Jennifer’s Body was screwed before a single image flickered in public. The immediate reasons were twofold.

First, Karyn Kusama directed it. That would be that same Kusama whose gritty indie-film Girlfight was celebrated, but whose pricey, high fashion futurist Æon Flux was shredded by the studio and then released without reviewer pre-screenings. The press surveyed the carnage, located the person least responsible— ironically, Kusama — and promptly laid blame on her.

Around the same time, Diablo Cody was still flush with the out of the box success of her first screenplay, Juno. Was it time to knock the attractive ex-stripper down a few pegs no matter what she wrote? Yes it was.

So — deadset on consigning Kusama to the dustbin of one-hit-wonders and eager to loathe anything Cody crafted, the critics promptly lowered themselves to the occasion by trashing the hard-to-pigeonhole Jennifer’s Body on its release in 2009 for reasons that were united mainly by their inchoate ugliness. But later for what may have explained Body’s kneejerk drubbing.

For I am here to praise Cody/Kusama’s great film, which may have MetalSucks readers going, “What the fuck is Jennifer’s freakin’ Body release doing in the New York Times of Metal anyway?”

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Butt rock reigns yet again, with Seether nabbing the top spot for the second week in a row. Boris and Cave In cracked the Top Hard Music charts with their new albums (hooray!), while Hollywood Undead and Asking Alexandria actually experienced sales gains for the first time since their new records debuted a few weeks back (boo!). Click on through to see what else charted and how much it all sold.

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Foo Fighters fans fretting that Wasting Light would relinquish its hold on the meaningless Soundscan charts after dropping to #2 last week after three debut weeks at #1… fret not, as Dave Grohl and co. are back up top! This week’s #2 comes in the form of a big surprise, as Zack Wylde’s Black Label Society sold a ton of copies of the acoustic equivalent of a remixes album.

Lots of interesting action elsewhere, too, with new records by Anvil and Hate Eternal making the charts, and a bunch of other strong sellers. Also: a case study in Sixx A.M. / Motley Crue chart history, another one on the myriad Aerosmith greatest hits collections selling gangbusters, and on Metallica’s Master of Puppets‘ chart legacy finally coming to an end.

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The Foo Fighters and Hollywood Undead were finally toppled from their respective #1 and #2 spots last week after holding down the fort in that order for three straight weeks prior (with Hollywood Undead at #1 the week before Foo Fighters’ debut), but rest assured, they’re still at #2 and #3 and show no signs of letting up. Nikki Sixx’s new Sixx A.M. record nabbed the top spot on the Hard Music Charts this week, undoubtedly due to this record-shifting post.

Elsewhere, Shinedown debuted their new live album, another Poison greatest hits collection flopped, and some other bands sold some records too. The numbers:

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In the absence of any big metal debuts, this week I decided to run with a question posed last week: how does Amon Amarth’s current chart-buster Surtur Rising stack up against their past releases? After the jump, a look at those numbers.

Foo Fighters were #1 and Hollywood Undead were #2 for the third week in a row on the Top Hard Music charts; elsewhere, Otep Shamaya had a nice debut and shitstains on the ass of the universe like Winds of Plague and Asking Alexandria also had solid weeks. Whoopie.

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I’m going to put approximately as much work into this introduction as Billy Milano does into staying in shape.

We begin today with The Dillinger Escape Plan’s new video, for “Gold Teeth on a Bum.” I really love this song, so I wish I really loved this video. Unfortunately, whomever shot this live footage decided to use the same camera move over and over again starting at roughly the fifteen second mark, and by the thirty second mark, it has become insanely annoying. Rapid zoom in/zoom out. I mean it works the first go-round because it’s in time with the music. Rapid zoom in/zoom out. But then it just keeps happening over and over and over again for no discernible reason. Rapid zoom in/zoom out. Seriously, go get a bottle of something, not even something all that strong, and take a shot every time there’s a rapid zoom in/zoom out. You’ll be dead from alcohol poisoning before the halfway mark.

