When people ask why I believe in God* I say, “Well, look at Frank Mullen. If that dude wasn’t born to front a metal band, no one was. Living proof that God takes care of his children!” Suffocation are great and all, but at least half the reason I go see them live when they play New York City is for Frank Mullen’s between-song banter. Mullen is second to NO ONE when it comes to hilarious on-stage rants, made all the funnier by his extreme Lawn Guyland tough-guy accent.

Late night revelers on the 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise last week got to witness Mullen deliver the ultimate between song-banter one night in the form of a [presumably very drunken] karaoke rendition of “New York, New York.” Come for the vocals, stay for the spills (x2) and the angry, drunken trash talk (there’s uterus punching involved). Make sure you watch the whole thing.

-VN

*I don’t actually believe in God.

Thanks: Frank from Metal Injection for filming this!

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

Decibel Deleted Scenes time. We couldn’t quite cram this into the splattered entrails of January’s Cryptopsy HOF, but Adrien Begrand compiled some stirring None So Vile testimonials from the technical death metal legends’ peers. Here are those musicians’ choice cuts on our latest inductee.

John Longstreth (Gorguts, Origin)

“Slit Your Guts”—what an amazing death metal song, right? That screamy, shrill intro piece—it sounds like they were paying homage to a drill press. The stop at 0:25, the solo is beautiful, the opening lyrics are “Pardon, please…” Holy cow, what went wrong with these guys? Some sort of rotten black brilliance was causing some serious torment in these dudes’ heads. How else could it be written? Definitely a poignant and early representation of how nail-biting, nervous and strung-out death metal would come to sound. A definite influence for me and Origin. Thank you for this song and album! Congratulations, gentlemen! You deserve it!

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Have you ever noticed that the bands who metal nerds fawn over today were universally-despised rage magnets just a few short years ago? For example, trashing Pantera in 2011 is asking to get chased with torches and pitchforks — the polar opposite of 1993, when you would be hard-pressed to find a band that metal nerds hated more. Or how everybody jizzes over Suffocation now, but in the mid-90s you couldn’t read two pages of Metal Maniacs without someone pissing and moaning about “Suffoclones.” Are metal nerds crazy, or is there some rhyme and reason to their seemingly-contradictory behavior?? I believe that there is indeed a way to understand metal nerds, but it’s not what you might think!

Psychologists have long compared metal nerds to women. The similarities are certainly undeniable: like the fairer sex, they are fickle, emotional, and irrational. They even have long hair! However, my research suggests that, unlike women, they actually operate by a primitive form of logic and are highly predictable. After the break: my SCIENTIFIC MODEL OF METAL NERD PSYCHOLOGY, the FOUR KINDS OF METAL BANDS, and an exclusive METAL NERD CHEAT SHEET that reveals a foolproof formula for whether you should like a band or not!

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MetalSucks recently polled its staff to determine who are The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, and after an incredible amount of arguing, name calling, and physical violence, we have finalized that list! The only requirements to be eligible for the list were that the musician in question had to a) play metal (duh), b) play guitar (double-duh), and c) have recorded something in the past five years. Today we continue our countdown with Suffocation’s Terrance Hobbs…

When I first saw Suffocation live, I pretty much just stood there and stared at Terrance Hobbs the whole time. He’s almost delicate in the way he handles the guitar, and yet the sound that comes out of his instrument is anything but. At the time, I didn’t even know the names for half the stuff he was doing, so I was more than a little bit in awe. Luckily (or not, depending on your definition of “lucky”), I hang around pretentious music types a lot and now I can actually talk about it without sounding like a complete tool. Ish.

Suffocation is known for seamlessly blending the technical with the brutal; creating a sound that’s both heavy and sophisticated. The complex time changes and rapid-fire picking places them in a realm beyond just death metal, and Hobbs’ influence is what separates them from the herd. He integrates the rhythms of speed metal and even introduces an aspect of hardcore that marks their distinct structural sound.

