(from Unpopular Opinion Rick Perry)

Whew, what a week. I don’t know where you all are, but here in NYC it’s 5pm and it’s already been completely dark outside for a while. FML. Here’s what happened this week:

• Corey discovered that our “Best of 2011″ lists weren’t as bad as you thought they were with fancy mathematicals to back it up.
• Axl and Vince live-chatted it up with y’all and fielded all your stupid questions… and a few good ones.
• We interviewed Giant Squid’s Aaron Gregory, Porcupine Tree’s Steven Wilson, and Nikki Sixx.
• We premiered new music by Lamb of God, Whores, Abysmal Dawn, and Nothnegal.
• We laughed at the BBC’s distorted view of metal culture not once but twice.
• We announced that we’re retiring some of our older t-shirt designs and that we’re having a fire-sale to get rid of them; get ‘em while you still can!
• Vince pondered a new ranking system that could supercede Soundscan.
• We cracked jokes about another laughable Rolling Stone Top 100 lists of guitarists.
• We introduced Lazarus A.D.’s Jeff Paulick as our new NFL columnist; please direct your hatred of the Packers his way.

Vince out.

-VN

“Hey Nikki? You’re on with Vince Neilstein.”

The above line was actually uttered by someone on Motley Crue’s management/label/PR team when they connected me with Nikki Sixx for an interview this past Friday. PR girl chuckled at the absurdity of the moment while I became flush with embarrassment, and I’m pretty sure Nikki didn’t notice / didn’t care / was too confused to say anything back. And so began my 10-minute chat with Sixx about the Crue’s upcoming Las Vegas residency, the forthcoming Sixx A.M. acoustic album (now streaming here), Nikki’s in-the-works new books, and Rod Stewart.

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Man, I really, really hope that some day, some Korean animators see fit to make a short about MetalSucks. And that it is one-eighth as awesome as the above video.

ANYWAY, here’s how we kept ourselves entertained this week:

• We debuted new music by Revocation, White Arms of Athena, Goreaphobia, and Sixx A.M.
• We did not debut, but got really excited about, new music from Mastodon and Opeth.
• Unearth’s Ken Susi and Dethklok’s Brendon Small told us all about their live rigs. BONUS: Brendon Small also gave us the skinny on his new solo album!
• We spoke to All Shall Perish’s Fracesco Artusato and Kaoru and Die from Dir En Grey.
• We checked out the latest releases from All Pigs Must Die and Axel Rudi Pell.
• We were easily able to come up with twenty-five things we’d rather do than listen to the new Five Finger Death Punch song.
• We tried to figure out which label will snag Gojira.
• Gary Suarez urged metalheads to cut the shit and stop supporting Burzum.
• Sergeant D. wondered if breakdowns are the new guitar solos.
• Corey Mitchell discussed his ten favorite albums of the year thus far.

Let us not speak too poorly of the legandary: Axl and Vince saw Motley Crue in Long Island the other night and had a helluva time. The Crue still know how to put on a highly entertaining live show, even if Tommy Lee’s ridiculously awesome drum rollercoaster was punctuated by cringe-inducing shouts of “yeeeeahh, bitch!” And there’s no denying the staying power of Motley Crue’s immense catalog.

But when it comes to actual new music, there’s no question that Sixx A.M.’s recent output easily bests that of the Crue. Debut album The Heroin Diaries was a rock-opera-ish affair that was one of the best hard rock albums of 2007, if not the decade; while this year’s follow-up This Is Gonna Hurt doesn’t pack quite the same punch it’s still a really good listen that’s several orders of magnitude better than the Crue-trying-to-sound-like-Crue attempt of “Saints of Los Angeles.” Anything Nikki Sixx writes with his Sixx A.M. partners James Michael and DJ Ashba these days is heads and shoulders above what he writes with Neil, Mars and Lee, whatever the reason may be.

Sixx A.M.’s collective songwriting is so solid that even the acoustic version of “Lies of the Beautiful People” rocks hard. Check out the world premiere below.

Vince and I are going to see the Mötley Crüe /Poison/New York Dolls tour tonight, and, yes, we are excited. And while it briefly seemed as though this would be a magically drama-free tour after Nikki Sixx allegedly apologized for some not-very-nice things he and at least one of his bandmates (Tommy Lee) said about Poison, it’s become increasingly clear that Nikki either didn’t apologize, or didn’t want that apology made public. In any case, he has continued to smack-talk Poison at every opportunity, which, of course, makes us drama queens at MetalSucks very happy.

But the really wacky thing about Nikki’s insults against Bret Michaels and company — and I’ve been saying this since November, when word of the tour first got out — is that Nikki seems to be operating under the impression that Mötley Crüe never dressed like this…

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I am old and married to a kindergarten teacher, therefore, I can only go to concerts during the sweltering months of summer.

