I don’t hate Soulfly as much as some people — in fact, I quite enjoyed 2005′s Dark Ages, and that Greg Puciato sections of that one song from the last album — but I can’t find a nice thing to say about the album art for the band’s upcoming eighth full-length, Enslaved. It looks lo-fi, but not in a cool way, like the cover Terrorizer’s Hordes of Zombies. And why are the edges blacked out? And why are the edges on the left side more blacked out than the edges on the right side? It just doesn’t seem like that much thought went into this thing.

Enslaved comes out March 13 on Roadrunner. It has some pretty cool guests on it, like Cattle Decapitation’s Travis Ryan and Dez Fafara from DevilDriver (and, uh, Coal Chamber), so it should really go without saying, but if the music on the album is good, then it really won’t matter what the cover looks like. Although the band’s new bass player is the dude who used to be in Static-X, so that doesn’t bode well, does it?

-AR

Yesterday, Noisecreep debuted Wayne Static’s new video, “Assassins of Youth.” And in theory it shouldn’t be that terrible a video, because it has half-naked sluts wrestling and making out in it, and you could always hit the “mute” button so you don’t have to listen to the umpteenth variation of the same song Static-X has been playing for fifteen years now and just enjoy the girls.

Unfortunately, the activities of these ladies whose daddies did such an amazing job raising them are all blocked by Wayne Static’s stupid fucking hair.

Sigh.

The video isn’t a complete waste of time, though. There is one shot where Wayne Static is sitting on some chick’s face with his arm akimbo for no apparent reason. That made me laugh pretty hard.

Wayne Static’s latest gift to the world, Pighammer, October 4 on Dirthouse Records.

-AR

I always feel kinda bad for Wayne Static, the same way I feel kinda bad for Marilyn Manson; almost twenty years ago, these dudes decided it was a good idea to style themselves in a completely ridiculous manner, and now they’re pretty much married to that look. I guess the good news is, Static may be single-handidly contributing thousands of dollars to the egg and hair gel industries every year, so, yeah, there’s that.

ANYWAY, Static-X is apparently in some kind of state of flux due to the loss of  a band member or two (I don’t know all the details and I’m not wasting brain power learning them), but I don’t know why that matters since I would imagine that Static-X fans hold Mr. Static in the same regard that Megadeth fans hold Dave Mustaine. Which is to say, as long as Wayne is there, isn’t it Static-X?

I guess metal’s answer to Kid from Kid ‘n Play didn’t feel that way, or otherwise felt he wasn’t getting enough credit in the band he formed, wrote all the music for, and named after himself (or… named before he re-named himself… but… oh, whatever), ’cause he’s releasing a solo album, Pighammer, in October. And now he’s released thirty-four seconds of a song from that album, called “Chrome Nation.” It sounds to me exactly like Static-X, although I’m sure there’s at least one disgruntled fan of that band who has now found this site via a search engine, and would like to tell me to go fuck myself. Hey, noob! Welcome to MetalSucks. Please feel free to go ape shit in the comments section — that’s what it’s there for!

Pighammer is out October 4 on Dirthouse Records.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

1) Be nicer to Sebastian Bach
2) Compare penis sizes with Tommy Lee
3) Hire Phil LaBonte as a vocal coach
4) Hire Billy Milano as a personal trainer
5) Hire Tripp Eisen as a baby sitter
6) Sleep with present-day Tawny Kitaen
7) Help Danzig clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch
8) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about politics
9) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about romance
10) Listen to Ted Nugent talk about Ted Nugent

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What could Antagonist possibly have against Sasha Grey? The (freaking gorgeous) porn star seems to be a legitimately intelligent fan of metal, and it’s hard to begrudge her her mainstream success (She starred in Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience, and will apparently be on Entourage this season.). So if I was gonna make fun of a porn star, I’d probably choose an out and out freak, like Jenna Jameson, or maybe Tera Wray, because she married Wayne Static and is therefore a moron.

But why poor Sasha? Did she used to date a member of Antagonist? I can’t figure out why else the band would possibly write a song named after her and featuring lyrics such as, “You sold your soul, congratulations, you’ve made it.” How do they know what’s in Sasha’s soul? Maybe it’s lots and lots of anal. Ever think of that, fellas?

While I ponder this issue some more, you can check out the song here. It comes off of Antagonist’s new album, World in Decline, which comes out August 17 on Prosthetic.

-AR

Judas Priest with Dave Holland, far left.

Speaking of metal, children, and tricky issues: Tuesday will see the release of the 30th Anniversary Edition of Judas Priest’s British Steel, and Phil Freeman over at MSN has made an interesting observation about the accompanying liner notes:

[The booklet] also includes a short note from the band on the inside cover, a two-page spread of live photos, a two-page essay by some dude I’ve never heard of (Dave Shack), two more pages of live photos, and two pages of credits (band and crew). And while the essays deal with the 30th anniversary, all the photos are new-looking, presumably shot on the 2009 tour. Which means they include Scott Travis on drums. And when you look at the credits in the back of the booklet, Scott Travis is listed as Judas Priest’s drummer.

Which is fine…if you’re talking about the [accompanying] live album. Scott Travis has been Judas Priest’s drummer since 1989. He played on Painkiller, all the Ripper Owens-era material, Angel of Retribution and Nostradamus. But he did not play on the 1980 recording of British Steel. Dave Holland did.

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I’m exaggerating, of course. Someone besides me will be happy to hear that Murderdolls (not The Murderdolls – get it right, dick!) are getting back together. But he or she probably doesn’t read this website.

