It’s no secret that the music industry is in a shambles, with both profits and revenues at an all time low. With Napster, eDonkey and Audiogalaxy more popular than ever, anybody with a DSL connection can download an album in a matter of hours, often at CD-quality 96 khz. While the unprecedented access that we the fans have to new music is amazing, it comes at a price: the ability for artists to eke out a meager living by making music.

Sure, on the one hand it’s pretty funny to think about, say, the bassist for The Autumn Offering working at his dad’s ravioli factory when they’re not on tour. Admittedly, the contrast between some D-level metalcore band’s onstage persona (“U MIRIN OUR STAGE PRESENCE BRAH?!”) and the sad reality of seeing them try four times to get their 1998 Saturn to turn over in the parking lot after the show is pretty amusing, but this isn’t high school. Music isn’t about who’s making money and who’s 27 years old and still thinks it’s cool to be in a band, it’s about COMMUNITY. To me, the scene is one big family, and I look out for my family members. Whether you are the “fuckup-idiot-with-a-heart-of-gold cousin that everybody feels sorry for” (Eyehategod) or “ridiculously good-looking older brother we r all jealz of” (Oli Sykes/Bring Me The Horizon), if you are family I will always have your back — and family members do not steal from each other!!

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To the MetalSucks Maniac known as “Sacajewea,” we would like to say the following: YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD. It’s incredible how retarded you are, you stupid fucking idiot mongoloid half-wit retard.

We send this message because in October of ’09, Sacajewea left a comment on the very first post we ever wrote, saying he was “Just here to dig up the past;” then he left another comment, just this past June, which read:

“I did it twice. Fuck I’m retarded. If anyone sees this please find me in a recent post and tell me how retarded I am.”

On December 26, 2006 — a date that will live in infamy — we did what professionals call a “soft launch” but we just call “the day we first posted on this blog.” Our slogan was “Smart About Metal,” a play on the slogan for Film Comment magazine.

We had these two stupid South Park caricatures that Axl made at his then-job when he was bored. (Axl forgot until just now that he had a really long goatee in ’06; Vince still had phantom Jew ‘fro, where some days he can feel it, man!) We only posted once or twice a day, throughout the week, pretty much when we had time/interest. We didn’t use tags. We often didn’t post graphics or videos. Our headlines weren’t capitalized. We interviewed members of Stuck Mojo and Twisted Sister, because that’s who we could get interviews with. Believe it or not, we tried to get an interview with God Forbid… and we failed.

Basically, we had no fucking idea what we were doing.

We can’t believe that this is our 10,000th post. We can’t believe we’re still doing this almost four years after we started. We can’t believe that so many of you are reading it. Seriously: WE WERE ONLY FUCKING KIDDING.

So…

Thanks to Kip (who has been here longer than anyone besides Vince and Axl!), Sammy, Gary, Anso, Satan (the MetalSucks contributor and the deity), Sergeant D., Bob, Leyla, Corey, Urbandale, Dave, Matt, Ferris, Dallas, Eyal, Sacha, Paul, Bulb, Arthur, Anton OyVey, Rich Hallford, David Bee Roth, Van Arseface, Mike Pattongill, Angela Gossowski, Joey V., and everyone else who has ever written for us… MetalSucks would not be where it is if not for all of you.

Thanks to everyone in the music industry who has helped us over the years, even as they must have been secretly hoping we would van flip.

And of course, thanks to all the MetalSucks Maniacs, Suckalos, annoying people who can’t use the “search” function, and dudes that have sent us death threats. We can’t tell you how grateful we are that you read our site. Thank you thank you thank you.

Now, with a complete lack of humility, Axl and Vince present their ten favorite MetalSucks posts of all time. Enjoy.

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Like I said in my earlier post “VICTORY RECORDS DEFINED 90s HARDCORE,” I am a big fan of this leading independent label. With that in mind, I am very excited to share the latest episode of their branded video content product VICTORV. In their words:

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Every time I come home from tour, I ask myself: “What the fuck am I going to do with all these CDs?!” Because when I go to my storage room to drop off gear and tour supplies, there they are. Literally, thousands of CDs stacked to the ceiling in multiple storage rooms. Bands like The Program, Right Brigade, Oblige, AK Corral (The country CD I put out! Haha… that’s a completely different blog I will one day write.), A Thousand Falling Skies, The Autumn Offering, Full Blown Chaos, etc., etc., etc. Basically stuff that I put out on my labels that didn’t sell well or that we pressed too many of. Now I really don’t want them going in a landfill or polluting the ocean. The thought of a baby seal choking on a Sworn Enemy CD really doesn’t sit well with me. So I figured I would take to the internet to see what could be done. Now if you really want to be a great person and buy any of them, please visit martyrstore.com or stillbornstore.com – they’re cheap! Okay? So here’s some videos to check out, you decide what I should do with this stuff!

