Earlier this week it was reported that terrible disc jockey David Lee Roth (you may also know him as the singer for some band called Van Halen) nearly died after an allergic reaction to eating nuts.

Not so, Roth now says in a statement:

“I had no allergic reaction to nuts. I love nuts. Me and nuts go together like Siegfried and Roy. I mean, I don’t love nuts in a gay way, just in a totally masculine, 110% hetero way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go change into my sparkly green leotards.”

Nuts could not be reached for comment.

-AR