I’m going to put about as much effort into this introduction as Dragonforce put into their new album art.

We begin  today with “Short Commute, Live Forever,” from Caustic Casanova. They’re not really a metal band at all, but the video was directed and animated by Wesley Belak-Berger, the same dude who made Big Business’ awesome video for “Mind the Drift.” So I’m putting it above the jump, because I can tell you right now, it’s pretty much the best music video you’re gonna see this week.

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My father once told me that “celebrities eat and drink and piss and shit just like us,” which was his poetic way of saying that famous folks are just people, too. And that can be a hard fact to remember, even if you’re not the type to get starstruck. Sure, your favorite Rock God might seem awesome right now, but the chances that he or she came out of the womb being Super Cool are slim to none.

Case in point: this 1987 public access footage that Metal Insider unearthed of Maynard James Keenan and his then-band, Children of the Anachronistic Dynasty, performing a song called “Burn About Out”… which is very clearly an early version of the Tool classic, “Sober.” Sure, it’s faster, the anthemic chorus is missing, and some of the lyrics are different  – but if it’s not the same exact melody, then I’m the new keyboard player for Dr. Acula.

And my point isn’t “Oh hey Maynard wrote a version of this song six years before it appeared on Undertow,” because I don’t think that’s really news — Tool actually had an early version of the song on their 1991 demo, 72826. My point is simply that once upon a time, Maynard looked totally lame, and surrounded himself with bandmates who also looked totally lame, and that’s okay, because all butterflies were caterpillars once.

Tool are currently on tour and, to the best of my knowledge, still the four coolest guys in the world, who put on pretty much the best concerts in the world. Get dates here.

-AR

New releases from Iced Earth, Insomnium, Electro Quarterstaff, Evile and Puscifer top this week’s list of new face-melters, while a b-sides / re-imaginings compilation from Cradle of Filth might actually be the week’s biggest new record. As usual, all of these are available at Amazon for less than you’ll find them at most other places. We take a look at the above releases and more after the jump:

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These albums might even have some good music on ‘em, too!

ANYWAY:

• As I’ve said before, I’m not really a fan of Maynard James Keenan’s Puscifer project, but my man crush on Keenan is such that I actually feel severe guilt over said lack of fandom. And Pusicfer’s latest, Conditions of My Parole, might have the best album art of the year. Spin (still a thing!) is now streaming the entire record in advance of its release on October 18 via the cleverly named Puscifer Entertainment. I’ve listened to a lil’ bit of it and I feel about it pretty much the way I feel about all Puscifer, which is that it’s not bad, but not interesting to hold my attention against all the other great music out there right now, and really Maynard just get back to the business of TOOL as soon as humanly possible.
• Giant Squid’s Cenotes comes out October 25 on Translation Loss, and also has totally bitchin’ album art (above… FUPAs for the win). Now the whole thing is streaming at NPR (New slogan: “NPR… it’s not just for old people anymore!”). I’m actually listening for the first time now, and while Giant Squid have yet to produce anything that I love as much as Metridium Fields (“Ampullae of Lorenzini” might be one of the most beautiful songs in any genre written in the past ten years), they’re still way out ahead of most of the pack, so you should at very least give this a listen and see if you dig it. I mean, you’d do as much just to be able to make fun of Design the Skyline, so, y’know, fair is fair.

Well hello again!

I hope you’ve been enjoying everything I’ve been posting here today on Metalsucks.net.  This next interview is really something I was beyond thrilled to be able to do!

A Perfect Circle is without a doubt one of my all-time favorite bands and are also a huge inspiration on myself as well as my own band, Vestascension. So, when Matt McJunkins agreed to do an interview with lil’ ol me, well, I basically soiled myself.  Matt is a really awesome dude and everyone out there should give this a good read even if you’re not into any of the bands he’s involved with.  He provides some very interesting insight into what it takes to land an audition and what to do and what not to do if you actually land one.  Of course he also talks about his work in A Perfect Circle, Ashes Divide, Puscifer, 30 Seconds To Mars, and even gives a few details about his new project with Jeff Friedl.

