Last summer Poison toured with Mötley Crüe, and that seemed like pretty much the best glam metal nostalgia tour imaginable; now Rikki Rockett has announced via Facebook that this summer Poison will be touring with Def Leppard, which is, somehow, an even more sugary confection than the Crüe tour. Whether or not it will be as fun as the Crüe tour will be entirely dependent on Def Lep, since Poison have somehow managed to out-ridiculous themselves into oblivion. I haven’t seen Def Leppard since circa 2001, so I really have no idea how good or bad they are in a live setting now.

ANYWAY, presumably dates will be announced soon. While you wait, enjoy this poster from 2009′s Def Leppard/Poison tour. Just ignore the part that says “Cheap Trick” at the bottom, ’cause Cheap Trick will not, to the best of my knowledge, be playing this new trek.

-AR

I don’t know the name of the lead singer from Attila, and I’m too lazy to look it up. But I am reasonably certain that his dad must be Rikki Rockett from Poison, because they look so alike it’s eerie.

ANYWAY, I mention it because longtime reader Samuel Favata sent us a video (below) in which Attila give a track by track by breakdown of their new album, Outlawed. And as you’d expect from a band with this level of talent, the explanations provided are never anything less than intelligent and droll. Seriously, if the purpose of this video is to win over new fans, well, I don’t see how it could possibly fail — I mean, who doesn’t wanna be told that “You need to come to the fucking show and buy me another round, and if you don’t, then just stay home and jerk off and don’t talk to me.” It’s like this guy studied advertising with Don Draper!

If you don’t value the next three-and-a-half minutes of your life, feel free to watch the video after the jump.

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Okay so that’s not a direct quote, but still.

Last week I expressed some disappointment that everyone in Mötley Crüe and Poison seems to be getting along in advance of their upcoming summer tour, with Nikki Sixx apparently even going so far as to apologize to Bret Michaels for derogatory comments he had made about Poison in the past — y’know, like when he called Poison “fake bullshit” and declared that The Crüe “would never, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison.”

But guess what? As it turns out — shock of shocks — either Michaels is a liar or delusional, or Sixx is a liar or just an asshole. ‘Cause now Nikki has taken to Twitter to assure the world that, no, he never apologized for his comments:

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So in November, Bret Michaels said that Poison and Motley Crue were gonna do a big summer tour together, despite the fact that Nikki Sixx once said that there was “No way in fucking hell” that Motley “would ever, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” ’cause “That would be the death of us… I will not be attached to that kind of fake bullshit.” And then a couple of days later, Tommy Lee shot down the rumor with an enthusiastic “NO!”

Well, now Michaels has gone on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight and announced that Poison and The Crue will, indeed, do a big summer tour together, to celebrate the former band’s 25th anniversary. And just to make extra-sure that Nikki and Tommy now have to eat their words, the tour is going to be called “Glam – A – Gedon 25.”

Now, I’m of two minds about going to this tour:

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-AR

It was over a year ago that we first got the news that Bret Michaels was writing his autobiography (and by “writing,” I mean dictating to some dude named Shane Stanley who had to do all the actual work); the book, Roses & Thorns (nice title, schmucky), will now finally a get a release on June 23, according to People.com.

Granted, this will not be a good book. The chances that it’s as decent as The Dirt are pretty slim; hell, the chances that it’s as good as Slash are pretty thin (and even Slash was only okay). But, there is a lot of room for comedy here, especially if Michaels takes himself too seriously which, chances are, he will.

Here are things I’m looking forward to reading about in this tome:

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I just got this e-mail from a reader calling herself “Angry Geek Girl.” The subject line is “Just Want To Keep You Guys Honest.” I’m just gonna go ahead and print it in its entirety:

“Axl,

“I noticed something interesting. When Rikki Rockett was accused, you jumped on that damn skippy. But when he’s cleared because he wasn’t even IN Mississippi at the time of the alleged incident, your as quiet as a church-mouse.

“Of course your in good company. Everyone was real prominent with the allegation, but either didn’t report Rikki Rockett’s name being cleared or buried it as deep as the could, placing it between the local little league schedule and a recipe for summer squash casserole where no one would see it. I guess innocence doesn’t sell.

“I thought you guys were better then that. Guess I was wrong.

“Angry Geek Girl”

So, yes, Rikki Rockett is innocent, and no, we didn’t report it. It’s a poor excuse, I know, but please keep in mind that Vince and I are the only ones who work on this site on a daily basis, and that we both have day jobs which pays the bills so that we can keep the site goin’. So, yeah, sometimes a story is gonna fall through the cracks.

Still… sorry we let ya down, AGG. We’ll try not to do it again.

-AR

It would appear that Poison drummer Rikki Rockett has been arrested on rape charges.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that the guy is completely innocent… I mean, as a millionaire rock star, you’d think the guy could get plenty of poon-tang without using force, even if it is from aging, used up groupies… but just in case he isn’t innocent, I’d like to be the first to say that I hope he gets a nice long prison sentence, during which time guys with names like “Bubba” repeatedly do to him what he did to that girl.

That is all.

-AR