Yesterday I received a press release about how The Darkness were about to release a new song, leading me to wonder via my Twitter account (and, consequently, my Facebook page — the two are linked! Isn’t technology glorious?) “The Darkness are still a thing?” This led to several interesting interactions with readers/followers, including what defines “a thing” (popularity, not quality), and whether or not The Darkness are inferior, superior, or equal to Steel Panther.

But why the hell would you ever compare The Darkness to Steel Panther? I guess ’cause they’re both cock rock parody bands… except that Steel Panther write better songs, are better live, and are actually, y’know, funny. Steel Panther seems like a loving satire — that is, a joke told by some dudes who simultaneously adore and recognize the ridiculousness of their chosen genre (y’know, kinda like a certain website you read from time to time), whereas The Darkness just seems like ironic douchebag nonsense. There’s no grace to what The Darkness do — they just give people who won’t admit to liking metal an excuse to listen to metal while maintaining their “cred.” The difference can be seen in the crowds that attend each band’s shows: I’m generalizing here, but Steel Panther concerts are largely populated by headbangers and metal sluts, folks wearing vintage Warrant shirts because they love Warrant — in other words, the very people the band is making fun of; The Darkness concerts are populated with people who “ironically” paid $150 for a vintage Warrant shirt, which they will wear to Darkness shows and nowhere else.

Which brings us to “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us,” the new Darkness song in question. I actually think the video is terrific — so much so that I wish it were for a different band. ‘Cause the song is weaker than Zima. The mere mention of, say, Steel Panther’s “If You Really Really Love Me” will get that tune stuck in my head for days. On the other hand, I’ve already forgotten how “Stop Us” goes, and I just watched the video twice. So, yeah.

-AR

I would never have actually watched this video if John hadn’t posted it on my Facebook wall this morning. Thanks, dude.

Before proceeding any further, please enjoy the above photo of a pouty-lipped Kevin Bacon posing with Steel Panther at their NYC show at Irving Plaza last week. As far as we know, Bacon didn’t get up on stage and perform any songs with the band, as awesome as that would’ve been.

Now that the tone = set, watch this hilarious interview Rob from Metal Injection conducted with SP’s Lexxi Foxxx and Stix Zadinia at said show. Among many other fascinating topics (cocaine, bitches, STDs, bitches, lip gloss, Rob’s parents, bitches, bitches, bitches), Lexxi and Stix settle the age-old debate of whether or not modern-day Tawny Kitaen is smashable.

-VN

UPDATED:

I <3 Steel Panther! As much as I love their albums, I feel like they’re even funnier when they’re on-stage just yukking it up. Yeah, these dudes are phenomenal musicians, they write great songs and play some great covers, but half the fun of a Steel Panther show is all the between-song banter and comedy skits they do.

SP aren’t too good for a little unplugged action either. Today I give you two clips: 1) an acoustic performance of “17 Girls In A Row” they did for Kerrang! Radio last week, 2) a special X-rated rendition of “The 12 Days of Christmas,” a cappella. Enjoy.

ORIGINAL POST:

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If you’re somehow still not convinced that Steel Panther are fucking brilliant, might I direct you to their new Michael Alperowitz-directed video, for the song “If You Really Really Love Me?” Please note the following when viewing:

1. It’s a really catchy, really sincere sounding heavy metal semi-ballad that would totally work even if they lyrics weren’t hilarious.
2. The lyrics are hilarious. I dunno if the band was specifically targeting Extreme’s “More than Words” — the prettiest song ever about trying to get your girl to put out more — or if it’s just a general parody and my brain just happened to go to that 1990 megahit, but whatever, it works either way.
3. The video, like the song, is perfectly executed: the setting, the way it’s filmed, the way it’s edited, etc., all make it look just like a million other cheesy videos… the band just happens to be doing ridiculous shit.

In other words: this is satire at its finest.

“If You Really Really Love Me?” comes (cums?) offa Steel Panther’s latest, Balls Out, which is available now wherever fine music is sold.

-AR

It was a week of polar opposites: on one hand, butt rock ruled as Disturbed nabbed the #1 spot on the Current Hard Music charts with Five Finger Death Punch and Evanescence firmly entrenched in second and third place. On the other hand Animals as Leaders scored a big debut, a big victory in the name of all that is right in the music world. As I Lay Dying and Rush also sold well. Let’s take a look at those and more after the jump.

