MetalSucks

You know when you know you’ve got too many greatest hits albums? When more than one of them are called Greatest Hits.

Click to read more…

This is a story about a band I don’t care about getting involved in some drama with a band I haven’t cared about in at least fifteen years. But it’s still kinda amusing, so I’m posting it.

Click to read more…

This live footage of Morgan Rose filling in for the injured Tommy Lee on drums with Motley Crue this past weekend is really entertaining. I mean, you get to see Vince Neil, who still can’t remember all the words to his own songs / gets winded after about two lines, and that in itself is always funny. And you get to see Mick Mars, who despite his status as the walking dead can still wail out those solos pretty well. But best of all, you get to see Morgan Rose, one of the greatest drummers on the planet in terms of pure, raw talent, rock through a set of songs he hadn’t heard in years for which he had zero time to prepare.

It seems that Tommy Lee burned his hand and couldn’t play. There’s video floating around of Tommy coming out on stage at this show and explaining the situation to the audience; as usual, he sounds like a total idiot. So the band flew out Sevendust’s Morgan Rose from Atlanta last minute, day of the fucking show, to fill in on drums. I know what you’re thinking… Motley songs ain’t too complicated drum-wise and they just play all the hits anyway. VRONG. This is the Dr. Feelgood tour in which the band plays the entire album start to finish, deep cuts and all, plus the usual smattering of greatest hits. Rose comes out and fucking nails it all. I love how in these clips you can see Nikki Sixx communicating with Rose about when the changes happen in the song, or when to end, or when to begin. THAT is fucking pure musicianship that can’t be taught. You either have it or you don’t. And Rose most certainly has it.

Check out “Same ol’ Situation” below and “Dr. Feelgood” after the jump.

Click to read more…

Directly from the horse’s mouth comes the news that “guitarist n’ songwriter [emphasis added to point out mental retardation] Dj Ashba… officially replaces current NIN guitarist Robin Finck” in Guns N’ Roses. “Once Dj’s name was in the hat, the hat disappeared!!” benevolent dictator Axl Rose exclaims, doing his best impersonation of my Uncle Morty.

Showing that Rose at least has a sense of humor, the statement concludes: “Now, one step closer to the abyss, Ashba joins a band who’s all time roster is nearly as long as it’s [sic] founder Axl Rose’s rap sheet!” Oh, Axl, you scamp.

Click to read more…

Faith No Mania continues!

Following the news that the legendary Faith No More are, in fact, reuniting, it has just been announced that they will headline the opening night of this year’s Download Festival in the UK. Slipknot and Def Leppard will headline the following nights.

Oddly enough, the FNM-inspired nu-metal acts that Mike Patton has repeatedly professed hatred for, Korn and Limp Bizkit, will play earlier that same day.

Will Patton make fun of Fred Durst from the stage? Will Nikki Sixx throw a fit that Motley Crue’s umpteenth tour isn’t nearly as newsworthy? Can FNM’s performance even possibly live up to expectations? I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.

On a side note: I know some non-European readers have been freaking out because the band allegedly has no plans to tour the rest of the world right now. All I can say is: chill. We have it from a good source that this reunion is going to last quite awhile. Just be patient.

-AR

At this point I don’t think it’s news that Courtney Love is a mental case who’s in severe need of being flattened by a truck, but her latest stunt might really take the cake. In the new issue of Heeb magazine (which is a pretty funny publication, in case any of my fellow Jews aren’t aware of its existence), Love – who claims that she’s a) sober (uh-huh) and b) part Jewish (“I’m a Buddhist, but I do identify with Judaism in the sense that it’s in my bloodline,” she proclaims) – has this to say about the Chosen People:

Click to read more…

Remember when Papa Roach front dude Jacoby Shaddix was calling himself “Coby Dick?” Jesus fucking Christ.

