Early this month, MetalSucks writers teamed for a series listing 2011′s excellentest records so far. And I tried to protest the usefulness of any best-albums list that’s been compiled ahead of releases by Steel Panther (Oct. 18) and The Devil’s Blood (Nov. 11). I’m a confident super-journalist so my stand was firm, but MS co-chief Axl Rosenberg (here) made a show of not listening to me as he flashed a knife all casually, like “Hey check out the ease with which this slices through a package of hot dogs.” Gulp. Message received, half-year’s best list submitted.

For now, The Devil’s Blood is on that list in pencil, but today brings us a step closer to uncapping a marker for their forthcoming record The Thousandfold Epicentre cuz pre-sale is now open at Ván Records. The art is rad (above) and fat-wallet types will love fancy-schmancy LP and CD editions (here). The Ván site also announces that a “Fire Burning” 7″ (b/w an exclusive acoustic version) will be available October 11. And you’re jamming!

-ADF

Get The Devil’s Blood’s irresistible 2009 album The Time Of No Time Evermore here cuz you love awesome shit. The Thousandfold Epicentre is out November 11 on Ván Records. 

Learning is fun, so I had a killer time gabbing with producer Jay Ruston a couple Mondays ago. He shed light on the genesis of Steel Panther’s awesome debut Feel The Steel, explaining that work on those songs was commenced without label backing and in support of the band’s wishes to get original stuff into their live set. A few years later (now), Steel Panther is big as Beverly Hills boobz and all set to release their sophomore album on Fucktober 18, which according to guitarist Satchel’s internetting is named Balls Out. It’s an A+ title in the accuracy department — mine are out now and will soon be placed directly on this album — and, unlike Gash Bash and my suggestions last month, this title isn’t too dirty for mention in magazines and on the radio. So Steel Panther can continue to make like boners and get bigger until they explode.

Update New Steel Panther song “If You Really Really Love Me” debuted late Monday on BBC Radio 1. You’ll really really love it. Listen here.

-ADF

Steel Panther’s Balls Out falls out October 18 on Universal/Republic and features Dane Cook, Joe Elliott of Def Leppard, and Ratt’s Stephen Pearcy. 

Jay Ruston photo by Josh Reeder; Brian Posehn/Brett Anderson photo by Susana Capra

Producer, engineer, and mixer Jay Ruston loves a challenge. He’s the guy whom Anthrax hired to save their troubled Worship Music album. He’s the guy who spit-shined their Sofia Big 4 performance for DVD release. He’s also the dude who helped silly Steel Panther craft the decade’s most seriously memorable album, and also the dude enlisted to surpass expectations for Feel The Steel‘s sequel and follow-up (due out October 18). He’s a whiz who has worked with intimidatingly successful producers (Desmond Child, Peter Asher, Jack Richardson) and intimidatingly hot rocker foxes (The Donnas, Pearl Aday, Brian Posehn). And Ruston is a friendly dude who at a moment’s notice devoted his Monday morning to spilling sexy insider details on the abovementioned Steel Panther and Anthrax projects (and tons more) to MetalSucks. Want the real story on an album’s making? Ask the producer!

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Steel Panther has been awesome about keeping fans informed about the new album on their social websites, which I follow like a dork (I also watch singer Michael Starr’s Tout with homoerotic fervor.) Cough anyway, they reported in late May that recording had wrapped on their new album, and then on June 8 that the completed record was submitted to their label, and then a few days ago that Feel The Steel‘s follow-up is ready to roll out on Cocktober 18. The twelve-track record doesn’t have a name, but if the pattern started by Hole Patrol continues, the title must rhyme. That’s tough, man, no wonder it’s still untitled. I dunno, how about Grease The Crease? I kinda like Gash Bash. Or Prowlin’ Down In Browntown. Thik Dix Rip Slitz? Jesus sorry about that last one. I’ll just see myself out.

