MetalSucks

Sebastian Bach, who is perpetually the most entertaining former rock star in all of hair metaldom, is going to be on yet another fucking reality show – this time VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club, where former “stars” purportedly go to shed some weight, but actually go because their parents didn’t love them enough, causing them to have no sense of self-worth whatsoever if they’re not constantly in the spotlight. Although a VH1 reality show strikes me as a pretty dim spotlight. But whatever.

Bach will be joined by that dude who knocked up Britney Spears, that chick from Charles in Charge I always used to think about while jerking off, crackhead Bobby Brown, and a bunch of people I’ve never heard of.

I guess the last time I actually saw Bach up close was in 2006 when he was hanging from Axl Rose’s nuts all over the world, but in all honesty, the guy looked like he was in pretty good shape. I mean, I’m sure his liver is failing and his septum has been burned-through with coke, but he wasn’t fat or anything. If anyone has seen him more recently and can tell me I’m wrong, please do so. Nothing would make me happier than to learn that Baz had pulled a Brando.

Celebrity Fit Club will start airing in February 2010, by which time I will most certainly have forgotten about it.

-AR

In a post about country singer Carrie Underwood’s cover of Skid Row’s “I Remember You,” Noisecreep’s Karen Bliss inadvertently (or perhaps advertently) stumbled upon a dead-on lookalike when she juxtaposed Taylor Swift’s photo (Swift has also covered classic metal songs as of late) with that of Sebastian Bach. Check out the above picture, taken directly from Noisecreep. WTF?

Reminds me of the classic blog Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. Except Swift’s not old… and not a lesbian. Whatever.

-VN

Here’s an interesting little piece that Noisecreep ran last week:

“For some reason, Skid Row fans or my fans are so hung up on these three or four tunes that I did a billion years ago,” says Bach, on the phone from the airport, while on his way to a gig tonight (Aug. 25) in front of 20,000 people at Telus Field in Edmonton, Alberta — where he will join country music duo Big and Rich onstage.

“I don’t get it. I completely don’t understand it because when I made it in rock, I said, ‘This is f—ing great. Now I can make music the rest of my life.’ Some people just wanna make the same record over and over again for the rest of their life, and that’s just not me. That’s totally not me.”

And here’s the performance Bach gave with Big and Rich that very night:

Click to read more…

I imagine that when the members of, say, Daath get together for rehearsal, no one expects to be paid for said rehearsal. They’re all dudes who are friends – some of them even grew up together, if I’m not mistaken – and it’s not like they’re making squillions of dollars playing metal. Rehearsal, then, has to be viewed as an investment – get better as a band, put on a good show for the crowd, and, knock on wood, your band will get bigger and the money will come.

I also imagine it’s different being in someone’s solo band. If your boss is Ozzy Osbourne or Axl Rose or Dave Mustaine or Trent Reznor, there’s going to be a lot of money involved, and your creative input is going to be somewhat limited (I imagine). I know for a fact that the members of nu-GN’R are paid an annual retainer, just in case they’re needed; I assume members of certain other solo bands are given a similar (if perhaps less lucrative) deal. And actors definitely get paid to rehearse; granted, the rehearsal rate is less than the performance rate, but the unions insist that if you want an actor there for rehearsals, he or she must be compensated.

Now. Sebastian Bach’s record sales obviously are not what they used to be. But the guy still opens for arena bands, routinely plays large festivals, and, by his own admission, gets paid very large sums of money to appear on crappy reality shows. Doing something like, say, paying for his band’s member’s gas so they can get to rehearsal seems reasonable, especially when you’re talking about dudes like Metal Mike Chlasciak, who, even if he’s not exactly Zakk Wylde, has played with dudes like Halford, and is definitely a “known entity.”

Well, Baz disagrees. He’s looking for a new guitarist and a new bassist, and, more specifically, he’s looking for someone to do it for bubcus. Check out this statement from the Old Dude Gone Wild:

Click to read more…

Baz tweets:

meeting one of my favorite authors of all time today to discuss collaborating on my memoirs ! #fb12 minutes ago from txt

So, like, who do we think Baz’s favorite authors of all time are? Dr. Seuss is dead, Shel Silverstein is dead, and unless The Dirt was done as a book on tape and I’m not aware of it, I doubt The Second Most Famous Person Ever to be Named “Sebastian Bach” knows who Neil Strauss is. So any guesses?

