UPDATED:

The first trailer for Rock of Ages, the movie adaptation of the Broadway musical that uses a bunch of 80s arena rawk and hair metal tunes, has been released, and, never before has a story about rebellious youth been sold via the utilization of so many old people. (Y’know, in case there was any doubt that the only people who would ever wanna see these are middle-aged folks nostalgic for their youths.) I mean, I love Alec Baldwin and Paul Giamatti as much of the next guy, but I need to see Catherine Zeta-Jones belt out “We’re Not Gonna Take It” like I need prostate cancer. I’m not even sure I understand why the uptight conservatives would be singing the Twisted Sister song and not the loosey-goosey rock n’ rollers… maybe it’s meant to be ironic? Whatever.

Rock of Ages comes out on June 1, 2012.

ORIGINAL POST:

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This is what Tom Cruise looks like in the now-filming Rock of Ages movie:

So, nobody would really blame you for looking at that picture and then pouring fucking Drano into your eyes.

And, oh yeah, by the way –

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If you’re reading this, then presumably the headline enticed you and you already know what you’re getting into. So why waste time? Here are some funny/interesting ways in which metal and Hollywood are currently overlapping:

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According to Deadline, it’s a possibility — Cruise has apparently been offered the role of “Dennis,” a bartender, in the upcoming feature film adaptation of the hit Broadway show, which recycles cock rock anthems into a story about young love or some such nonsense. I haven’t seen the show, but Deadline says that while it’s only a supporting role, Cruise  ”would get to belt out a bunch of 80s hair band tunes.” I love how they wrote “get to” — as though somewhere Tom Cruise is sitting around, calling his agents, screaming “Why haven’t I played a role where I sing old hair metal songs yet?!? GET ON IT!!!”

In any case, Cruise hasn’t accepted the part yet, so this could all end up being just some film exec’s wet dream. But what I find really hilarious about the whole situation is that, on Broadway, the role of “Dennis” is currently being played by Dee Snider. Because these two look appropriate for the same part, right?

-AR

Since the members of Graf Orlock are obsessed with action movies, it was a brilliant idea on the part of The Deciblog (or the band’s publicist perhaps?) to have GO’s Justin Smith review action films. This week Smith ponders Taken, a Liam Neeson/Luc Besson thriller which opened in the States this past weekend and the rest of the world over the course of 2008.

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As far as I can tell, in the year 2008 the Steve Stevens fan club consists of exactly three people: Vince Neilstein, myself, and Allyson at Bring Back Glam. So I was happy yesterday to find that Allyson had written something of an ode to Stevens, which included the below music video for the Billy Idol axeman’s Grammy award winning theme to that 1980s bastion of homoeroticism, Top Gun.

Y’know what? All these years, I had no friggin’ idea that Steve Stevens had anything to do with those infamous Top Gun guitars. I mean, the music was credited to Harold Faltermeyer, which means Stevens was probably just a session player, but still, if I know all the lyrics to the Stevens/Vince Neil collaboration “Sister of Pain,” I should probably have known that.

Gotta love Stevens’ hair in this video. It’s like Vince’s beard, if Vince’s beard were on his head instead of his face. And was gay.

-AR