Making fun of juggalos is passe at this point; been there, done that, 100 times over, and everyone gets the point. But posting the annual infomercial Psychopathic Records puts out to promote the Gathering of the Juggalos is something of a ritual, always good for a few lulz, and possibly even entertaining.

Once you get through the so-uncool-at-this-point-that-maybe-it’s-cool-again Star Wars-style intro, you’ll discover that Vanilla Ice has sunken to an even lower low and is now a juggalo. In addition to the usual assortment of interchangeable clown-faced rappers, this year’s lineup also brings a whole new set of artists scraping the bottom of the barrel that’s become their career: CKY, Dope, Saliva, Vanilla Ice (obvs), Xzibit, Kittie and M.C. Hammer. In the “Are you sure you really want to stoop so low?” department we have Ice Cube, George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars and Busta Rhymes, who all must be getting hella paid. And last but not least, the comedy stage will feature Brian Posehn and classic wrestlers Iron Sheik and Rowdy Roddy Piper (zuh?).

Should be an interesting one. Perhaps an MS reader braver than us can go on an anthropological mission on August 11-14. I already had the juggalo experience of a lifetime, and I think that’s enough for me.

-VN

If you’d've told me in 1993 that some Swedish metal band that sings about Viking lore would sell more records than Pearl Jam 18 years later, I’d've called you crazy. Shit, if you’d have told me earlier this year that Amon Amarth would sell more records than Pearl Jam I’d've called you crazy. But that’s exactly what happened this past week. Sure, the Pearl Jam release in question was a reissue, but still; how unlikely is it that Amon Amarth, of all bands, have one of the strongest metal debuts of 2011 so far, strong enough to net them #1 on the Hard Music chart — selling roughly 14x the number of copies The Haunted’s new album did (in the U.S.) — and to beat out the enduring monolith that is Pearl Jam? Pretty fucking unlikely, and pretty fucking awesome too. Slow and steady wins the race, I suppose… 13 years and 8 albums in, Amon Amarth have broken through.

No doubt, it’s all due to this 10-year old Amon Amarth fan (WARNING: severe metalhead overload alert!).

Whitesnake (!), Within Temptation, Cavalera Conspiracy, Becoming the Archetype, Obscura and The Haunted also cracked the Top Hard Music Top 100 in their first week of U.S. release; those releases and other notable charting albums after the jump.

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That headline doesn’t even make sense. So what? Seven of the Top 10 Hard Music albums on this week’s Soundscam charts are actually new(ish) releases! And only one is a greatest hits! Hallelujah!

Rise Against continued to dominate, while new releases by Soundgarden (sorta), Protest the Hero, Born of Osiris and Tesseract sold well. A bunch of other records came out, too (uhhh… Saliva, uhh…. CKY, uhhh… Straight Line Stitch) and some solid sellers from weeks past remained on the charts. Numbers after the break.

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According to Metal Undergound, Bret Michaels announced during a Canadian solo gig last night “that in celebration of Poison’s 25th anniversary, the band will be touring with fellow American rockers Motley Crue next year, who will themselves be celebrating their 30th anniversary.” That’s great news, unless you hate fun. Even with Vince Neil being bloated and winded, Tommy Lee devoting the remainder of his career to reenacting the C. Thomas Howell classic Soul Man, Mick Mars having less mobility than a corpse, and Poison being, y’know, Poison, it’s almost impossible for me to imagine this tour being anything less than awesome. Especially if they get another great glam band (by which I mean a band like Cinderella, not a latter-day cock rock wanna-be like Hinder or Saliva), to open. Seriously, just hook the alcohol dispenser up to my veins and let me go see this show. Hell, even if the just turned out to be a train wreck of drama and shit-talking, it would be awesome.

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After the 2009 edition of Rocklahoma – a.k.a. the Wacken of Hair Metal – turned out to be an epic fail,  it was announced that AEG live, “the world’s largest producer of music festivals,” had been put in charge of “revamping” the fest for the 2010 version – including helping with “talent booking.” At the time, I suggested that this might be code for “no more hair metal bands,” and as it turns out,  I was right. Here’s the line-up for this year’s fest, in nifty poster form (via Bring Back Glam):

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A reader known only as “Jonas” sent us the below video of 55 Escape, a Norwegian band whose biggest influences seem to be Korn and Linkin Park, not Enslaved and Immortal.

Here’s why I find this band kind of interesting. (And moving forward, please be aware that “interesting” and “good” are not the same word.) When you think about it for a second, nu-metal seems to be a predominantly American phenomenon. Off the top of my head, I’m having a hard time even naming a nu-metal band from any part of Europe, never mind Norway. Jeff Killed John were British, but they didn’t get famous ’til they swapped the nu for core and rechristened themselves Bullet for My Valentine. Am I forgetting a really, really obvious band? Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Disturbed, Godsmack, Evanescence, Staind, Static-X, Creed, Hed P.E., Snot, P.O.D., Puddle of Mudd, Drowning Pool, Saliva, Coal Chamber, Methods of Mayhem, 40 Below Summer, Sevendust, Ill Nino, Dope, Papa Roach, Soil, The Union Undergound… ALL AMERICAN. What the hell? No wonder the terrorists hate us.

Anyway, thanks to these sperm clots for doing their part in making America look good. Hoo-rah.

-AR

hey axel, ur gay. i saw saliva open for 7dust last nite 2 and they r awsome. not cool making fun of joseys wait he has a grandjular problem would u make fun of a kid in a wheelchair no so dont be a dick. click click boom is awsome. what do u mean white people cant rap, what about eminem, how can u say that. joseys flow is awsome. hje dresses old skool and thats cool. and dreds r cool 2 u tool. and ladies + gentleman is also d best + so is always, that song was written by niky 6 and u have said good things about nicky before, hippocrite. wayne swinney isn’t just ripping off slash, yeh he dresses like him and plays a guitar like his and stands like him but its called an INFLUENCE, jack ass, so what if he also has a cigrett he likes 2 smoke like u like 2 smoke cock. and montoya isnt gay ur gay gaylord. he dressed like old nin and you like nin i know cuz i read the site so suck it hippocrite gaylord. what have u ever done thats so great, start this shitty website?, when you sell millions of records then you can talk, so shut the fuck up + get a life, faget. SALIVA4EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sevendust’s seventh album — Chapter VII: Hope & Sorrow — due for release April 1, has hit the leak wire. Down Mining has the album available for download; it features three guest appearances on three different songs — Myles Kennedy and Mark Tremonti of Alter Bridge, and Chris Daughtry of American Idol fame. This is the band who dropped off the mega-lineup of Rockstar Mayhem Energy Tour and joined forces with… wait for it… Saliva. Yes, the band who brought us such brain cell-killing duds greats as “Click, Click, Boom.” A little part of me just died inside.

It pains me to say these harsh words. This band has so much potential. Sigh.

-VN

After years of mis-management, losing a key songwriter / founding member, and a string of mediocre but decent enough albums, things were looking up for Sevendust. They weathered the storm of the nu-metal fallout to emerge unscathed by the critical backlash to beset pretty much every other band to whom that term ever applied. They’re set with their own label imprint through WMG’s Independent Label Group, they have a new album coming out a mere year after the last one, and they signed on to headline one of the side-stages at this Summer’s Rockstar Energy Mayhem Tour. Yes, Sevendust were poised for a new start; and now they go and fuck it it all up.

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This first kid ought to seriously consider trading in his back-stabbing friends for new ones:

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We’re not sure where this second poor chap went wrong, stagediving head-first into the floor or listening to Saliva:

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[Metal Music Video Blog]