MetalSucks

When it comes to music (and other things really), I tend to play devil’s advocate. If everyone is shitting on a certain band, for some reason, I become more attracted to that band and seek them out. I don’t know what it is about my personality, but I think it stems from the same perspective that inspired me to write the antagonistic blog about rethrash. It may be a character flaw, but I’m sure it has something to do with a need to be an individual. From what I gather, this website is inhabited mainly by “true” metal heads. What I define as “true” are people whom are purists in the realm of metal and usually scoff at any band or trend that reeks of premeditated commercialism or an overt play for popularity, and who usually demand a certain level of musicianship and underground credibility. These fans usually hate every Metallica record after …And Justice For All, and for that matter always prefer any particular band’s older releases, which usually have a more raw and unrefined recording quality, as well as more abstract, less traditional song writing. For example, they will prefer Carcass’s Necrotiscim to Heartwork, or Morbid Angel’s Blessed Are The Sick to Domination. Oh yeah, and these guys gave up on In Flames and Soilwork years ago.

I have a good deal of that purism in my bones, but it always seemed short sighted and close minded. You have no idea how many arguments the Adler brothers from Lamb of God and I have gotten into over the merits of a particluar Metallica or Megadeth record. If you even bring up Disturbed or Limp Bizkit on MetalSucks, it is mocked and disregarded 100% of the time. I think metal heads often have a sheep mentality because of the fear of being viewed by their peers as less credible for liking bands that aren’t considered “true” or “real” enough. We all have guilty pleasures, but the real question is “Why should we feel guilty about something we enjoy?”

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In a triumph of e-nerd high fivery, an Internet campaign launched earlier this month to garner a simple (but delicious) dill pickle more Facebook fans than Nickelback reached its goal last Friday and now stands at more than 1.45 million fans. Metal Insider’s Bram Teitelman goes inside the bun for the report:

Since Roadrunner is Nickelback’s label, and fellow Roadrunner band Killswitch Engage is temporarily without frontman Howard Jones, we think the pickle should replace All That Remains’ Phil Labonte for the remainder of the tour. I for one would pay good money to see Dillswitch Engage. Seriously, who doesn’t like Vlasic rock? I mean, what’s the dill-io with Howard Jones anyway? Roadrunner is stating that the tour will continue with Labonte, but it seems like the band has gotten themselves into quite a pickle. They should totally be relishing this tour, but suddenly things aren’t kosher.

Bravo Bram and bravo Internet. What’s Nickelback got to say about all of this? Hopefully they aren’t half sour.

-VN

MS Maniac Brian sent us a link to the below video with the message “Better than actual Nickelback?” I’ve appropriated that message for my headline, but I removed the question-mark, because, let’s face it, there is no question: this is, in literally every way, superior to actual Nickelback. Sure, it outstays its welcome a little, but so have Nickelback, and it’s still way shorter than their entire discography, so it’s still way better than actual Nickelback.

Anyway I don’t know who these dudes are, but I’d like to buy them a congratulatory beer. This made me giggle so.

What this might not be better than, however, is Pickleback. Which is clearly just the greatest dill ever.

-AR

Can a simple dill pickle garner more Facebook fans than Nickelback? It’ll take 1,380,820 fans to make that happen, but I believe in the power of the Internet and the deliciousness of pickles. Facebook user Coral Cripps created the Facebook fan page “Can this pickle get more fans than Nickleback?” [sic] less than a week ago on Wednesday, February 3rd. The worldwide ire for Nickelback is so strong that as of this writing the group already has 240,095 fans. When I joind the group yesterday it only had around 70,000… the Pickleback is spreading fast!

What I’d really love to see is Nickelback getting involved by mobilizing their fanbase to counter the attack of the pickle. Hey Roadrunner, get on that! It’d be hilarious. Take the joke and run with it, ala Earache/Oceano style!

Pickles 4evr!!!

-VN

This week in Soundscan, supergroup Chickenfoot shifted a ridiculous number of records. I’m baffled too. Elsewhere, Iron Maiden had a solid debut and bands like Nickelback, Hollywood Undead, Shinedown, Slipknot, and Metallica continued on with business as usual.