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I love that “Tour Of Italy” sampler at Olive Garden where you get one of all their different appetizers!! I usually end up eating all the Parmesan Calamari Fritters first and being so full I can barely even get to the Tuscan Eggplant Fingers, but the point is that variety is the spice of life. I mean all of their appetizers are so good, how can you pick just one??? Each one is delicious in its own way, and the best way to enjoy them is by having a little bit of everything. And what is the only thing as varied, delicious and universally loved as Olive Garden? That’s right: fucking BREAKDOWNS!

Like the Tour Of Italy, there are a million different kinds of breakdowns, and they are all awesome in their own way. No single genre has a monopoly on it: there are breakdowns in pretty much every kind of music, and they all go hard. I think it’s a beautiful testament to how music brings us all together that whether you are into punk, hardcore, metal or whatever, we can all agree that breakdowns are the best part of every song!

In this post, I will share some of the greatest breakdowns throughout history, like the Tour Of Italy, only for moshing. It is far from a comprehensive list, just a sampler to get the conversation started. Check these out, post your favorite breakdowns in the comments, and help us answer the one of life’s big questions: what is THE BEST BREAKDOWN OF ALL TIME???

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The possibly-not-final cover art for Anthrax’s Worship Music

So I have a friend who works closely with Camp Anthrax. I obviously can’t tell you the friend’s name, but I can tell you that he once told me that the Dan Nelson version of Worship Music was awesome, and that I’ve been begging him to let me hear it ever since. Thing is, he doesn’t actually own a copy, and has never been able to get his hands on one. Security around the album was tight before the Nelson debacle, but after, he told me, “It was like Scott and Charlie were going door-to-door personally checking people’s hard drives to make sure everyone had deleted it.”

And so last night I got a text from this friend, I guess trying to make amends for the fact that he never did come through with that Dan Nelson record: “Just got the Belladonna version of Worship Music. U wanna hear it?”

I responded simply, “Be there in 20.” And I got my ass on the subway and I went over to his place.

And I gotta tell you, guys… it’s a weird record, and there are two MASSIVE, and massively tragic, missteps… but it’s pretty great overrall. It’s not really like any metal record I’ve ever heard before. Whatever else you wanna say about Anthrax, you can’t accuse them of refusing to experiment — this album is a huge, huge risk, often welding together vastly different styles and textures of not just metal but often other genres of music, too. I don’t know if people will go for this record or not, but I think it’s kinda brilliant.

(By the way, the above album cover is a carry-over from the Dan Nelson version of the record; apparently it may be scrapped in favor of something that “feels more like the album cover of one of the old Belladonna albums.” Which would be a weird decision, because, a few songs aside, this record doesn’t sound anything like any other Anthrax album.)

And so here it is — my track-by-track breakdown of what I heard.

You guys aren’t gonna believe this shit.

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You’ve all read Decibel editor-in-chief Albert Mudrian’s Choosing Death, right? If not, you should get off your ass and do that; it’s the definitive history of death metal and grindcore, and whether you’ve been a fan of those genres since the day of Scum or you’re a youngin’ trying to figure out what the big deal about Carcass is, you are guaranteed to learn something from reading it.

Well, I’m super-stoked to let you know that Mudrian has now penned a second volume of Choosing Death — this one focusing on deathcore. Says Mudrian via press release:

“Deathcore is the definitive form of extreme music in the aughties. As Napalm Death, Carcass, Cannibal Corpse, and Suffocation were to my generation, so will bands like Suicide Silence, Oceano, Emmure, and Winds of Plague be to this generation.These bands are proudly carrying the torch of the brutal music we all love, so it only made sense to see to it that their story was told.”

And the best part is — MetalSucks’ own Sergeant D. wrote the introduction! So now you know you need that shit.

You can pre-order a copy of Albert Mudrian’s Choosing Death II right here — it hits shelves on May 24 via Da Capo Press.

-AR

Why, it was just a couple of days ago that we learned that bassist Terry Butler and drummer Greg Gall have both quit Six Feet Under, and already, the band has announced a replacement for Gall: Kevin Talley, who is joining the group as part of his apparent bid to play with every band ever at least once. (Already on his resumé: Daath, Chimaira, Misery Index, Dying Fetus, Hate Eternal, Suffocation, The Black Dahlia Murder, The Red Chord, and probably fifteen other bands I’m forgetting about.)

