MetalSucks

 
So Blabbermouth reports that Motley Crue will make a “colossal announcement” in LA on April 15. As far this band is concerned, only two things could qualify as a “colossal announcement” as this point:

1. All four band members will commit suicide on live t.v.
2. The long awaited boxing match between Vince Neil and Axl Rose is finally happening.

More than likely, though, the band is just announcing another tour on which Vince Neil will be fat and winded, Tommy Lee will act like a moron, Nikki Sixx will discover the hard way that there are still STDs he hasn’t yet contracted, and Mick Mars will be unable to move.

-AR

I say we just put all four members of the Crue in a steel cage for a fight to the death, and the winner gets to be killed.

This is ridiculous, and honestly, I could give a flying fuck anymore. Like Metallica, this band has about as much of a chance of ever recording anything decent again as I do of having a three way with Christina Scabbia and Marta. Actually, I think I may have a better chance of making that three way happen, as I have drugs, booze, and, God willing someday money on my side.

Fuck these guys. Fuck them in the ear.

-AR