MetalSucks

All this talk about Slash’s upcoming solo album has got me playing “Fantasy Velvet Revolver” in my head once again. Though I still hold out hope that Axl’s idea of having Perry Farrell front the band comes to fruition, I know in my heart that there’s probably a better chance of Scott Weiland rejoining the band, which is admittedly a pretty remote possibility. Remote like Siberia.

So looking through the list of vocalists purportedly gracing the axeman’s new record, I see a number of qualified albeit unlikely candidates to fill Weiland’s still-vacant spot. Yeah, it would be a heavy music lover’s dream to have Ozzy Osbourne sing for the band, considering the craptastic nature of his last few solo albums. Realistically, that would be an unholy managerial nightmare with the potential capacity to yield a catastrophic clusterfuck to put the legal woes of Black Sabbath and Guns N’ Roses to shame. Dave Grohl’s too busy counting his money and playing geriatric rock with his idols to commit to yet another band. These days, Alice Cooper and Lemmy Kilmister have the commercial drawing power of, well, Alice Cooper and Lemmy Kilmister, and maybe would shift a few more units than a Velvet Revolver fronted by an unknown (anyone remember Eric Dover or Rod Jackson?) or that dude from Spacehog. Don’t even get me started on Fergie.

One other name on that list, however, actually makes sense…

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Some unorganized observations about this video by Australian shredder lady Orianthi, sent to me by Zena Metal:

• Is that a sequined PRS? Good lord! Hideous.
• What’s with the guitar neck protruding out into all the shots? Is that an attempt to relate to the Guitar Hero generation? If so, how come none of it matches up with the song??
• She can definitely play!
• Nice dive bomb at the 3:00 mark.
• Apparently she was to be Michael Jackson’s guitarist for his This Is It shows. Eddie Van Halen… Steve Stevens… Slash… Orianthi. Hmmm. That’s some pretty righteous company.
• So many 12 year old dudes are going to have raging hard-ons for her. 12 year old Vince would’ve been ALL over this!
• All things considered, this isn’t bad. It’s middle of the road guitar/power pop made for tweens. Even if not for the shred it’d still be alright. If kids are listening to this over Ashley Tisdale, that’s a step in the right direction. But hey, this coming from the guy who genuinely enjoyed Avril Lavigne’s first record… so don’t trust me too much.

-VN

“Make love not war sounds so absurd to me.” But not as absurd as the idea of Extreme’s Nuno Bettencourt touring with Rihanna, and trying to pass it off as “a high-energy experience” that really fits “‘my’ style.” Because “Umbrella-ella-ella” really requires someone who can shred. I’d almost have more respect for him if he just said “The Extreme reunion tour didn’t pay as well as I hoped and I got rent to pay.”

The announcement follows Bettencourt’s cameo on How I Met Your Mother, which is being called “the best show on television” by people who can’t find their remote and are too lazy to change the channel manually.

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Today was Friday the 13th, but absolutely nothing bad happened to me. I mean, the night is young so shit could still go horribly awry I suppose, but all in all, I had a pretty good day – nay, I had a pretty good week. If only the same could be said for the world of metal. Here’s some disasters the plagued various musicians this week:

• Slash completed his decade-long indoctrination into the Metallica “Fuck Our Fans” Club.
• We’re not sure if Steven Tyler is still in Aerosmith or not, but we are sure that we don’t give a fuck either way.
• There was a lot of controversy over a really, really ugly painting.
• No can explain to me why I should care about Alter Bridge.
• Fear Faction ate s’more babies, released a new song.
• R.I.P. Jerry Fuchs.

And, oh yeah, some good news: MetalSucks is going to do a digital release of The Binary Code’s Suspension of Disbelief on December 15 for just five bucks! Get stoked.

Alright. I’m off to go hear Vince spin. Have a nice weekend everyone. Next week we have another extra, super-duper special surprise for you…

-AR

The Starbucks Incident

Yes, I am going to continue to bitch about Slash. I understand that Slash is not Jimi Hendrix but this might be the single biggest betrayal to my formative years since Metallica released everything they’ve released from Load on, and I need to mourn.

So. Some lady says that the following singers are all on Slash’s new solo album, How Could Taking My Cues from Carlos Santana Possibly Go Wrong? I have added my own thoughts because that’s what we do around here. Click to read more…

I know that opinions about Slash are decidedly mixed. Some people never liked Guns N’ Roses, or hate Slash’s Snakepit, or hate Velvet Revolver, or whatever – I bet that of the five people who remember what the fuck Slash’s Blues Ball was, at least two or three of them hate that, too.