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Yesterday I attempted to clarify the meaning of the phrase “elephants marching riff” by pointing out some reader suggestions that, even if they were cool riffs, did not meet the definition for this particular trope. Today, I am going to highlight some of the reader-suggested riffs that I actually think do meet that definition.

Now, these aren’t ALL the riffs that you guys suggested… I’ve cherry picked some in the interest of time. (For example, a lot of you suggested various riffs by Chimaira and Gojira. Since I already pointed out that both of those bands are really good at writing elephants marching riffs, I’m not going to include any additional examples from those bands here.) So don’t have a conniption if your riff didn’t make the list.

And so…

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In the first installment of “OLD BANDS U MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT“, I shared a bunch of old bands that I like. Instead of coming up with a new description, I will just reuse the old one:

When I am not trolling simple-minded, entry-level elitists, I enjoy the soothing, dulcet tones of some classic thrash or death metal. I am definitely not any kind of metal encyclopedia or authority on the subject, but I have realized that (sadly) I’m old enough to have heard a few bands that many younger metal fans have not, just because I have been exposed to a lot of bands over the years — sort of like an ancient desert tortoise who is not a historian, but has seen history unfold before his eyes simply because he is old as fuck. Because I enjoy giving back to my community, I will share some of my favorite older bands in case any of you might like them. If you want to hate on me, that’s OK, too, so feel free to tell me I’m a poser, that everybody already knows about these bands, that I got some trivial detail wrong, or whatever else you think makes you “sound like u rly know what ur talking about.”

With that out of the way, here’s volume 2!

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“BIG PANTS WASTE PRECIOUS FABRIC”

Step into my Nocturnus time machine and take a magical journey with me into a time long, long ago, an excursion into a world that scarcely resembles our own. In this world — we’ll call it Moshtopia — hardcore kids are known for wearing giant, baggy pants, not skinny jeans; there are people under 30 that know who Black Flag is; and metalcore bands worship Krishna, not Christ. This is not a fanciful episode of Jojo’s Bizarre Adeventure fan fiction, my friends, — it is the strange and wonderful world of mid-90s hardcore!

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means we’re taking off early today and won’t be back ’til Monday. We’re sorry to leave non-American readers high n’ dry, but PLUS ONE FOR FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKERS.

ANYWAY, in honor of the holiday, we decided to do a special Turkey Day-themed QOTW designed to make you feel all warm and cuddly inside:

WHAT (IN METAL) ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

This week, we have our first ever reader-suggested QOTW, coming from MetalSucks Maniac Cougar Party:

WHAT BANDS DO YOU HATE THAT YOU HAVE SEEN LIVE MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS OPENING FOR SOMEONE YOU LIKE?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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When I am not trolling simple-minded, entry-level elitists, I enjoy the soothing, dulcet tones of some classic thrash or death metal. I am definitely not any kind of metal encyclopedia or authority on the subject, but I have realized that (sadly) I’m old enough to have heard a few bands that many younger metal fans have not, just because I have been exposed to a lot of bands over the years — sort of like an ancient desert tortoise who is not a historian, but has seen history unfold before his eyes simply because he is old as fuck. Because I enjoy giving back to my community, I will share some of my favorite older bands in case any of you might like them. If you want to hate on me, that’s OK, too, so feel free to tell me I’m a poser, that everybody already knows about these bands, that I got some trivial detail wrong, or whatever else you think makes you “sound like u rly know what ur talking about.”

Click to read more…

While I think of their later albums as he absolute epitome of dull, redundant, riff salad that puts me to sleep faster than an Ambien and a gin & tonic, Deeds’ 1996 LP Trading Pieces is one of the finest technical, brutal death metal albums ever recorded.The drummer for the excellent Cleveland death metal band Odious Sanction gave me a cassette dub of this at a show back in 1997 or so, and I’ve listened to it on the regular ever since.