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So as it turns out, Periphery have a rather sizable online following. Hm. Who knew?

ANYWAY, here’s how we amused ourselves this week:

• We debuted new music by the aforementioned Periphery, as well as Meek is Murder.
• Gwar’s Oderus Urungus answered some more reader questions, and we spoke to Fredrik Andersson from Amon Amarth.
• We checked out the latest releases from Drugs of Faith and Throatruiner Records.
• We reported on all the awesome metalocity at SXSW.
• We wondered if metalheads support gay marriage.
• We offered a retort to Sumerian Records head honcho Ash Avilldsen’s anti-piracy argument.
• We started the “Best of 2011″ argumentswwwaaaaayyyy early.
• We watched the best school assembly ever.
• We wondered why good musicians join terrible bands.
• We steeled ourselves for the release of the worst album of the year.

Alright, have a good frakin’ weekend everyone! See ya Monday.

-AR

I understand that musicians have bills to pay and mouths to feed like anyone else, and that if there’s a way — any way — for you to make your living by playing music, well, that’s pretty fortunate.

Still, I’m always a little put-off when a musician I admire either has to or chooses to squander his talent by playing with some crappy band. Does anyone really believe that there aren’t better ways that current Korn-holers Ray Luzier and Shane Gibson could be spending their time?

So. Recently two more dudes I admire have joined bands I could live without: Kris Norris, formerly of Darkest Hour, has joined Straight Line Stitch, apparently on a full-time basis, while Gil Sharone, formerly of The Dillinger Escape Plane, plays on the new Otep album, Atavist. (I don’t get the impression that he’ll be touring with the band or anything like that, though.)

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After listening to Psycho’s female blowtorch, Penny Torture, and Ava Inferi’s haunting distaff elemental, Carmen Susana Simões, I realized it’s time we just chill and admit that women are all-around better at this metal-singing thing.

Is this mad exaggeration? It feels like that when I’m away from an MPEG player, but then I listen to those two radically different bands, to Psycho’s primal-scream old school death or Ava Inferi’s doomed-out, gothy whatsit, and it feels I’m not over-reaching, I’m underselling.

And it’s not just two superior releases (Ava Inferi’s Onyx and Psycho’s Pain Addict Pigs). It’s just become impossible to ignore the fact that females are not only doing equal or better work in the same genre jobs as male counterparts, they’re also making metal records that go places no male on Earth — none, nada, zip-ol-lina — could go. That 2011’s best metal so far — Subrosa’s No Help for the Mighty Ones — is an almost all-femme effort of relentless pan-genre awesomeness only adds arsenic and new lace to my argumentative cake.

All of which may have the reader thinking, “You do realize, you silly person, that you’ve just written off the work of one half the human race.”

To which I say, “Yeah, well, I guess I’m pimping a little irony here, since that’s business as usual with women and the metal press. But irony aside, please bear with me.”

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Alright, so what the fuck? Last week my lady says “Hey did you get tickets to Otep’s 20th anniversary show or what?” And I didn’t get tickets. Fuck, I’ve only been listening to Otep for a few years, I didn’t know she’d been around for twenty years. So I tell my lady, “I didn’t get the tickets, baby, I’ll go on the internet and get them right now.” And she goes, “You can’t get them right now! The show is sold out, Dummy!”

Now, I don’t want my lady to be mad at me, so I go on Craig’s List and I hunt down some tickets. And they were totally fucking expensive, but like I said, I don’t want my lady to be mad at me. So now we’re off to see Otep.

Well, fuckin’ Otep comes out, and right off the bat, I’m confused. She dyed her hair brown and stopped waxing her lip? Why? Doesn’t she want boys to like her anymore? Blondes are so freakin’ HOT! And she’s playing a guitar, and talking funny. What the fuck is she doing? Is this like one of those performance art comedy things? Who does she think she is, Tom Green or something?