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The infamous Now That’s What They Call Music comp, now it’s thirtieth iteration (!), will never stop selling. Nor will Hannah Montana. Given, it’s tough for any true metal band to crack the Billboard 200, but Mastodon did just once again that by notching a #11 debut with Crack the Skye, beat out metal-wise only by Papa Roach (ugh). Elsewhere, we got some surprises from Chris Cornell, Twiztid (!?) and others. Sales figures for those and other notable hard rock and metal releases after the jump.

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Blame it on Fall Out Boy. Shortly after these emo butt dumplings covered Pantera, Madonna did the same only to be one-upped by Gym Class Heroes covering Lamb of God. Now, behold… Nickelback covering Metallica. As much as it pains me to say it, Chad Kroeger imitating James Hetfield actually sounds better than James Hetfield imitating James Hetfield in the year 2008.

-VN

[Thanks: Travis]

Apparently you aren’t the only one who thinks all Nickelback songs sound the same.

In response to this video, bass player Mike Kroeger said “I think that’s remarkable for someone to notice that there is a hit quality. If all hits sound the same, then sorry. When you are a band that has a distinct style such as us or AC/DC, that happens. When you have a distinct style, you run the risk of sounding similar.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the distinct sound of “suck:”

-VN

News of Nickelback’s all-encompassing deal with touring behemoths Live Nation is all over the Internet. “Fuck Nickelback,” I hear you say. Touche. But let’s read between the lines here: Nickelback, quite honestly, are a large part of the reason that Roadrunner Records is able to continue to release records by other, less-sucky acts. Simply put, Nickelback’s 7 million records sold fund every 100,000 to 200,000-selling release by other Roadrunner bands we like, such as Killswitch Engage, Machine Head, Opeth, Megadeth, Dream Theater, Biffy Clyro, Life of Agony, Trivium, Soufly, etc etc etc etc. Get it?

The fact of the matter is, Nickelback leaving Roadrunner is actually BAD news for the metal community, as hard as this is to believe. Love them or hate them, Roadrunner definitely sits atop the metal label throne, and what’s bad for Roadrunner is bad for metal. And this is most certainly bad for Roadrunner.

The good news is that Roadrunner still has Nickelback under contract for two more records, so we can reasonably expect these two albums and subsequent touring cycles to last approximately five years. Sweet. Wait, what the fuck… did I really just say that?

-VN

[Source: Billboard.com]

From the “Gee I wish I’d written this” files: Madonna apparently played a snippet of Pantera’s “A New Level” at a recent concert (video above), and some Blabberbrats have their panties in a twist over it. Rob at Metal Injection reports:

“…much like with Fall Out Boy covering Pantera, some Pantera fans are not pleased (or intelligent). Here’s what some loyal Cowboys From Hell are saying over at Blabbermouth:

anybody who thinks this is cool should never ever post a negative post about any of the bands from the 80’s again!the fact that the she is holding a guitar does not make her a rocker and just because it happens to be a pantera riff does not make it a tribute or cool. she belongs in the dance hall of fame not the rock and roll hall. I did not even watch this garbage but more than likely she is lip syching like everything else. the people praising her for this are the same ones who trashed nickelback for making a real dime tribute song and they used his solo on the track.just another pub. stunt by this overrated attention whore.

Actually, the fact that she played the riff does make it a tribute. Thats actually exactly what it was. Why are you commenting on something you didn’t even bother watching? I’ve never trashed Nickelback for making a Dime tribute, I trash them cause they absolutely blow.”

I hate Madonna as much the next guy, but seriously, some of these comments are pretty ridiculous.

Head over to Metal Injection for the rest of their awesome commentary on these events; then weigh in on the righteousness, or lack thereof, of Madonna’s cover below.

-AR

Even though Nickelback’s success has pretty much singlehandedly funded tons of money-losing releases by my favorite bands on Roadrunner Records, this kind of pot-shot journalism is still irresistible [from The Sun, via Idolator]. In a recent interview with Playboy, the curley-locked Nickelback frontman revealed the time he got down with his short and curlies:

“I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time.

It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer.”

Wow. This is how you remind me of how much you really suck… dick.

-VN