Check it out below and if you’d like to know more about Matt click here to visit his official website.

-Justin Gosnell

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The thing about Ministry is, sure, they were innovative, and sure, their live show has a lot of cool lights and effects and shit, but I think their music gets real boring real fast. It falls under the category of “too much of the same too quickly.” To give a recent example: Remember that single “Lies, Lies, Lies” from 2006′s Rio Grande Blood? Catchy fucking song, but I was shocked to learn that it’s just barely over five minutes long — ’cause it’s just the same thing, over and over and over again, and consequently feels like it’s an hour. And their whole catalog is basically like that. I remember when Al Jourgensen insulted Trent Reznor as just some Ministrwannabe back in the day, thinking, “Well, if you ever write a song as good as ‘Head Like a Hole’ or ‘Hurt,’ you might sell that many records, too.”

That being said, you do have to give Jourgensen and company their spot in history… and director Douglas Freel’s new documentary about the band,  Fix: The Ministry Movie, does look like a lot of fun. Besides covering the project’s entire history, it features interviews with Reznor (!) and Maynard James Keenan, who, in the trailer below, is, I think, but I’m not positive, is making a reference to the abandoned Tapeworm project he had with Reznor.

ANYWAY, here’s the trailer. The movie is gonna be doing four screenings (at least so far) this month and next month across the U.S.; get the screening schedule after the jump.

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Maynard James Keenan’s Puscifer project has debuted its video for “Man Overboard” over at Rolling Drone, and I’m feeling pretty conflicted about it.

‘Cause on the one hand, it’s not every day we see a CG animated steam punk video, and I applaud Maynard for continuing to at least make an attempt to venture into untested waters. Plus, as Metal Insider points out, there’s a Spinal Tap reference at the fifty-three second mark, and I’m all about Spinal Tap.

On the other hand, said CG animation is roughly on par with that incredibly poopy Iron Maiden video for “Wildest Dreams.”

So I guess you should, like, watch the video and make up your own mind. But only after you’ve already watched that way-cooler Ghost Brigade video, ’cause, like I said, it’s way cooler.

VIDEO REMOVED UNTIL WE FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP ROLLING DRONE’S STUPID FUCKING AUTO PLAY.

Puscifer’s latest, Conditions of My Parole, comes out October 18 on Puscifer Entertainment.

-AR

Maynard James Keenan has released two new video teasers for Conditions of My Parole, the new album from his Puscifer project. And I have almost no idea what the what is going on in these clips — called The Book Of Douche Bag, Volumes 1 & 2 — I do know that I found them entertaining. In fact, I wish Puscifer’s music was this much fun… it’s a real bummer to enjoy the promotions for an album more than the album itself.

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I may not be a huge Puscifer fan, but nothing is going to top this this year. Not even Opeth’s heads in a tree.

Conditions of My Parole is out October 18.

-AR

[via The PRP, who think it may be the best album art of the decade]

Milla Jovovich has played with Pusicfer. Therefore, it is okay for me to post this image with this article.

I’m not even really clear how many Puscifer albums there have been at this point; I pretty much gave up after 2007′s V is for Vagina. It’s not that I think Puscifer is bad, exactly, so much as the project just doesn’t excite me. It’s hard me to see it as anything but one more obstruction to a new Tool album, or even a new A Perfect Circle release. Of course, that might not be true — Maynard could stay home all day and jerk off, and it might not make a Tool record appear any faster or slower than it already would — but the fact remains that Puscifer is still my least favorite of Maynard’s various projects. And, yes, I’m including his wine.