This is my summer vacation (Part I).

WHO:MÖTLEY CRÜE, POISON & NEW YORK DOLLS
WHERE: AT&T Center — San Antonio, Texas
WHEN: June 9, 2011

I can’t say I was too excited to check out this bill. I did give Mötley Crüe a solid review for their 2008 Crüefest that scooted into the now-defunct Verizon Wireless Amphitheater under the scornful eye of a vicious summer storm, despite the fact Buckcherry, Sixx A.M., and Trapt opened up for them. This time around, I can’t say their choice for major support would cause me to sport a woody. I mean, c’mon… Poison? 4srslz?

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The Nikki Sixx v. Poison battle has gone to such ridiculous heights I’m starting to think Nikki and Bret Michaels are in cahoots and had this whole thing planned out from the very beginning. It’s certainly gotten them a ton of press, right? Who am I kidding… let’s not give either of these dunderheads too much credit for doing anything other than writing good songs 20 years ago.

There’s been so much yammering back and forth since the Motley / Poison tour was announced this Spring that I honestly can’t keep track of who said what anymore. But in the latest tidbit Nikki once again slams Poison as a second-place contender for this tour (emphasis added):

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I LOLd for an hour straight on Tuesday cuz my Twitter was blowing up with metal people’s reactions to the Casey Anthony verdict (announced around 4PM EDT). It’s a serious situation, so dudes are mad and lending their two cents. That’s natural. But man, some people think dumb. Actually, know what? I’m just gonna c+p some metal celebrity tweets below. Remember, most of the following mini-declarations are wrought in awful logic, but not everybody on the internet is ignorant and high-horsing this shit to death. Um yeah just go ahead and keep reading and oooh the suspense…

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Okay so that’s not a direct quote, but still.

Last week I expressed some disappointment that everyone in Mötley Crüe and Poison seems to be getting along in advance of their upcoming summer tour, with Nikki Sixx apparently even going so far as to apologize to Bret Michaels for derogatory comments he had made about Poison in the past — y’know, like when he called Poison “fake bullshit” and declared that The Crüe “would never, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison.”

But guess what? As it turns out — shock of shocks — either Michaels is a liar or delusional, or Sixx is a liar or just an asshole. ‘Cause now Nikki has taken to Twitter to assure the world that, no, he never apologized for his comments:

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An Open Letter to Mötley Crüe and Poison

Dear Members of Mötley Crüe and Poison,

Okay so look. Vince and I already have our tickets to your big summer tour with the New York Dolls. You have our money. You won that fight. It’s over.

So the least you could do is make the tour fucking entertaining. And, no, I don’t mean by playing “Live Wire” and “Ride the Wind” or whatever. I mean, you’re gonna play those songs, but that’s a given.

No no no no no no no. What we really, really want here is some DRAMA. Some FEUDING between the bands. You’re Mötley Crüe and Poison, fer cryin’ out loud! You chase trends. Star on reality shows. Contract and spread diseases. Release terrible records. This tour is not supposed to be some huge love fest. It’s supposed to be a total shit show.

Which is why I’m really pissed that, thus far, you seem to be getting along. You’re doing talk shows together. And now Bret Michaels says that Nikki Sixx has even apologized for the comments he and other members of The Crüe have made about Poison — y’know, the ones where they called Poison “fake bullshit,” swore that they “would never, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” and even yelled at a fan over Twitter for suggesting such a heinous concept. According to Mr. Rock of Love:

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The challenge for tireless bullshitters like Nikki Sixx, Max Cavalera, Dave Mustaine, Steven Tyler, and Sammy Hagar is overcoming audience immunity. Know what I mean? With every distorted remembrance and self-aggrandizing observation, the shit-talker’s would-be customers (i.e. us) build a resistance to his line of artlessly cloaked sales-speak and attention-mongering. So the leg-puller succumbs to the tugging urge to ramp up the bullshit, to swing bigger and more wildly, in his quest for exposure for a crappy book, charmless side project, or half-assed clothing line. The result? Boldly false accusations, misremembered details, poorly-veiled disses, and … well, and everything Mustaine ever says. Bullshit.

Which is fine. Cuz we don’t admire musicians for their devotion to perspective and modesty (except Devin Townsend lovvvve youuuuuu). But in the case of Sixx, grand champion of public self-worship, it might be necessary to stage an intervention; the Motley Crue bassist, who spent a few years using heroin and a few decades telling the world about it, might lose a jaw bone for all his recent ShamWow-style jabbering about Crue albums that no one will buy (Saints of Los Angeles limped to gold sales status), his new photography book (lulz meet me in the quad later, stud), and the next tour to be ruined by fat-ass Vince Neil this summer with Poison. All that blabbing! His tongue must be raw with abrasions, his lips nearly flapped right off his face. He can’t stop and he needs help!