ANYWAY, coming from this band, I would’ve assumed a song called “Hollywood Whore” would be autobiographical, perhaps telling the story of four not especially talented dudes who maintain a steady career in the music biz by aping whatever trend is hot at the moment. Instead, it’s the kind of pop metal portrait of scuzzy life on the Strip that Nikki Sixx specializes in, only without all that “really catchy” baggage. And those lyrics? Oh. My. Gawd. I’m so sure that Paris Hilton is, like, so totally offended.

Wowza. Check out the auto-tune on those backing vocals.

-AR

DUDE. Okay, seriously. What the fuck is going on this week? First Tommy Lee announces he’s reforming Methods of Mayhem, and now Vince Neil has announced he’s making another solo album (And, no, Steve Stevens won’t be on it – I checked.). What’s next? Is Nikki Sixx gonna make another Sixx A.M. album?

Wait – WHAT?!

Well fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. It’s enough to make you want Motley Crue to keep touring.

-AR

P.S. Okay, but seriously, I’d love to see a Mick Mars side project called Mars Attacks!, and I’d love for its debut album to be entitled Creepy Human Statue. I’d give that album an automatic five out five horns.

So Nikki Sixx has had his girlfriend, the insanely irritating Kat Von D., tattoo Motley Crue guitarist Mick Mars onto his knee. Apparently he chose the knee to taunt Mick, who cannot, in fact, bend his own knee anymore.

I assume Nikki chose Mick and not one of his other bandmates because Mick has never challenged him or do anything to threaten his time in the spotlight. In any case, look for Tommy and Vince to get tats of one another and not Nikki in retaliation.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

No booze at a Motley fucking Crue show? Jesus fucking Christ. That must be like having sex with a condom made of nails.

Click to read more…

Eventually, someone is going to adapt Motley Crue’s The Dirt (which I’m still fairly certain is the best book ever written in any language ever) into a movie. There’s too many greenbacks at stake for the project just to sit on the shelf forever.

But I’ve read screenwriter Rich Wilkes’ adaptation of the infamous tome (written by Neil Strauss under the guise of being written by the band members themselves), and it wasn’t going to make a good movie. In fact, I can guarantee you it was going to make a horrible, horrible movie. Wilkes is the writer of such gems as The Jerky Boys movie and xXx, so that news really shouldn’t shock anyone*; in fact, I have to guess that Wilkes got the job ’cause he wrote Airheads, which is probably the last Hollywood movie about metal that is only a semi-embarrassment to the film industry**. Still, Wilkes’ script was all set to go before cameras under the guidance of Borat director/Seinfeld executive producer Larry Charles, who is really way, way, way too talented for this lousy script. At various times, Ashton Kutcher and Johnny Knoxville were rumored to be in talks to play Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx, respectively, and Christopher Walken and Val Kilmer were alleged to have filled the roles of Ozzy Osbourne and David Lee Roth.

In other words, this thing really had about as much chance of being good as Lars Ulrich does of growing to be six five four feet tall.

So lucky for us all that the project, at least as we’ve known it, seems to be in jeopardy.

Click to read more…

Here are the song titles for Motley Crue’s new album, Saints of Los Angeles:

01. Mother Fucker Of the Year
02. Down At The Whiskey
03. Saints of Los Angeles
04. Face Down In The Dirt
05. What’s It Gonna Take
06. Chicks = Trouble
07. White Trash Circus
08. The Animal In Me
09. Welcome To The Machine
10. This Ain’t A Love Song
11. Just Another Psycho

Well, in the words of Balki Bartokomou, “paint me green and call me Gumby,” because I don’t even have to make fun of this shit. Those song titles are already a total joke.

Aw, shucks, let’s give it a shot anyway.

Click to read more…

I’ve really never understood Tracii Guns’ incessant need to publicly express regret over quitting Guns N’ Roses in 1985, well before that band had a record contract or written most of the material for Appetite for Destruction. It would be like Richard Gere bitching and moaning about his decision to drop out of the John McClane role in Die Hard; it’s just foolish to think that Bruce Willis’ interpretations of that character had nothing to do with the box office success of that franchise. Dave Mustaine might have a legitimate reason to believe he could be rolling naked in dough, since material he wrote for Metallica appeared on both Kill ‘Em All and Ride the Lightning, but there’s nothing in the L.A. Guns’ repertoire to suggest that GN’R still would have become the biggest band in the world sans Slash. And yet it was just a couple of years ago that Guns admitted he had recently emailed Axl Rose to offer his services in the new GN’R. Sheesh.