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I’m way pumped that Steel Panther’s Balls Out album broke the Top 40 for first-week sales. That is awesome and it brings reality one teeny notch closer to my dream of a Ozzfest-sized mega-glam festival curated by SPanther and friends. In my fantasyworld, the bill would mix glory-era acts that still rip (Cinderella, Kix, Winger), now-dormant underdogs from that time (Junkyard, Dangerous Toys, Love/Hate), super-special events (Ozzy, Zakk, Geezer, and Vinny play all of No Rest For The Wicked; the returns of Badlands, Blue Murder, and Bonham) and most vitally a bunch of great, young glam bands like Crazy Lixx, The Last Vegas, and Crashdiet. This historic fest would hail the genre’s redwoods and fertilize its saplings for tomorrow’s party metal forests. Um yeah. And absolutely, positively no Eddie Trunk LOL.

But for now, the reality is that Sweden’s brightest glam light Crashdiet is in Los Angeles to kick off a run of West Coast dates (info here). Fuckin’ A right they are. The Little Glam Metal Band That Could looks ready to party in hair metal Graceland (above, with beardo), so expect some big-boner performances this week. Let’s consider it dress rehearsal for Steel Panther and MetalSucks’ MEGA-BONER FEST L.A. 2015. See you there!

-ADF

Get awesome Crashdiet tourdates here and records here. 

Something cool happened a couple weeks ago when I was shown into the Steel Panther dressing room for an interview (here). I was greeted warmly by the band, and while we readied/deactivated our devices and aligned our seating, my ear identified a classic BulletBoys deep cut (above) emitting from the vicinity of lead singer Michael Starr. I kinda automatically started to sing along — I know the jam like I know my ballz — and in a blink, a surprised Starr had engaged me in fan talk about BulletBoys, which led to assorted gab about their producer Ted Templeman (Van Halen), the iTunes unavailability of 66% of their major label releases, and their mercurial frontman Marq Torien. Fun!

And so, the interview got off to a bright start. Of course, by the end of our epic talk (read it), I’d dashed that baseline respect with dense observations, fumbled follow-ups, and a stoner’s slow listening comprehension. But the sadder thing is that Starr and I won’t be splitting an 8-ball at the just-announced and totally awesome and very unexpected BulletBoys reunion show on December 30 in West Hollywood. This is huge! For just about the first time since … well, at least since the internet, the BulletBoys won’t be Torien’s solo show, but the original band — most radly, hotrod guitarist Mick Sweda (King Kobra) and big ballz drummer Jimmy D’Anda. But Starr and Steel Panther play Vegas that night, so I’ll have to pour his half of our BulletBoys blow into Sweda’s vitamin water. See you there!

-ADF

Get yourself the three classic BulletBoys albums here and here and here. View Steel Panther dates here. 

That sound you hear is the echo of corks popping off the champagne bottles at Dave Mustaine’s house; for the first time ever (?), a Megadeth record outsold a Metallica record in its debut week. It’s not a proper Metallica album, and what it is is a steaming pile of turds, but it’s still gotta feel like something of a victory for Mustaine. And that it comes in the form of the #1 Hard Music album in the U.S. has gotta feel absolutely great, too.

Elsewhere, Steel Panther had a great debut week while Krisiun, Sick of it All and Vallenfyre also made the Top 100 on the Current Hard Music charts.

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For lovers of fun, today is like a holiday during which we celebrate the release of 14 new Steel Panther jamz. We can play fun Steel Panther video games (here), check out sexy behind-the-scenes footage (here), and of course, read and re-read the deep-probing MetalSucks Q&A with lead singer Michael Starr and lead bass player Lexxi Foxxx (here). All while rocking wildly to their second masterpiece Balls Out!

We shall do this loudly and in the face of every fun-impaired non-laugher who thinks it’s all-important that music be fancy and intellectucal as opposed to fun and awesome. Let those types shove sonic granola in their ears while the rest of us make oh-faces, execute heels-to-butt rock jumps, and rub drugz on our junk. Oh and speaking of which, today brings us the new lyric video for “7 Teen 17 Girls In A Row” (above) which features too many naked boobz for YouTube. Hooray! Bonerz up!

–ADF

Steel Panther’s sweaty, stinky Balls Out is $7.99 here and get the vinyl here! 

Not a bad week of releases immediately following Devil’s Night and some holiday called Halloween. This week is heavy on the awesome black metal, with Taake and Throne of Katharsis releasing sweet records today, as well as new shit from Megadeth, Steel Panther, Sick of It All, Dreaming Dead, Krisiun and more. Check it all out after the jump.

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UPDATE: If ya didn’t get to listen-in live, you can now download the episode right here!

In case ya hadn’t heard, the Metal Injection Livecast is on Sunday nights now! And I’ll be on tomorrow as a guest to participate in the madness, and, naturally, shameless plug next weekend’s Metal Suckfest. But in case you hate me or I’m just not enough for you or whatever, Steel Panther vocalist Michael Starr will also be calling in! It’s gonna be an awesome time.

So tune in, this Sunday starting at 7pm Eastern (4PM Pacific Time, 12AM Mon. In London) and going until 9PM eastern time for an all new edition of the Livecast. The show will stream live right here. You can be even chime in by calling us at 646-929-1357. Don’t miss it!

