Do you like burgers? Do you like bowling? Do you love The Ultimate Warrior and have a strong desire to listen to loud, obnoxious death grind and kill every fucking thing in your fucking way? Well then you’ll love the MetalSucks co-sponsoried Burgers & Bowling tour! It’s being headlined by The Red Chord, who are one of our most favoritest bands in modern metal, and My Children My Bride, Those Who Lie Beneath, and Chelsea Grin are on all on the bill, just to sweeten the deal. Plus, if you don’t go, we’re sending The Ultimate Warrior to your house to fuck your mom and put you in traction. Just throwing that out there. Y’know. No pressure.

Complete list of dates after the jump. These shows are gonna be INSANE.

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Last week we told you about the awesome Burgers & Bowling tour, which will be headlined by The Red Chord with support to be provided by Mychildren Mybride, Those Who Lie Beneath, and Chelsea Grin. Well, today we’re proud to announce that we’re sponsoring the tour, which means we can personally guarantee it’s going to be kick-ass. But, then, The Red Chord have the Midas touch – everything they come into contact with turns to kick-ass.

Get a complete list of dates after the jump. We’re so excited for this thing we can’t even tell you.

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Holy shit, do I wanna see The Red Chord play a full headlining set. If you ask me, Fed Through the Teeth Machine was the best album of 2009, and I wanna hear them play a substantial portion of it – but I also wanna hear them play a substantial portion of their other records, too. That’s gonna take more than thirty minutes I think.

Luckily, the band has announced a headlining trek: the Burgers & Bowling tour will find TRC with support from Mychildren Mybride, Those Who Lie Beneath, and Chelsea Grin, who, for better or worse, I once made fun of while playing “Thrash It or Trash It” on the Metal Injection Livecast. Oh well.

The tour doesn’t seem to have any dates especially close to the Mansion, so I’m considering driving to South Hackensack, NJ. SOUTH HACKENSACK. The Red Chord will make a man do crazy things.

Complete list of dates after the jump.

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