If you live anywhere near New York Fucking City and you have half a brain in that ugly domepiece you call a head, you probably went to Day One of the inaugural Metal Suckfest at the Gramercy Theater yesterday.  And what a time it was…..we drank, we smoked, we rocked, we rolled, we laughed, we cried, we made sweet sweet love under the moonlight and then you puked all over me (gross!)……but holy bajeezus it was totally worth it huh?

Well TODAY is going to be even better!!!!!  Why/how, you ask??  1) the staff of MetalBlows will be raffling off hummers (not the cars), 2) ten radical bands (including Cynic, The Red Chord, Obscura, Fight Amp, and SIX MORE) will fuck your face right off, 3) I promise to keep that creepy guy from Metal Injection away from you, 4) free lapdances, 5) there’s a rumor going around that Lake Bukkake will play a secret set in the downstairs bar, 6) Axl will tell you all sorts of wise things about things, and 7) YOU SUCK.

Come party with us tonight, and be prepared to get a little messy……they don’t call it Suckfest for nothing!

-KW

Last year (and the year before) I got way too busy with this thing called life and missed out on a lot of quality music. I am here to rectify the error of my ways, month by month.

Sorry for the delay. Been extra busy writing books, covering film festivals for Bloody Disgusting, and watching zee American football (Go Steelers!). Also, my listening tally (165 releases for September alone!!) practically quadrupled with the introduction of Spotify into my home.

I won’t have another Bleeders’ list until December as I am fast approaching a deadline on my next true crime book, Teach Me To Kill. I will, however, be contributing my Top 15 picks of the year before I resume the Bleeders’ lists.

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Primus have always been a band I respected more than I liked; I mean, I’ve never heard a Primus song and thought “Oh, this band is terrible,” but I’ve never gotten really into a Primus album, either. People love Primus, and I get it. Les Claypool is a talented dude.

So. Primus have released “Tragedy’s A’Comin,” the debut track from Green Naugahyde, which is their first new studio album in over a decade. And, befitting a band that was last active in the late 90s/early aughties, they’ve released the song to Spin. Friggin’ adorable, right? Makes me wanna pinch Claypool’s cheeks.

ANYWAY, you can check out the track here. Sounds like Primus to me, but I’ll leave it to the experts to decide.

-AR

Thanks to Tim for the tip.

MetalSucks recently polled its staff to determine who are The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, and after an incredible amount of arguing, name calling, and physical violence, we have finalized that list! The only requirements to be eligible for the list were that the musician in question had to a) play metal (duh), b) play guitar (double-duh), and c) have recorded something in the past five years. Today we continue our countdown with Buckethead…

“He was born in a coop, raised in a cage,
Children fear him, critics rage.
He’s half alive, he’s half-dead
Folks just call him ‘Buckethead.’”
–”The Ballad of Buckethead,” Buckethead featuring Les Claypool

Buckethead (his mommy just calls him “Brian Patrick Carroll”), the one-time Primus and Guns N’ Roses axe slinger, hasn’t released a single album in 2011, which I guess is excusable, SINCE HE RELEASED FOUR IN 2010 and ANOTHER FOUR IN 2009. In fact, his most recent release, 2010′s Untitled, was his thirtieth studio album — and that only counts solo albums, not stuff he’s recorded with bands/other artists. And even then, only solo albums released under the moniker “Buckethead,” not solo albums released as “Death Cube K” (which, in case you don’t see it, is the letters that spell “Buckethead” re-arranged).

Of course, the fact that he’s pretty much the most prolific person in the history of ever would make no difference if he wasn’t also an incredible, mind-bogglingly mind-blowing musician. Fact of the matter is, when you look at all those albums he’s released, not only are they all good, and not only do they all display top-notch musicianship and songwriting abilities, but they cover a wide range of styles, including not just metal and hard rock, but electronica, country, funk, blues, flamenco, and lots and lots of experimental shit that I don’t even know what the fucking fuck you’d call it.