But nothing – and I mean absolutely, unarguably NOTHING – that Slash has ever done has been as bad as this re-recording of “Paradise City” with Cypress Hill and Fergie Methfacerson:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DID ANYONE REALLY THINK IT WAS OKAY TO BEGIN ANY VERSION OF “PARADISE CITY” WITH A RAPPER SAYING “YES YES Y’ALL?” IS THIS ONE OF THE BEST HARD ROCK ANTHEMS EVER, OR A FUCKING LIMP BIZKIT SONG?!?! HOW THE FUCK DID FERGIE END UP NOT BEING THE WORST PART OF THIS?!?!

If I was Duff McKagan – who actually wrote the main riff for “Paradise City” – I would kick Slash in the nuts. And then, when he was doing on the ground clutching his bruised testicles, I’d kick him again, and demand that this recording can only be released if done so under the title “Paradise Shitty.”

This re-recording, which makes me wish I was a fan of Disturbed or Drowning Pool so that I’d feel a little more dignified than I do for supporting Slash, comes from a two-song CD single that was released in Japan this week. After the jump is the other song from the single, “Sahara,” which features some Japanese vocalist I’ve never heard it. It’s also a terrible song, but at least it a) doesn’t rape any of my childhood memories and leave them weeping on the cold tile floor and b) has a guitar solo that sounds like every other Slash guitar solo, which is okay because I love Slash guitar solos.

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Scott Weiland’s been out of Velvet Revolver for quite some time now, and there’s still no word on their search for a new singer. I had assumed that they hadn’t announced anyone because they just couldn’t find someone famous enough. I mean, let’s be real – they’re not gonna hire some unknown. If they did, they’d fail to be a supergroup – they’s just be Slash’s Snakepit III. As it stands, Slash doesn’t know Dave Kushner’s name (he repeatedly identifies his co-guitarist as “Dave Kirshner” in his autobiography), and he’s known Kushner since they were kids; what the fuck would he do with an unknown singer?

I guess there must be some other issue, though – ’cause Corey Taylor, front man for Slipknot and Stone Sour, recently revealed that he tried out for the spot:

“I had a meeting with those guys, we did some demos together, and it just didn’t work — for whatever reason… It was just really cool. It was one of those things where it’s like I could have got to jam with legends, man, in my opinion. But, you know, it was cool, and I still know those guys, I still hang out with them, and I still have nothing but respect.”

So I gotta wonder why this didn’t work out. Taylor’s voice is comparable to Weiland’s, he’s well-known, he’d probably bring in some young kids who might otherwise not give a shit about Guns Without Rose, and he’s a very charismatic and entertaining band leader. So did his personality just not gel with that of the dudes in VR? Were they worried that with two other bands, he was already over-committed? Did Roadrunner (the label that distributes both Slipknot and Stone Sour) put the kibosh on the whole thing, as they allegedly did when Taylor almost replaced John Bush in Anthrax? We might never know, but I find the whole thing pretty curious.

Weigh in with your thoughts on Taylor as the new Axl Weiland below. And while you’re pontificating, enjoy this bootleg video of Taylor performing “It’s So Easy” with Slash. It might be the closest we ever get to seeing  a Taylor-fronted VR.

-AR

Last week we posted a call for questions to ask Metalocalypse creator / Dethklok frontman Brendon Small, and you all gave us your best questions in the comments. Later that day we hand-picked our favorite ones and got on the phone with Brendon to pass them along. Your questions his answers, below.

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With Velvet Revolver on what is starting to look like a permanent hiatus, Slash has been off recording a Santana-style all-star solo album with lots and lots of famous collaborators. It’s actually kind of a brilliant idea, and you wonder why he didn’t do that instead of Slash’s Snakepit Mach 2, a fun band that was really never gonna pay off for him.

Now Slash has announced his first solo offering: a two-track Japanese (and thus “internet,” whether Saul Hudson likes it or not) single called Sahara, which will offer both that song, with some Japanese dude I’ve never heard of on vocals, and… a re-recording of “Paradise City” with vocals by Cypress Hill and Fergie.

Fergie.