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While these days metal fandom is basically just a contest to see who can fap harder and faster to obscure technical death metal, it wasn’t always that way. In fact, many of the bands that internet metal nerds regard as legendary icons today were either hated or ignored when they were at their peak — fellow oldz will know exactly what I’m talking about. In this post, I will remind us all what fickle, trendy conformists metal fans can be by taking a stroll down memory lane and recalling vintage popular opinion of a few of your pet bands (hint: it wasn’t good!).

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Remember when Sergeant D. found that totally awesome instructional video called “How to Dress Sexy Scene & Be Hot!”? In case the title didn’t give it away, it featured some chick who is clearly going to make some poor guy insanely unhappy one day instructing ladies on how to, well. Y’know.

Now Noa Avior at Metal Injection has discovered a delightful de facto companion video, entitled “How to Look Like a Hot Metal Chick.” (I love the modesty of the young women making these videos.) And, in all fairness, the girl in the video is definitely cute, especially if you’ve ever dreamed of fucking a piece of plastic. Personally, I would definitely tap that, so long as she promised not to speak under any circumstances.

She’s wearing a Suffocation shirt and she says it’s important that “you know and like the band” whose logo adorns your attire. Do we think she really digs death metal, or do we think she just realized that her value in the metal world is like a gajillion times higher than her value in the mainstream world, given that metal is a total sausage fest and dudes will kill one another for anything with a hole and a pulse? (Actually the pulse is just, like, a bonus.) I’m not saying attractive women can’t appreciate Suffocation; I’m just saying that this girl has all the personality of a Barbie doll, so I wouldn’t be shocked if she were totally full of it.

Also, did you know that there’s no room for girls in metal who don’t have blonde or black hair? And that eyebrows are incredibly important? And holy shit doesn’t this crap go against everything metal is supposed to represent?!?!

My personal favorite part, though, is when she says she’s gonna teach her fellow women how to dress for when they’re “going to a metal concert-thing.” I LOVE metal concert-things! Why, I’m going to a metal concert-thing tonight! Do you think I’ll be able to meet anyone as smokin’ as this chick? I’d really like to bring her home to meet my mother, ’cause Ma hasn’t threatened to disown me this week.

I think that Noa is even more pissed about this nonsense than I am. Head over to Metal Injection to read her thoughts on the matter.

-AR

NYDM legends Suffocation are a rare breed, to say the least: they’ve been around for a long-ass time, but have never put out even a single shitty record. When it comes to choosing the best release in their catalog, it’s pretty tricky because so many of their albums slam so hard!! It’s tough to choose just one, so I thought I would turn to the readers of MetalSucks to help me decide which Suffo record will be enshrined as their finest.

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It has been my life’s work to find the heaviest band on the face of the planet, and I believe that I may have found my holy grail: a young metalcore band called DEMOLISHER. Purists will be outraged I’m sure, but if the intro riff to “Decimated” doesn’t make you mosh the instant that you press “play,” you have no soul. Not since I first heard Suffocation, Devourment, and Cephalotripsy have I been so floored by a band — it’s almost comical how fucking heavy this band is, like the groove of 16 meets the absurdly downtuned-breakdowns of Hemdale with a heavy dose of 90′s beatdown hardcore ala Bulldoze or Merauder. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anything this crushingly sludgy and over the top.

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There’s really almost nothing to say about a tour headlined by Suffocation and featuring The Faceless, Through the Eyes of the Dead, Decrepit Birth, and Fleshgod Apocalypse, other than, “Where can I buy a ticket?” Kind of amazingly, I still haven’t seen TTEOTD live yet, and I’m not even sure that Fleshgod Apocalypse, who are Eye-talian, have ever played North America before; but I can vouch that the other three bands all crush testicles live, and based on how much I enjoy their recordings, I’d like to believe that the other two bands will as well.

This is pretty much a perfect line-up. No dates have been announced yet, but you should fall to your knees and pray that the tour is coming to your town.

More as we get it.

-AR