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I’m not generally one to say negative things about other bands and the choices they make (publicly, at least), but I feel that this really deserves some attention. I can only hope that young metal musicians who read this site can learn from someone else’s mistakes and hopefully one day make the metal world a little less embarrassing to be a part of.

A harsh reality of being in a band, or making music, is that some people won’t like it. ESPECIALLY in the heavy metal world, where people are almost unreasonably opinionated. What other type of music has the kind of audience who heckle a band they don’t like at a show, or argue for days in the comments section of an internet blog about why a certain band sucks? Once you put your music out there to be heard, you are, without a doubt, going to get some negative feedback. The way you handle it, however, is going to determine what kind of longevity your band will ultimately have.

I’m not a fighter at all, so I can’t really speak from experience on when violence is justified, but I know that a relatively meaningless heckling incident is not it. If you consider yourself a professional, you should act like one and think about how your actions affect the outside world’s perception of you and your band. I can think of one particular show as a perfect example of how to and how not to handle yourself in a situation like this.

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A reader known only as “Jonas” sent us the below video of 55 Escape, a Norwegian band whose biggest influences seem to be Korn and Linkin Park, not Enslaved and Immortal.

Here’s why I find this band kind of interesting. (And moving forward, please be aware that “interesting” and “good” are not the same word.) When you think about it for a second, nu-metal seems to be a predominantly American phenomenon. Off the top of my head, I’m having a hard time even naming a nu-metal band from any part of Europe, never mind Norway. Jeff Killed John were British, but they didn’t get famous ’til they swapped the nu for core and rechristened themselves Bullet for My Valentine. Am I forgetting a really, really obvious band? Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Disturbed, Godsmack, Evanescence, Staind, Static-X, Creed, Hed P.E., Snot, P.O.D., Puddle of Mudd, Drowning Pool, Saliva, Coal Chamber, Methods of Mayhem, 40 Below Summer, Sevendust, Ill Nino, Dope, Papa Roach, Soil, The Union Undergound… ALL AMERICAN. What the hell? No wonder the terrorists hate us.

Anyway, thanks to these sperm clots for doing their part in making America look good. Hoo-rah.

-AR

Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s just sad. Sad that this band, The Flood, thinks they’re actually doing something original. Sad that they don’t realize they’re ripping off Tool in every way except they aren’t nearly as good. The press release I got about this band says they just wrapped up a tour Static X… hopefully they’ll go right out on another one so I don’t have to ever cross paths with either shitty band again. Jeez. This band is just downright offensive.

-VN

Our friends at Metal Insider made an interesting discovery over the weekend: Dope are no longer listed on the bill for the upcoming Pedal to the Metal tour. The tour is being headlined by Mudvayne and also features Black Label Society and Static-X.

MI wonders aloud if Dope have been kicked off the tour; I would obviously love if it that were the case, but I fear that the official explanation will be considerably less entertaining.

Still, for the sake of amusing myself, I’d like to pretend that Dope have been kicked off the tour (I’d also like to pretend that Static-X have been kicked off the tour, but I have no basis for that fantasy right now). So, to that end, I’d just like to serenade the members of Dope with this little ditty:

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, YOU GOT BOOTED, HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, YOUR BAND SUCKS.

That is all.

-AR

As a part of goth metal OGs Type O Negative, drummer Johnny Kelley’s talents are often overshadowed by the low end sultriness and antics of bassist/frontman/nude model Peter Steele. But his graceful stickwork has been holding the band together since 1995′s October Rust, and the string of Type O albums that have come out since have stood shoulder to shoulder with the band’s prior material. Along with being Danzig’s drummer, Kelly plays in Seventh Void, a stoner/trad metal outfit with Type O Negative guitarist Kenny Hickey. The latter band released their debut on Vinnie Paul’s Big Vin Records in April. In an interview with MetalSucks, Kelly discusses Type O Negative’s future, working with Glenn Danzig, and his thoughts on modern drummers.

Click to read more…

So. Unless you live under a rock, chances are you’re aware that the movie adaptation of Watchmen opens tomorrow. The reviews are decidedly mixed and I’m still not convinced it won’t suck, but it’s already apparently making a ton of bank in ticket pre-sales, so, uh, yeah, people wanna see this bitch I guess.

Anyways, this week iTunes had some members of the cast do their celebrity playlist thing. A few actors chose a few metal songs – Patrick Wilson (who plays “Nite Owl II”) has some Van Halen and Extreme songs, Malin Akerman (“Silk Spectre II”) has some Nine Inch Nails, Jeffery Dean Morgan (“The Comedian”) was apparently pals with Layne Staley and included “Rooster” in his mix, etc.

But Jackie Earle Haley – the Oscar nominated actor playing the ultimate right wing sociopathic fascistic badass, Rorschach – created a list that is almost entirely comprised of metal.

Terrible metal.

Click to read more…

An e-mail from some dude named Ross:

“INSTEAD OF MAKING POSTS ABOUT FAGGOTS IN STATIC X, HOW ABOUT YOU POST SOMETHING OF REAL MERIT LIKE THE NEW MASTODON COVER ART, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.”

Ross then included not one, not two, but five links to this image…

…which even the faggots in Static-X could tell you is not the new Mastodon album cover but is, in fact, the cover of the most recent Harvey Milk release.

ANYWAY, check out the ACTUAL Mastodon album cover after the jump.

Click to read more…

Tripp Eisen, who has at one time or another been the guitar player for such illustrious acts as Static-X, Dope and The Murderdolls, is apparently back in prison.

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