So Guitar World roasted Zakk Wylde last week, and now a video of one of the roaster’s, uh, roasting has made its way online, and holy poopsicles, was I ever excited to watch said video. ‘Cause it’s by The Ultimate Warrior, who wasn’t just one of my favorite professional wrestlers when I was still a wrestling fan, but has also been the source of a lot of (mostly inadvertent, I think) comedy, both in his prime as a star of the WWF/WWE/whatever, and more recently as a personal trainer for terrible bands.

Unfortunately, The Warrior — or whomever wrote his roast material for him (assuming he used an outside writer or writers) — blew it. I mean, roasting Zakk Wylde should be like shooting fish in a barrel — hell, we’ve practically made our living doing it here at MetalSucks. And yet, the vast majority of the gag in The Warrior’s video is that Zakk Wylde owns an Ultimate Warrior edition of one of those old Wrestling Buddies stuffed pillow thingies, and the Wrestling Buddy is mad at Zakk because… I dunno, I fell asleep. That’s not even a funny premise, and the video goes on for more than four minutes. Sheesh.

Presumably more video footage from the event will be released soon, and hopefully some of the other roasters — including Rob Halford, Duff McKagan, Corey Taylor, Scott Ian, Brian Posehn, Steel Panther, Jim Florentine, Gus G., “Stone Cold” Steven Austin, and, of course, the Osbournes — had better material to work with. Guitar World‘s non-video recap of the event would certainly suggest that this was the case.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

So it looks like my boyhood hero, The Ultimate Warrior, is getting his own reality web series, The Warrior Show, in which he tortures various Sumerian bands because… I really have no idea why this exists, actually. It obviously has nothing to do with music. The Warrior tells the band “I want you to prove the haters wrong,” but speaking as a hater, I don’t know how this will achieve that goal; I mean, it’s not like being in tip-top physical shape will make I See Stars’ music any better — and there are plenty of talented fat dudes in extreme music. So is it is just good cross-promotion? I can’t imagine young fans of Sumerian bands care about The Ultimate Warrior, and I can’t imagine old fans of The Ultimate Warrior care about young Sumerian bands. Then again, I am writing about this now, so I guess there’s publicity to be had. Huzzah!

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Hello wrestling fans! I am sitting in JFK Airport getting ready to board a flight to Nantes. France to play Hellfest. The line-up looks retardedly awesome, and I have a couple hours to kill, so I am hammering down alcohol in preparation for the Flight. I figure since I have nothing to do but look at my computer screen for awhile, I would write the second installment of my blog for MetalSucks!

There has been alot happening in the world of wrestling in the past couple of weeks, most notably the passing of Randy “Macho Man”
Savage, a true wrestling legend and my peronal favorite wrestler of all time. Savage suffered a heart attack behind the wheel of his Jeep Wrangler. Anyone that has lived on this planet for more than fifteen years has to know exactly who he is — he was the most entertaining and memorable character to ever step into the squared circle.

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Winds of Plague may be the new Limp Bizkit, they may have a rotating cast of boob-flashing keyboard players who don’t write their own keyboard parts and they might just be a constant laughing-stock of the metal community at large (unless your name is Sergeant D), but they’ve proven they have at least one shred of good taste with this latest bit of news: ’80s/’90s WWF wrestling great The Ultimate Warrior will contribute a spoken word track called “The Warrior’s Code” to Winds of Plague’s new album Against the World, due April 19th. In case you’re wondering what a spoken word track by The Ultimate Warrior might sound like, watch this:

and this:

Excited? I am! It’ll probably be the best thing on the entire album.

-VN

Well I had a heckuva afternoon, what with a horde of Veil of Maya fans all e-mailing me at once to express their upset that VOM’s new song wasn’t up at the time we said it would be. But it’s up now, and we think that the track, “Namaste” – not “Dexter,” as our stupid audio player says – is terrific. You can listen here and join in on the fun.

Here are some other fun things that happened this week:

• We did a Jew on Jew interview with Orphaned Land’s Kobi Farhi and released the audio of Vince’s confusing interview with Andrew W.K.
• One of As I Lay Dying guitarist Nick Hipa’s theories about L O S T was correct!!!
• Bob Cock thinks Armour are AWESOME.
• Dave Ellefson has returned to Megadeth!
• The Ultimate Warrior rules, and The Red Chord agrees.
• Anthrax’s Worship Music finally a release date: the fifth of never.
• If you have a child, don’t do this.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

-AR

MAJOR props to MetalSucks Maniac “jwaal,” who e-mailed me about this wwwaaaayyyy back in October. I always meant to write about it but basically completely forgot to, even though it’s a brilliant observation.

So let’s back it up for a minute. When I was a kid, before I discovered metal, I was a HUGE wrestling fan. I guess I always liked big sweaty dudes with long hair and lots of make-up, I dunno. But my two favorite wrestlers were Lex Luger in the WCW – who we named our family dog after (no shit) – and The Ultimate Warrior in the WWF. I guess that’s why I have no problem with the concept of corpse paint.

The Warrior was a madman, capable of bouts of berzerker rage that would annihilate all in his path. The man beat Hulk Hogan, which, believe you me, was a big, big deal at the time. And because I was a young ‘un, I didn’t really realize that very little of what he said actually made any sense. To wit, this highlight reel of some of The Ultimate Warrior’s finest quotes:

How does all of this relate to metal, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you how: because of the brilliant poetic mind of Guy Kozowyk, front man for The Red Chord.

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Hulk Hogan was never my favorite pro-wrestler when I was a young ‘un, but he was pretty close. Anyone remember that Wrestlemania where he and The Ultimate Warrior (pretended to) beat the ever-lovin’ shit outta one another? EPIC. Vince and I used to debate if the Warrior had really robbed the Hulkster of his belt ’cause the ref was knocked out when Hogan pinned him, or if he would have won anyway. Then we discovered metal, grew pubes, and stopped caring about big sweaty half-naked dudes in silly costumes.

Oh, wait. Shit.

ANYWAY, a reader known only as “deanerhead” sent us this article earlier today. It’s mostly just Hulk Hogan hocking his new book, My Life Outside the Ring, but it does reveal this interesting tidbit:

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