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Dude, I wouldn’t fuck with Otep Shamaya. Would you fuck with Otep Shamaya? She reminds me of the cool rebel kid from one of those 80s movies, like Rudy in The Monster Squad or whatever. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Shamaya smile. Have you ever seen her smile? I really don’t think I ever have.

So. All of that being said, yelling “Take it off!” at Otep during a performance is probably a really, really dumb idea. In fact, I’m sure that whatever wise ass did it at a show in San Francisco earlier this week knew it was a really dumb idea, and was doing it to get attention. Which he got. Not only did she bitch him out from the stage, but – and I’m making an inference here based on what Otep says and who she says it to – I think that some chick near the front must have actually then flashed her tits, and she gets some of Otep’s rage, too.

Still, it’s nice of Otep to end the tirade by playing match maker.

Video of the incident in question is below. It’s at the start, so if, like me, you like Otep the lady more than you like Otep the band, you don’t actually have to listen to any Otep music to enjoy this.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

There’s a lyric in this song that goes “I feel uninspired,” and watching the video, I know what Otep means. I really, really want to like her music as much as I like her (our politics are very similar, although I suspect she’s even further left than I am), but what a mess of metal video clichés, and what a lousy song.

And no one hates Sarah Palin more than I do, but… really? A revenge fantasy? Couldn’t they at least of hired someone who actually does look kinda like Palin, like Tina Fey (okay that may not be realistic) or that chick who played Palin in the porn parodies (I have a feeling she would have been available)? If you were gonna give her a facial anyway, might as well have had someone who does those for a living!

-AR

Poor Joey Jordison must get bored when he’s not busy with Slipknot; besides Corey Taylor and Clown, he’s easily the most visible member of the band, even when they’re on hiatus (as they are right now). This is extra-amazing when you consider the fact that, unlike Taylor or Clown, he doesn’t really have a side-project: the one he started, Murderdolls, released one album in 2002, did a whole bunch of touring behind it, and then promptly broke-up. (MD vocalist Wednesday 13 recently hinted at a possible Murderdolls reunion, but that doesn’t actually seem to be happening.) But Jordison constantly manages to stay in the spotlight, be it through producing gigs (3 Inches of Blood’s Fire Up the Blades) or, more often, guest spots with other well-known bands: he recorded some drums for Otep’s House of Secrets (as though Otep didn’t sound enough like Slipknot already), toured with Ministry, and did a few tour dates with Satyricon before a couple of their members got arrested on a kiddie-sex charge and that trek was canceled.

And now it’s been announced that Jordison will spend the spring and summer playing for Rob Zombie.

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It was back in December of ’08 that my man Vince first observed that E1 (then still called Koch) was signing every fucking metal band in the world. At that point, the label had recently made deals with or released albums by In Flames, Hatebreed, High On Fire, Satyricon, Otep, Throwdown and Straight Line Stitch; now there’s a rumor that they’ve added Black Label Society to their roster, too.

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Holy shit. I wasn’t even out that late last night, but for some reason I am just so tired today that it feels like nothing is really happening. Am I really typing this? Did I really write something positive about Zakk Wylde? Can I please just go to sleep now? I’m just gonna go to sleep now.

Before I do, here’s some things that happened this week:

• We’re giving away a free download of Katatonia’s new song, “Forsaker.”
• We spoke to Hypocrisy’s Peter Tagtgren and Brian Cook from Russian Circles and These Arms Are Snakes.
• We checked out new releases from Slayer and Jesu.
• Otep Shamaya gives women in metal a good name – too bad she won’t be a woman much longer.
• Leaves’ Eyes singer Liv Kristine gives women in metal a bad name – or, at least, a silly one.

Alright, seriously, night-night time for Axl. I think Gary Suarez is going to the NYC Vader gig tomorrow; if anyone sees him there, give him a dead arm for me.

