut (Petitioning the Empty Sky) or their genre-shattering masterpiece (Jane Doe). Though foolish and cynical to think otherwise, the band are still as good as they’ve ever been, with no signs of coasting despite having been around exponentially longer than most of the hardcore bands they came up with.

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Axe to Fall, Converge’s once-again excellent new album, is yet another stylistic shift: the majority of it is devoted to the band playing harder and more technically than they have in their post-Jane Doe era, while the closing two songs finding them venturing further away from their comfort zone than they ever have before. But even though guitarist Kurt Ballou darts all over the fretboard more than usual, vocalist Jacob Bannon changes nothing about his performance, from the breathless rambling on opener “Dark Horse” to his trademark pterodactyl-like shriek over the course of the album. But this isn’t to say that he’s in a state of creative stasis while the rest of the band moves outwards: Bannon’s hellacious scream is just as much a part of Converge’s uniqueness as is Ballou’s nimble riffing. Bannon’s work on Axe to Fall is as savage as it’s ever been, and once again adds weight and disturbing depth to the album’s metallic hardcore-fueled chaos.

Jacob Bannon’s place in metal, hardcore, and—for better or worse—metalcore is massive, with his trademark vocals incalculably influential and lyrics favoring the abstract over the melodramatic. Even outside of Converge, Bannon manages to be prominent, with a successful visual art career and running hardcore label Deathwish Inc. A surprisingly normal sounding (at least in terms of how he sounds on record), introspective guy, Bannon comes off as both wise about the metal and hardcore world while still impressed by and interested in it. In a lengthy interview with MetalSucks, he discussed the musical and lyrical intricacies of Axe to Fall, his approach to artwork in comparison to his vocal work, and people’s changing attitudes toward heavy music as they age.

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A Storm of Light, the post-Neurisis band fronted by Neurosis art collaborator / visual mastermind Josh Graham, have a new album called Forgive Us Our Trespasses that comes out today. Our friends at Brooklyn Vegan are streaming the video for the song “Tempest,” and unsurprisingly the video is really fucking cool-looking. Watch it at Brooklyn Vegan [pardon my earlier embed gaffe. -Ed.], and stream another brand new track called “Midnight” on ASOL’s MySpace page.

Brooklyn Vegan also tells us that so far A Storm of Light has only one US date on their calendar, a FREE album release show at Ace of Clubs on 10/12 joined by the always excellent Biclops and Naked Heroes. Following that the band will play at the Damnation Festival in the UK, after which they’ll head out on a full European tour with Minsk.

-VN

I’ve had some family shit distracting me this week, but there’s really no excuse for the fact that I somehow completely missed the debut of a new song by uber-supergroup Shrinebuilder. Entitled “Pyramid of the Moon” and streaming right here, it is just seven-plus minutes of sheer excellence.

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It should come as no surprise that we’re all pretty excited about Shrinebuilder here. And how could we not? It’s a fucking indie metal supergroup featuring Scott “Wino” Weinrich (Saint Vitus, The Obssessed), Scott Kelly (Neurosis, Tribes of Neurot), Al Cisneros (Sleep, Om, Asbestosdeath), and Dale Crover (Melvins, Altamont, Nirvana). Without hearing a single note–since the band has yet to release a single song–it is pretty much understood that its forthcoming self-titled debut shall destroy us all. I firmly belief that these men are the long promised Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Hopefully the particularly nasty bits in the Book of Revelation will take place after I get a chance to see the band play live. As of now, three Shrinebuilder shows have been announced, two on November 14 at The Empty Bottle in Chicago (one early, one late) and a third on November 15 at Le Poisson Rouge in New York City.

