I’m gonna put about much effort into this intro as Twilight fans put into critical analysis of their favorite piece of literature/cinema/horse shit.

We begin today with Demon Hunter’s video for “LifeWar.” I don’t really like Demon Hunter and I don’t really like this song, but I do admire Ryan Clark’s beard, and I appreciate the fact that the rest of the band put their egos aside and opted not to be in the video in order to ensure that said beard got the proper amount of screen time. Also, gee, there sure are a lot of crosses in this video, eh?

Click to read more…

I’m officially making the switch from the Top Hard Music chart to the Current Hard Music chart for the purposes of this column. While it’s interesting to see what classic Metallica and Aerosmith albums are charting and I still may occasionally reference the former, the latter chart paints a much clearer picture of the modern metal landscape by opening up more room for new records that sell less than classics, allowing a larger number of relevant new releases to place in the Top 100.

This chart has a slightly different way of tallying new releases, where sometimes they appear as having already been on for one week before official release — I’m still sorting through precisely what that difference is — so occasionally the chart positions are a little mixed up. But this only comes into play much farther down the list and this chart still provides a good gauge of relativity.

Now, onto the releases: as you all no doubt know, Mastodon and Machine Head were the biggies last week, and both did quite well — but the album that ended up at #1 is also a debut, and none of us saw it coming. Sebastian Bach, Warbringer and Maylene & The Sons of Disaster fared well in Week 1, while new records from Rose Funeral, Textures, Suffokate, Rwake, Brutal Truth and many, many more also appeared in the Top 100.

Click to read more…

HUGE drop of new releases this week including much-anticipated new records from Mastodon and Machine Head, as well as a ton of excellent other stuff from Craft, Dead In The Dirt, Landmine Marathon and more. My release reviews are a bit shorter than usual just due to the sheer volume of material coming out this week, but I think I covered most points of interest. Check it out after the jump.  On a side note, Metalsucks wants to send a birthday shout-out to Rodney Githens, member of Vertebrae 33 and the artist behind the awesome Metal Suckfest poster.  Have a good one, dude.

Click to read more…

Oceano and Rose Funoral are the kinds of bands that make you wish the supervolcano under Yellowstone Park would just erupt already and end us all, and there’s no such thing as God, so, of course, some dudes from those bands have now joined up, Voltron-style, to make one supergroup of suckitude.

Click to read more…

We can’t believe that this is really happening. To paraphrase John McClane in Die Hard 2, “How can the same shit happen to the same band twice?”

More than two years ago, Winds of Plague’s then-keyboardist, Kristen Randall, took a picture of herself topless — and the picture subsequently found its way onto the internet (you can see it here). Since then, Randall has been replaced not once but twice with different young ladies, presumably because WOP need an attractive woman in the band at all times, lest their fans notice the band’s lack of talent.  The gimmick has gotten so silly that following the announcement of Randall’s latest successor, Alana Potocnik (formerly of The Breathing Process and Abigail Williams) was announced, Vince joked that maybe someday she’d have leaked nudie pics, too.

Well, guess what? Now she does. They were apparently first posted at Is Anyone Up, but were sent to us by an anonymous reader. And because we’re mental midgets who still find both female and male nudity hilarious  (don’t forget that we’ve posted pics of Rose Funeral’s Dusty Boles thrusty pole and Lars’ little Ulrich, too) we find them amusing. Needless to say, they’re NSFW.

There are three pics, but only one of them displays Ms. Potocnik’s face, so the other two could be fakes, but, uh, maybe not. In any case, we’re starting to wonder if Potocnik and Winds of Plague are doing this on-purpose; it’s just too big a coincidence that the female members of Winds of Plague keep enduring the same scandal. ‘Cause if they’re not doing it for the publicity, then, uh, well, that’s just sad.

Click to read more…

No longer is exposing oneself for all the Internet to see the sole domain of ex-Winds of Plague keyboardists, nor is it any longer confined to members of the female sex; while I was off galavanting in Amsterdam and Paris over the holidays and Axl was galavanting with Sacha the Death Metal Puppy in Blizzageddon NYC 2k10, we apparently missed the biggest (pun intended) penis-exposing scandal in metal since Peter Steele showed his steel peter in Playgirl all those years back (and I guess Phil Varone last year, but I haven’t seen those pics yet… and let’s face it, who cares?). So, yes, we know this is kind of old news, but how can we resist?

