A couple of weeks ago I asked you to answer the question “What is the worst possible way you could imagine to meet your end, and why?” for a chance to win some cool shit from The End Records. Well, we got a lot of good entries, but there can be only four winners. Here are the ones that made me laugh the loudest:

• jadedkid: “Hit by a rogue dildo at an IWABO show.”
• AetherJake: “Forced into a baby costume and eaten by Dino.”
• Carly Park: “Getting beaten to death by Vince Neil for not recognizing him in an elevator.”
• Slaughterhouse: “My end wouldn’t mean death. It would simply mean having my hands removed so I couldn’t play my guitar. As well as going deaf so I couldn’t not hear music. At that point, the end has came.”

These four readers all win a prize pack from The End, including the following:

• A copy of These Are They‘s new album, Disposing of Betrayers, signed by Paul Kuhr, vocalist for both These Are They and Novembers Doom.
• A copy of Lordi‘s new album, Babez For Breakfast.
• A copy of original Nightwish vocalist Tarja Turunen‘s new solo album, What Lies Beneath.

Congrats to the winners! If you’re reading this, please check your e-mails and get back to me with your mailing addresses so The End can send you your prizes.

And don’t forget, all of these albums are out now on The End and can be purchased from The Omega Order.

-AR

So The End Records very generously donated five prize packs for last week’s entry into our “Completely Unreadable Band Logo” contest series, and only one reader, Ben Moreau, got the right answer. That means we still have four prize packs to give away! In case you can’t remember what was in ‘em, each prize pack includes the following:

• A copy of These Are They‘s new album, Disposing of Betrayers, signed by Paul Kuhr, vocalist for both These Are They and Novembers Doom.
• A copy of Lordi‘s new album, Babez For Breakfast.
• A copy of original Nightwish vocalist Tarja Turunen‘s new solo album, What Lies Beneath.

All of these albums are out now on The End and can be purchased from The Omega Order — but this is your only chance to win an excellent prize pack with all three, and your only chance to get a signed copy of the These Are They album without tracking Paul Kuhr down personally.

So here’s how we’re gonna unload these bad boys:

• Between now and midnight EST next Tuesday, November 9, answer the following question in the comments section below: “What is the worst possible way you could imagine to meet your end, and why?” Remember that this is MetalSucks, not Home & Garden, so the more entertaining your answer, the better your chances of winning.
• I’ll pick my four favorite answers, and those people will get the prize packs.
• Remember that you need to register for the comments section with a real e-mail address, as all winners will be contacted via e-mail. If you’re a Facebook user or whatever, you need to leave your e-mail address in the comment, ’cause I can’t contact you via a social network.
• All winners must live in the U.S. Sorry.

And that’s it! Good luck. I look forward to reading these.

-AR

There was something of a tornado here in Brooklyn yesterday, and even if you didn’t see the tornado itself you saw some of the craziest fucking weather ever. I know you folks out in Nebraska are thinking “So what?” but for us something like this happens about as often as an earthquake does for you. Shit was positively epic. Thankfully even the monkeys didn’t get all riled up like the dudes in the above video — although I think I saw Sammy hiding in the bathtub — and business carried on as usual as it did all week:

• We stroked ourselves just a little bit by celebrating our 10,000th post with a list of our top ten favorite posts ever.
• The return of Ask Oderus: You asked Gwar’s frontman your burning questions and he answered them. Also, Eyal wondered what makes a guitarist “great.”
• We premiered new tracks by Titan, Holy Grail, These are They and we premiered the new Firewind video.
• We spoke with Valient Thorr’s Valient Himself.
• Rumpelstiltskin Grinder changed their name to The Devil. Oh wait, no they didn’t.
• We ranked the Top 10 t-shirts worn by High on Fire frontman Matt Pike.
• We looked at new records by Drudkh and Winterfylleth and Skunk Anansie.
• We looked at our favorite new-school Iron Maiden jams and we wondered if Demolisher is the heaviest band on the planet.
• Tomas Haake may or may not have actually commented on my post about some dude covering Meshuggah’s “Bleed” by playing drums on his pillows. Tomas, if you’re reading this, I have mad respect for your drumming!
• Axl released Part 1 of his Daath in-studio report.

Hopefully no more tornados hit Brooklyn this weekend. Actually, if one could swoop right over Jerry Manuel’s home then hop-scotch over to Omar Minaya’s, I’d be OK with that.

-VN

Don’t know These Are They? Well, unless you wanna end up in the back of a trunk like the dude above, you should learn who they are right quick. The  side project of Novembers Doom’s Paul Kuhr, These Are They channel crushing old-school death metal acts like Morbid Angel and Devastation — in fact, they cover Devastation’s “Cranial Hemorrhage” with Devastation guitarist Erv Brautigam and vocalist Duane Rasmussen on their new, mafia-themed album, Disposing of Betrayers, which is out today on The End. And in case that didn’t provide enough metal cred for you, the album was produced by Chris Wisco (Michael Angelo Batio, Dirge Within) and mixed and mastered by the legendary Dan Swanö (if you need Swanö’s credits, you shouldn’t be reading this website).

To help celebrate the release of Disposing of Betrayers, MetalSucks is proud to be giving away a free download of the track “La Mano Nera,” which means “The Black Hand,” which means the mob — like we said, these are some tough Chicago motherfuckers, and they’re not to be fucked with. So download the track below, and crank that shit. Then, once you’ve felt the song’s awesome power, order yourself a copy of Betrayers here. If you don’t do it, we might send Paul Kuhr to pay a little visit to your family… capiche?

THESE ARE THEY, “LA MANO NERA”

THESE ARE THEY, “LA MANO NERA”

DOWNLOAD

MetalSucks is proud to present, along with our friends at The End Records, an actual Official South by Southwest 2009 Showcase! Kip and I will be rockin’ with our cocks out in Austin, TX non-stop from Wednesday through Saturday while Axl and a particularly clever MS Mansion Monkey named “Higgins” hold down the fort here in NY. You’re likely to catch us at many of the awesome metal-flavored SXSW events going down this year (including but not limited to Full Metal Texas), but you will absolutely catch us at the kick-ass MetalSucks / The End Records showcase at The Ale House Pub on the eve of Thursday, March 19th. The killer lineup includes Junius, Hull, These are They, Goes Cube, Tub Ring and Early Man — holy fuckin’ shit!!

Set times and location after the jump. See you there.

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