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If Velvet Revolver’s second album, Libertad, had a bed, it shat all over it. The sales would have been considered top-notch for your average metal band, but for mega super duper rockstars likes Guns Without Rose, it was bad enough for their major label to promptly drop them.

There’s a few reasons this might have occurred. Personally, I think that VR’s debut, Contraband, was good but not great, and I think once the curiosity factor (with regards to a supergroup) had passed, the band was kind of doomed. Being a major success means doing crossover business (e.g., attracting people beyond the hardcore fanbase that would’ve bought the album even if it was by Slash’s Snakepit 3), and I know a lot of people who bought Contraband, went “meh,” and then never bothered to check out Libertad.

But even if we assume that Contraband really was Appetite’s second coming, the band released a shit first single that impressed absolutely no one. And I seem to be the only person in the world who actually thought that Libertad was superior to Contraband. So it’s possible that being creatively lackluster is why the album undersold.

Keeping all of this in mind, here’s Matt Sorum basically saying that Libertad sucked, and that it’s all Scott Weiland’s fault:

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Les Paul has passed away from complications from pneumonia. He was 94.

Obviously, Paul didn’t play metal music – but as an innovator of multi-track recording and solid body guitars (he was – duh – the creator of the Les Paul model Gibson), he definitely had an effect on metal. Also, he was an all-around awesome guitar player.

I’m not sure about the past few years, but when I was a kid he used to play weekly gigs at a now-defunct club called Fat Tuesday’s. I went to see him several times, and he always blew me away. Once, when I was about thirteen, I was leaving the gig when he actually stopped me – he seemed surprised that someone so young had come out to see him. He was incredibly nice, and it made my year to get to speak with him, however briefly.

I know that Paul used to jam with some metal-types, including Slash (who, of course, plays a Les Paul model nine times outta ten). I can’t seem to find any videos of such a jam session. But here he is back in the day with his also-departed wife, Mary Ford.

-AR

MEGADETH, RUST IN PEACE

Ok, I was like, what, eleven when this shit came out? More like thirteen when I discovered it. Back then, Dave Mustaine was almost like a political figure as far as metal goes. Who knows how I’d look at his role now, but back then, he was a hero.

And then there was the songwriting. Nobody was writing music as creative as them. Listen to the guitar breaks in songs like “Five Magics” or the entire masterpiece, “Rust in Peace.” Nobody was writing stuff like that, and for the time, I felt like the lyrics actually meant something. And the solos – try playing a Marty Friedman solo when you’re thirteen. Try playing one now. The dude is/was/ and will forever be untouchable.

This band meant the world to me back then. I’m not crazy about the new directions the band has gone in, but that doesn’t diminish that they changed my life back when I was younger. I always felt like their rival bands were playing it safe, and that Megadeth was taking all the musical risks. I definitely think that this would be the musician’s choice for those of us who are and were still into real metal with real songs. Not just shred wankery.

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I know we (well, I at least) give Slash a lot of shit around here – but it’s only because the dude was my hero growing up (I had his poster on my wall, was him for Halloween at least twice, etc.), and it’s always disappointing when one of your heroes, say, starts gigging with the alien “chick” (recent evidence suggests she may, in fact, be a dude) from Black Eyed Peas.

But Slash turns 44 (!!!) today, and it’s pretty much a miracle the guy is still alive. So I am going to take this moment to celebrate him by pretending that he’s still the way I’d like to remember him:

-AR

This is gonna be a long, Lefsetzian rant that is only peripherally related to metal. Don’t read it if that’s gonna bother you.

MTV’s The State came out on DVD yesterday – the complete series. For those of you too young to remember, The State was a sketch comedy series that launched all the guys (and girl) who went on to make Wet Hot American Summer, Stella, Reno 911, and a whole bunch of shit I’m forgetting.

(The troupe’s members have also written and/or acted in some terrible movies, I’m sure because it paid well, but if it funds their own work, then whatever.)

So last night after we shuttered the MetalSucks Mansion Grand Study of Doom & Horror (where we do all our “work”) for the evening, I went out (To fucking Best Buy – because there is now no place else in the city to purchase DVDs) and bought The State, came home, “got right” as Ron Saint Germain would say, and sat down to watch a show I haven’t seen in sixteen years.

Holy shit, that makes me feel old.

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There’s something reassuring about knowing that people one sometimes considers cooler than him or herself were not, in fact, always so cool.

