When we got an email titled “Lots of Slayer T-shirts” with a link to a blog at indie music herald Vice, we fully expected to see lots of Slayer shirts on the other end of the click. What we didn’t expect was a virtual museum full of hundreds of shirts of the most satanic band of all time.

The article hosts images and descriptions of Slayer t-shirts from the personal collections of author Jonathan Rockwell and his friends. “Lots of Slayer T-Shirts” is the Endless Blockade of the Slayer universe, a near exhaustive collection of black and red on cotton. They’ve got everything; beat-up as fuck Show No Mercy-era shirts, Slaytanic Wehrmacht shirts with a grinning Nazi metal maniac, white and stone-washed South of Heaven tees… just Slayer shirt after Slayer shirt after Slayer shirt. The madness goes through the Decade of Aggression era, about which the author proclaims, “There was maybe one good shirt after the Decade Of Aggression one, but like their music, it was mostly downhill from there.”

Check out Lots of Slayer T-Shirts and share your own with us in the comments.

-VN

So many things wrong with this. SO many. Is this worse than the time Drew Barrymore wore an Iron Maiden shirt? Way worse.

But I’m not gonna rant and rave because The Deciblog‘s Jeanne Fury has already done a mighty fine job of that. Sample:

Tagging band t-shirts with the “boyfriend” label is doubly offensive. The slightest notion that a girl can’t have her own Iron Maiden t-shirt is ridiculous. It’s 2010. Chicks listen to metal. Like, actually listen to metal. Not because their boyfriends or brothers are into it, but because they love metal. Seriously, how long is this ignorant and annoying misconception gonna go on? Looping back to the original argument, clothes—band t-shirts especially—have no gender. Unless this Maiden shirt comes equipped with a penis and testicles, it’s just a fucking t-shirt.

If my girlfriend steals my Iron Maiden shirt and wears it I’d classify that as a “boyfriend shirt.” Boyfriends do not come prepackaged at Urban Outfitters. Neither does metal cred. I dare the anorexic bitch at right to name ONE Iron Maiden song. Why if I ever see anyone wearing this shirt Ima… Enough… gotta stop ranting…

-VN

Pure fucking gold. I need one immediately. So do you.

-VN

Thanks: Metal Injection

MS Maniac David M. recently spent a month in India and had some fun with his newly minted MetalSucks t-shirt, snapping some photos of himself (or in some cases just the shirt) in various settings around the country. So in celebration of David’s awesome pictures, we’re going to hold a contest: email in (news[at]metal[dot]net) or a post a comment with a picture of yourself in your MetalSucks t-shirt doing something funny/awesome/bizarre and we’ll  hook up with a prize pack of assorted metal goodies we have lying around the Mansion.

Of course, if you don’t already have a MetalSucks shirt then you need to get one pronto. They start at only $13!

More photos of David’s Indian adventure after the jump.

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They say mediocrity shouldn’t be rewarded but I really don’t have any choice judging by the quality of the entries for last week’s funny photo caption contest. Nevertheless, the following lucky four will receive the promised White Wizzard back patch and poster:

• Skoal: “At every age Mustaine just has to be the attention whore.”
• Primateforever: “Maybe next time you’ll follow Angelina’s lead and adopt a foreign kid.”
• Alex W.: “The second thing Axl Rose has produced that hasn’t lived up to expectations.”
• ryan d.: “the annual Hetfield family portrait.”

Congrats all for a job sort-of-ok-ly done. This week we’re giving away one MetalSucks t-shirt to whoever can come up with the funniest caption to the below photo sent in by Suckalo Mario Trujillo. You’ll get to choose which of the four sweet t-shirt designs you want and of course you’ll get to choose your size. Remember to use a real email address instead of Facebook Connect to comment (or just type your email address into the comment itself so we can contact you if you win).

No, not really… but you’d think so based on the Canadian pop duo’s new “metal” t-shirt design (above).

Part of me wants to like this t-shirt because it looks cool. Kudos to the designer for that. But the other part of me wants to say, “Man, fuck that.” The co-opting of metal culture, particularly the aesthetic, is not something that metalheads take lightly. I’m no member of the fashion police, but I think it’s fair to say that any Tegan & Sara fan wearing this shirt would be doing so ironically; “Haha, it’s Tegan & Sara but it *looks* metal. Get it?” That irony is a slap in the face to those of us who take metal seriously. I can’t speak for Tegan & Sara themselves — for all I know they could be cranking Gojira at 11 as I type this — but the likelihood of most of their fans being able to name one Metallica song outside of “Enter Sandman” (if that), let alone the name of one metal band new on the scene in the past 10 years that didn’t play at Bonnaroo, Coachella or <insert hipster festival here> is pretty damn unlikely. And something about that makes it seem rather unfair of them to bite off a hunk of metal culture for their own good.

Full disclosure: I loved Tegan & Sara’s 2004 mini-hit “Walking With a Ghost.” Fantastic song. But metal it is not.

So let’s keep apples to apples. Look; if one Tegan & Sara fan picks up a Carcass record because of this shirt, then mission accomplished. But it still rubs me the wrong way. What do you all think?

-VN

When I was a teenager I used to yell at Mama Neilstein for fading my black t-shirts when she washed them. No joke. If only I’d had Atmosopheric Black Metal Kitchen‘s “Heavy Metal Laundry Tips” (written by Scott Maxwell) to show her then, a whole lot of teenage-induced familial strife could’ve been avoided.

You should really read the entire excellently-worded post, but here’s the nitty-gritty:

… for you, the truly elite metalheads, I am here to bestow the darkest secrets of Laundromancy upon thee. I have consulted tomes of ancient wisdom (i.e., I asked my mom) in preparing this guide. May it serve you well… in darkness:

1) WOOLITE IST KRIEG. Your precious metal shirts are meant to be handwashed, so as to preserve the ink prints and the integrity of the fabric. Woolite is expensive, but it is an investment in your metal cred. In recent years, WOOLITE DARK has been introduced, formulated for dark clothes exclusively. USE IT! Immortal would endorse no less.

2) COLD WASH ONLY. Allow your clothes to soak in waters as cold as the rivers of Blashyrkh itself, without agitation. HAND WASH, or use the “hand washables” cycle on your washing machine. Your precious metal shirts get enough violent agitation when you’re wearing them in the mosh pit.

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Black t-shirts are as metal as it gets. Since the dawn of time*, metalheads have been donning black concert tees as a uniform; all other clothing, hair styling and accessorizing is pretty much secondary and unimportant as long as you’ve got a black t-shirt on. MetalGF constantly makes fun of my stacks of black t-shirts**; other than my gray Mastodon tee and a white Tool shirt, my entire shirt wardrobe is pretty much black. But you know what? I’m getting damn sick of it. It’s time to bring some color back to the metal palette and there’s no color better or more metal than… WHITE.

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