-GS

[Gary Suarez watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. He usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]

“Highly anticipated” does not even begin to describe the hype surrounding Shrinebuilder’s debut album. The doom supergroup features Saint Vitus / Obsessed / Spirit Caravan / Hidden Hand guitar hero Scott “Wino” Weinrich, Neurosis / Tribes of Neurot leader Scott Kelly, former Sleep and current Om bassist Al Cisneros, and Melvins drummer Dale Crover… basically THE definitive who’s who of doomo all-stars. Roadburn.com is now reporting that the album is finally coming this autumn via Neurot Recordings, and they’ve posted the breathtaking artwork by A Storm of Light’s Josh Graham (a small portion of which I’ve posted above). They also report that the band will play several gigs in the U.S. later this year with European dates to possibly follow.

Speaking of A Storm of Light, they’ve got a crushing new track called “Midnight” streaming on their own website (take that, MySpace!). The track comes from the new double-disc record Forgive Us Our Trespasses, due in September via Neurot as well.

Thanks to MS Maniac Charlie F. for the tips.

-VN

Neurosis, The Eye of Every Storm (Relapse, 2004)
Scott Kelly – Guitars/Vocals
Steve Von Till – Guitars/Vocals
Dave Edwardson – Bass/Keyboards/Synths
Noah Landis – Organ/Piano/Samples
Jason Roeder – Drums
Produced by Steve Albini and Neurosis

Part of the difficulty of trying to come up with nominations for the best albums of the 21st century is trying hard to remember when the fuck your favorite albums even came out. A lot of the albums I voted for were released before I’d ever even heard of the bands who wrote them and sometimes before I was even into metal at all (the three Staind albums under lock and key in my attic will forever haunt all of my cred). The millennial cut-off point meant that any of my instinctive choices that come into my head whenever the words “Best Metal Albums” pop up weren’t even close to matching the criteria (Dissection’s Storm of the Light’s Bane). Some of my favorite bands released good albums in the 21st century but certainly didn’t come close to releasing the “best” ones (Emperor’s Prometheus) and even though I wanted to include them just to be represented, I couldn’t justify it.

It would be criminal, however, not to at least mention Neurosis considering the debt that Mastodon (who snatched the #19, #13 and #1 spots on the list) and a slew of others owe this band. Even though the fan census favorite album is ineligible (1999’s Times of Grace), even though their newer releases don’t have the far reaching influence of their 90’s work, and even though I am now sure that I was the only person to vote for this album, I urge each and everyone of you to take a first or second glance at the underrated glory of The Eye Of Every Storm.

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It’s raining in New York today. AGAIN. At least it’s warm; it’s been fucking rainy and cold for all of June (seriously… hoodie weather in June??). I feel like I’ve been cheated out of an entire month of summer. Fuck the world.

Here’s what happened this week:

• More arguing ensued over our 21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century… So Far list. You bitched and moaned to the tune of 444 comments (and counting) about the #11 pick of Deftones’ White Pony — just as you did last week with the debatably metal Tool (#12) and System of a Down (#14) picks — and then when we finally announced more trve/cvlt/br00tal albums you approved of (#10 Opeth, #9 Gojira, and #8 In Flames), comments were few and far between by comparison. You people are fucking morons. Especially Ziltoid.
• Rumors flew about the resuscitation of Headbanger’s Ball in 2010 with Jose Mangin as the host.
• More shit-talking between the two sparring Fear Factory camps provided us with endless amusement. We wondered aloud whether or not FF should be considered nu-metal.
• Shinedown’s Brent Smith claimed to have insider knowledge of a Soundgarden reunion, to which Axl — and possibly but not definitely Soundgarden’s own Ben Shepherd — took offense.
• We spoke with Scott Kelly of Neurosis and Vinnie Fucking Paul.

We out. Stay tuned in a couple of hours for our #7 Best Metal Album of the 21st Century… So Far. I’ll be at tomorrow night’s Black Anvil show at the new Duff’s location in Brooklyn if anyone wants to come out and hang. See you next week for more shenanigans!