-ADF

Steel Panther’s as-yet-untitled second record is out October 18 on Universal/Republic and was produced by Jay Ruston (Anthrax). See them live Thursday in Chicago and on tour in Australia and in West Hollywood and Las Vegas. Dates here.

I LOLd for an hour straight on Tuesday cuz my Twitter was blowing up with metal people’s reactions to the Casey Anthony verdict (announced around 4PM EDT). It’s a serious situation, so dudes are mad and lending their two cents. That’s natural. But man, some people think dumb. Actually, know what? I’m just gonna c+p some metal celebrity tweets below. Remember, most of the following mini-declarations are wrought in awful logic, but not everybody on the internet is ignorant and high-horsing this shit to death. Um yeah just go ahead and keep reading and oooh the suspense…

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I love music, but I am first and foremost a fan of comedy. If you were to spy on my iPod, you’d see that I spend 90% of my time listening to Joe Rogan and Adam Carolla’s podcasts. Music is cool and all, but you can only hear so much before the novelty wears off and you just want to hear an insecure nerd droning on and on about airport security, his nagging wife, or whatever comedians talk about these days.

With that in mind, I am a huge fan of bands who combine both worlds: COMEDY METAL, although the subgenre is (to say the least) a mixed bag. Bands like Gwar, Ugly Kid Joe, and Shat are geniuses, while others deliver, uh, less than satisfactory results.

In this post, we will attempt to answer this question: Lots of bands try to be funny, but which ones succeed, and which ones suck eggs???

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I’m at the point where I pretty much prefer animated movies to live-action ones. I passed up some big deal, hotshot movie that came out recently, whose name I don’t even remember, to see Rango. I’m usually a pretty good judge, too, because I knew Rango was going to be awesome ,and it was. It looks absolutely amazing, and if you’re a nerd for animation detail, the gross, crusty animals will thrill you. Not to mention the classic movie references from Chinatown to Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. It’s also damn violent for a “kids movie.” And well, I’m a movie nerd with a deep love for filmic violence. My dad didn’t have any sons, ok? He raised me to love his Fab Four; Arnold, Bruce, Sylvester, and Jean-Claude. And Dolph, on days he felt generous.

This might be odd, but I always liked to think about what various characters’ personalities would be like. Down to their music and movie taste. I especially try to pick out the metalheads, because I want to find my animated brothers and sisters in arms. It was while musing on the subject on Twitter that I found out the talented Ms. Elise over at Reign in Blonde kind of does the same thing. Apparently, all my acquaintances are online these days. She actually compiled a list of the most metal Disney characters, and with her help, I’ve expanded the list. Here are the Ten Most Likely Metalheads in Animated Movies (excluding anime and other international releases, as the author has not done enough research on the subject.)

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In Wisconsin, it’s in ink on everybody’s schedule to hit the local polling place today and vote against the hateful, friendless jerks who became politicians in order to hoard all basic ingredients of good living (like this little turd did). While some rage against harmful idiocy, everybody else can engage in harmless idiocy but just heading to a local computer machine to vote in Steel Panther’s Shocker Contest. To win, one lucky fanther will have landed the most likes (here on the band’s book of facing) for the best Shocker-themed fan pic (like above).

In other Steel Panther news, a wobbly, waddling Vince Neil joined the band onstage Saturday in Las Vegas to um perform Motley Crue hits “Live Wire” and “Kickstart My Heart” (video here). The only thing funnier than Neil’s wheezy warbling in the former is Panther guitarist Satchel’s three-point inspection of Neil’s sexy companions during the latter. Nah, check that. Vince Neil’s scramble to not suck is way funnier.

-ADF

Steel Panther is currently in the studio at work on a follow-up to 2009 year’s best metal album, Feel The Steel.

