I’m going to put about as much effort into this introduction as Clown from Slipknot puts into making sense in interviews.

We begin today with Barn Burner’s new NSFW video, for the song “Scum of the Earth.” Barn Burner played at our CMJ showcase a couple of weeks ago and they absolutely SLAYED — in fact, it was my first time seeing them live, and they were so good that I am now a 100% bigger Barn Burner fan than I already was. And I think this is video is pretty good… not, like, the greatest thing ever made or whatever, but it’s fun and it conveys the energy of the song. Unfortunately, some people are really offended by it, apparently because they are strongly opposed to the way that condiments were haphazardly utilized in order to film the video. I mean, there are  starving children in Africa who, like, don’t even have any maple syrup or ketchup or mustard, and guitarist/vocalist K. Keaglesmith just let some girl pour it all over him? What a wasteful dick!

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Last week the once-mighty, now-getting-to-be-pretty-sad Mike Portnoy announced the formation of a new band, Adrenaline Mob, with Symphony X singer Russell Allen, Stuck Mojo guitarist (and first ever MetalSucks interview subject) Rich Ward, and some dudes I’ve never heard of before. Our own Anso DF called the project “iffy,” cringing at Allen’s description of the band as “almost like Rob Zombie meets Black Label Society meets Disturbed, with Dio singing.” And Anso so eloquently put it, “When old guys aim for ‘edgy’ and ‘modern,’ it sets off alarm bells, right?”

Well, as it turns out, Anso had good reason to be concerned. The band released some samples of the music they’re working on, and, yeah, I officially don’t care, and eagerly await Vince returning so I never have to pretend to care about this group again.

I also think someone should sit down and play some Rob Zombie, Black Label Society, and Disturbed for Russell Allen. Not because those artists are great or anything, but because he has to running around and telling people that that’s what Adrenaline Mob sounds like. It’s basically the equivalent of me luring in potential readers by telling them that MetalSucks is a folk music blog. It just has no basis in reality whatsoever.

Here are the samples, so you can make up your mind:

P.S. That play on The Godfather logo was silly back when Lacuna Coil did it, but at least they’re Italian, so it kinda made sense. It seems like it’s just being used here because the band has the word “mob” in their moniker.

-AR

When I heard about the Dream Theater-shaped hole in the life of drummer Mike Portnoy back in September, I wanted to pitch him on my long-gestating idea to form a killer Jellyfish cover band. I bet he’d be into it cuz of his Jellyfish super-fandom (he has cited 1993′s Spilt Milk as a top ten favorite album); and he’s a pro at pulling together all-star jams, like his awesomely fun tributes to The Who, The Beatles, and Led Zeppelin with guys like Paul Gilbert, Jason McMaster, and Dave LaRue; and lastly, The Ghosts At Number One (that’s my vote for our band name) could serve as a totally non-cynical tribute to another hardcore Jellyfish fan, the late Dimebag Darrell Abbott. And what better way to hip headbangers to irresistible non-metal jams? How could Mike say no to that? Can I call him Mike?

But, shit, while I was dicking around, gobbling drugs, and failing to corner, pressure, and/or threaten Portnoy about the Jellyfish idea, he teamed with qualified musicians he knows who actually, like, realize their ideas. Even if those ideas aren’t so great. Symphony X singer Russell Allen talks about Adrenaline Mob, one of Portnoy’s new bands:

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Say, are you one of the three people in the world who not only thought that metal needed another supergroup, but also thought that metal needed another supergroup featuring Anthrax/The Damned Things guitarist Rob Caggiano? If so, have we got a band for you!

They’re called Temple of the Black Moon, and in addition to Caggiano, the group features Cradle of Filth vocalist Dani Filth, former Gorgoroth bassist King ov Hell, and drummer John Tempesta, who has played a gajillion different bands, including both White Zombie and Rob Zombie’s solo group, Exodus, Testament, The Cult, and Helmet. It seems safe to assume that Caggiano played a significant role in putting this project together — not only did he produce two Cradle of Filth releases (2004′s Nymphetamine and 2006′s Thornography), but Tempesta has also worked as a drum tech for ‘Thrax — but between the two bands he’s already in and the producing he does, I can’t believe he felt like he had too much free time. Maybe Worship Music is seriously never coming out.

