MetalSucks

Because we at the MS Mansion keep no secrets about our un-ironic love of ’80s hair/glam and because we can never seem to resist a Carlos Ramirez-penned Top <insert here> list at Noisecreep, we give you The Top Ten Musicians with Hair Metal Pasts.

There are a few usual suspects whose Aqua Net pasts have been well-documented here and elsewhere (hiya Rivers Cuomo and studly stud Butch Walker) but there are a few surprises in there as well. Like Disturbed’s Dan Donegan… what I wouldn’t give to hear a Vandal recording! In fact, if someone wants to email those to us I’ll gladly post them for all of us to laugh / sneer at / enjoy.

Take a look at the list, then come back here and tell us why hair metal sucks.

-VN

This is kind of how I imagine things going down in the Noisecreep Compound as of late:

Seth W. (Editor in Chief): Hmmm… traffic’s a little slow this week. What can we do to bring in some more visitors?
Amy Sciarretto: The Grammy nominations were just announced… I could do a piece about that.
Chris Harris: We could make fun of Marilyn Manson. That’s always funny!
Justina Villanueva: I could write up a couple pieces about awesome local bands like Gwynbleidd and The Binary Code.
Allyson B. Crawford: Rocklahoma!
Seth W.: Hmmm… I don’t know guys… those are all great ideas but I think we need something with a little more DRAW, especially since Nickelback and Creed aren’t doing anything at the moment.*
Carlos Ramirez: Oooo ooo oo, ME ME ME!! Pick me!! I’ll do another list!! That’ll really get ‘em!!
Seth W. <in Captain Jean-Luc Picard voice>: Make it so.

And thus another list was born. Today’s list du jour collects the Top 10 Metal Albums of the 2000s… and before you guys get all up in a tizzy, the results are based on an industry poll, not Carlos’ opinions. It’s actually a pretty solid list with some quality albums, and though it’s nearly impossible to compile any sort of list like this that actually means anything, it should serve as a good discussion piece.** So check it out and let us know what you think.

-VN

*I kid, I kid. I love you, Seth!
**Having said that,*** I will never really agree with the inclusion of Converge on any “metal” list… I still do not really get this band, although I did enjoy Axe to Fall. And they’re a hardcore band at heart.
***Do you respect wood?

We’re shuttering the Mansion early this week in celebration of the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday. Axl closed down his Annex hours ago, and I’m bidding farewell to the Vince Division as soon as I finish this here “Worst Week Ever” column. The Monkeys will have to make due on their own ’til Monday.

• Devin Townsend sold some records.
• Noisecreep released their “Best Songs of the Decade” and “Best Albums of 2009” lists. Predictably, arguing ensued.
• Cristina Scabbia posed for a PETA with clothes on (imagine that!), then she took our joke a little too seriously.
• We looked at new releases from supergroups Shrinebuilder and Them Crooked Vultures.
• There’s drama in The Human Abstract camp.

That’s it. We out. Maybe we’ll do SSTGST and Black Metal Brunch columns. Adios!

-VN

Round about this time of year we start to see those clusterfucks known as year-end lists appear in our favorite metal publications. This morning Axl wrote about Noisecreep’s Top Ten Albums 0f 2009 list, and this afternoon Noisecreep took it one step further by publishing their own “Best Songs of the 2000s” list. And look at that — it’s ranked! Meaning you can all get really hot and bothered about why Tool is ranked higher than Mastodon! A fruitful argument if ever there was one. </saracasm>

Choosing a list of the best songs from an entire decade is a Sisyphean task if ever there was one. What are there, thousands, hundreds of thousands of metal songs released in a decade? But Noisecreep’s list wins points for diversity — Converge right next to Pig Destroyer right next to Slipknot (for example). And hey, here we are talking about the list… so Noisecreep must’ve done something right.

Check out the list then weigh in with your thoughts below.