The photos of Dusty Boles’ blue-veined milk machine were posted by a jealous ex-girlfriend on IsAnyoneUp.com — a site which apparently specializes in penis pics from jealous ex-girlfriends (dudes, better watch out what you do with the “private” sexy-time pics!) — and were first picked up by The Gauntlet. Boles asked The Gauntlet to remove the photos (they declined), but later came to terms with his yogurt-slinger’s newfound fame and issued a statement on the matter:

Here is the deal with the pics… Say what you will, and I am sure you will, but at one point a while back I was considering posing for Playgirl Magazine. I have been told that my flaccid penis is larger than most erect penises so I figured it would be a kick to try and get into the magazine. My girlfriend at the time was all about this, but after things went south with our relationship she took some of the pics and posted them online. I only recently found out about these shots being posted for the world to see. At first I was upset but the more I thought about it I realized not only was there was nothing I could do about it, but I did have the intentions of posing for a mag so my dick would have been out there for the world to see anyway so why let it get to me. In terms of matters not having anything to do with my penis, we are currently hard at work on the new Rose Funeral record that will be out in 2011. Since my penis seems to be such a big hit we might just use it for the cover of the new album. I guess you’ll all just have to wait and see.

I gotta hand it to Dusty… that’s quite a wang you’ve got there, sir! Certainly Playgirl worthy. But dude… you shave? Come on, that’s cheating.

And now for the very-NSFW pics:

Click to read more…

Can you imagine if everyone to whom we give endless amounts of shit followed Dino’s example? We’d have Rose Funoral cards and Tommy Lee faking his own death and Fred Durst pulling a Billy Madison and pics of Joey Belladonna with his twig and berries tucked back. That’s the kinda world I wanna live in. I believe we can make it happen if we try.

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• We did a second installment of Cooking Contaminated.
• We’re streaming new tracks by Son of Aurelius.
• Eyal gave us a Daath studio update.
• We spoke to Max Cavalera and Ratt’s Bobby Blotzer.
• We suckered Decibel‘s Andrew Bonazelli into writing about the Metal Mets for us.
• We checked out some new German cheese metal releases.
• We called out David Draiman.
• We watched some great music videos, some awful music videos, and some really awful music videos.
• We made fun of the most annoying little kid in the world.
• We were sorry about Abacabb breaking up, but really happy about BOOBS!!!

Speaking of Eyal and studio updates: on Sunday I’m flying down to Atlanta to visit Daath in the studio. If you never hear from me again, assume I’ve been lost amidst a cloud of ATL purp smoke and awesome metal. But what a way to go!!!

-AR

Kirk Windstein is a poet. Of this, there can be no doubt. Since Kingdom of Sorrow took over our site on Tuesday, Vince and I have decided we really, really wanna take a trip to New Orleans and just go eat with the dude (well, probably get high and then go eat with the dude). But secretly, I have aspirations of someday being able to pay the man to teach my children how to speak good. I can dream, can’t I?

Here’s some other shit that went down in the Mansion this week:

• We debuted a clip from The Haunted’s new DVD, Road Kill.
• We also debuted new music by Early Graves.
• We spoke to Stephen Carpenter from Deftones.
• Ken Sorceron from Abigail Williams doesn’t wanna talk shit about Winds of Plague, so instead he just left a comment on our site saying “it its embarrassing to once again see our name next to theirs on another metal news site.” Way to not talk shit, Kenny!
• We checked out a new release by Black Pyramid.
• Sergeant D taught us about the history of metalcore and screamo.
• We engaged in debate about the new Maiden song, the new Maiden setlist, and the old Maiden album art.
• The new Methods of Mayhem song is the worst thing ever.
• Rose Funoral finally spoke out about the Uno Incident.
• Vince thinks the BP oil spill is Korny.

Next week will bring some more streams, interviews with Max Cavalera and Bobby Blotzer, and more self-righteous rage over fairly trivial topics. ‘Til then…

-AR

It was smart of Rose Funoral to do that Metal Injection interview, because whether you think their actions were right or wrong, whether you think they’re full of shit or telling the truth, they showed they have some sense of humor about the whole thing – and that’s probably the only chance they have of ever making it go away and not letting that one incident define the rest of their career. If I were them, I’d take it a step further and make “Rose Funoral” shirts with the band’s name on an Uno card or something, or maybe even make a music video that references the entire debacle in some way – I mean, that strategy worked for Killswitch Engage (sort of).

