MetalSucks

If I had a biological clock, I’d worry that’s it’s ticking. Because this is my second story about little kids today.

Reign in Blonde has made the awesome discovery of Jonah Rocks, who is a) the only four year old I’ve ever seen that can play the drums, and b) the only four year old I’m aware of that already has a stage name. He also seems to have an endorsement deal with Vic Firth. Holy poop.

For reasons that are totally beyond me, the videos of this lil’ tyke rockin’ out are not embeddable, but if you go here, you can watch Jonah play “Harvester of Sorrow” with more skill and passion than Lars Ulrich has displayed in years.

After the jump are some more links to Jonah playing. Some of these videos were made when he was only three years old!!!

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When we were in high school, Vince played guitar for a band called Steel Breeze. Yeah, I dunno what the name means either, but they were pretty good, all things considered. Anyways, I mention it not to embarrass Vince (that’s just a bonus!), but because they used to cover the theme music from Super Mario Bros.  And these dudes had the same idea, I guess.

I have no idea why it says System of a Down in the background. Do the mustaches strike the creators of this video as being particularly Armenian or something?

Two quick random thoughts about Mario Bros., while we’re on the topic:

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Aside from the obvious hot-chicks-playing-metal appeal of this video, these ladies fucking nail it, no?

]Thanks: Kyle]

It’s raining in New York today. AGAIN. At least it’s warm; it’s been fucking rainy and cold for all of June (seriously… hoodie weather in June??). I feel like I’ve been cheated out of an entire month of summer. Fuck the world.

Here’s what happened this week:

• More arguing ensued over our 21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century… So Far list. You bitched and moaned to the tune of 444 comments (and counting) about the #11 pick of Deftones’ White Pony — just as you did last week with the debatably metal Tool (#12) and System of a Down (#14) picks — and then when we finally announced more trve/cvlt/br00tal albums you approved of (#10 Opeth, #9 Gojira, and #8 In Flames), comments were few and far between by comparison. You people are fucking morons. Especially Ziltoid.
• Rumors flew about the resuscitation of Headbanger’s Ball in 2010 with Jose Mangin as the host.
• More shit-talking between the two sparring Fear Factory camps provided us with endless amusement. We wondered aloud whether or not FF should be considered nu-metal.
• Shinedown’s Brent Smith claimed to have insider knowledge of a Soundgarden reunion, to which Axl — and possibly but not definitely Soundgarden’s own Ben Shepherd — took offense.
• We spoke with Scott Kelly of Neurosis and Vinnie Fucking Paul.

We out. Stay tuned in a couple of hours for our #7 Best Metal Album of the 21st Century… So Far. I’ll be at tomorrow night’s Black Anvil show at the new Duff’s location in Brooklyn if anyone wants to come out and hang. See you next week for more shenanigans!

SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER ROB PASBANI OF METAL INJECTION

We recently polled a wide array of musicians, managers, publicists, label reps, and writers from within the world of metal to find out what they thought the 21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century So Far have been. Eligible albums were released between January 1, 2000 and  April 1, 2009. Each panelist turned in a ballot, with their #1 album worth 21 points, their #2 album worth 20 points, and so on and so forth. The ballots are now in and we’ll be counting down one album a day until we reach #1. Today we present the #14 album, coming in with a total of 124 points…

System of a Down, Toxicity (American, 2001)

Serj Tankian — Vocals, Keyboards
Daron Malakian — Guitars, Vocals
Shavo Odadjian — Bass
John Dolmayan — Drums
Produced by Rick Rubin, Daron Malakian and Serj Tankian

You know how certain songs or albums trigger memories for you? Well, System of A Down’s sophmore release, Toxicity, definitely brings me back to the late summer/early Fall of 2001. I immediately remember being drunk, joy riding with friends and screaming the chorus to “Deer Dance” at the top of my lungs. I remember the day we got the advanced copy of the CD at my college radio station and how I couldn’t believe how heavy this album was. I remember listening to it non-stop for literally three months straight. I have never done that with an album before or since.

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If you don’t know who Amy Sciarretto is, well, ya should. She’s Roadrunner Records in-house PR goddess (and often writes the very funny “Ask Amy” column for the Roadrunner website) and also writes for NoiseCreep. She’s also written for Revolver, Kerrang!, Guitar World, and a butt load of other publications and websites. In other words, she knows her shit.