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At the risk of sounding disrespectful: we cannot look at Michael Jackson through rose-colored glasses just because of his untimely passing. The dude was, to put it mildly, a weirdo, and probably very, very crazy. And the fact that he is now dead does not change that fact.

That being said, back when the guy was slightly less crazy (or, at least, the general public was less aware of his craziness), there’s no denying that he was major talent who had a huge impact on music. Denying this fact because of his later follies is just foolish. And even though I’ve been listening to metal since before I had pubes, I freely admit that I owned a copy of Thriller long before I owned a copy of Reign in Blood.

Jackson apparently had some kind of affinity for hard rock guitarists, or, at least, had someone in his camp who did. Besides employing Jennifer Batten for years, Jackson worked with Eddie Van Halen (”Beat It”), Slash (”Give in to Me”), and Steve Stevens (”Smooth Criminal”).

For the usual dumb reasons, none of the videos for these collaborations are embeddable, but you can easily find them on the net. In the meantime, here’s Jacko and Slash:

On a more cynical note, except at least one, if not more, of these guitarists to start exploiting their relationship with Jackson for publicity any second now.

-AR

I mean, it’s not like the dude has been some bastion of artistic integrity the past, oh, decade or so. He’s performed with Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/whatever the fuck his name is now, and Fergie, and done an AmEx (or was it Master Card?) commercial, and a car commercial, and wrote an autobiography primarily based around years that, by his own admission, he doesn’t really remember all that well. Obviously, the guy comes from the “You Pay Me I Show Up” school of decision making.

Yet our inbox has been flooded with e-mails of outrage that $lash would “sell-out” and appear on America’s most annoying television program. What can you do? Just blast Appetite as loud as possible and try to forget that this shit ever happened, or remember that this American Idol episode(s? I didn’t watch) is probably at least 30% less irritating than a Slash-less AI.

-AR

If you go here you can watch a video of Avenged Sevenfold’s M. Shadows being interviewed about the whole nu-GN’R/Velvet Revolver rivalry. I can’t embed it because the people at Artisan News Service, who conducted the interview, are no good smelly fuck faces, but here’s a transcription of the relevant part:

“I go more towards the Use Your Illusion records, and I know that [Axl Rose] had a major part in those. You listen to the Velvet Revolver records and you can tell that it’s more of a straight-ahead rock band. And a lot of people like that… and it’s not a diss on them, but they have a short attention span… From the new stuff I’ve heard and the demos, I can tell that Axl had the biggest part in [the Illusion albums]… the lyrics… the vocal stylings… that to me was the major part of Guns N’ Roses. Even though you can’t have Guns N’ Roses without Slash and those guys, but… just, to me, Axl was the most important part of that.”

Now, that’s not exactly an inflammatory comment – in fact, it’s pretty even handed – but it’s still hard to imagine, say, Duff McKagan and Matt Sorum (to say nothing of Izzy Stradlin) not taking serious issue with Shadows giving Axl so much credit and saying Velvet Revolver is for people with short attention spans.

So, I gotta wonder: did Shadows and Slash discuss Axl being the most important part of GN’R when Slash played with A7X last night?

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

It was over a year ago that we first got the news that Bret Michaels was writing his autobiography (and by “writing,” I mean dictating to some dude named Shane Stanley who had to do all the actual work); the book, Roses & Thorns (nice title, schmucky), will now finally a get a release on June 23, according to People.com.

Granted, this will not be a good book. The chances that it’s as decent as The Dirt are pretty slim; hell, the chances that it’s as good as Slash are pretty thin (and even Slash was only okay). But, there is a lot of room for comedy here, especially if Michaels takes himself too seriously which, chances are, he will.

Here are things I’m looking forward to reading about in this tome:

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Directly from the horse’s mouth comes the news that “guitarist n’ songwriter [emphasis added to point out mental retardation] Dj Ashba… officially replaces current NIN guitarist Robin Finck” in Guns N’ Roses. “Once Dj’s name was in the hat, the hat disappeared!!” benevolent dictator Axl Rose exclaims, doing his best impersonation of my Uncle Morty.

Showing that Rose at least has a sense of humor, the statement concludes: “Now, one step closer to the abyss, Ashba joins a band who’s all time roster is nearly as long as it’s [sic] founder Axl Rose’s rap sheet!” Oh, Axl, you scamp.

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