Just because Blabbermouth doesn’t pick up The Haunted frontman Peter Dolving’s MySpace blog rants anymore doesn’t mean we won’t. So if the guy doesn’t want to blog for MetalSucks (his one-off guest blog excluded), fuck it, we’ll just post ‘em anyway! In his latest blog du jour, Mr. Dolving posts an entire email exchange turned pissing match with an Australian fan (or ex-fan, as it were) named Scott. A simple question quickly devolves into a shit-storm of insults. When it comes to Dolving blogs, this is the way we like ‘em.

As you know we’ve played 4 shows in Australia. The Land Down Under.

Now to me, Oz is the other side of the planet, obviously. And besides the Triffids, Hunters and Collectors, Rupert Murdoch, Rugby and “G’day mate” I am painfully ignorant about this huge continent. As it were, we just had snow back home in Sweden and it being spring/summer(?) in Australia I asked, honestly wondering if there was anyone who had never seen snow. This kid, Scott must have been
waiting for a while to rag on my ass. Here’s the little drama that followed… enjoy

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The Haunted have always offered us, the discerning metal listener, the most reliable fallback we could have hoped for in a post-Slaughter of the Soul world. While some members of that recently reunited band have put their various talents to the fulfillment of crusty grindcore (Skitsystem) or eyeliner goth jams (Dani F.’s Tap-dancing Cadaveret), the Bjorler brothers and co. succeeded in a pedal to the floor, no bullshit approach to heavy metal. They created a group that could both distinguish itself from their previous legacy and still maintain a presence around the world. Twelve years and five albums later, The Haunted have shown beyond any doubt the consistency of their output, both in quality and release schedule.

Now, however, with Versus we, the discerning metal critic, are offered a quake and a fracture in the rock solid foundation that previously seemed unmovable. This autumn offering is unfortunately inconsistent, which is frustrating because it has a lot going for it.

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Ponder the Freudian nature of Metallica’s new album artwork as you grill hot dogs this weekend. I know I will. Here are the key headlines from the week:

• Very old Italian friar fronts a metal band, makes most of today’s scene kids look like pussies.
• Metallica released the album artwork for Death Magnetic, which in fact does look just like a hairy old vagina.
• Whitechapel’s new record scanned over 5,000 units in its first week of release… zuh??
• We launched a new mini site-redesign. (BIG ups to our pals at Metal Injection for their help!)
• Tommy Vext and Dino Cazares scuffle backstage at a show; Dino’s wife gets caught in the crossfire and receives some wicked bruises.
• The Haunted’s Peter Dolving blogs for MetalSucks.
• Jucifer gets booted from the stage at a Brooklyn show.
• Snot get back together, hiring Tommy Vext to fill the shoes of the late Lynn Strait. No word about who will fill the shoes of Lynn Strait’s dog.

[We're huge fans of The Haunted's Peter Dolving's MySpace rants; the dude is intelligent, funny, and generally spot on (if you need confirmation of this just look at comments below anything about him on Blabbermouth, and just assume the usual Blabbermouth maxim: that whatever people are saying, the opposite is true). His band happens to be fucking awesome too. So we figured, hey, why not see if he's up for porting his rants to MetalSucks? Through a little bit of luck and some good connections (you know who you are -- thanks, dude!) we are thrilled to present to you the one and only Peter Dolving himself. God bless. We hope to make this a regular feature. -Ed.]

Fuck. My Lawnmower Of Death broke down.

I feel devastated. It’s an english lawnmower, ’cause the english are without question masters of grass. Now why the devastation one might ask. Awright, here’s the deal – I’ve been on tour the last five summers and this year since the Björler twins are doing their little At The Gates outing – it’s me, and my garden.

Nothing comes between us.

I have a really small house, but a huge garden folks. When me and the family, with my now ex-wife (yeah I had to get that in there…) moved in three years ago, the yard was a mess. Littered, no, covered by car tires, scrap metal, twigs, tons of twigs, branches, garbage and old construction debris. I spent weeks, months inbetween tourdates clearing the place up, dragging and burning shit night after night. It drove my exwife crazy, her being a citygirl and all. She’d tell me I was running away. I tried to explain what I saw was there, but you know… “You just don’t spend your time outside all day long, digging around in muck and come in smelling all smoke and soot, we’re your family come insiiiiiide…”).

Well, now I’m divorced, the place looks beautiful and my kids fucking love it. They love it because they’ve been and are a part of making it, creating it as it unfolds. Poetry in fucking motion. Not everyone gets that part of life. But dude, don’t fucking expect beauty to come dropping in your lap. That, little buddy – will not happen.

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While everyone is all in a tizzy about the At the Gates reunion, the brothers Bjorler — with our favorite vocalist/ranter Peter Dolving — have also been working on new music for their other band. By now The Haunted have no doubt finished recording the follow-up to 2006′s excellent The Dead Eye; the album is tentatively called Versus and is due in late September via Century Media.

There’s some fan-filmed live footage of the band performing a new song at a festival in Sweden in June. Sounds to me like The Haunted are continuing to travel down the more moody, groove-based trail they set upon with The Dead Eye, which if you ask me is a good thing. Unfortunately the dick-hole who uploaded the video won’t allow embeds, so you’ll have to watch it here.

Also of consequence is that with a new Haunted album comes more philosophical Internet rants from Peter Dolving. Yay!

-VN

The Haunted are busy working on their new record at PUK studios in Denmark with producer Tue Madsen, and somewhere, in the woods outside of Gothenburg, frontman Peter Dolving is coming out of hibernation to resume his fantastic blog rants.

Just last night we were chatting with the dudes at Nonelouder about how The Haunted’s last album The Dead Eye (also produced by Madsen) was our favorite one yet — but we didn’t mention Dolving’s maniacal journal entries, which include nuggets such as this:

“How I’m feeling? Mutherfucker, I’m fucked. The shit I dream at night you wouldn’t believe. When I wake up I feel like I’m dead, I literally have minor hallucinations for the first halfhour until I’ve drugged myself with enough caffeine and sugar to murder an elephant.”

The Blabberbrat punters seem to ridicule Dolving into oblivion — but I, for one, think his writing is absolutely amazing. His rants on the world, politics, culture, life, psychology and um, oh yeah, music, are all right on the money.

Who thinks we take a stab at giving this guy a shot at a guest column on MetalSucks? If ever there was a match made in heaven. Plus, dude’s gonna have plenty of time on his hands this summer, whatwith the rest of the band members being busy with that At the Gates reunion and all…

-VN