But no. The band’s new video, for the song “God Demise,” is a standard, generic performance clip. Yawn. Oh well. Maybe for the next outing fellas? Fuck it, just call your next album UNO! or something.

-AR

Okay, everyone is familiar with The Rose Funeral “Uno Incident,” right? It’s still one of the most-discussed stories of the year, and probably the most press the band has ever gotten. But in case you need to play catch-up, you can do so here, here, and here.

Well, we haven’t really heard RF’s side of the story… until now. Those geniuses at Metal Injection got Johnny Orlando, Jr. to interview them about it at the New England Metal and Hardcore Festival, and that video has now been posted. And… personally, I have mixed feelings about their explanation. So go watch the interview (the entire thing is good, but the really juicy part starts roughly at the “-5:22″ mark), then come back here and get my thoughts.

Click to read more…

Originally, I had planned on livetweeting this year’s New England Metal and Hardcore Festival for the purposes of turning my pithy comments into some sort of proper show report. Looking back on some of those 140-characters-or-less entries, I realized that there was really no need to do so. Instead, below you’ll find a selection of my most poignant tweets from the two day weekender. Enjoy!

DAY ONE
So nice of @metalsucks to have this limo waiting for me at Union Station. My driver Tito has already taken a shine to me. #nemhf 12:42 PM Apr 23rd

My limo driver Tito and I stopped at Uno’s for a quick bite. I wonder if Rose Funeral refuse to eat here on principle. #nemhf 12:52 PM Apr 23rd

Click to read more…

EVERYBODY SING WITH ME NOW: “I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY, I FEEL PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND BRIIIIIIIGHT!”

No West Side Story fans in the house? No one? Okay, fuck it. Here’s what happened in the world of FUCKING METAL this week:

• We’re streaming Mantric’s The Descent in its entirety.
• We’re giving away new tracks by Nevermore and Heaven Shall Burn.
• We debuted a new video by Karma to Burn.
• Cynic’s Paul Masvidal meditated on unexplained healings, As I Lay Dying’s Nick Hipa gave us a refresher on L O S T, The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley thinks it’s okay to enjoy music by scumbags, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable wants your help naming his new band, and Eyal from Daath and Levi/Werstler wants you to start ordering CDs online.
• We spoke to Mike Patton and Brian Posehn.
• Slayer and Megadeth are both doing full album performances on their American Carnage tour; Testament, not so much.
• Rose Funoral just can’t live down their past.

Next week brings so many interviews and exclusives it’ll make your head explode. See ya then!

-AR

Though the infamous Rose Funoral Incident transpired more than two months ago, the original post announcing the card game / deathcore fracas remains one of the most-visited single posts on MetalSucks. And though I’m sure those involved in the incident are way past over it, it’s never too late for a little friendly joshing.

Suckalo “Randy Blythe’s Illegitimate Child” and some of his buds snuck in a deck of Uno cards to Rose Funoral’s performance at New England Metal & Hardcore fest this past weekend. What our own Gary Suarez missed, the cameras of ReturnToThePit.com did not: our friends with their Uno cards held high. See the picture above, and one more after the jump.

As far as we know, Rose Funoral took it in stride. Look at that… menches!

Click to read more…

I haven’t been able to shake this cold, and so I’ve actually been playing a lot of on-line Scrabble with a friend this week (because I’m just that cool). It would be really hard to play Scrabble at a metal show, though, not least of all because so many metal d00dz can’t spell.

When we weren’t beating this whole Uno debacle to death like it had just heckled us, here’s what was happening in the world of metal:

• We streamed Mutiny Within’s self-titled debut album, and premiered a track by Dallas Coyle’s new project, Genetic.
• God Forbid’s Doc Coyle defended mainstream metal, As I Lay Dying’s Nick Hipa discussed the cliffside cave list on L O S T, and, yeah, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable and Daath’s Eyal Levi each weighed-in on a certain incident involving a certain card game.
• Each of the MetalSucks writers endorsed a finalist for the Scion No Label Needed Contest.
• We checked out new albums by The Breathing Process, Hayaino Daisuki, and Bane and Rhinoceros.
• We debated the morality of a label head posting a link to an album leak.
• We are woman, hear us roar.
• We looked at Mike Patton’s penis, and are now increasingly happy our shrink is coming back from vacation next week.
• Our homeboy Corey Mitchell is co-authoring Phil Anselmo’s autobiography!