Now Amy has teamed up with Rick Florino – founder or Ruined magazine and a contributor to Inked, Revolver, Hit Parader, etc. – to write Do the Devil’s Work for Him: How to Make it in the Music Industry (and Stay in It!). Featuring interviews and music biz advice from members of System of a Down, DevilDriver, Dragonforce, Matt Sorum (current Velvet Revolver/ex-Guns N’ Roses drummer) and Roadrunner A&R guru/blade runner Mike Gitter, this promises to be much, much cooler than your average “how to” guide.

The book hits shelves on June 26. In the meantime, you can get more info here.

-AR

With regards to this morning’s post about a potential Cave In reunion, it seems there was some confusion on the Interwebs. Thankfully we just received this press release directly from Cave In’s camp, delivered by carrier pigeon and left at the gates of the MS Mansion:

After 3 1/2 long years, Cave In has decided to end its hiatus. Please join us for an EP release show at Great Scott’s (1222 Commonwealth Ave., Allston MA) on Sunday, July 19th @ 9PM. Also playing will be our friends Disappearer and Phantom Glue. Copies of the “Planets Of Old” limited 12″ (recorded by Adam Taylor, Alex Hartman & Johnny Northrup @ Camp St. Studio) from Hydra Head Records will be available that night.

We hope to see your lovely selves.

Steve, Adam, J.R., Caleb
CAVE IN

So, that’s that. Of note is the phrase “decided to end its hiatus,” indicating that the band never fully intended to “break up” so much as take a break. Which, in hindsight, is true: at the time, the band was deliberate in saying that they planned to go on hiatus. [System of a Down fans, take note: that band also said they were going "on hiatus," not breaking up. Don't get your panties in a tizzy over the eventual "reunion."]

Semantics aside, the result is the same: new Cave In in July. Now it’s official. Hoo-ray.

After the jump, live footage of the band performing “Anchor” on… MTV’s (!) Last Call with Carson Daly. Woah!

-VN

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Scars on Broadway didn’t work out. I’m still not entirely sure why. There seems to be some consesus that their album sucked, but I didn’t think so at all (and neither did my colleague Sammy O’Hagar, who reviewed the record). In any case, it’s a moot point, because at the end of the day, all any of us really want is for System of a Down to get back together already.

And I suspect no one wants that more than drummer John Dolmayan, who apparently auditioned to be the new drummer for Smashing Pumpkins. Because there’s really only two possible reasons he might have done this:

1. He’s bored.
2. He’s broke.

For the sake of humor, let’s assume Dolmayan is broke.

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(Rolling Stone ballot filled out by James Hetfield of Metallica.)

I just finished reading the latest issue of Rolling Stone (#1066/11.27.08) which has a cover story entitled “The 100 Greatest Singers of All Time.” Not surprisingly, the metal contingent representation is dismal. Oh sure, they tapped several genre luminaries to place their votes including Ian Astbury, Sebastian Bach, Alice Cooper, Chris Cornell, Ronnie James Dio, Sammy Hagar, James Hetfield, Tony Iommi, Maynard James Keenan, Geddy Lee, Peter Mensch (Q Prime Mgmt – Metallica, Queensryche), Ozzy Osbourne, Iggy Pop, and Scott Weiland, but what about the actual list? How many metalheads (or at least “rockers”) made the final cut?

Here are the pathetic results:

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As an American, I expect to be lied to. Even if it’s a bad lie. Of course Sarah Palin can’t tell Fox News “I flubbed the Katie Couric interview because I’m a moron and I don’t know anything outside of the talking points I’ve been coached on.” It would just be too insulting to the literally dozens of people who actually think she’s an intelligent, well-qualified political candidate. So she has to say she flubbed the interview because she was “annoyed” that Couric wasn’t asking questions the American people care about (And by “American people,” Palin means… actually, I’m not sure who the fuck she means. Not me.). It’s bullshit – it’s not even good bullshit – but it’s what we do in life, whether it be for political or personal reasons. If you’re not going to a friend’s party, you tell your friend “Oh, my dick is caught in my zipper” or something other than “I have better things to do.”

Well, apparently, Daron Malakian didn’t get the memo, because a statement released to Blabbermouth yesterday by Scars on Broadway is either a) bullshit so bad it makes Palin look like master manipulator or b) a sign that Malakian literally just does not give two shits about his literally dozens of fans*.

