MetalSucks

For a change there were actually a ton of funny entries for last week’s funny photo caption contest, but alas, there can only be one winner. Congrats to Veteran MS Maniac “bucketochicken” for this snappy zinger as a caption to the photo at right:

As the band tears into their opening number, Ziltoid lowers his “horns” and cries to heaven in jaw-clenched anger, “THIS IS NOT METAL!”

Hooray for insider jokes! This week we’re giving away FIVE PRIZE PACKAGES! Each winner gets a copy of The Agonist’s new CD Lullabies For the Dormant Mind and an autographed poster of the band. We also have a very special photo for ya’ll to comment on; we’re not going to say where we got it or what it is, but… wow, just wow. Beyond words. Come up with the funniest caption (shouldn’t be too difficult) and the prize shall be yours.

I’m not really that familiar with The Agonist, which is kinda sad, because I’m fairly certain we sponsored their recent tour with The Haunted (although, in all fairness to me, they weren’t a part of the tour when we signed up). But a lof of you have e-mailed us about them as of late, and I think the split between those of you love ‘em and those of you who loathe ‘em is pretty equal.

So here’s the band’s David Brodsky-directed video for “…And Their Eulogies Sang Me to Sleep.” Check it out, and then let us know what you think of The Agonist below.

-AR

Dallas may be laying off the haterade as of late, but thankfully Peter Dolving is always there in a pinch to take a big, giant swig of the Internet’s favorite, venomous beverage. In his latest rant sent to us in a press release, The Haunted frontman tells you why you should come see his band on their MetalSucks-sponsored North American tour (also featuring Merauder and The Agonist), and takes a swipe at Lamb of God as being part of the big, bad, generic, corporate metal machine:

Seriously folks. You could go out and see any of a number of bands in the next four weeks. What you’ll receive will of course be generic deliverance of generic metalcore by the numbers and certainly you won’t be more than slightly disappointed. The big one this time around out there being the Lamb Of God tour. Which will according to business-planned management crawl itself around the North Americas for the next year and a half or so like a big snake. You could dig that shit and think ‘Holy mutherfucking hell! That shit rocks!’ or you could go and see the Haunted once and for all prove what metal is all about. But only if you want to have a good time. Only if you want to feel alive. Only if you like that feeling of actually realizing everything is not fucked utterly and beyond belief. But I guess if you are a sad, self-pitying son of a bitch you won’t go. Oh what the hell, really, don’t go. Most of those who read this don’t really give a shit anyway do you? You’d rather stay in a saline filled tank fed intravenously with a constant intake of whatever, whoever carries the biggest gun and wad of dollars has to say wants to feed you.

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Seriously, does anybody have worse luck than this poor dude? First Nachtmystium weren’t able to complete last year’s tour with Opeth, then they’re kicked off of the free Scion fest for some bullshit about Nazis (which, for the umpteenth time, is NOT TRUE), and now the band has to drop off their upcoming, MetalSucks-sponsored tour with The Haunted because Judd has broken his leg. Says the band:

“Sorry to anyone hoping to see us in April! After this whole bullshit fiasco with the Scion Rock Fest a few weeks back, and now this, it’s been one thing after the other around here. Fear not, we will be back soon enough.”

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Lots and lots of you have e-mailed us this week to ask about the fact that Intronaut and Kylesa have both dropped off The Haunted’s upcoming, MetalSucks-sponsored headlining trek in order to go tour with the almighty Mastodon. And, yeah, it’s bittersweet news at best; we were looking forward to seeing them with The Haunted, but it’s not as though the Atlanta quartet is really any less awesome than our favorite Swedes.

Of course, the always spectacular non-Nazis in Nachtmystium are still doing The Haunted tour, and now the replacement bands for Intronaut and Kylesa have been announced: Merauder and The Agonist.

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