MetalSucks

Congrats to kickoutthejamsman and The Overmatt, winners of the super awesome White Wizzard jeanjacket prize pack! The winning entries:

• kickoutthejamsman: “And the party for MetalSucks bloggers went pretty much as expected.”
• The Overmatt: “The Cazares family reunion always features the annual jam session.”

This week we’re giving away three copies of Revolver Magazine’s latest Tattoo Issue which features stories on the inked skin of Slayer, Ozzy, Henry Rollins, Slipknot, Guns N’ Roses and more in addition to Revolver’s usual music coverage. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo [sent in by Voltron Futura]. Make sure to include your email address in the email field, or write it into the comment if you’re using Facebook Connect to access our site.

There’s a NSFW image after the jump. You’ve been warned.

Angela Gossow in the 2006 edition of Revolver’s “Hottest Chicks in Metal”

I love masturbating as much as the next guy who spends most of his day at the computer, but there’s no getting around the fact that Revolver’s annual “Hottest Chicks in Metal” issue – and now, apparently, accompanying calendar – is completely ridiculous. It has nothing to do with music, and there’s no equivalent issue for “Hottest Dudes in Metal,” because, well, metal is mostly a sausage fest and I imagine that a “Hottest Dudes” issue wouldn’t sell very well.

Now Arch Enemy’s Angela Gossow – who has been featured in past “Hottest Chicks” issues – has spoken out against the concept… as if you needed another reason to love her. From a recent interview with KNAC:

Click to read more…

In case you missed the memo, Revolver Magazine has switched things up a little bit. They’re now publishing only 6 issue per year instead of 12, but each issue is thicker, better, and comes with extra goodies. The very first issue in the new format has a lengthy look back on Pantera’s classic Vulgar Display of Power, including interviews with all the living band members and others close to the inner circle of the band members. It also comes with a nifty swag package that includes a mock ticket, flyer and tour laminate.

Naturally I’m mentioning this for a reason… we’ve got three copies to give away this week! But first let’s announce the winner from our last funny photo caption contest of 2009, in which one lucky chap wins everything that Ferret Records released all year:

• Pete: “Even in his youth, Matt Pike refused to wear a shirt to any event, including Christmas Dinner.”

Well played, sir! About those Revolver Pantera issue copies… just come up with a zinger to the below photo and they shall be yours. Remember to use a real email address instead of Facebook Connect so we can contact the winners (you may have to log out of Facebook).

Congrats to “wiffle bat” and “soup”, the two proud owners of the brand new Revocation CD Existence is Futile. Their winning captions for the photo at right submitted in last week’s funny photo caption contest:

• wiffle bat: “pardon me while i pass the brains of my bass player.”
• soup: “…one more push for the new Cradle of Filth album.”

This week we’ve got 5 copies of Revolver Magazine’s special all-Slayer edition, which hits newsstands this week: “This unmissable special issue takes you in-depth through the band’s hellacious history, including exclusive new interviews with every group member, an oral history going behind the scenes of their biggest albums and mammoth tours, a vintage Clash of the Titans roundtable interview… and a look inside the artwork of Slayer’s “unholy trinity”—Reign in Blood, South of Heaven, and Seasons in the Abyss—with illustrator Larry Carroll, and guitarist Kerry King reveals some of his favorite shit. On top of this, the issue contains never-before-seen photos and a selection of Slayer-inspired tattoos from their most diehard fans!”

Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, courtesy of Shelby Cobras of Illogical Contraption.

So it turns out I completely misunderstood Revolver editor-in-cheif Tom Beaujour’s comments yesterday with regards to the conflict with Isis.

Tom was not responding to Aaron Turner’s complaints or the complaints of the blogosphere, but was, in fact, responding to questions posed to him directly by Metal Insider’s Dan Rodriguez.

My apologies to all involved for the misunderstanding.

-AR

And the winner to last week’s funny photo caption contest is…

Jesse: “Axl Rose caught the first flight to Sydney once he heard about their snowy wonderland-like climate. He was a little disappointed to see that, contrary to popular belief, Australia hasn’t seen a flake of snow since the ice age. He was however very excited to discover that Sydney is the home of the world’s only palm reading kangaroo. The kangaroo was overheard saying “Months from now, a picture of us will appear on Metalsucks.net’s funny photo caption contest. It will be there that a bunch of people will make remarks about you trying to replace Slash, and it will never be funny.””

For his troubles, Jesse will receive a vinyl and CD copy of The Haunted’s latest opus, Versus. This week we’ve got a 2009 official Revolver Magazine t-shirt to give away. Take a look — these things are fuckin’ cool looking and ordinarily cost 20 bucks. Just come up with the funniest caption to the below photo, and one is yours in the size of your choice – you can surely outdo the lame caption already on the image.

Think Satan rests his horns in the holy land? Think again. Revolver Magazine Executive Editor Brandon Geist recently returned from a 2-week jaunt to Israel, and though he experienced a shooting (almost), a militant-started forest fire and an Israeli metal concert, he lived to the tell the tale. Read all about it on the Revolver Blog.

-VN

At the beginning of April, just as genre-bending metal masters The Red Chord were kicking off a tour with Converge, Genghis Tron, Baroness and Coliseum, we were given the opportunity to e-mail bassist Greg Weeks some questions. Of course, we jumped at the chance.

And then we never heard back.

At the time, we assumed that Greg had decided our questions were just too stupid to answer (and who could blame the dude?); in fact, there was another culprit at fault for Greg’s delayed response.

After the jump, find out why it took Greg so long to get back to us, and read his thoughts on such incredibly relevant political topics as why no producer will work with the band more than once, touring with Disturbed, and the current state of large beards in metal. For, surely, this interview proves our journalistic integrity.

Click to read more…

Last week we got a whole lot of racist but mostly un-funny entries for the Funny Photo Caption contest, in which we asked you guys to come up with a funny caption for the photo at right. I suppose we had it coming. Congratulations to the winner Dahnyull, who because of the following entry wins a limited edition colored vinyl of Protest the Hero’s Fortress:

“No matter how metal you think you are, there will always be someone there to remind everyone that you’re just some guy making a funny face.”

This week we have a very special prize; three lucky winners will receive a copy of Revolver Magazine’s recently released all-Tool issue. Yup, an entire magazine devoted exclusively to the best band on the planet! All you have to do to win is come up with a funny caption for the below photo and post it in the comments. We’ll chose the winner next week and notify them by email. Good luck!

The “Anono-Critic” over at Idolator did a nice writeup about the history, life and times of metal-mag Revolver. It’s a pretty good look at a magazine we all read, and this kind of a meta-commentary is a welcome specialty of Idolator’s. And of course the all-important last sentence:

In a back-of book review of a pre-Christmas Ozzy Osbourne/Rob Zombie show at Madison Square Garden, contributing writer Kory Grow uses the Yiddish term “yenta” to describe some of the individuals waiting in line to see Cirque de Soleil in the adjoining theater. YB salutes the copyeditor who allowed said term to reach the eyes of a readership almost certain to be unacquainted with it.

How many MetalSucks readers know the meaning of “yenta” (no googling!)? We’re welling to bet the percentage is higher than that of Revolver’s readership!

-VN