Whomever takes the (hopefully lucrative) gig of basically writing The Old Man Gone Wild’s book for him, it should be, in some capactiy at least, an entertaining read.

-AR

Sebastian Bach sent out this tweet a little earlier today:

working on full demo cd to send to @john5guitarist 2 c where we’re @, then write more tunes till we r ready to enter studio 4 new CD! #fb21 minutes ago from txt

Alright, so Baz’s new record will have John 5 playing songs written by Jamey Jasta? Is it possible Sebastian is working on the single fucking weirdest metal record ever made?

-AR

Yes, the Tony Awards. Like the Oscars, only even gayer.

The band, whose song “Nothing but a Good Time” is featured in the Tony-nominated “Broadway smash” Rock of Ages, will perform said number alongside the cast of that show, according to Variety.

The show will be hosted by Doogie Howser Neil Patrick Harris, and other performers will include… Liza Minnelli.

In other news, Sebastian Bach is jealous.

-AR

Vince is in Kentucky scouting land for a SECOND MetalSucks Mansion and against the advice of Gary Suarez and my own instincts, I’m off to see Terminator Salvation. We shan’t be posting Monday ’cause it’s Memorial Day, but we’ll be back Tuesday. In the meantime, here’s some shit that happened this week:

• We did a video interview with IWRESTLEDABEARONCE! We also spoke with The Haunted’s Peter Dolving, God Forbid’s Doc Coyle, and Unholy.
• We stole Daath’s Eyal Levi away from Headbanger’s Blog.
• Sigh’s Mirai Kawashima graced us with another totally excellent studio blog.
• Corey Mitchell says this is the best album of the year so far.
• Fuckface Durst finally went too far.

As Baz would say, “I’ll be Bach.”

-AR

Alright, in case ya didn’t know: prior to the borderline-unlistenable Angel Down, all of Sebastian Bach’s solo albums had titles based on terrible puns using his name – e.g. Bring ‘Em Bach Alive, Bach to Basics, etc. I don’t even have to tell you what a retarded conceit that was, but given that a) Sebastian Bach actually is retarded and b) Sebastian Bach’s remaining fan base is also retarded (hello, Karen James), this wasn’t surprising.

But we’ve been following Baz on Twitter these past weeks, and as it turns out, he actually feels the need to replace the word “back” with his name whenever possible. To wit, these tweets which I culled only from the last seven days:

Click to read more…

Back in January we told you that Jamey Jasta has been helping Sebastian Bach, of all people, write some new music. Well, now Bach has posted the below video of himself in the studio with Phantoms’ Charlie Bellmore, who I guess will play on the record.

In any case, it certainly sounds like Baz singing over Hatebreed.

P.S. Jesus Christ, Baz, take a shower, go to the gym and comb your fucking hair.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

What do Twisted Sister, Great White, Kix, Nelson, Danger Danger and Anthrax all have in common?

They’re all playing this year’s Rocklahoma Festival.

Click to read more…

Those rumors that have been floating around are apparently true: Hatebreed’s Jamey Jasta is working with Sebastian Bach on the latter’s new album. Blabbermouth reports that Jasta has said the following about the collaboration:

All the Skid Row/Bach fans need not worry; I am not trying to infuse a Hatebreed/Kingdom of Sorrow sound or style. I’m just hoping to write and produce a bunch of GREAT anthemic metal/rock songs for him. Think Painkiller-era Priest meets Vulgar Display of Power meets Slave To The Grind.

I think that Jasta has the right idea about what kind of album Baz should make – lest we forget, Skid Row and Pantera were tour mates once upon a time, and certainly the Priest/Skid direction doesn’t seem far-fetched – but I am not confident that Jasta is the man to make this happen (and I say that as someone who actually likes Hatebreed). As our pal Anso at Hipsters Out of Metal! notes, “if Jasta were able to pen material on par with Paaain!Killah!, Vulgar, [and] Slave (greatest hard rock album of all time?), I gotta ask: Why has he been holding this material back for a Sebastian Bach solo album that no one will hear?”

-AR

The only capacity in which I ever want to experience Sebastian Bach again is singing Skid Row songs. Not new ones, either, ’cause if the one Johnny Solinger-era Skids album I’ve heard is any indication, the guys who actually write the music in that band have forgotten whatever it was they knew back in their Slave to the Grind days. No, I wanna hear this 40 something year old fucker sing “Youth Gone Wild” like he was still actually youthful and/or wild.