ANYWAY, in the event you think I’m crazy and are desperate to hear some new Puscification, the fresh-out-of-the-oven track “Man Overboard” is now streaming here. It’s kinda catchy, but it basically re-confirms my minimal interest in Puscifer; in fact, if Maynard wasn’t involved, it’s hard for me to imagine I even would have sat through the entire song.

Puscifer’s new album, Conditions of My Parole, comes out October 18. Meanwhile, it’s been more than five years since the last Tool album, so hopefully there will be a new one sooner rather than later.

-AR

Last month we told you about Blood Into Wine, the new documentary about the winery owned by Tool’s Maynard James Keenan. The fascinating subject matter – both Maynard and the wine – combined with a cool trailer and the promise of cameos by Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk, and some other famous people I care less about, suggested that this was, at the very least, going to be a fun movie.

Well, now it has release dates! The press release says that these are the “first nationwide screenings,” which suggests that other markets should get it soon. But that kind of decision often rests on how much money a film makes during its initial run. Which is my way of saying: if anyone sees this and it actually turns out to be good, please let us know, and please spread the word so that we get it here in NYC. Not be selfish or anything.

Release dates and locations after the jump.

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Puscifer, Maynard James Keenan’s bizarro electro lounge music side-project, just announced a string of East Coast and Midwest dates for Spring 2010… and while I was initially very excited, upon further reflection I’m not so sure.

I feel like I’m in a cartoon, when a character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, both strongly making the case for their cause. Here’s what mine are saying:

Angel: It’s Maynard! He’s a genius! While Puscifer might not really be your bag, Maynard’s one of the most creative guys in all of music and will surely put on a show that’s at the very least entertaining. Go to the show! Come on! Do it! You know it’s the right thing and you won’t regret it.

Devil: Don’t bother with this tripe. The music’s not that interesting, and the show won’t be what you’re hoping for. Ultimately you want this to be Tool, and it isn’t Tool at all. Don’t waste your money or your time… no reason to go to this!

I’m divided. I really don’t know what to do. Halp!

Full list of tour dates after the jump.

-VN

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I did actually buy V is for Vagina, the debut album from Maynard James Keenan’s Puscifer, but I never really got into it. Still, Maynard is the man, and this video for Puscifer’s “The Mission” is pretty cool – especially if you’re, uh, in the right state of mind.

Bonus: the female vocals are by Milla Jovovich. Jovovich seems to exclusively appear in unwatchable movies, but she’s hot, so, y’know, I’ll give her a pass. Any friend of Maynard’s is okay in my book.

The song comes from a new Puscifer EP, C is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference Here), which I didn’t even know was coming out but will apparently be released on November 10.

That video was directed by a dude named Meats Meier, by the way. I wonder if he knows Bacon Jew?

-AR

At least according to this, erm, “press conference” video for the set of recently announced Puscifer shows in Las Vegas.

The best thing about this video is the personification of the d-bag, frat boy Tool fan at 2:45. Nailed it, right down to the long-sleeve-under-a-short-sleeve T. You all know we love Tool ’round the MS Mansion, but that set of d-bag fans needs to go.

-VN

Anyone who reads this site regularly knows that we perpetually masturbate to Tool. Matter of fact, I just walked in on Kip whackin’ it in the MetalSucks Mansion Port-a-Potty with “Aenima” blaring out the iPod dock speakers. Ordinarily any news that may delay the creation of the next Tool would be cause for alarm — but when I saw a post on Blabbermouth today with an update that Tool’s Maynard James Keenan is is busy with yet another side-project called Jubilee (you may remember last year’s Puscifer project as well), I thought to myself, “Yes!!!” Without a doubt, like Puscifer, Jubilee ( also featuring Aaron North of Nine Inch Nails / The Icarus Line and Michael Shuman of Queens of the Stone Age) will not be very good, and will sound nothing like Tool, as is the case with most side project in the history of ever. And this is a great thing.

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By and large I think that re-mix albums are a total waste of time; only once in a blue moon does anyone manage to come up with anything interesting (or, at least, more interesting than the original track), so they often seem like cash-ins in the vein of “expanded edition” re-releases.