-VN

Another day, another silly but undeniably fun Top 10 list by our friend Carlos Ramirez over at Noisecreep (see also: The Top 10 Bush-era Anthrax songs, Top 10 New School Thrash Bands and The Top Ten High-Pitch Metal Singers of All Time). This week’s topic du jour, The Top 10 Guitarists of the “Shred Era,” which Ramirez clarifies thusly:

The style first rose to fame in the mid-1980s when guitarists started rocking classical influenced scales played at frenzied speeds… Legendary guitarists Uli Jon Roth, Al DiMeola and Eddie Van Halen helped inform the movement while a guy in California named Mike Varney served as scene’s biggest cheerleader and supporter. Through his Shrapnel Records, Varney not only discovered and produced many of the scene’s headliners, his very own Shrapnel Records would go on to become to shred what Motown was to soul music.

As usual, Ramirez is mostly spot on. Michael Angelo Batio — check. Yngwie — check. George Lynch — check. The only obvious omission I can find (I’m sure you guys will have plenty of gripes, though) is that of Vinnie Vincent, one-time KISS guitarist and all-time uber/psycho/insane/batshit shredder extraordinaire. We actually have a shrine dedicated to Vinnie Vincent in the corner opposite the shitter in the MS Mansion bathroom. Nothing quite inspires efficient crapping like the photo of Vinnie Vincent’s face you see on the right. No joke.

Go on over to Noisecreep to read the list, then come back here and tell us “OMG i can’t believe ____ was left off the list, wtf?!?!”

-VN

Here at the MS Mansion we make no apologies about being staunch John Bush supporters. Way before the current Dan Nelson fracas, way back in the prebuscent MetalSucks days of March 2007, we wrote an open letter to John Bush encouraging him to come back into the fold. We even accidentally started a rumor that ex-Ugly Kid Joe frontman Whitfield Crane would be a suitable Bush replacement, and nearly shit our pants when it was rumored that Corey Taylor was up for the job (remember that?)… but there’s no Bush like the real Bush. Needless to say we were beyond stoked when Bush rejoined the band for a few European gigs last month.

Friend O’ MetalSucks and fellow John Bush-supporter Carlos Ramirez has compiled a list for Noisecreep of the Top 10 John Bush-era songs, and the free streaming mp3s contained therein (!!!) provided the soundtrack for my afternoon smoke-a-thon yesterday. The list is top notch and reminds us just why we love John Bush so much. The one oversight is the omission of “Inside Out” from Volume 8: The Threat Is Real, which might be the single heaviest Anthrax song ever and should be a staple in any “best of” conversation regarding Bush.

Head on over to Noisecreep to read and listen. Make sure you click those streaming links multiple times so John Bush gets a few extra pennies in his pockets just in case that Burger King voiceover gig ever kicks the bucket.

-VN

Noisecreep kindly invited me to be a guest on their weekly podcast last week, so I trekked into Manhattan on my bike in the 90° heat to take part at the AOL Music headquarters. The panel consisted of Noisecreep Editor-In-Chief Seth Werkheiser, writers Chris Harris, Amy Sciarretto and Jon Weiderhorn, John and Oliver from UK thrashers Evile, and myself. That’s me on the far right in the white (metal!) shirt, sporting a douchie mustache. So now you can tackle me at shows just like you do Rob from Metal Injection.

We discussed a whole lot of topics ranging from the then-latest in metal news (Dani Filth being chucked with a bottle, news of a new Austrian Death Machine album, etc), the latest records to come out (Burnt by the Sun, Emmure, Otep) and Jon did an interview with Evile. Laughs were had and many bands were shat upon (mostly by me, with nervous laughs from everyone else). Watch it below. Thanks again to Noisecreep for the invite; I hope to do it again soon.

-VN

Noisecreep have unveiled their list of the Top 10 Death Metal Debut Albums (although the list is in no particular order), courtesy Friend of MetalSucks, Carlos Ramirez.

And for once, I don’t actually have any complaints. The list is pretty good.

That being said, I’m sure you folks will find something to bitch about, so… have at it!!!

-AR