We’ve all seen a movie in which a monster or alien or alien monster or monstlien spends 90 minutes terrorizing people with its brute strength and supernatural firepower, right? But at the end, some hunky guy who uses tons of hair product fells the beast with some hokey, implausible trick-move like turning on a microwave near it or mounting and riding it while attaching an IED to its nads. It’s a fundamental flaw in this type of movie; comparatively speaking, do filmmakers mean to impy that if a particularly motivated ant so desired, he or she could take me out with a wee little poison dart-shooting taser or something? Fuck that.

Well, that’s what I used to think until I saw a clip (above) of feeble Kiss frontman Paul Stanley heroically toppling the unstoppable party beast called Steel Panther. It’s incredible! That band is all-powerful and merciless — I’ve never seen even a ho-hum Steel Panther performance, in person or otherwise — yet it took Stanley about two seconds to explode a shittiness bomb in their midst and reduce their jam to rubble. Now, Kiss apologists will rush to point out that the clip’s audio quality is unkind to Stanley and suggests a toy microphone inputted direct to a 1989 camcorder. And Stanley is cold and old and just walked onstage to belt “Lick It Up.” And Panther guitarist Satchel kinda jukes Stanley with a premature move to the bridge. Sure, I guess that would justify a C+ performance. This shit is F. F for fffffail.

–ADF

Steel Panther plays Mondays at House of Blues Sunset Strip and weekends in Vegas. Dates here.

It’s kinda common knowledge that Steel Panther is the best live show like ever. If you disagree, that means you haven’t seen their show or that you hate fun, equally odious offenses at this point. So, to approximate the Steel Panther concert rapture, just remember your most cherished, slamming, no-dip-in-momentum live experience, then augment it with hilariousness and toplessness and drugs and great hair and a flying guitar solo and celebrity guest bloopers. That’s Steel Panther live. It is a manifestation of heaven on earth.

The fun stuff is fun, but most importantly, Steel Panther is a musician’s band. It’s tightness that allows S’Panther to slay all those hair rock classics thereby transcending bad karaoke or wedding band hell. It’s harder than it looks. My most boner-bending Steel Panther gig opened with “Panama” (smack in singer Michael Starr’s DLR wheelhouse) and “Up All Night” (goosebumps) and then “Shout At The Devil” (suck it, Vince Neil), but it’s with great sadness that I report that I’ve never seen them make fuck to Whitesnake’s titanic jam “Still of the Night” (above). Lexxi Foxxx owns!

–ADF

Whenever possible, I deflect from any discussion of the huge number of Steel Panther gigs I’ve attended. But today I bring this disturbing, sexual panic-inducing point to the fore because it’s important that, until December, none of those shows took place outside of West Hollywood. At the Sunset Strip weekly, the set is blockbuster covers, a few Steel Panther originals, marathons of ribald stage banter, and band-on-fan ridicule. Awesome, right? Well, I attended my first non-L.A. show in December, and totally had my mind freaked! The whole experience was backwards.

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When the Key Club in West Hollywood closed its doors in December 2009, the eight-legged party beast Steel Panther had to find a new hair rock habitat for their weekly shows. At first, it was a relief when Michael Starr and crew cock-strutted a few blocks down Sunset to the House of Whites Blues: admission got cheaper, the room bigger, and sound better. But, for the sleaze of hair rock, a music venue/shopping mall/tourist trap isn’t the preferred setting. So sometime around March, I started to long for a return to the safety of a drug-friendly sweat hole with dark corners and unpolice-able bathrooms. After all, the Key Club was once the site of Ben Gazzari’s eponymous rock club, where the sleaze don once proudly showcased his barely-legal harem and, for VIPs, his somewhat prescient home video skills; meanwhile, HoB has a freakin’ gift shop.

You’d want maximum possible sleaze, too, once you survey the crowd. It’s mostly tourists (literally and figuratively), but filled out with solitary guys like me, unaccompanied and dead serious, fidgeting through extended bouts of boob-flashing  (our sighs seem to say “Just show ‘em already and let’s get on with the Whitesnake covers!”) and secretaries-gone-wild sing-alongs (not to be a sandy vagina, but I submit that “Don’t Stop Believin’” is not hair rock). Our visual mating call is a non-ironic hair metal shirt and a general vibe of impatience for the super hits.