And I know I’m not alone, ’cause even with multiple guest appearances from Axl Rose, Baz’s last solo album, Angel Down, was purchased by a whopping twelve people, eleven of whom are related to or work for Sebastian.

Baz must be aware that his popularity with the metal community is waning (even more than usual) recently, because following his appearance on the reality show Gone Country (which I did not watch), he has announced he’s recording a full length country album.

Click to read more…

This one pretty much explains itself. Someone we enjoy making fun of had an embarrassing moment and while we could be nice guys about it, we’re not nice guys. So skip to 1:48 to see Baz fall flat on his ass and start your week with a good laugh.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

I know this may be old news by now, but Twisted Sister vocalist Dee Snider has said he wants to do a Broadway musical based on the band’s holiday album, A Twisted Christmas. While I’m sure Sebastian Bach is very excited that he may get to return to the stage soon to give us another winning performance, I’m not entirely convinced that this musical will ever really come to pass; just this morning, Variety did a story about investors feeling kinda wary of giving money to the Great White Way in light of the current economy, and I don’t know that the lure of TS is strong enough in 2008 to put dollar signs in anyone’s eyes.

So, for now, just try to imagine this on a Broadway stage:

Well… it can’t be any worse than Strangeland… can it?

-AR

[Welcome to our new column Hair Metal Happy Hour, which will be manned by the fine writer Michael S. Robinson. Things have been admittedly less hairy around here lately, but we hope to rectify that situation with this semi-regular column. Huh huh, he said "rectum-fry." - Ed.]

It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost twenty years since glorious hair metal ruled the charts and MTV. Once the crispy, crunchity sounds of the Pacific northwest took over, many of our cock-rocking heroes from the 80s faded into oblivion, while others continued to record sporadically, enjoying varying degrees of success, or lack thereof.

Now it’s 2008, almost 20 years to the day since Stryper released In God We Trust, and we find ourselves in the midst of unarguably the greatest year for hair metal releases since the 1980s. I’m not sure what any of us have done to bring about this incredible turn of good fortune, but it’s worth pausing to analyze, and give thanks for the bounty of hair metal we have been given, and are about to receive, in 2008.

Click to read more…

Karen James, feel free to comment below.

-AR

In a move that is sure to rip bare any remaining thread of cred that Baz had remaining, Sebastian Bach took the stage with Long Island-based screamo/emo band The Sleeping at their performance this Saturday at Bamboozle, the massive annual 2-day social club for 15 year-olds emo festival at the Meadowlands in New Jersey.

The Syndicate Blog is reporting (with photo!) that Baz played two songs from his recent flop release Angel Down before closing with the Skid Row classic “Youth Gone Wild.”

Oh, the irony! I hope the “Fall Out Boy” t-shirt of the kid ninja-kick karate moshing in the front got ripped to shreds by someone’s braces.

-VN

Velvet Revolver drummer Matt Sorum posted on his blog a picture that a fan sent him of Sebastian Bach photoshopped into Velvet Revolver, fulfilling Scott Weiland’s pick to fill the now-vacant vocalist spot. But the picture is only an afterthought; with VR seemingly in shambles, Sorum’s focus is now on his fashion line SorumNoce; “Been hanging At my new store. Biz is good selling lots of stuff, please come by if in the area. Will be offering shirts i can sign if I’m around if you can’t afford the leather and stuff.”

Because what we really need is another overpriced t-shirt.

-VN

Over the weekend Blabbermouth reported that Poison will be doing another edition of their summer package tour, which isn’t surprising – for glam fans $30 to see three old hair metal acts complete with big light shows, pyro, and all the fixings is a pretty good deal.

What is kind of surprising is that Sebastian Bach has been announced as one of the openers; he’ll rotate with the other one, a George Lynch-less Dokken.

You read that correctly, folks. Dokken.

Now, Baz hasn’t exactly been the most dignified of sorts, but there’s a pretty huge difference between opening for Axl Rose at Madison Square Garden and opening for Poison at pretty much fuckin’ anywhere.

Funnier still is this quote from a 1999 interview with Baz: “We [Skid Row] were definitely separate from Poison and Warrant… Skid Row fans are not Poison fans.”

Oh, well. It’s easy to talk big when you don’t have bills to pay, I guess.

-AR