-AR

And I don’t mean a man-whore.

Metal Insider found this blog, hilariously titled “That New Car Smell,” in which extreme music’s most famous lesbian announces that she is undergoing sexual reassignment surgery in order to legally marry her lover, an unnamed “A-list actress.” Some excerpts follow:

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Seems some beef’s been abrewin’ around Otep Shamaya’s politics over at The Gauntlet. Surprising, right? Here’s the short version:

1. Otep blogs about healthcare reform, blasts Republicans for spreading anti-healthcare reform propaganda (i.e. “death panels”)
2. Gauntlet commenter “CM” responds, accusing Otep of only “smashing the control machine” when Republicans are in office, thereby rendering her points moot.
3. Otep responds to CM saying she often criticizes Obama (i.e. marriage equality, indefinite detention), attacks credibility of anonymous Internet poster.

Generally speaking, I agree with Otep. I actually find Otep Shamaya to be an incredibly charming, intelligent and thoughtful, articulate person. I can’t stand her music, but that’s besides the point — Otep’s the kind of person who, if she were my upstairs neighbor or something, we’d probably hang out a lot, you know? I also have the utmost respect for what she represents as an outspoken woman in rock and roll. However, I wish she’d stop using hyperbole to emphasize her points. There’s no need to call Republicans “colostomy bags” (for example); this will only infuriate the opposition and draw attention away from the true issues at hand. Dear Otep: if you’re reading this, please try and stay away from these kinds of thin insults. It dilutes the issues and paints you as an angry liberal when you seem to be able to transcend this stereotype using ordinary words, logic and reason. You’re above that kind of name-calling, I know it.

Oh hey, and since this is a music website, Otep’s got a new album out this week that is apparently on track to sell nearly 15,000 copies. Holy crap!

-VN

I appreciate what Otep Shamaya is trying to accomplish as a human being far more than I appreciate what she does accomplish as an artist. I’m all for trying to get metal fans to take a political stance. I’m glad that she’s continuing the tradition of using metal as protest music. Good for her. Seriously. I’m not being sarcastic.

But “Rise, Rebel, Resist,” the new song currently streaming on Otep’s MySpace page, sounds exactly like every other Otep song I’ve ever heard. I guess that will please her old fans, but I don’t think it will make her any new ones.

The song comes off of Smash the Control Machine, which Victory will release on August 18.

Anyone else think it’s weird that Otep is on Victory now?

-AR

It seems like every day we get a press release here at the MS Mansion announcing that some respectable metal band has signed to Koch Records. High On Fire, Satyricon and Throwdown are the latest crop, having all signed to Koch within the past few weeks. Add that to the already formidable metal roster of In Flames, Otep, Hatebreed and Straight Line Stitch… despite a couple of admittedly terrible bands in that bunch, from a business perspective that’s some serious fucking firepower there, all added within the last year, give or take.

So what the hell is going on over there?

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It’s a shame Otep’s music sucks so much, because it’s such a waste of a pretty awesome person. Otep Shamaya is smart, articulate, and consistently on point with her messages. She is, in my opinion, the very archetype of what a woman in metal should be. It’s just a shame her music is so mundane and unspectacular, seemingly at complete odds with her personality. Check out her recent appearance on Dave Navarro’s new show Spread TV, plugging her new site allshapesandsizes.org and the MetalSucks-approved Carbon Rally. Listening to her talk it’s hard for me NOT to love this person; she’s the type I could easily imagine running into in my building and being like, “hey Otep, what’s up, wanna come over and smoke a bowl?” and then proceeding to do just that and talk about important issues for hours.

ANYWAY, here’s the clip. Dave Navarro has sunken to levels of tool-ness previously thought unfathomable; some of his between-question banter is jut cringeworthy. Navarro peaked with RHCP’s One Hot Minute, and it’s been all downhill from there. But hey, at least he’s still got a career, so I’ll give him that.

-VN