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There are very few things in this world I would willingly own up to enjoying even if it meant enduring endless grief — but hair metal is one of those things. That being said, I always involuntarily cringe when someone asks me to recommend a band in the genre, because, well, a lot of the names are total crap. I completely believe you have to judge a book by it’s cover — how else will you know if it’s any good? — and a band’s name has always served me as the first clue in their “cover,” so to speak.

Hair metal band names require a few certain things; references to animals or power or danger are a plus. If there can be allusions to sleaze and/or sexual prowess, maybe juxtaposed with virginal innocence, you’re headed in the right direction. And if they can do all that and throw in some umlauts and misspellings, then it’s gold. But there is such a thing as too much, and those monikers are the ones that just make you wonder exactly how coked out the band members were when they decided that it would be a good name for band.

And so, I give you the ten worst.

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Just yesterday a brewery employee was telling us a story about how his boss instructed him to serve a glass of water to anyone who ordered a Bud Light or Coors Light or Amstel Light or pretty much any generic light beer. Which is pretty funny, but let’s be real, it should probably be a glass of carbonated piss.

I’m saying I don’t like light beer and I don’t much see the point of it.

So. Last night I was watching The Daily Show when this Bud Light commercial with Steel Panther aired. (This being the future, bootleg commercials are on YouTube so bored/crazy people like us can watch them and discuss them.) Now, you can’t accuse Steel Panther of selling out because they were never really a bastion of artistic integrity, but you can bust their balls for shilling for bad beer.

But now that I think it, I can’t remember the last time I saw a television commercial for good beer. Huh. Weird.

ANYWAY, the silver (steel?) lining in this is that, hey, at least it’s more entertaining than most other commercials.

-AR

Though Los Angeles is often described by its residents as a big expensive traffic jam (with sushi restaurants), there is more than enough awesome shit to make that attitude seem silly. Even for a modest metal head, L.A. is paradise: Every metal tour stops here (sometimes for multiple area shows), the sunshine forces you into a good mood, and every girl you meet is hot and vulnerable to flattery. So the mental and literal price tag to life here is already reasonable even before factoring in that the most entertaining band since Van Halen plays every single week. Steel Panther. Traffic schmaffic!

You may hate L.A. or Steel Panther or both (what’s your prob, btw), so let’s do a substitution exercise. Okay, just imagine it. You’re a Suckalo, so your favorite band is, um, Meshuggah/All That Remains/Asagaya Mouth Rapist/Bongbuilder/Pirate Taints/A Love Letter Screamed Bloody. Now picture yourself at their packed shows right down your street, partying the way you like to party with like-minded metalists. And guffawing your nads off! Pretty great, right? That’s the world I live in.

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Moby is one of those guys, like Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo, who has never made it a secret that he has a proclivity for metal. But up ’til now, he’s never really gotten involved in the game; I mean, he almost produced Chinese Democracy, but that doesn’t really count for any number of reasons, not least of which is that everyone almost produced Chinese Democracy. MetalSucks intern Dave Mustein almost produced Chinese Democracy and I think he was still in diapers when they started recording it.

But now Moby is looking to enter the metal world at least semi-for reals, teaming up with two dudes I’ve never heard of (including some fruit who calls himself Tomato) and Dave “King of Metal” Hill, who has done some hilarious work for Metal Injection, to form Diamondsnake, a new band that seeks to combine “such disparate influences as rock, hard rock, metal, and heavy metal.”

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Full confession: until about an hour ago, I had no idea who the hell Ke$ha was. I think I’ve read some shit about her on Stuff You Will Hate, or maybe she just looks like someone I’d read about on Stuff You Will Hate (she’s collaborated with SYWH favorites 3OH!3); in any case, I didn’t really know any of her music.