But I might be wrong. Shit, just maybe Sixx is speaking the truth and I can’t handle it. So when impartiality is key, when neutrality is a necessity, when there are cold, hard facts to be parsed from dumb, dishonest bullshit, we wheel in the always reliable MetalSucks Translate-Bot 3000. Time is of the essence if Sixx is to be saved from himself and, eventually, from gaffer-tape wielding music journalists. Go, Translate-Bot 3000, go! Click to read more…

Sixx A.M.’s new album This is Gonna Hurt is on track to sell about a billion copies, in today’s relative terms, in its first week of release. Better yet, the album is actually good; like it’s predecessor The Heroin Diaries, the new album is full of big hard rock riffs that don’t evoke Theory of a Nickelsuck mook, catchy hooks throughout and James Michael’s clear, strong tenor. In short: good songs. Sixx has been a master of good songwriting throughout his 30-year career.

What, then, prevents Nikki Sixx from writing new albums this good for his day job with Motley Crue? Does anyone actually believe that perennial GN’R optimist / ex-Beautiful Cratures axeman DJ Ashba is the difference-maker? I’ll leave you to ponder that as you listen to “Lies of the Beautiful People” above.

This is Gonna Hurt is available on CD for $10 and MP3 for just $8 at Amazon.

-VN

I don’t know why, but I’ve had John Corabi on the brain recently. Maybe it’s ’cause Corey just wrote about the poor dude? I dunno. But last night I realized I’d never seen any footage of him performing live with Mötley Crüe during his brief tenure with the band, and went looking on YouTube for said footage. I found some okay bootlegs (“Hooligan’s Holiday,” “Dr. Feelgood,” “Home Sweet Home”), and it looks like Corabi was actually doing a pretty good job — which isn’t really surprising. The one eponymous album Corabi made with the band is actually pretty good, even if it was pretty much damned right from the get go.

More interesting, though, is this footage I stumbled upon of Corabi and the The Crüe rehearsing. It’s professionally filmed, although for what, I have no idea, and it’s been on YouTube since 2008, so I’m kinda surprised that no one ever sent it to me before. But I love this kinda shit. I mean, I’m obviously never going to rehearse with Mötley Crüe, so this is a pretty interesting look into that process. It’s fun to see how these guys actually interact with one another, y’know? (My favorite part might be Mick Mars getting pissy become a tech scuffed the floor. Seriously.) Plus, it turns out Tommy Lee was always retarded, if that’s news to you.

More after the jump!

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Long-time readers of MetalSucks are fully aware of my lifelong obsession with Mötley Crüe. Okay, it was more like a two-year love affair, at least until I discovered Terry Glaze-fronted Pantera, Metallica, and the English Dogs.

I have ruined any chances of running for public office by openly displaying my dress-up capabilities as both Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx on this wonderful publication. I have reviewed the band’s concerts here, as well as their books (and books, and books).

My pathetic one-sided man crush was shattered on December 8, 1984, when lead singer Vince Neil vehicularly manslaughtered 24-year-old Hanoi Rocks drummer Nicholas “Razzle” Dingley, while driving his Pantera to a liquor store in Redondo Beach, California, to pick up some booze. Interestingly enough, that was the same exact moment the band’s music began to completely suck. Hard.

That brings us to modern day Mötley Crüe and their upcoming co-headlining summer tour with metal stalwarts Poison **hack** and glam rock pioneers the New York Dolls. According to Blabbermouth, Crüe bassist and de facto leader Nikki Sixx claims that the band’s fans “demanded” that they take Poison out on the road. MetalSucks co-head honcho Axl Rosenberg, of course, is much wiser than Sixx gives him credit.

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You’d think with all the shit talking and back tracking Nikki Sixx has been doing about this whole Motley Crue/Poison tour, putting him in a room with Bret Michaels to do some terrible morning television (because Motley Crue and Poison fans are now so old that the media outlet they are most likely to get their rock news from is a morning show) would an awful idea. And by “awful,” I mean for those poor bastards. You’d think it would be a great idea for us drama enthusiasts.

But no. Sixx and Michaels have been making the morning show rounds, and not only do they appear to be getting along, but they are about as exciting a comedy team as Death and Taxes. I mean, holy shit, are these interviews boring. The only thing even remotely interesting about them is the fact that Michaels is now more media-savvy than Sixx. Sixx’s exploits with Kat Von D. have kept him in the tabloids, but Rock of Love, Celebrity Apprentice, the Tony Awards, Miley Cyrus, and a giant middle finger to the desires of The Almighty have made Michaels famous in a much bigger way — a “Sheesh even my grandmother knows who Bret Michaels is” kinda way — and he’s gotten good at giving these very bland talk show interviews.

