MetalSucks

Suck. Embarrasing. Awful. Ear-raping. This is just… wow. Yes, it’s real, and you can read the story behind it on YouTube user StudioZeeber’s video page.

Perhaps even more mindblowing is that there are literally dozens of videos just like this one of young kids covering “Unholy Confessions” in basements and high school gymnasiums. I’ve assembled some choice cuts after the jump for your enjoyment / bewilderment.

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So yeah, we all sat around last nite in the family room of the MS Mansion and chuckled incessantly as our infamous MS Monkeys instinctively knew to fling their feces at the wall onto which we were projecting the Grammy Awards broadcast (in between games of Guitar Hero)…lucky for us, 1) it’s only a wall and 2) we have the aforementioned monkeys to clean up their own poop.

In any case, a few things happened on the show which seemed vaguely noteworthy:

– Bruce Springsteen won Best Rock Song for “Girls in Their Summer Clothes”. We didn’t realize the Boss was still makin de hitz, but obviously fully endorse girls and their summer clothes (or lack thereof).

– Coldplay won for Best Rock Album. Ugh.

– Radiohead won Best Alternative Music Album for their excellent In Rainbows. We cheered, but then became confused because we thought “alternative music” and that term itself died in the late 90s. In between beer bongs, Sammy O’Hagar predicted that in the next couple years, the Grammies would change that particular award title to Best Indie Music Album. We agreed, and also found it funny that Pitchfork didn’t mention anything about “metal” or “hard rock” in their Grammy round-up. Pussies.

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To me, Metallica ceased to be relevant ages ago — so much so that I have barely heard any of their last few albums, save the studio recording footage featured in the 2004 documentary Some Kind Of Monster (which I found to be reasonably entertaining), and surprisingly I actually liked the music I heard enough to go acquire said tracks (didn’t say I paid for em tho, wink wink nudge nudge/suck it).

But upon repeated listens of that material, it was apparent even back then that the Metallica of yesteryear, an old school conceptual thrashy metal band that actually pushed new boundaries at one point both sonically and stylistically, was D-E-mf-D. And really…who cared? Shouldn’t the shelf life of once-classic bands that are now repeatedly outputting watered-down versions of their formerly original sound be minimal at best?!? I’m all for old fogies rockin it directly into the grave (hope to myself) but shit man, they best ought perpetually evolve as artists in their middle/old age somehow throughout, doncha think?

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