Then I saw on The Number of the Blog that Metal Hammer played her a bunch of metal songs – including selections by Slayer, Megadeth, Horse the Band, Atreyu, DevilDriver, Steel Panther, and Kiss – to get her opinions, and decided I had better check out her music so I knew how seriously to take her reactions.

Holy shit, is this bitch ever lacking in talent. It’s like she looked at Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and said “Nah, those chicks are too classy and prude for me.” If I ever caught my daughter listening to this garbage, I’d probably send her to a convent. And given that I’m Jewish, you should know if I ever send my daughter to a convent, I mean business.

But as it turns out, Ke$ha (I assumed it was pronounced “kee-sha” but apparently it’s “keh-sha,” which sounds like a dish my mom’ll be making at Passover next week) does not have terrible taste in metal – just kinda mediocre taste in metal. Her assessment of Atreyu pretty much hits the nail on the head, and it’s hard for me to talk too much smack on anyone who has good things to do say about the recent output of Slayer and Megadeth. But Horse the Band, “too emo?” Seriously? How about a nice cold glass of go suck a dick, Ke$ha?

-AR

Treat this as an unverified rumor for now, but… a source who claims to be close to Iwrestledabearonce tells us that Dennis Haskins, who played the role of “Mr. Belding” on Saved by the Bell for far too many years, is going to be a making an appearance in the band’s new video. It’s for the song “See You Shell,” and it shoots this Sunday in North Carolina.

The source also tells us that the band has already filmed some green screen work for the clip, and the video is about… well, that I’m gonna keep that under my hat for now. Might as well leave some surprises for when the video is eventually released.

Anyway, green screens + Mr. Belding = WIN, in my book. Haskins was actually pretty funny on an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia not too long ago, and besides… he’s metal as fuck, dude!

-AR

Brian Posehn is easily one of the funniest stand-up comedians alive. I have never missed a chance to go see him live, and he has – quite literally – made me fall out of my chair from laughing so hard. Add to that the fact that the dude loves metal, and, well, he’s just so damn sexy I can’t handle it.

Posehn is the only comedian I’m aware of currently signed to Relapse Records. He’s that fucking metal. And he’s going to release another album through that label, entitled Fart and Wiener Jokes, on April 27. That too-small image above is the cover art, which is absolutely fucking EPIC.

Needless to say, I am insanely excited about this album, which, in addition to some sure-to-be uproarious comedy, is going to feature two songs – “More Metal Than You” (!!!) and a cover of Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler” (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) – which will feature guest spots by Posehn’s buddy Scott Ian, Jamey Jasta, Mark Morton, John Tempesta, Russ Parrish, and, according to a press release, “more.”

So clearly, this is gonna own all our asses in April. You can pre-order the album in a variety of nifty packages here.

And I think I’ve posted this before, but it never gets old so fuck it:

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“Welcome to Overthinking It, where we subject the popular culture to a level of scrutiny it probably doesn’t deserve.” So reads the site disclaimer at the top of OverthinkingIt.com, which does exactly what it claims to do. Much like MetalSucks, OverthinkingIt.com attempts to take an intellectual approach to art that may or may not warrant it. Their latest topic is the [semi]-ironic cock rock of Steel Panther, a band this author loves but many just don’t seem to get.

What’s great about OverthinkingIt’s Steel Panther piece is that it delves deeply (very deeply) into every facet of the band’s approach — their lyrics, their look, their stage-show, their historical influences and relevance, their musicianship, their general existence as a parallel to Starship Troopers (zuh? read the article) — and concludes that Steel Panther are, indeed, the shit.

Here’s a band that most people probably take at face value for their silly look and ridiculous lyrics, but when you look beneath the surface there’s a whole lot more going on there. And that is precisely why I like Steel Panther’s Feel the Steel so much. It’s smart and well thought out in every imaginable facet. It’s big, stupid rock for smart and dumb people alike.

-VN

[Thanks: Nicholas Nutter]