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I don’t have a whole ton to say about either of these line-up comings and goings, but I do have a little to say, so I’ll just say that:

• I.C.S. Vortex has re-joined Borknagar. That honestly doesn’t mean much to me because I never listened to much Borknagar. Not ’cause they’re bad, but just because I can’t say “Borknagar” without laughing. It sounds like a tr00 Norwegians euphemism for sex. “Dude, did you borknagar Bodil last night?” But I assume this is good news because Vortex was in Arcturus, and because Dimmu Borgir got a serious case of the sucks after they sacked him, which could be just a coincidence but then Arcturus. Anyways, Vortex says he’s “chuffed” to be back in the band, which means oh my god this dude is just an expert in silly words.
• Rob Zombie has hired Ginger Fish as his new drummer, which means his four-piece band now contains two former employees of Marilyn Manson. (The other being John 5, duh.) There are obviously some similarities in Zombie and Manson’s music, and they’re both technically “shock rockers,” and they were both cool in 1998, so I guess this makes sense. Mr. Fish did not mention whether or not he was chuffed to be in the band, but we hear that he did borknagar his brains out in celebration of the news, so I think we can safely assume there’s some chuffage going on.

-AR

Rob Zombie is making a new movie, Lords of Salem, which is based around some descendants of witches who were killed during the 17th century Salem witch trials — because there’s nothing quite like suggesting that the crazy religious nutjobs of yesteryear made the right decision by killing nineteen people. I mean, SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN WITCHES!

Yeah. I know. I’m over-thinking this.

Anyways, they’ve released the first image from the film now, and, uh… it’s just a mask. Yeah it looks kinda cool and it’s definitely metal and I’m all for Zombie making anything that isn’t another Halloween movie, but it’s not like I look at this pic and go “MUST SEE.” Zombie says that “the scene that involves this face is very painful,” but the rest of that thought could be “to watch, because the movie sucks,” so who knows.

I have no idea when Lords of Salem is coming out, and I don’t think anyone else does yet, either.

-AR

[via /Film]

RoCkStArBaSs100 introduces himself to the internet. He loves metal — anything from Rob Zombie to Children of Bodom to Dio. Also, he plays bass — at first he thought that he couldn’t actually play it for you in this video because it’s too loud and his parents will scold him, although he eventually gets bold enough to bust out “Holy Diver” for you.

A lot of metal fans take themselves really seriously, so I think it’s cool that RoCkStArBaSs100 does some silly, tongue-in-cheek videos like this one where he announces that he is a “Professor In Metalology.” In the banter segment, he mentions that he rearranged his room and warns against reading The Dirt because it “talks about a lot of bad stuff.”

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I guess that Slayer/Marilyn Manson team-up from a few years back (no, not the Mayhem Fest one, the one before that) was a big hit, ’cause the band are once again doing a summer co-headlining tour with an industrial shock rocker who probably holds more mainstream appeal than they do — namely, Rob Zombie. I don’t know what the overlap of Slayer/Zombie fans actually is (Do Slayer fans think Zombie is too soft and poppy? Do Zombie fans think Slayer is too fast and lacking in hooks?), but it seems to me that this is exactly the kind of show where getting the cheapest seats available and drinking an INSANE amount throughout the evening would pretty much guarantee you a fun time.

Not hurting this line-up one bit is the fact that Exodus are playing support. It’ll be interesting to see if Jeff Hanneman has recovered and re-joined Slayer by the time this trek kicks off, or if Gary Holt will be pulling double-duty. Either way, awesome sauce.

Dates are after the jump… they’re only playing twelve gigs for whatever reason, so the vast majority of you should prepare to be sad (or indifferent, I suppose, depending on your own personal views about this line-up):

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I am not cool, but it occasionally appears that way cuz my incidental awareness of cutting-edge music. There’s a simple reason for that, one which I share with tons of other fortunates out there: I have an older sibling. She’s cool. She dated cool guys. Those cool punk and alternative and goth guys stopped at nothing to get within sniffing distance of her bod; as such, most found it worthwhile to cultivate the kid-brother endorsement.

The astute dudes recognized that the way to my heart is through my headphones and funneled a lot of free tapes (!) and CDs my way. (One particularly smitten Doc Martens aficionado worked at local college radio and hooked me up with my own evening time slot when I was 15.) My sister and I hardly got along, so my input on her suitors was never solicited, much less heeded; I thank her for neglecting to mention this fact to all those hornballs whose awareness of interesting music exploded my horizons.

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Billboard ran a story on Wednesday that seemed to credit Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee as stating that “the film adaptation of the Crue’s 2002 memoir The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band … is now on track with Rob Zombie as it’s director. [sic]” It’s odd that this tasty bit of breaking news appeared outside of quotes while every other semi-coherent Lee mumbling was firmly attributed to the Methods of Mayhem frontman (if not represented by accurately punctuated copy). It’s extra odd because Rob Zombie would be such an odd match for The Dirt, unless there’s a new script that includes murderous hillbillies or dick-biting ghouls. And it’s super-mega-odd cuz according to Zombie, it’s untrue. He said as much Thursday on his Twitter:

Why does everyone keep asking if I am directing The Dirt? I am not. I am directing The Lords of Salem. Recording a CD after that.

