MetalSucks

The infamous Now That’s What They Call Music comp, now it’s thirtieth iteration (!), will never stop selling. Nor will Hannah Montana. Given, it’s tough for any true metal band to crack the Billboard 200, but Mastodon did just once again that by notching a #11 debut with Crack the Skye, beat out metal-wise only by Papa Roach (ugh). Elsewhere, we got some surprises from Chris Cornell, Twiztid (!?) and others. Sales figures for those and other notable hard rock and metal releases after the jump.

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Remember when Papa Roach front dude Jacoby Shaddix was calling himself “Coby Dick?” Jesus fucking Christ.

ANYWAY, coming from this band, I would’ve assumed a song called “Hollywood Whore” would be autobiographical, perhaps telling the story of four not especially talented dudes who maintain a steady career in the music biz by aping whatever trend is hot at the moment. Instead, it’s the kind of pop metal portrait of scuzzy life on the Strip that Nikki Sixx specializes in, only without all that “really catchy” baggage. And those lyrics? Oh. My. Gawd. I’m so sure that Paris Hilton is, like, so totally offended.

Wowza. Check out the auto-tune on those backing vocals.

-AR

No booze at a Motley fucking Crue show? Jesus fucking Christ. That must be like having sex with a condom made of nails.

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As the southern shores of the Texas coast were being relentlessly hammered by Hurricane Dolly, a storm of a different sort slammed its way into the Alamo City last Wednesday. Maybe those long traffic lines heading out of Padre Island earlier in the week were actually Crue fans making their way to San Antonio to catch the first annual Cruefest featuring Trapt, Sixx AM, Papa Roach, Buckcherry, and that notorious whirlwind of destruction known as Motley Crue.

It would be the first time for this Old Fart to witness the Crue since their glory days of corpsepaint and titties known as the Shout at the Devil tour way back in 1983. (See Dorks Love Metal! for more hilarity.) I had fallen out of man-love with the band right around the Dr. Feelgood-era so I was not really sure if I would enjoy myself or not. I am happy to report: CRUE FUCKIN’ ROCKS!!

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So the new Motley Crue album has a release date; Saints of Los Angeles (listen to the title track and first single at Motley’s MySpace and watch the video here) will hit the shelves on June 17th on the band’s own Motley Records. As expected, the band announced in a press conference yesterday that they will embark on a 40-date U.S. Amphitheater tour dubbed Cruefest, also featuring Buckcherry, Papa Roach, Trapt and Sixx A.M. Two of those bands make me puke; you decide which.

From what I can tell there was no mention of the rumors that Crue signed a $100-$150 million all-encompassing deal with touring giants Live Nation.

The new album is supposedly a concept piece following the same storyline as the band’s best-selling memoir The Dirt, a book which probably ranks among my Top 5 reads ever (seriously!). Will Sixx be able to strike lightning twice, having already released a concept album in 2007 about his own struggles with addiction, or is the new album just an excuse to tour that will suck and be completely irrelevant?