-AR

When I was fifteen years old, I had to sneak out of my parents’ house on a Friday night to go see GWAR and the Misfits play a Halloween show. Then I had to conceal my clothing from my parents, seeing as it was, y’know, soaked in blood, urine, and semen.

Here we are all these years later, pretty much right at the anniversary of that show, and GWAR are on a popular, mainstream late-night talk show. And yet, somehow, they seem no less rebellious than they ever were.

Which is all my way of saying, “GWAR rules.” And they do. They rule. Hard.

ANYWAY, here are some things we did this week:

• Speaking of GWAR, Dave “Oderus Urungus” Brockie himself provided us with more insights into the NFL. Meanwhile, several members of the Relapse Records family gave us the skinny on the new NHL season, and The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley pondered the pros and cons of new technology in music.
• We debuted Jucifer’s new video, for the song “Hiroshima.”
• We got exclusive specs on Contain Us, the new box set from The Devin Townsend Project.
• We spoke to Steel Panther and Niilo Sevänen from Insomnium.
• We checked out the latest release from Carnifex.
• We continued the Countdown to the Metal Suckfest and defended Danzig.
• We counted down the eleven cardinal rules of attending a concert.
• We wondered if nu-dethcore is the next big thing.
• We cried because even ex-members of Metallica make bad music now.
• We argued about the best debut albums of the past twenty-five years.

And that’s it! Have a delightful weekend, gang. We’ll see ya Monday.

-AR

Interview and live pics by Emily Eve; girls on stage pic by Friedia Niimura

In one sense, making records is like using the toilet: It takes more to do number two than number one. And in the case of L.A. heavy metal semi-parodists Steel Panther, a follow-up to their wildly funny and compulsively banging 2009 debut Feel The Steel is an even bigger, stinkier challenge: This time, fans can see them coming, um so to speak. But in the spotlight’s glare, before expectant ears and faces poised to smile, lead singer Michael Starr and crew deliver a bigger, dirtier, and awesomer mass of heavy metal hilarity called Balls Out (available Tuesday). The 14-track tour de farce covers 47 amazing minutes, a range of hot-button rocker issues (drugs, gender roles, boners), and a load of singalong mega-choruses and nip-scorching guitar solos unheard since pro tools was just an aisle at Sears. To those somehow able to resist Feel The Steel, I say: You’re fucked now. Balls Out is stronger than you and your feeble protestations. Crank. It. Up.

This feat of skill and cocksmanship on display in Balls Out begs for investigation, so last week I went to hear firsthand how Steel Panther achieved the equivalent of making a Ghostbusters II better than its Ghostbusters I. And though it was a rainy, gusty Autumn night, the huge Steel Panther dressing room was buzzing heatedly as I sat down with Starr and lead bass player Lexxi Foxxx to get answers. Just nearby were lead guitarist Satchel (at whom I gazed lovingly whenever his inattention allowed) and lead drummer Stix Zadinia (with entourage) as the three of us gabbed highly about Balls Out, drugs, vaginas, immaturity, maturity, the guy from Nickelback, shaving stuff, the responsibilities of being Steel Panther, and much more.

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And I bet some of those girls were really, really sore by the end.

ANYWAY, lest you think my headline is just my usual crude B.S., you should know that “17 Girls in a Row”* is the title of the new Steel Panther song (below), and the bit about never going flaccid is an actual lyric from said song. More importantly, though, you should be asking yourself this question: How come actual vintage hair metal bands that are still recording and touring, like Mötley Crüe, Poison, and both versions of L.A. Guns, can’t come up with anything this good?

“17 Girls in a Row” comes off of Steel Panther’s latest, Balls Out, which will be released on November 1.

-AR

*I can’t type that song title and not think of this scene from Clerks. It’s the “in a row” part that gets me every time.

[via Bring Back Glam!]

One sad thing about today’s bands is their failure to decorate albums with sexy pics of writhing sluts. Now sure, no longer is heavy metal cover art the principal conveyance for boob shots to young dudes, cuz hey porn is everywhere. I mean, my computer auto-played clips of two zebras face-banging a grandma while I was typing that last sentence. Compare that to the ‘80s, when I devoted three weeks to eye-fucking the cover of Lillian Axe’s Love And War and had to repeat sixth grade. We had little else.

So a big thank-you to Steel Panther for Balls Out, their forthcoming “second debut album,” whose retro cover image (above) really tantalizes the horny eyeball. In fact, on the album’s EU pre-order page, you can zoom in and discern the folds of lady’s vagina. Labia I think they’re called. What am I, a doctor?

-ADF

Steel Panther’s Balls Out falls out on November 1. Pre-order it via your favorite huge online retailer. 