Why does everyone keep asking Zombie that? Well, I am half-retarded on drugs and even I can answer that one: This rumor has Nikki Sixx’s gooey fingerprints all over it. It sounds dramatic to suggest that Sixx is launching an underhanded public campaign to railroad Zombie into helming this doomed flick, but if you think so that means you’ve forgotten that Sixx views himself as a string-pulling maestro who can bend anyone to his will. And hey I’d suffer from the same delusion if I successfully banged Kat Von D for like months. So, the lesson here is Kat Von D call me and all will see who the real puppetmaster is here.

–ADF

Rob Zombie’s The Lords of Salem is slated to begin shooting this Spring. Motley Crue joins Poison and The New York Dolls on tour kicking off June 7 in Dallas. Full dates here.

Former White Zombie bassist/feminist pioneer Sean Yseult on the current status of her relationship with Rob Zombie:

“As soon as you’re not in his world, you’re out of his world.”

Yep, Sean, that’s pretty much how it works! As soon as you’re not in something, you’re out of it. That’s why the words “in” and “out” are considered to be antonyms. Welcome to the English language. You’re gonna love it!

-AR

[via]

I know what you’re thinking: “Two Limp Bizkit-related stories in as many days! What did we ever do to be so lucky?” What can I say? This entire week has felt like one long hangover.

So. Fred Durst’s feature film directorial debut, a would-be Sundance hit called The Education of Charlie Banks, was a barely-watchable piece of shit that failed to make so much as a dent in public awareness; his second film, the Ice Cube family sports drama The Longshots, tanked at the box office. But Durst gives great head (for dudes… he can’t find the clit so he’s pretty useless for women) and people are stupid, so he’s swindled someone into letting him make another movie. From Noisecreep:

“Durst is also directing his third feature film. The third film is dubbed ‘Pawn Shop Chronicles,’ and it follows a protagonist through a world of skinheads and meth heads thanks to a missing wedding ring. The film is slated to go into production early next year.”

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Believe it or not, folks still buy CDs. I know… I’m shocked too. But the weekly Soundscan numbers released by Neilsen actually do include digital downloads too. I know what you’re thinking… people still pay for music? I s’pose so. Here are the most recent week’s charting hard rock and metal releases, with my own snarky commentary, natch. Check those tags down yonder for a list of covered releases.

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Gwar‘s new album, Gwar’s Bloody Pit of Horror, is scheduled to be released later this year on Metal Blade. While you wait patiently like the stinking dog that you are, here’s Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” to answer all your ridiculous questions…

Why are you my mom? – EJ666

I thought everybody had heard the story at least 40,000 times, but then again it is a good one…When we arrived on Earth, we were forced to fuck apes — well, more like we forced them to fuck us. Yes, we raped the apes, it was motherfucking ape-rape. The human race sprang from that filthy union and so on and so forth. Really, I was pretty disappointed when I saw what the union had created, I was hoping for some kind of GWAR SUPER-APE, instead we got you tail-less freaks…that’s why I’m your mom, because I am your mom! Or at least your dad, your mom and dad at the same time. And I will be expecting at least a card on my birthday!

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Even though he’s been circling his long-gestating-but-not-about-dinosaurs Tyrannosaurus Rex project and a blob-less remake of The Blob, Rob Zombie has announced Lords of Salem as his next film project, according to Deadline. It’s being produced by Haunted Films, which is the same company that made last year’s breakout hit, Paranormal Activity, as well as Insidious, a new film from the writer and director of the original Saw. Lords of Salem takes place in contemporary Salem, MA (if you’re not up to speed on the significance of that town to American history, read this), “where the inhabitants receive a demonic visit from a 300-year old coven of witches.” He’s writing the script during downtime on his current tour, which means he’s clearly giving it his full attention. (I kid, I kid.) But here’s the most interesting part… says Zombie:

“What excited me most was [producer Jason Blum] saying, you can have total control over the script, casting and final cut… I’ve had differing levels of control, with the best experience being Lionsgate on The Devil’s Rejects, when I made the movie and they said, `great.’ The two Halloween movies were more give and take, and I had enough bloody battles to get my way that by the time I got it, I didn’t care anymore.”

