MetalSucks

A couple of months back I complained about the expensive All Tomorrow’s Parties weekender in the Catskills region of New York. Though noise rock royals The Jesus Lizard and The Melvins are both scheduled to appear at the September festival, I just haven’t been able to justify the hundreds of dollars I’d have to shell out for tickets and to stay at some bullshit resort swarming with trustafarians. Thankfully, it turns out that we can all save our hard-earned dough (and avoid contracting swine flu), as both of these bands are planning other U.S. performances that wont break the bank.

Click to read more…

Hi everybody! I’m back from my two week vacation! Did you miss me? What, you didn’t know I was gone? Fuck you in the face!

Well anyway, I missed some of you, mainly the hideously unattractive and socially awkward noise rock aficionados that read my stupid column for jerks. So it gives me great pleasure to report that Pissed Jeans will released its third album on August 18. King Of Jeans, the group’s second full-length for Sub Pop, is the follow-up to 2007’s Hope For Men, a damned modern classic of sleazy gutter-level rock inspired and emboldened by the tradition of David Yow and The Jesus Lizard. Though I have yet to hear any of this new material, I anticipate nothing short of fucking awesomeness from tracks with lascivious titles like “Human Upskirt” and “Request for Masseuse”.

Click to read more…

This provocative and entirely untrue headline was my way of:

1) capitalizing on the goodwill fostered by our previous swine flu posts,

2) letting you know that the recently reunited Boss Hog has joined the ATP NY weekender lineup, which also includes The Jesus Lizard, Melvins, Boredoms, and Black Dice.

Echoing my earlier sentiments about this overpriced music fest, even this new addition isn’t enough to convince me to shell out over $250 for tickets and a couple hundred more for accommodations. I mean, come on.

-GS

[Gary Suarez is still gonna call it swine flu. He also writes for Brainwashed and usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]

Let’s face it: Ministry without Paul Barker just isn’t the same. Nothing on Houses Of The Mole, Rio Grande Blood, or The Last Sucker offered the thrills and low-end chills of albums like Psalm 69 and Filth Pig. As a longtime industrial music fanatic, I am sick and fucking tired of being let down every time Al Jourgensen puts out new music. His latest outing, the positively plebeian cash-in Sex-O Olympic-O, should never have been released under the Revolting Cocks name. Enough is enough! The time has come for Hypo Luxa and Hermes Pan to hug-it-the-fuck-out!

Click to read more…

All Tomorrow’s Parties festivals have a pretty irksome format. Essentially, no matter where they’re held, it’s so out-of-the-way that in order to attend you’re compelled to stay at some overpriced resort. Ticket prices aren’t exactly cheap to begin with, so what started out as a neat weekend with bands you love rapidly becomes tough to justify in these doleful economic times. Up until now, this coming September’s lineup for the Catskills, NY weekender didn’t have much for heavy music fans to get pumped about, but today’s announcement that both The Jesus Lizard and The Melvins are scheduled to perform on the Friday and Saturday nights, respectively, changes that – sorta.

Click to read more…

With record stores large and small closing as a result of a crummy economy and ongoing changes in how music is consumed, the idea of Record Store Day seems like a quaint misplaced sentiment. Still, for a noise rock geek like me, this April 18th “event” might be too enticing to resist since there will be an exclusive 7″ vinyl boxset from The Jesus Lizard on sale!

Click to read more…

Though we’ve only received information in dribs and drabs regarding the Jesus Lizard reunion, I’m so damn giddy about it. So far, a mere three May dates have been confirmed, two of these being an already announced All Tomorrow’s Parties UK weekender “The Fans Strike Back” and the third being the Primavera Sound festival, the latter of these featuring a stellar lineup including such Scraping Genius… faves as Fucked Up, Lightning Bolt, and Shellac. Contrary to earlier reports of a truncated reunion, the quintessential noise rock band has now it made clear that it will “be playing all over the US and Europe and (we hope) Australia”, which means I likely wont have to hitchhike my way to Chicago to see David Yow literally rock out with his cock out one more time.

Click to read more…

OK, I’ll admit that I did a cartoonish double take over my Thanksgiving leftovers when I read that THE JESUS LIZARD ARE REUNITING “for a very limited series of live dates in 2009,” according to the band’s former label Touch & Go, which will also be reissuing four classic albums from the group. This news bodes well for noise rock enthusiasts following a robust year of notable reunions (Bailter Space, Killdozer!) and continues to see more such gigs this month from the likes of:

Click to read more…

With the American economy in the toilet, our government is chomping at the bit ready with a dubious bailout that will flush away our tax dollars to save the greedy capitalist pigdogs down on Wall Street. Rewarding the bastards who got fat off the housing and credit bubbles at our expense makes me sick to my possibly ulcerous stomach, but at the end of the day, the American people are too stupid to grasp economic principles. Frankly, youse metalheads are an especially dumb breed, and those of you who actually consider yourselves Republicans should be out in the streets screaming bloody murder over this violation of your so-called principles. But you won’t, because freedom isn’t free. Thankfully, you’ve got excellent taste in music, so here’s your noise news.

Click to read more…

Without Tesco Vee, Touch & Go would not exist. Without Touch & Go, we might never have heard Big Black and Scratch Acid, nor their antecedents Shellac and The Jesus Lizard. So for that alone we should all give thanks and praise to him. Then, of course, there’s The Meatmen, which remains his gas-guzzling off road vehicle for obnoxious, offensive, and olfactory sounds, as evident as ever on this year’s self-released Pope On A Rope. Fresh off a decade-long hiatus and reignited ’cause it feels so good, Tesco’s act has got a few shows lined up next week in Philadelphia, New York City, and Cambridge/Boston, and Satan willing he’ll have a whole mess of merchandise and CDs in tow. Perhaps the new DVD The Devil’s In The Details Volume 1, full of footage and filth from the last 28 years, might be available too! Go on, East Coasters, and treat yourself to meat. But for now, feast your eyes on this recent live footage replete with classic Tesco banter.

-GS