Should I make jewelry?

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Some of you seem to find it shocking that we actually read your comments (and often reply to e-mails, for that matter). To which I say: why the fuck else would we even have a comments section? We love to read the comments. To wit:

• Daisy May Tinklepants accused us not once but twice of giving positive reviews to artists who granted us interviews. I guess poor David Bee Roth didn’t get the memo when he interviewed and then reviewed Believer. In any case, both of those interviews were actually offered, not granted, but we appreciate the conspiracy theories.
• disappointed called us “dickless jew faggots” because I apologized for a swine flu joke (but not really). We don’t mind being called “Jew faggots,” but to suggest that we have no penises is just uncalled for. Also, the word “Jew” is generally capitalized, you wide-set vagina’d Goy retard.
• teaches of peaches says that no one cares about Dallas Coyle’s column “The Hard R” now that he’s not in God Forbid. Comments left by 114 other people would suggest otherwise, but just to be safe, Dallas is joining the latest touring incarnation of Sha Na Na so that he can continue to write for us.
• Revealing themselves to be the anti-Matt McChesneys, the dudes from YEAH! Destroyer spent more time writing for the site this week than anyone on the MetalSucks staff did. Whatever keeps them from playing music…
• Cahiers du Cinema contributor CrapMcPoopin announced that he’s leaving us for our friends at Metal Insider. Then he left 13 more comments over the course of the week.
• Conduit is having a hard time reconciling the fact that we like “commercial crap” and “random bands from Europe/elsewhere.” Sorry, Conduit. But, yeah, we liked the most recent Slipknot album. Shrug.
• Ricky doesn’t like the fact that Dope are basically paying us to talk shit about them. Ricky, have you spoken with Daisy May? ‘Cause in reality, we only hate Dope because they won’t grant us an interview.

And next week we’re gonna try to really piss you cats off.

-AR

As I mentioned earlier this week, a little while back I got an e-mail from The Autumn Offering vocalist Matt McChesney to discuss an extremely negative review I’d given the band’s last album, Fear Will Cast No Shadow. McChesney could have been a total dick about the whole thing, but as it turns out, he’s a very even headed, intelligent, and cool dude. So what else was there to do but interview him about the band’s new album, Requiem, which will come out June 9 on Victory. McChesney was even good enough to let us debut the first single off of that album, “The Curtain Hits The Cast,” for which the band will shoot a video in the coming weeks.

I still haven’t heard the new album, but I do already like this song way, way more than anything from Fear Will Cast No Shadow; it’s catchy and it doesn’t sound overly processed, which, I think, is what The Autumn Offering were striving for. Check out the song below, and then my conversation with Matt McChesney after the jump! (FYI – for fear that this was all a set-up for Matt to have me murdered, the interview was conducted by e-mail.)

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So here’s  a good story for you: way back in October of ’07, when MetalSucks wasn’t even a year old yet, I wrote a pretty miserable review (to put it mildly) for The Autumn Offering’s Fear Will Cast No Shadow. Cut ahead to last month, and The Autumn Offering vocalist Matt McChesney actually e-mails me to say he likes our site and he’s bummed about the negative review. And then we had a completely calm, casual, and intelligent exchange about said review. So even if you hate The Autumn Offering, you gotta give McChesney props for being so chill about the whole thing. We’ve certainly encountered bands that did not look upon us so favorably after we said terrible things about them.

Now The Autumn Offering have a new album coming out on June 9, Requiem. McChesney has let me hear one song off of it, and I gotta say, it is a huge step in the right direction. Will the whole album be good? I honestly don’t know. But I’m certainly gonna give this band another chance.

Here’s a teaser for Requiem… we’ll have a full interview with McChesney – and another nice surprise from the band – a little later this week.

-AR

With a Death psuedo-reunion in the works — guitarist Shannon Hamm, bassist Scott Clendenin, and guitarist Bobby Koelbe and Death drum roadie (and Autumn Offering drummer) Jonathan Lee have teamed up and are in search of a vocalist (aspiring vocalists may email beyondunknown67@gmail.com with demo material) — will this mish-mash of musicians from different eras of Death be “revolutionary” as the press release declares? Will the legend of Chuck Schuldiner live on or will his legacy be shat upon, even though the group will presumably not perform under the Death moniker?

-VN