Okay. Back to Scrabble! See ya Monday. Stay warm.

-AR

I’m not generally one to say negative things about other bands and the choices they make (publicly, at least), but I feel that this really deserves some attention. I can only hope that young metal musicians who read this site can learn from someone else’s mistakes and hopefully one day make the metal world a little less embarrassing to be a part of.

A harsh reality of being in a band, or making music, is that some people won’t like it. ESPECIALLY in the heavy metal world, where people are almost unreasonably opinionated. What other type of music has the kind of audience who heckle a band they don’t like at a show, or argue for days in the comments section of an internet blog about why a certain band sucks? Once you put your music out there to be heard, you are, without a doubt, going to get some negative feedback. The way you handle it, however, is going to determine what kind of longevity your band will ultimately have.

I’m not a fighter at all, so I can’t really speak from experience on when violence is justified, but I know that a relatively meaningless heckling incident is not it. If you consider yourself a professional, you should act like one and think about how your actions affect the outside world’s perception of you and your band. I can think of one particular show as a perfect example of how to and how not to handle yourself in a situation like this.

Click to read more…

I guess yesterday’s story about Rose Funeral beating up on some concertgoers for playing Uno during a recent set in Tulsa has caused a stir – because people are still e-mailing us about it. Here are some tidbits from those e-mails, both directly and indirectly related to the incident:

Click to read more…

NOTE: Devin Shidaker is no longer in Rose Funeral, even though for some reason he’s still listed as a member on the band’s MySpace page. Our apologies for including his name when we initially ran this story.

UPDATE: A source very close to the band tells us that this entire story is true. So that sucks. Original story follows…

Alright. So we’ve been getting e-mails about this since Thursday, and Vince and I struggled with whether or not to run anything about it because, well, the internet can be a terrible place full of nonsense, and we have no way to verify whether or not this event ever actually occurred. But now we’ve gotten so many e-mails about it, it seems like we have to say something.

Still, two disclaimers before we move forward:

1. This should be treated as an unsubstantiated rumor until further notice. Like I said, we’re currently unable to verify if there’s any truth to this story or not.
2. We’re not making any judgments, positive or negative, about Rose Funeral’s music. Whether or not we or anybody else thinks they’re a good band or not is the very definition of “beside the point” in this instance. The point is whether or not one or more members of the band did something really heinous.

And with that being said, here’s the story, as described to us via various e-mails from people who claim to have been present when this all went down…

Click to read more…

After a brutal and packed weekend of Municipal Waste, Brutal Truth, Gwar, and partying, I headed to the Trocadero in Philadelphia a little late to catch half of the Vader show, unfortunately missing the first three bands [Vince caught openers The Amenta and Augury earlier on the tour. -Ed.].

Deathcore kids Rose Funeral played to a small but excited crowd. Decrepit Birth totally ripped through an amazing set, pulling classic moves like singer Bill Robinson jumping completely over the crowd right into our favorite metal head, Grim Kim Kelly. As Vader took the stage, the sea of long hairs started moving and continued to headbang through Vader’s last show in America until the Spring, when they’ll return to Philadelphia to kick off another nationwide tour. There were many thanks given out from the Vader men and as the night ended, I was thankful that I could finally go and get some sleep for the first time in days.

Click to read more…

Absolute garbage. It’s taken me a little while to absorb what Rose Funeral’s sophomore effort, The Resting Sonata, has to offer to anyone with a mature vocabulary of metal, and, unfortunately, the answer is resounding: Not a lot. Though I’m aware that I can sometimes hold bands to a pathetically low-standard as long as they are representative of a sub-genre, play tight and have a lot of heart, Rose Funeral is a grand example of a band that is upsettingly unoriginal and, to be honest, creatively flawed.

Click to read more…

We are incredibly bummed to announce that the inaugural run of the MetalSucks-sponsored Metal Blade Fresh Meat Tour — which was due to start this week and featured The Absence, The Destro, Epicurean and Rose Funeral — has been canceled. The official explanation we’ve been given is “due to a handful of personal and other issues.”

So, um, this sucks. No ill will towards Metal Blade or any of the fine bands on the tour, as I’m sure whatever reasons got in the way of this tour happening were good ones. But this still blows.

Ah well. Next time. Sorry.