As one of the founding members of arguably one of the most important metal bands, Scott Kelly helped navigate Neurosis from a crust punk genesis to the lords of abstract doom they’ve become. Despite going on to semi-normal adult lives not built around touring, they’ve still managed to put out some of the most challenging and, ultimately, best music of the decade. Kelly himself splits his non-Neurosis time among Tribes of Neurot (the band’s ambient side project), an acoustic solo career, the post-apocalyptic folk of Blood & Time, and, most recently, stoner metal wet dream Shrinebuilder, featuring Melvins drummer Dale Crover, Sleep/Om bassist Al Cisneros, and doom icon Wino. In an interview Scott was kind enough to grant MetalSucks – conducted during his trip to the airport on his way to some European Neurosis shows, stopping once to get through airport security and ending when the plane was ready to take off – he discussed his collaboration with the gentlemen in Shrinebuilder, his history with Neurosis and long-time collaborator Steve von Till, and punk’s limiting ethos vs. metal’s acceptance.

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Regular readers of this site know full well that your editors are not fans of Isis or Neurosis. It’s not what we dislike those bands… we just don’t like ‘em. Don’t see what all the fuss is about or why people go so fucking ga-ga at their mere mention. No matter how many times people we trust say “duuuude… you gotta listen again! trust me!” every time I listen again (and there have been many), I still don’t give a fuck.

So it is with extreme surprise that I report the following: I like the new Isis song.

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That I’m sitting here in the MetalSucks Mansion this snowy Monday morning has gotta be some kinda heavy metal miracle; as I type this, Anton OyVey, Rob Pasbani from Metal Injection, our friends from BITPOM.com, and a lot of other fine friends are still stranded in Atlanta due to the weather.

And honestly, there are worse towns in which to be stranded. To my shock, not only is the booze in Atlanta shockingly cheap, not only is the purp somehow completely fucking magical, but the city is about as chill as you could hope for. I kinda miss it already.

But enough wistful reminiscing. After the jump, get my thoughts on some of the best bands of Saturday’s totally excellent Scion Rock Fest!

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PLEASE NOTE: THE DEADLINE FOR CONTEST ENTRY IS NOW THIS THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH!

As promised, MetalSucks has 10 pairs of tickets to give away for the cumgasm inducing Scion Rock Fest set to take place on February 28th at The Masquerade in Atlanta. Axl and Vince will be partying down in Atlanta, and this is your chance to join in on the fun. As usual, we prefer to leave the selection of the winners up to skill and not to fate, so here’s what you’ve got to do to win: tell us which of the bands on the bill you’d be most excited to see and why. In case you need a refresher, you can take a look at the full list of confirmed bands after the jump or squint at the pint-sized version of the official poster at right.

Remember, this is MetalSucks: in other words, the funnier/wittier/crazier your entry is, the better the chance that we’ll like it. Email all entries to news AT metalsucks DOT net with the subject “SCION ROCK FEST,” and be sure to include your full name and address. Winners will be announced and contacted on Friday, February 13th and will receive their tickets in the mail shortly thereafter. While tickets available to the general public do not guarantee entry, all MetalSucks winners will be guaranteed entry via a list at the door (details TBD). We’ve just been informed that even contest winners are not guaranteed entry, so still make sure you get there early!! Plus, from what we hear, entries at the official Scion Rock Fest website are now closed, so this is your only chance to get ‘em.

And the confirmed bands so far are…

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According to a press release delivered to the MS Mansion this morning via Pony Express, nine more bands have been added to the already boner-ific lineup at the COMPLETELY FREE Scion Rock Fest in Atlanta on February 28th:

Converge
Pig Destroyer
Septic Flesh
Coalesce
Trash Talk
Evil Army
US Christmas
Gaylord
Apocalyptic Visions

Like, holy fucking shit!!@$^&*^@!!!

So, about those free tickets, you’re wondering. We’ll be giving away 10 pairs right here on MetalSucks starting next week. But if you aren’t lucky enough to win a set here or you just want to ensure entry now, here’s what you gotta do:

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