Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

And now, it’s the time of the week you’ve all been waiting for: the three-hour window your folks are out of the house, allowing you to jack off comfortably Decibel’s monthly Guess Next Month’s Cover and Win a Decibot Shirt Contest! I’m going to predict this will be the first “FIRST” to get the answer right —provided, of course, that the band/musician/farm animal we’re spotlighting is in fact typed out below the “FIRST.” Unless the first person who sees this types in “System of a Down,” just to be a dick/radical. That said, it’s been a few years since System of a Down proper existed — although who hasn’t enjoyed the “Five Serj Tankian Solo Albums Nobody Cares About/Bassist ‘n’ Friend Randomly Beating the Shit Out of Brent Hinds Era” — so they could ostensibly be rocking spiked wristbands now.

But no, it’s not System of a Down. There’s your hint.

-AB

Decibel’s June 2011 issue, which features Ghost, Killing Joke, Mastodon, Hate Eternal, Gorguts, Protest the Hero, Born of Osiris, and Scale The Summit is available here, or make your mama proud and just get a full subscription.

I hate to sound like Bob Lefsetz, but you can’t manufacture fan endorsements. A fan endorsement — a.k.a. “word of mouth” — is probably the best advertising your product can get. The fastest way anyone will ever check out a band is when their friend comes them and says, “Yo, have you heard the new Such and Such record? It fucking rips, dude!”

And people are stupid, but they’re not that stupid. If, for example, I see a tweet from Gary Suarez where he says “Just downloaded the new Oceano, it rocks! DL here,” and then includes a link to the download, well, I know that Gary didn’t write that tweet. I know it’s something he had to do to download that song. I know this in part because I know Gary’s “voice,” and that ain’t it, but I also know because all official Gary Suarez tweets end with the hash tag “#srsly.” But the record label doesn’t know that, and they can’t make that adjustment to their stupid auto-tweet, so the whole thing just seems like a lame ploy. Which it is.

So. Scars on Broadway are offering their fans (all ten of ‘em!) a free download of their new song, “Fucking,” through one of these very programs whereby fans have to help the band spam other people, and I’m not even gonna give you the details, ’cause fuck that shit. Fuck it right in the ear. Besides, Blabbermouth posted the song, and there’s an embed code, so you can just listen to it below.

It sucks anyway. I’ve enjoyed some SOB in the past, but this just sounds like a lame band from Long Island trying to sound like System of a Down. Yech.

-AR

Back in January, System of a Down bassist Shavo Odajian caused quite a stir when he seemed to suggested that metal’s most famous Armenian American band was finally reuniting after a hiatus of what seemed like for-ever. Then, the next day, he basically sent out another tweet taking it back, and vocalist Serj Tankian finally stated that  ”we have not decided to do anything as of yet,” and that the band would continue their “indefinite hiatus.”

I was hoping that this was just Serj trying to throw fans off the scent – we’ve seen a lot of musicians deny reunion rumors right before the official announcement – but I guess not, ’cause Scars on Broadway, the SOAD side-project that only I liked, are getting back together for a show in May.

Click to read more…

Earlier this month, System of a Down bassist Shavo Odajian caused quite a stir when he seemed to suggest, via tweet, that everyone’s favorite band whose lyrics make no sense but are apparently political was ready to reunite after more than three years away. Then, the next day, he basically sent out another tweet taking it back, which just made things more, y’know, confusing. Was he really just taking an informal poll over Twitter as to whether or not people wanted a SOAD reunion? Did he let the cat out of the bag too early? Is the poor guy just sad and bored and waiting to be in the spotlight again?

We don’t really know what the Odajian was thinking when he sent out that first tweet – but now System vocalist Serj Tankian has explicitly said that there’s no reunion planned… for now, at least. He tells Billboard:

Click to read more…

Scars on Broadway didn’t work out. I’m still not entirely sure why. There seems to be some consesus that their album sucked, but I didn’t think so at all (and neither did my colleague Sammy O’Hagar, who reviewed the record). In any case, it’s a moot point, because at the end of the day, all any of us really want is for System of a Down to get back together already.

And I suspect no one wants that more than drummer John Dolmayan, who apparently auditioned to be the new drummer for Smashing Pumpkins. Because there’s really only two possible reasons he might have done this:

1. He’s bored.
2. He’s broke.

For the sake of humor, let’s assume Dolmayan is broke.

Click to read more…

The economy’s in the shitter and the sun is setting earlier and earlier every day. Still, there was reason to rejoice this week in the world of metal:

• The members of Twisted Sister are apparently now willing to “take it.”
• We interviewed Dani Filth of Cradle of Filth, Ronny Munroe of Metal Church, and Brian Fair of Overcast / Shadows Fall.
• Dallas raged against the McCain machine (as did the Foo Fighters). You raged against Dallas.
• Crikey! Scar Symmetry hire two new vocalists to take the place of one.
• Scars on Broadway call off their tour; we call bullshit.
• FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. And Fuck.
• Gojira got heavy in every sense of the word.
• Bam Bam Bigelow + Marty Jannetty = ’80s Vinnie Paul.

Sayonara suckers. See you next week.

-VN

As an American, I expect to be lied to. Even if it’s a bad lie. Of course Sarah Palin can’t tell Fox News “I flubbed the Katie Couric interview because I’m a moron and I don’t know anything outside of the talking points I’ve been coached on.” It would just be too insulting to the literally dozens of people who actually think she’s an intelligent, well-qualified political candidate. So she has to say she flubbed the interview because she was “annoyed” that Couric wasn’t asking questions the American people care about (And by “American people,” Palin means… actually, I’m not sure who the fuck she means. Not me.). It’s bullshit – it’s not even good bullshit – but it’s what we do in life, whether it be for political or personal reasons. If you’re not going to a friend’s party, you tell your friend “Oh, my dick is caught in my zipper” or something other than “I have better things to do.”