Zombie made the Halloween movies for Harvey and Bob Weinstein, who are notorious ballbreakers, and rumors persisted of their creative interference throughout the production of both of Zombie’s Halloween movies. I really liked The Devil’s Rejects and hated those Halloween flicks… is it possible it was really all the Weinsteins’ fault? I guess we’ll find out after Lords of Salem is released. But one thing we pretty much know for sure: Sheri Moon Zombie will play one of the witches, and will wear a skimpy costume.

-AR

Rob Zombie’s Hellbilly Deluxe 2 just came out in February, but daddy needs a new cowboy hat, so Roadrunner is doing a super-duper-special edition re-release of the album on September 28. It’s not even an eight month turnaround; I don’t know if that’s a record or it just feels even faster than usual.

As is pretty much standard with these re-releases, there will be new songs included; not standard, though, is that those new songs will be interspersed throughout the old ones — as opposed to just putting them all after whatever the last song used to be, or on their own disc, or whatever — which makes HB2 George Lucas Style almost a new album, creatively if not actually. By which I mean, I’ve met bands that are ridiculously perfectionistic when it comes to figuring out their sequencing — sequencing means something, and a lot of thought goes into the flow of the record. Adding new material will, presumably, alter that flow in some regard.

Either that, or I just spent more time thinking about the sequencing of Hellbilly Deluxe 2 than Rob Zombie did.

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You asked, and he answered! Here’s Gwar‘s Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” to answer all your ridiculous questions…

If your name wasn’t Oderus what would it be? – Rob

That’s a good question, moron. It’s pretty hard to imagine me being named LOLA or FUNKY WINKERBEAN.  Is this typical of the types of questions I am gonna get? Completely fucking retarded ones? It never ceases to amaze me that here you have an opportunity to have all the mysteries of life revealed, but you want to ask asinine questions like this one (YOURS). Get fucked! Oh yeah, I almost forgot — it would be GENGHIS HITLER VON DOG-LOLLY! Oh no, I shit myself (again).

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Just a couple of weeks ago Rob Zombie gave an interview where he expressed displeasure over the way Ozzy Osbourne was stealing band members from him; now he’s quickly denied us of potentially weeks or even months of online shit-talking by releasing a statement which ostensibly absolves Ozzy of all responsibility for Zombie’s anger. From Zombie’s MySpace page:

“I am very happy to put this Zombie vs Ozzy crap to rest. I just got off the phone with Ozzy and all is good with us. I have known Ozzy and Sharon for many years and have never had any problems with them. In fact they have always been very cool and easy to deal with. So, needless to say I found this whole situation very strange and a real bummer. This whole thing was really always between my band and a certain ex-drummer not between me and Ozzy. I wish Ozzy nothing but the best. End of story.”

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Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie used to be friends and occasional tour mates, united by shared history of starting successful solo careers after first fronting successful bands, a tenuous connection to horror movies and all things Evil, and their mainstream appeal to meatheads everywhere.

But now 50% of Ozzy’s band consists of ex-members of Zombie’s band — that would be bassist Blasko and drummer Tommy Clufetos — and because Rob wanted to make my day, he got catty about Ozzy poaching his members in a recent interview. The video is above (the smack talk starts around the 54 second mark), but here’s a transcription of what he said:

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I really loved The Devil’s Rejects, but at this point, I’m willing to accept that it was a fluke, and that Rob Zombie is not a very talented film director. House of 1,000 Corpses was fun, but I haven’t felt the need to re-watch it since I saw it in theaters, and while I thought that Zombie’s Halloween was the worst thing ever, that’s only because I had not yet seen his Halloween II, which really might be the worst thing ever. And some people said that his straight-to-DVD animated flick, The Haunted World of El Superbeasto, was pretty good, but I turned it off after about fifteen minutes. I think if I was thirteen I would have thought it was the tits, but I’m not so I didn’t.

It’s gotten to the point where the best thing about any Zombie flick is the inevitable shot of some part of Sheri Moon Zombie’s naked anatomy. Because Rob Zombie has a hot wife, and he wants you to know that he has a hot wife. Also, because a quick look at Sheri’s resumé tells me that she’s only ever worked on two projects that her husband wasn’t directly involved in: a Tobe Hooper movie I’ve never even heard of (Holy shit, did Tobe Hooper wipe out or what?), and appearing as a Nurse on an episode of Californication (a not very good show which is apparently written by metal fans who probably knew who Sheri was).

So now Zombie has released a new video for the song “Mars Needs Women,” a song which just SCREAMS for a naked chick painted red, and where the fuck is Sheri? NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! Sheesh. I’m glad Rob’s band is basically a supergroup now, but you think I wanna look at Joey Jordison’s mask instead of your wife’s hot bod? Puh-leeze. Get it together, Rob!!!

-AR

[via Noisecreep]