If the memory of a Steel Panther super-fan’s Labor Day weekend could be screened like a movie, viewers would see blurry and jumpy frames depicting 72 hours of falling off stuff, packing stuff into mouths/noses, cheering the topless, cock-blocking the beta beardos, debating police, barfing, dodging streams of barf, and rebounding from tragic drug spills. Oh and I bet there’d be plenty of ballz: your ballz, my ballz, fire ballz, 8 ballz, hair ballz, Nepalese Temple ballz, malted milk ballz, etc. But now, let’s get caught up on some exciting heavy metal ballz, Steel Panther’s forthcoming album Balls Out!

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Early this month, MetalSucks writers teamed for a series listing 2011′s excellentest records so far. And I tried to protest the usefulness of any best-albums list that’s been compiled ahead of releases by Steel Panther (Oct. 18) and The Devil’s Blood (Nov. 11). I’m a confident super-journalist so my stand was firm, but MS co-chief Axl Rosenberg (here) made a show of not listening to me as he flashed a knife all casually, like “Hey check out the ease with which this slices through a package of hot dogs.” Gulp. Message received, half-year’s best list submitted.

For now, The Devil’s Blood is on that list in pencil, but today brings us a step closer to uncapping a marker for their forthcoming record The Thousandfold Epicentre cuz pre-sale is now open at Ván Records. The art is rad (above) and fat-wallet types will love fancy-schmancy LP and CD editions (here). The Ván site also announces that a “Fire Burning” 7″ (b/w an exclusive acoustic version) will be available October 11. And you’re jamming!

-ADF

Get The Devil’s Blood’s irresistible 2009 album The Time Of No Time Evermore here cuz you love awesome shit. The Thousandfold Epicentre is out November 11 on Ván Records. 

Learning is fun, so I had a killer time gabbing with producer Jay Ruston a couple Mondays ago. He shed light on the genesis of Steel Panther’s awesome debut Feel The Steel, explaining that work on those songs was commenced without label backing and in support of the band’s wishes to get original stuff into their live set. A few years later (now), Steel Panther is big as Beverly Hills boobz and all set to release their sophomore album on Fucktober 18, which according to guitarist Satchel’s internetting is named Balls Out. It’s an A+ title in the accuracy department — mine are out now and will soon be placed directly on this album — and, unlike Gash Bash and my suggestions last month, this title isn’t too dirty for mention in magazines and on the radio. So Steel Panther can continue to make like boners and get bigger until they explode.

Update New Steel Panther song “If You Really Really Love Me” debuted late Monday on BBC Radio 1. You’ll really really love it. Listen here.

-ADF

Steel Panther’s Balls Out falls out October 18 on Universal/Republic and features Dane Cook, Joe Elliott of Def Leppard, and Ratt’s Stephen Pearcy. 

Jay Ruston photo by Josh Reeder; Brian Posehn/Brett Anderson photo by Susana Capra

Producer, engineer, and mixer Jay Ruston loves a challenge. He’s the guy whom Anthrax hired to save their troubled Worship Music album. He’s the guy who spit-shined their Sofia Big 4 performance for DVD release. He’s also the dude who helped silly Steel Panther craft the decade’s most seriously memorable album, and also the dude enlisted to surpass expectations for Feel The Steel‘s sequel and follow-up (due out October 18). He’s a whiz who has worked with intimidatingly successful producers (Desmond Child, Peter Asher, Jack Richardson) and intimidatingly hot rocker foxes (The Donnas, Pearl Aday, Brian Posehn). And Ruston is a friendly dude who at a moment’s notice devoted his Monday morning to spilling sexy insider details on the abovementioned Steel Panther and Anthrax projects (and tons more) to MetalSucks. Want the real story on an album’s making? Ask the producer!

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Steel Panther has been awesome about keeping fans informed about the new album on their social websites, which I follow like a dork (I also watch singer Michael Starr’s Tout with homoerotic fervor.) Cough anyway, they reported in late May that recording had wrapped on their new album, and then on June 8 that the completed record was submitted to their label, and then a few days ago that Feel The Steel‘s follow-up is ready to roll out on Cocktober 18. The twelve-track record doesn’t have a name, but if the pattern started by Hole Patrol continues, the title must rhyme. That’s tough, man, no wonder it’s still untitled. I dunno, how about Grease The Crease? I kinda like Gash Bash. Or Prowlin’ Down In Browntown. Thik Dix Rip Slitz? Jesus sorry about that last one. I’ll just see myself out.

-ADF

Steel Panther’s as-yet-untitled second record is out October 18 on Universal/Republic and was produced by Jay Ruston (Anthrax). See them live Thursday in Chicago and on tour in Australia and in West Hollywood and Las Vegas. Dates here.