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Guitar Hero III featured Slash and Tom Morello as bosses and pretty much used Slash as the entire basis of the video game’s ad campaign; I guess now it’s Zakk Wylde’s turn, as the Ozzy/Black Label Society axemaster is now being featured in a trailer for Guitar Hero World Tour, which will be released on October 26.

Oddly enough, while there’s a BLS song in the game, Wylde played on neither of the original recordings of the included Ozzy songs, “Crazy Train” and “Mr. Crowley.” I don’t know if they’ll be using re-recorded versions featuring Wylde for the purposes of the game or if they’re just depending on Guitar Hero’s younger (read: target) audience not know the difference between Wylde and Randy Rhodes.

In any case, here’s the trailer:

As is usually the case with Guitar Hero, there’s a whole lotta metal included in this edition’s “set list,” including three Tool songs and offerings by Metallica, Van Halen, System of a Down, Dream Theater and Lacuna Coil. Should be fun if you like these rhythm games.

-AR

I know the phrase “guilty pleasure” gets thrown around a lot (including by this particular writer), but the latest by System of a Down appendix, Scars on Broadway, falls hard under that category. If your patience for it is limited, the band can sound like, quite possibly, the worst band you’ve ever heard. Like, exceptionally bad. Like Incubus getting their asses kicked by Frank Zappa’s retarded, untalented nephew that works at the Citgo bad. But if you give the record a shot and don’t expect too much from it, much like the aforementioned fictitious nephew, it can provide a surprisingly nuanced listen, full of delicious hard pop riffs and the kind of melody System of a Down hinted at before they’d go over the edge into yodeling territory.

Click to read more…

“They Say,” the first single from System of a Down’s Daron Malakian (who is starting to look like Robin Finck) and John Dolmayan’s new Scars on Broadway project, is the kind of song which is pretty much guaranteed to get stuck in your head so bad you need to drill through your fucking skull to get it out.

On the other hand, the song’s video, directed by Paul Minor, is pretty… okay. I’m not sure if inter-cutting fake performance clips of the band with various bits of “disturbing” found footage was effective when Nigel Dick did it for “Welcome to the Jungle” back in ‘87, but it’s definitely seems pseudo-profound at best in ‘08.

But hey, they can’t all be a masterpiece.

Interscope will release Scars on Broadway’s self-titled debut on July 29. If the rest of it is as infectious as this song, it should pretty much keep me occupied for the month of August.

-AR

System of a Down’s Daron Malakian and John Dolmayan now have a release date and a record label for their Scars on Broadway project;  July 29th and Interscope. Scars on Broadway released the song “They Say” a few weeks back, generating mixed reactions and a heated debate in our comments section. Listen to the track below.

I’m scratching my head as to why Malakian and Dolmayan, very established musicians who seems quite capable of generating buzz and releasing a record on their own, would sacrifice some of their potential revenue by chosing to go the major label route. Scars could easily pull a Reznor / Radiohead, go the DIY method and do just fine. Or are they so well-off from System at this point that the money doesn’t matter and they just want to get the music out to as many people as possible? Seeing as barely anyone recoups these days, maybe they’re smart to take the advance and run…

-VN

A simple but effective video from the System Of a Down frontman, “Sky Is Over” comes from Serj Tankian’s Fall 2007 release Elect the Dead. The visual is simple but visually pleasing and effective, and as usual relates to to the political theme of the song. Seriously, someone listen to this guy, he’s smarter and more clever than any of the politicians we see on TV.

-VN

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Serj Tankian seems to be a pretty popular guy around here but we haven’t discussed his politics yet, and frankly a conversation about Serj Tankian without mentioning politics is like a conversation about the artistic merits of porn without talking about fucking; utterly fruitless. In this clip, the System of a Down frontman shares his view on escapism in the form of antidepressants and politics.

Serj’s solo album Elect the Dead came out yesterday via Serjical Strike / Reprise.

-VN

Doubt that System of a Down frontman Serj Eddie Murphy Tankian is one of the most creative and forward-thinking minds in metal today? Look no further than this video of Serj interviewing himself… and producing, playing bass, engineering, A&Ring, record-exec-ing, and delivering pizza.

Serj’s new album Elect the Dead comes out October 23 on his own Serjical Strike label (through Warner Bros.).

-VN

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