ANYWAY, if you do wanna watch these, here’s the video I prefer, if for no other reason than because I thought the lady was saying “Yep, that’s my sexual future” at the beginning, and I was like, “Whuh-huh?” (she’s actually saying “my six year old’s future”). But Metal Insider, who first brought these interviews to my attention, have another one, too.

-AR

The New York Dolls are the OG glam rockers, the gnarliest, the realest, the least bullshitty. Therefore merely invoking their name in any conversation lends instant credibility to your argument. Just last week in Austin, TX, Kip W. was trying to convince me of the superiority of chicken tacos over pork tacos to which I simply said “New York Dolls!” and the conversation was over. Similarly, another metal journalist tried telling me that Between the Buried and Me are wanky instrumentalists with no songwriting ability to which I said “New York Dolls!” and that shut him up right quick. Nikki Sixx knows this tried-and-true method of debate-winning all too well; when he was confronted about going back on his statement that he’d never tour with Poison, all he had to do was point out that the New York Dolls were opening and that shut just about everyone up (except us).

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I know we give Bret Michaels a lot of shit around here, and rightfully so. But I actually do think he deserves a big pat on the back for this.

In case you haven’t been following the drama: Nikki Sixx has been saying no band of his would ever tour with Poison since as far back as 2004, and then in November Bret Michaels said that Motley Crue were going to tour with Poison, and then Tommy Lee was all “Oh no we’re not,” and then it turned out the tour was happening anyway, and then Nikki, rather than admit that The Crue are putting aside whatever hatred they have for Poison in order to please the fans/get paid, came out and was like, “Yeah, we’re just doing this tour with New York Dolls,” who will act as support on the bill.

Now, inevitably, Michaels has been asked about all the brewing drama in a recent interview. And he could have started some shit by smack talking Sixx right back, which I certainly would have found entertaining. Or he could have told some bullshit lie like Sixx did, which would have provided me the opportunity to make fun of him some more. But, no, he did something kind of unusual instead: he took the high road and told the truth.

Here are some choice excerpts:

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So this Motley Crue/Poison/New York Dolls tour is really happening, and now Nikki Sixx has to do some backpedalin’, seeing as just a few years ago he declared that no band he’s in “would ever, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” because Poison are “fake bullshit.” Thing is, it’s hard to backpedal from a statement as definitive and aggressive as that one. So Nikki probably did the menschy thing and just came right out and said “Yeah, well that was then and this is now and the fans really want this tour and cha-ching!”, right?

Nope. Instead, he went on his radio show (oh yeah, someone gave Nikki a radio show) and said this:

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Billboard ran a story on Wednesday that seemed to credit Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee as stating that “the film adaptation of the Crue’s 2002 memoir The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band … is now on track with Rob Zombie as it’s director. [sic]” It’s odd that this tasty bit of breaking news appeared outside of quotes while every other semi-coherent Lee mumbling was firmly attributed to the Methods of Mayhem frontman (if not represented by accurately punctuated copy). It’s extra odd because Rob Zombie would be such an odd match for The Dirt, unless there’s a new script that includes murderous hillbillies or dick-biting ghouls. And it’s super-mega-odd cuz according to Zombie, it’s untrue. He said as much Thursday on his Twitter:

Why does everyone keep asking if I am directing The Dirt? I am not. I am directing The Lords of Salem. Recording a CD after that.

Why does everyone keep asking Zombie that? Well, I am half-retarded on drugs and even I can answer that one: This rumor has Nikki Sixx’s gooey fingerprints all over it. It sounds dramatic to suggest that Sixx is launching an underhanded public campaign to railroad Zombie into helming this doomed flick, but if you think so that means you’ve forgotten that Sixx views himself as a string-pulling maestro who can bend anyone to his will. And hey I’d suffer from the same delusion if I successfully banged Kat Von D for like months. So, the lesson here is Kat Von D call me and all will see who the real puppetmaster is here.

–ADF

Rob Zombie’s The Lords of Salem is slated to begin shooting this Spring. Motley Crue joins Poison and The New York Dolls on tour kicking off June 7 in Dallas. Full dates here.

Bret and Nikki in happier times

Clearly, Motley Crue (or, at least, Nikki Sixx) do not wanna do this tour with Poison. Nikki has been quoted as far back as 2004 as having said that The Crue “would ever, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” who he called “fake bullshit.” Even though both bands wore make-up and got by on their image as much as their music, Motley seem to think they’re better than Poison. And there’s a strong argument to be made that they’re correct — they were around when the Poison dudes were still living in Pennsylvania, and their music, although certainly dated, definitely holds up better.

But the fact is, they’re doing this tour with Poison, and now’s the time for them to man up and stop firing shots over the bow. Right?

Wrong.

See, when CNN’s website for Piers Morgan Tonight broke the story (via an interview with Bret Michaels) that the rumored tour was a go, they also ran a press release which distinctly says that the two bands will “co-headline.” But not so, according to Motley Crue’s Facebook page:

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