For example, here’s a quick overview (and a shit ton of videos) of the genres covered in just those eight most recent solo releases:

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When I am not trolling simple-minded, entry-level elitists, I enjoy the soothing, dulcet tones of some classic thrash or death metal. I am definitely not any kind of metal encyclopedia or authority on the subject, but I have realized that (sadly) I’m old enough to have heard a few bands that many younger metal fans have not, just because I have been exposed to a lot of bands over the years — sort of like an ancient desert tortoise who is not a historian, but has seen history unfold before his eyes simply because he is old as fuck. Because I enjoy giving back to my community, I will share some of my favorite older bands in case any of you might like them. If you want to hate on me, that’s OK, too, so feel free to tell me I’m a poser, that everybody already knows about these bands, that I got some trivial detail wrong, or whatever else you think makes you “sound like u rly know what ur talking about.”

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Like a lot of people, I first became familiar with Brian Posehn because of his time on David Cross and Bob Odenkirk’s brilliant HBO sketch comedy series, Mr. Show, for which he was also a writer. A few years after that show went off the air, my then-roommate and I went to see Posehn do some stand-up at a comedy club here in New York. I don’t think we were even there to see Posehn specifically – if memory serves, David Cross was the actual draw for us – but he was so funny that I actually laughed so hard I became winded and fell out of my chair. Since then, he’s been on a very, very short list of stand-ups that I never miss the chance to check out when they come through town. Mr. Show sketches about a fictional band called “Titannica” led me to believe that someone on the series’ writing staff was a metal fan, but I didn’t know that it was Posehn until later – and the revelation that he was just as obsessed with metal as I was only made him that much cooler.

Fart and Wiener Jokes, Posehn’s second album for Relapse, comes out today (and you can order a copy here). Like its predecessor, Live: In Nerd Rage, it features not only recordings of his brilliant stand-up, but also an original song he co-wrote with Anthrax’s Scott Ian (“More Metal Than You”) to poke fun at some of metal’s more regrettable foibles. It also has a metal cover of Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler,” and between the two music tracks, Posehn has managed to rope in guest appearances by such all-stars as Jamey Jasta, Mark Morton, Mark Oseguenda, John Tempesta, and Russ Parrish. Assuming you love great comedy and great metal, there’s no way you’re not gonna dig Fart and Wiener Jokes.

A few weeks ago I got to talk to Posehn about putting comedy albums out on a metal label, what it’s like to be friends with some of his boyhood heroes, the state of metal today, his take on the Anthrax vocalist situation, and more. He even turned the tables at the end and asked me a question! Read the complete transcript of our chat after the jump.

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“BAD MONKEYS!!!”

I swear to god, I’ve been woken up so many fuckin days round here by one of the fast-growing number of MetalNotSoGood staff members uncontrollably exclaiming the above, or a far grouchier expletive….for you see, we are always stepping in shit around here — how could you not when there are so many goddamn monkeys bouncing about, flinging all sorts of rancid poo at each other?

However, it is we who be the monkeys today, and here’s why: I recently made the sad discovery that we have never, ever, ever (never) written a single gosh darn post on the totally nutso and crazily unique seminal band Primus.

For shame!!

I was never a kill-dead-die-hard fan of these guys the way that so many became, but there was no denying the sheer talent and originality oozing from every song the band ever played.

Led by uber-bass-maniac Les Claypool, Primus skated a fascinating line between funk and metal, but ultimately there’s no real categorization to be made — the band has always had a sound unique unto themselves.

Clearly Primus sucks even more than metal does.

Dog will hunt…

PRIMUS — “John the Fisherman”, from Suck on This (1989)

PRIMUS — “Too Many Puppies”, from Frizzle Fry (1990)

PRIMUS — “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver”, from Sailing the Seas of Cheese (1991)

PRIMUS – “My Name Is Mud”, from Pork Soda (1993)

Note: the above tunes were some of the band’s more popular singles; to truly experience the insanity that is Primus, one must delve deep into the plasma pit that is each album…..don’t be scared!!!  You can take a leak right here.

Vids after the jumpjumpjumpjump.

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