Well, apparently, Daron Malakian didn’t get the memo, because a statement released to Blabbermouth yesterday by Scars on Broadway is either a) bullshit so bad it makes Palin look like master manipulator or b) a sign that Malakian literally just does not give two shits about his literally dozens of fans*.

Click to read more…

Of course, that’s like saying Death Magnetic is the best thing Metallica have recorded in years – the competition isn’t exactly fierce, y’know? (For the record, recent Schumacher films include The Number 23, Phone Booth, and The Phantom of the Opera.)

I’m not even sure why you need a high-profile Hollywood director for a video like this. It’s not like there’s a fucking narrative here. What an incredible waste of money.

-AR

Thanks for waiting patiently for the results of the Funny Photo Caption Contest from two Thursdays ago: the following four MetalSucks Maniacs win a limited edition Scars on Broadway lithograph and a Scars on Broadway CD for coming up with a funny caption for the photo at right:

• Joe: “Our shows are made possible with generous donations from Focus on the Family and the Republican Party.”
• Eric: “Demon Hunter sure have changed since last tour.”
• bmwtech: “Just another high school prom night in Norway”
• Austin Millbarge: “…and my guidance counselor said I would never amount to anything.”

And the grand prize winner, who takes home not only a lithograph like the runners-up but a copy of the Scars on Broadway CD autographed by the whole band:

• benbag: “No matter how hard he tried… the emo frontman still looked like a bitch in 1348… the 1349 covers band.”

This week we have an awesomely awesome prize package. The MetalSucks Mansion is moving next week (oy vey… I’m getting ojita just thinking about), and we literally have stacks upon stacks of CDs lying around that we need to get rid of — so we’re giving them all the way! Five lucky winners will get a ginormous prize package of 15-20 CDs, but here’s the catch; you don’t know what you’re getting. There are some real gems in there (promo copies of Muncipal Waste, Arson Anthem, Cavalera Conspiracy, Porcupine Tree, etc etc etc) but some duds too (Bobaflex or Hed P.E., anyone?) — so it’s a mixed bag, but you’re guaranteed to get some good shit. Just come up with a funny caption to the photo below [sent in by reader Ryan Durinick] and it’s all yours!

Unfortunately, it’s not the guy who directed The Dark Knight.

No no, it’s Joel Schumacher – who, in addition to the franchise-killing Batman & Robin has brought us such gems as 8MM, Phone Booth, The Number 23, and the movie version of The Phantom of the Opera. So clearly, Scars on Broadway are going for quality here.

To give you some idea of what we’re in for, here’s the last music video Schumacher directed:

Sniffle, sniffle… that video makes me tear up every damn time…

-AR

[Thanks, Blabberbuddy!]

Congrats to MetalSucks Maniac Renee for winning last week’s last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest; Renee — whom I sincerely hope is aware of the double-hilarious meaning of her entry — will receive Nachtmystium’s Assassins: Black Meddle Pt. 1; Terror’s The Damned, The Shamed, and Hail of Bullets’ …Of Frost and War in the mail for coming up with this caption for the photo at right:

“Men will go to extreme measures when they get jungle fever…”

We’ve got an awesome prize pack for five winners this week. All 5 will receive a limited edition Scars on Broadway lithograph; four of those will also win a Scars on Broadway CD, while the grand prize winner will receive a copy of the CD autographed by the band. All you have to do to enter is come up with a funny caption for the below photo and post it in the comments. Good luck!

I know the phrase “guilty pleasure” gets thrown around a lot (including by this particular writer), but the latest by System of a Down appendix, Scars on Broadway, falls hard under that category. If your patience for it is limited, the band can sound like, quite possibly, the worst band you’ve ever heard. Like, exceptionally bad. Like Incubus getting their asses kicked by Frank Zappa’s retarded, untalented nephew that works at the Citgo bad. But if you give the record a shot and don’t expect too much from it, much like the aforementioned fictitious nephew, it can provide a surprisingly nuanced listen, full of delicious hard pop riffs and the kind of melody System of a Down hinted at before they’d go over the edge into yodeling territory.

Click to read more…

“They Say,” the first single from System of a Down’s Daron Malakian (who is starting to look like Robin Finck) and John Dolmayan’s new Scars on Broadway project, is the kind of song which is pretty much guaranteed to get stuck in your head so bad you need to drill through your fucking skull to get it out.

On the other hand, the song’s video, directed by Paul Minor, is pretty… okay. I’m not sure if inter-cutting fake performance clips of the band with various bits of “disturbing” found footage was effective when Nigel Dick did it for “Welcome to the Jungle” back in ’87, but it’s definitely seems pseudo-profound at best in ’08.

But hey, they can’t all be a masterpiece.

Interscope will release Scars on Broadway’s self-titled debut on July 29. If the rest of it is as infectious as this song, it should pretty much keep me occupied for the month of August.

-AR

System of a Down’s Daron Malakian and John Dolmayan now have a release date and a record label for their Scars on Broadway project;  July 29th and Interscope. Scars on Broadway released the song “They Say” a few weeks back, generating mixed reactions and a heated debate in our comments section. Listen to the track below.

I’m scratching my head as to why Malakian and Dolmayan, very established musicians who seems quite capable of generating buzz and releasing a record on their own, would sacrifice some of their potential revenue by chosing to go the major label route. Scars could easily pull a Reznor / Radiohead, go the DIY method and do just fine. Or are they so well-off from System at this point that the money doesn’t matter and they just want to get the music out to as many people as possible? Seeing as barely anyone recoups these days, maybe they’re smart to take the advance and run…

-VN