So I am in no way optimistic that Maynard James Keenan has announced an April 29 release of V is for Viagra: The Vagina Remixes, a remix collection (duh) of the songs from V is for Vagina, last year’s Puscifer album. A lot of the participants on the release will be the usual suspect for this sort of Nine Inch Nails-ish affair – former NIN member Danny Lohner, Dave Ogilvie, Telefon Tel Aviv’s Josh Eustis, etc. – but, oddly enough, Slipknot drummer Joey Jordison will also have a track, as will Aaron Turner from Isis and the infamous ambient force known as Lustmord. Which is actually very encouraging.

In any case, I guess we’ll get to find out if this particular release can rise above the usual remix shenanigans next month.

-AR

Gotta love the Internet; here’s a video, shot YESTERDAY, of a girl walking into a tattoo shop and getting the “V is for Vagina” logo — from Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan’s recent Puscifer side-project release — tattooed on her vagina! I mean tattoos are cool and all… but how is she going to explain this one to her kids?? At least it’ll help them learn their ABC’s from day one. [Thanks to MetalSucks tipster Michelle for the link.]

-VN

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/DGde32dTZKo" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

So there’s this thing on MySpace interview show now called Artist on Artist. If you can’t figure out what it is – well, get to a doctor, because you can probably be declared a legal ree-ree and get a handicapped sticker for your car or something.

ANYWAY, we’ve gotten press releases about these interviews in the past, and usually we don’t really find them worthwhile – personally, I couldn’t think of any possible celebrity combination more full of shit than Michael Moore and Tom Morello… until they got Chester Bennington to interview Nikki Sixx. Yeah, I’m sure those two had lots of interesting, totally non-self-involved things to say.

But now they’ve got an interivew with Maynard and Patton Oswalt, and that gets me pretty excited. Oswalt is, for better or worse, probably best known as the rat in that last Pixar flick – but he’s really a truly brilliant stand-up, who has a great routine about how “If you listened to metal in the 80′s, then you’re gay.” Which is probably true.

But I digress. Here’s Oswalt’s interview with Maynard… enjoy!

[kml_flashembed movie="http://lads.myspace.com/videos/vplayer.swf" width="430" height="346" fvars="m=21486757;type=video" wmode="transparent" /]

-AR

This is kind of old hat already, but seeing as how you kids got all riled up about the Maynard James Keenan-fronted Puscifer, we figured you might like to go and have a listen to the entire new album V is for Vagina at the band’s MySpace page.

It’s good; it surely ain’t Tool, but it ain’t tryin’ to be. If it’s late at night, you’re stoned and drunk out of your gourd, and your brain is too fried to deal with Tool’s intense, brain-spinning rhythms and conceptual lyrics — then Puscifer’s laid back, easy listening, no-nonsense sex talk might do you some good.

V is for Vagina drops tomorrow, October 30th.

-VN

The Pulse of Radio reports [via Blabbermouth]: Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan says that he recently worked on a new song with drummer Brad Wilk and bassist Tim Commerford of Audioslave and Rage Against the Machine. Although Wilk and Commerford were rumored to have played on Keenan’s upcoming Puscifer album, the singer told The Pulse of Radio that the collaboration took a somewhat different shape. “They found themselves not working with (singer Chris) Cornell after the last Audioslave record and they wanted to know if I was interested in starting a band. And I said ‘No, I’ve got this other thing going on and two other bands to boot.’ But what I suggested to them was that they should start their own band and have me sing a song, and have some other singers sing a song. I think on some level they agreed, and so that’s what we kind of did. I went in and we wrote a song together and right now they’re currently trying to record that song, and I’ll go sing on it.”

Audioslave was enough. And now this? Do we really need another bad supergroup collaboration? Do we really need ANOTHER project that will delay the making of more Tool music??

-VN