This bizarre, completely unwarranted sense of regret must be what led Guns to leave his only recently reunited L.A. Guns to form Brides of Destruction with Nikki Sixx; but then Sixx, who is as guilty as Guns of only doin’ it for the payday, split to go make some real moolah with Motley Crue, and Guns was left holding the bag (Note to Guns: if it’s the 21st century and your lead singer’s name is “London LeGrand,” your band is going nowhere fast.). So now Guns had to scramble to find a way back into L.A. Guns and rather than just kiss up and make nice with Phil Lewis (who had replaced Guns with some dude named, I shit you not, Stacey Blades), he allowed vocalist Paul Black to live out his own path-not-chosen fantasy and start a new “old” L.A. Guns. And so while there wasn’t really a demand for one L.A. Guns post-1992ish, now we actually have two L.A. Guns.

So Tracii’s version of the band is recording a new album, with Steve Thompson producing. Thompson, in case you didn’t know, is most famous for… wait for it… mixing Appetite for Destruction.

Yeah. Cause now Tracii’ll sell 16 million records.

Below, enjoy Brides of Destruction performing “Shut the Fuck Up” – some advice Tracii would do well to heed – on Jay Leno. LeGrand’s shouting “Shut the Uh Up” because he couldn’t say “fuck” on television is hysterical, if for no other reason than because it shows that the band didn’t even have the common sense to release a first single that did not prominently feature a swear word in its title.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/K6GftZNZrb4" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Gosh, I wonder where this band went wrong?

-AR

 
So Blabbermouth reports that Motley Crue will make a “colossal announcement” in LA on April 15. As far this band is concerned, only two things could qualify as a “colossal announcement” as this point:

1. All four band members will commit suicide on live t.v.
2. The long awaited boxing match between Vince Neil and Axl Rose is finally happening.

More than likely, though, the band is just announcing another tour on which Vince Neil will be fat and winded, Tommy Lee will act like a moron, Nikki Sixx will discover the hard way that there are still STDs he hasn’t yet contracted, and Mick Mars will be unable to move.

-AR

With the incredible success of The Dirt, I kind of assumed that every 80’s metal star in the world would wanna pump out an autobiography; I mean, really, most of the work is left to some poor “c0-writer” like Neil Strauss or Anthony Bozza, and there’s obviously a market for the finished product. But here we are, almost seven years after The Dirt was originally published, and it seems like we’re only now starting to get the influx of tell-alls I expected: just last year Nikki Sixx tried to hit the jackpot a second time with The Heroin Diaries while Slash took his first step towards a post-Velvet Revovler career with Slash, and now it’s been announced that we can all look forward to a tome from… Bret Michaels. A press release states:

“Not only can you see Michaels on Rock of Love this spring but you will also be able to read all about his life this fall when the singer’s much-anticipated autobiography is released by renowned publishing house Simon & Schuster.”

There’s no word on who is doing the real writing for Michaels – by God, I hope he’s not trying to write it himself – or when we can expect this literary masterpiece. But I do find the press releases assertion that Simon & Schuster is a “renowned publishing house” kinda hilarious. I mean, it’s certainly one of the bigger publishers out there, but it seems a little like saying “renowned record label Capitol” or something – most people probably aren’t paying attention to the label, they just wanna hear the album.

In any case, I’m not gonna lie, I will most likely read this book. Still, I wish more bands would follow The Dirt’s model and do a Roshamon-like multiple-perspective telling of events. Because even though hearing Michaels talk about how crazy C.C. DeVille is might be fun, it won’t be as much fun as a chapter by DeVille in the same book disputing his insanity would be.

-AR